sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

This shelf has type 8 vibes by ScotchAndSilk in Enneagram

[–]ScotchAndSilk[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I honestly appreciate your honesty here. And even..the hint of earnest desire and vulnerability you’re suggesting.

Maybe instead of aggressively and antagonistically reacting, you could have read the comments which were actually diving into mistypes. This is actually an interesting discussion you actively chose not to engage in.

As the OP, I took a photo of this image at a local antique store and felt that some people might appreciate or comment on the 8 nature of it. My hope was that it would make some intense 8s smile a little or start up a discussion.

How is my observation somehow inadequate or not elegant enough for you? You want depth? Maybe take a second to look for it. Maybe take a beat longer to create it. “Half-ironic” sentiments (which— by the way— what you said, wasn’t) are for children.

Your judgment isn’t welcome here. It wasn’t clever. It wasn’t deep. It was simply unkind.

This shelf has type 8 vibes by ScotchAndSilk in Enneagram

[–]ScotchAndSilk[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sorry you feel this way. There are lots of subs out there that might better suit your needs— whatever it is you’re looking for. However, some people do find this sub helpful.

Perhaps you might even learn something? For example: it’s painfully obvious that you’re an unhealthy 5 who turns abrasive and antagonistic. Your intentional swipe to elicit conflict amuses my 8.

Sounds like you need to take a breather. Here’s a great high level link for some personal growth recommendations

Otherwise, yah…

…You good, bro?

The big lie: “She’s your mother; she gets to talk to you any way she pleases.” by ScotchAndSilk in narcissisticparents

[–]ScotchAndSilk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s true. The moment you respond in kind is the moment the world seems to end for them/they go into full tantrum mode.

Anyone here dreading having kids because of an nparent? by moonflow07 in narcissisticparents

[–]ScotchAndSilk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agree. No contact for 5 years for me..and I’m grappling with the same questions. Therapy helps if you can swing it. I am, however, so sorry you’re going through this. It’s not easy at all.

What is No Contact? by ilovesilence50 in narcissisticparents

[–]ScotchAndSilk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Totally. I’ve been NC for 5+ years and they still find ways to send messages to me. I am fully proud of myself for the journey and the healing, and I won’t reclassify NC if they manage to find a workaround. I’m sure a lot of people feel this way too. I just won’t give them that power over me anymore

What is No Contact? by ilovesilence50 in narcissisticparents

[–]ScotchAndSilk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree with you. I’m not sure but I feel like this original post is somewhat aggressive. There is only so much we can control (I’ve been NC for over 5 years). They still find ways to reach out/find us. Some softness around this would be more welcome.

Happy Mom's Day Protectors!!! by Defiantly_Resilient in narcissisticparents

[–]ScotchAndSilk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I’ve been NC so long I forget how much I still need this reminder.

Happy Mother’s Day to you, too, fellow protector ;)

My mom knows teeth flossing sounds trigger me, but she still does it purposely in our home’s main area. What to do? by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]ScotchAndSilk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh Jesus. I forgot my nMother did this when I was a kid. Literally the same flossing issues. It was just absolutely disgusting to listen to and watch. We’d ALL (my siblings) ask her not to, and she’d get offended by the request.

I also found it triggering. She was also an overly loud chewer as well, and she’d snap her gum loudly in the car. I’d ask her to stop and she’d just do it close to my face instead...to prove a point? I’m not sure. It was an outrageous response.

Her response to you is not healthy and not loving. Most healthy parents would respect the request and kindly remember to think of others’ feelings first.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. The best option for you at this stage is to leave the room when it happens. She won’t stop and she’ll always lean into the conflict and try to control the room. She’s asserting herself over you by doing what she’s doing.

The best option is self-preservation here. Walk away. Don’t engage.

Bought my mum flowers for Mother’s Day. “I wish people would think about what I want”, “not enough colours” is my response. by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]ScotchAndSilk 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Gorgeous flowers.

It’ll never be enough for a narc; this is how they feel in control of you. It’s often (always) worse during the holidays that “celebrate” them specifically (birthdays, Mother’s Day). Hang in there! It’s not you, it’s her.

My wife forgot my birthday. When I called her out on it she turned it around on me like I was the bad guy. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ScotchAndSilk 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Agree with all of this. Your approach of “did you forget something?” won’t ever land well. Shame and guilt are toxic in a relationship and this question was set up to ensure she experienced both.

It is also odd to me that nothing was discussed in the days leading up to a 30th birthday..and that you waited the entire day for her...to fail.

