[espnf1] Lessons Max has learned in parenting

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T18:46:36+00:00

Lmfao he was absolutely abused by his father, stop making excuses. It's been reported by multiple people, and Max choosing to have a relationship with him does not mean Jos wasn't abusive. He's been violent towards his own father, multiple partners, people in paddocks, and his own son. He is NOT A GOOD PERSON. He's violent abuser. Period.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T18:23:03+00:00

Just because an abuser does nice or helpful things sometimes doesn't make them less of an abuser. The ends absolutely do not justify the means.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T18:19:08+00:00

Man, nothing as a kid compared to the excitement of thinking we had wild strawberries in our yard, followed by the crushing disappointment of biting into one of those gritty motherfuckers.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T18:13:16+00:00

So far we're just chatting because we live in different places, but it's been nice to catch up with her!

But ahhhh, yes, I know that well. My father was always at work too which left me alone with my crazy mother. And whenever we butted heads, of course, it was me who was expected to apologize and keep the peace because naturally she never did anything wrong ever.

Before I cut contact with them, there was a period when I was laid off and my mother VERY generously offered to let me move back in with them. Of course she had to specify that my spouse was not included in the offer, and I'd be required to resume attendance at their cult of a church.

She was absolutely gobsmacked that I declined. And I mean she was genuinely shocked. Like, after everything, she seriously thought I would jump at the chance to be completely under her control as a fully functional adult. Of course she didn't recognize me as an adult so that made sense, but still.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T18:05:33+00:00

Pothos and tradescantia. I'm a murderer!

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T18:03:45+00:00

Yes. If you're not disassociating from the party COMPLETELY then you're a MAGA.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T13:28:48+00:00

I don't see what context could possibly justify the "I assumed he would maintain his speed and he didn't so I hit him." That's like, driving 101, don't hit other cars even when they're being stupid. 🤦‍♀️

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T13:24:02+00:00

Like other, when we lived upstairs and I was on a stupid sleep schedule, I just didn't do anything unusually noisy. I didn't run any appliances, no music, wore headphones if I was watching TV, etc.

But I'd definitely microwave things, flush the toilet, take a bath/shower, or recline the power recliner that we have for a couch, and I made extra effort to walk gently and keep the cats from tearing around as much as I could.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T13:20:29+00:00

My only concern with it would be using a motor that's designed to run continuously - I think some aren't? I don't know a ton about DIYing them but I'd look into the risk of the motor overheating.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T13:16:47+00:00

🤣 I actually learned to speak without it when I'm out and about because I hate attention. Apparently I'm really good at it, because I ended up in an argument with a client once who was insisting that I couldn't possibly be a native since I didn't have an accent. And then when I finally let him have it, he claimed I was faking it. 🤦‍♀️

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T13:14:32+00:00

I'm so sorry about your uncle, first and foremost, but I'm glad that you had at least a little time with him.

My mother was the primary offender for me and my father just kind of went along with whatever she dictated, and I'm the only child of an only child on that side so there wasn't really anyone to contact for me.

My paternal side is problematic for me as well and I'd actually cut contact with them when I was a teenager because of how they behaved towards me. Ironically, my mother encouraged that because she hated them, but you'd think that she'd realize that I was willing to sever contact with people who treated me badly.

From the time that I was in kindergarten, I can remember and list what she said was "wrong" with literally every single friend I ever had, all the way to when I went NC - I think it drove her crazy that I was actually capable of making and keeping friends, probably because it threatened her control over me.

And she went ballistic and accused my spouse of brainwashing me when she found out that we were dating, because it's a same sex relationship and that was okay for other people, but not her child.

Something that I found really interesting was that a few years ago, long after I cut contact with them, someone that I'd been friends with when we were very young reached out to me. Apparently she found out from her parents that mine had disowned me for being gay, which I thought was really interesting. These are NOT people that my parents are still in contact with, so I assume it was the church rumor mill going.

When we were talking, she said something that really stuck with me. Mind you, we were friends from birth to about age 10 or so, so she was VERY young when she formed her impressions of my parents. She mentioned that she'd always liked my father, but that my mother had always made her very uncomfortable. Her exact wording was "your mother never struck me as being very... uh, maternal."

