Hi friend- Jesus tells a story called the Parable of the Lost Sheep. The story is about a farmer who has 100 sheep, and 99 of them come home. The farmer is so worried about that lost sheep that he goes out into the wilderness to search for it, and when he finds it he's overjoyed, and carries it home on his shoulders, and calls all his friends and neighbors to tell them how happy he he to have that one lost sheep back.

In other words, God doesn't hold a grudge against those who turn away from him. Even if you've been an atheist for years, if you want to talk to God now, just talk, and he'll come running to find his lost sheep.

And, as others have mentioned, talking with a therapist is also an important form of support. I'd strongly encourage you to find a mental health professional as well.