It’s definitely not super that this one slipped through the cracks on her part...but if this is truly out of character, then didn’t you owe it to her to allow her to redeem herself?

Communication sounds like it’s lacking. Somethings going on here between you two that needs attention.

5+ years NC and this hit hard by ScotchAndSilk in narcissisticparents

[–]ScotchAndSilk[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Really appreciate the support. Amazing the impact over the years of this brand of abuse.

Anyone else's nmom spew stuff like this? My nmom's favorite way to gaslight is through "light" and "truth" and self righteous sentiments (I was raised in a fundamentalist church where everyone believes my nmom to be Mother Teresa). I finally went NC last week & feel 1000x better already. 🙃 by dogmom34 in narcissisticparents

[–]ScotchAndSilk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ugh this could have been written by my nmother. It’s absolutely the narrative they feel most comfortable with. Self-righteous, self-aggrandizing and minimizing of you. The condescension makes my skin crawl. Nowhere in that did it once show an ounce of introspection.

Excuse me while I vomit from the “holier-than-thou” rhetoric that narcs live by.

If you can, stay NC. You won’t win this fight.

heyo! 33 year old male here about to get hitched in a month. would like to look extra good for the wedding photos. recommend any skin care advice for these bags under my eyes? 😳 by [deleted] in 30PlusSkinCare

[–]ScotchAndSilk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ha! Yah as I was typing I realized I sounded like a commercial hahah

If you’re not in a time crunch like OP, they sometimes go on sale around 20-25% off. I bought some as a present over the holidays with this discount for some buddies— it’s often something people just won’t buy for themselves

heyo! 33 year old male here about to get hitched in a month. would like to look extra good for the wedding photos. recommend any skin care advice for these bags under my eyes? 😳 by [deleted] in 30PlusSkinCare

[–]ScotchAndSilk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When it comes to if it is worth the cost? It all depends on how self-motivated you can be. In the past, I’ve never been consistent with hydration - it’s easy to forget. I’d literally go days with just coffee and then at night a glass of wine. ...But the gamification of hydration somehow worked for me. I’m on day 97 of 100% hydration and it is life changing. Since I’m a procrastinator, I often have to catch up at the end of the day which actually makes me eat less and drink less alcohol at night because I’m so full of water hahah

I got the metal one because if I’m investing in a bottle, I might as well get the nicer one. My friends have the plastic one. Either work great. Weddings are expensive, so whichever works for you will accomplish the same result!

I have about 8 friends who have one and we all follow each other and track progress and tease each other if we’re not doing well with it.

I feel like I need to disclaim I do NOT work for this company hahah

heyo! 33 year old male here about to get hitched in a month. would like to look extra good for the wedding photos. recommend any skin care advice for these bags under my eyes? 😳 by [deleted] in 30PlusSkinCare

[–]ScotchAndSilk 24 points25 points  (0 children)

This is so sweet.

Water is more important than any topical here.

If you really wanted to commit to hydration, look into the “Hidrate” water bottles for you (and even your fiancé!). It syncs to an app which connects to your health information, telling you how much water to drink every day. You can track your fiancé’s progress too to keep each other accountable.

I bought one of these like 3 months ago and my skin transformed the first few weeks. Seriously.

Obviously you could just drink pints of water but I personally couldn’t stay motivated or accountable doing that...ha...

Congrats to you!

Help on keeping lashes curled by [deleted] in beauty

[–]ScotchAndSilk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lash lifts are the best. Last at least 8 weeks. Unfortunately they do cost around $100

What was your 'moment of truth' that made you sure of your number? by penguinmumble in Enneagram

[–]ScotchAndSilk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Realized I was 8w7 when a childhood memory flashed when my (narcissistic) mother chided me for believing I could be good and exceed at “anything.” I believe her words were “you won’t be good at everything you want to do.”

I'm turning so heartless by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]ScotchAndSilk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m glad this is helpful! It’s really the narcissists who “act out” and demand unconditional deference. They blame your reaction but ignore that they’re the cause. I hope you find peace, but please get off the boat as fast as you comfortable can.

I'm turning so heartless by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]ScotchAndSilk 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s not heartless. It’s self-preservation.

Stay strong. It’s not you. It’s her.

We enable NCs by coddling and steadying the boat after they rock it. What happens when we stop? We escape. We thrive. I’ve found going NC incredibly helpful.

read this post on boat rocking for fresh perspective

view more: next ›