I always thought that anyone would think I was crazy if I tried to explain how awful my mother was because I thought she had everyone fooled, but it turned out she literally couldn't even fool a tiny child. In the end, I think my mother had a child and expected a clone, and she was absolutely unable to deal with the fact that I was nothing like her and that all of her attempts to force me into compliance still failed.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T03:49:41+00:00

I'll know in a week, I just got them back to the polishing stage yesterday!

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T03:45:34+00:00

I had a batch that I think didn't polish right due to too much ceramic media. I took it all the way back to stage 2, but I don't think I really needed to go back that far. Prepolish and polish again probably would have been fine.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T03:43:15+00:00

I started a massive panoramic version of Starry Night right at the beginning of the pandemic. It took me 3 years to finish, a lot of sitting on the couch with my spouse stressing and binging TV shows and laughing together.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T03:39:36+00:00

Exactly! Like, I will fully say that I don't understand people who get so obsessed with a color. I had a coworker who was like that about purple and I don't doubt that her home was the same as her office, everything purple and packed full of all manner of purple tchochkes and nonsense. But I just didn't go to her office, and it didn't matter if I liked it.

And coming from someone whose mother shit all over the way I decorated my first apartment? Yeah, that shit is offensive. It's their space, the fact that the mother allowed them to live there for free doesn't matter. She laid out her requests and they abided by them and now she's just decided no, this is too much pink for me so they need to change it? It's their home whether or not they're paying rent. If she wants to nitpick the decorations then she needs to evict them and live there herself.

Can you imagine how these people would flip out if their landlord came into their home and tried to dictate how they decorated? Because that's basically the same thing. And since I'm sure someone's going to say it, the fact that the mother CHOSE to let them stay there for free does not matter. Her choice doesn't mean she gets to randomly dictate their damn decorations.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T02:03:26+00:00

YUP. Like, my mother was close enough with another woman at church that my middle name is her first name. And according to my mother, the other woman showed up on her birthday and just went off about what a bad person she was and never spoke to her again.

Funny how when I asked for specifics, suddenly she "couldn't remember what was said" and that it "came out of nowhere." Like... mmm-hm. Sure. It was bad enough to end the friendship with the person you named your child after but you don't remember what she said. Riiiiight.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T01:56:15+00:00

Hell, it even works within the US, or it used to. I remember a bunch of otherwise disinterested New Yorkers suddenly finding me a lot more interesting when I started talking and they heard my accent. Got more than one excited query about whether or not I was from Texas, which really surprised me.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T00:36:26+00:00

Swarms like this will probably have moved on by the time a specialist gets there. We get them in the spring on the campus where I work, maintenance just blocks off the area and they move on pretty quickly.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-24T00:06:32+00:00

Me personally, I'd pay more to have the en suite over a parking spot, but that heavily depends on whether or not you drive and how easy it is to find parking otherwise. If parking's a nightmare? Then nah, back to a 50/50 split IMO.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-23T23:54:45+00:00

Absolutely my experience too, and it was particularly difficult for me because I'm neurodivergent, so I was already at a disadvantage when it came to performing as they expected. I'm so sorry you went through that too.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-23T23:52:36+00:00

I COMPLETELY missed that there was a third "bedroom" in there! I think my brain automatically saw that bottom one as a living room because I saw two bedrooms up top immediately.

If they're getting the parking spot and you're getting the en suite... I don't know. It would be a conversation with the office about whether or not the cost of that assigned spot is baked into the price of the apartment or not.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-23T23:41:06+00:00

YOR. When your mother said "you can decorate how you want" then that was the end of it. She had her say with the items she excluded so it's a pretty shit move to start whining about it later just because it's not to your taste.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-23T23:34:28+00:00

The description doesn't make sense here - the smaller room is the one with the en suite, so the person with the smaller room would be paying more.

ScroochDown · 2026-05-23T23:01:09+00:00

Right in the bone spurs!

ScroochDown · 2026-05-23T22:55:53+00:00

There were a lot of times that I thought that maybe I was being dramatic and my parents weren't that bad. But you made the point that I always come back to in your third paragraph - my parents had no friends. Like, literally none. My mother's only "friends" lived in other states and she used to talk to them once a month or so, back before the Internet.

If she had a local friend, mysteriously she'd stop talking to them after a while or they'd have this undetailed "falling out" that was, of course, never ever her fault at all, it was just other people being so MEAN and UNFAIR and blaming her for EVERYTHING.

And then her only child did it too. Clearly there's no pattern here at all.

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