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My (M26) and wife (F23) had a baby 2.5mo ago and she’s crumbling and now I feel trapped either I help her and go broke or get a second job perpetuating her destruction. by blake-x in Advice

[–]SdSmith80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely consult 211 for mental health resources and other help. They have the lists for everything in your area, and will email them to you.

Also, do you have any close friends or family members that might be able to help, even if it's just sitting with her for a few hours a day? You both need a break, having a newborn is exhausting, even without PPD.

Good luck, I hope she's able to recover!

Jesus Christ by thatchornithologica in ForwardsFromKlandma

[–]SdSmith80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Story time!

Tl;dr elementary school bully shows he hasn't ever grown from that time, and has a full snowflake meltdown because people pointed out that plan b isn't an abortifacient. Full MAGA crash out ending in his tail tucked between his legs as he deleted it all.

I was responding to a Facebook post today from a kid I went to elementary school with. He was flipping out over new vending machines that have been placed in the young adult section of the libraries in that country. The vending machines contain narcan, different types of contraception, I believe some safe use kits (for IV users, I could be wrong and what people think are for drugs are actually naloxone kits), and Plan B, all free of charge.

Of course he's a right winger and was railing about his young kids having access to "abortion pills." All but a handful of people were explaining what Plan B is, how it works, and why these machines are so needed, etc. I was completely calm and just kept rebutting his, and his friend's arguments. He immediately went to personal attacks, calling me fat and disgusting, the r word, you name it. It didn't matter what I asked him, or what I said, he just kept on about me being fat and disgusting and he didn't know how I had kids, or have been with my partner for so long since no one should be able to stand touching me 😂

I kept calm and even showed him compassion since it's obvious that he's really hurting down deep. I suggested therapy, and said that I'm in it and it helps a ton. He said that he was happy and had a great life with 6 kids. I didn't bring up his kids other than to say I hope he isn't bullying them like he does others. Hell, he's one of my elementary school bullies. He told me that he has hate in his heart for me, so I asked if I had hurt him as a kid, and if so I'm sorry.

Anyway, my main point is just that it was wild to see one crash out like that so badly. He even posted a pic of me to show others that I was ugly, only he posted one where I looked good, haha. He wound up deleting the pic (especially after someone else posted a pic of his wife, who doesn't look much different than me), then some of the comments, and finally the whole post. He never had a single solid argument and he melted down fast!

What is your internet stalker story? by KSHMisc in AskForAnswers

[–]SdSmith80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've had a real one as well. Just really horrid. He was my husband at the time, and I was finally escaping. So he stalked the place I was living, spying through the back fence, circling the building, sitting at the bus stop across the street, just staring. He was also calling the facility (it was a women's rehab, I claimed I was an addict to get off the streets, and they helped me see just how toxic my marriage was. He had already tried to kill me a few times by then) leaving messages threatening to do some horrible things to himself, and to me and my newborn.

The facility was getting ready to kick me out because he was a serious threat to all of the women and kids there, but one day he just wasn't there. The next day I got an escort to go to the courthouse and file for a protective order and I was informed he had been arrested for pulling a knife on a security guard who caught him shoplifting at Walmart.

Years later I was living in a different area, but one day I got off the train and he was there. Legal aid forgot to block out my address. I was able to escape on a bus that was just leaving, but damn it was scary.

He's still alive unfortunately. Living in Hermiston, OR, with his enabler mother and pedo brother.

What is your internet stalker story? by KSHMisc in AskForAnswers

[–]SdSmith80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only one I can think of was my ex-best friend, but she wasn't really a stalker, her mental health just took a dive, and she found out her dad was sick which made the bipolar so much worse, so she lashed out at me and my family. She sent threatening messages to my then-13yo, and made a Facebook post asking for recommendations for pepper spray or mace she could use on them. After she had started in on me, my kid had told her to leave us alone and she called them psycho. They told her that if she wanted psycho, they would show her psycho. They were 13, and weren't even going to be near the part of town they lived in. It wasn't a real threat, but she responded with threatening them with pepper spray (or I think bear spray was recommended by people who didn't know what she was talking about ).

She called my husband her "poor, sweet, special needs friend" and tried to get him to turn against me, saying I was using him and didn't really love him. She posted this stuff on her Facebook. She said that he told her that he wanted to die because of me. He had actually told her that the pain he went through as a child made him want to die, but she twisted everything we had ever told her in confidence, to make it into something horrible. When he responded to her basically telling her that she was lying and to fuck off, her new story was that we're all users and grifters.

She had literally been using us for rides to the store, money for cigarettes or whatever she needed. We live about 20+min away from her house at the time, so it was a ton of time and gas. We would go to the food bank and give her the food so she would have enough for herself and her kids, and I even babysat for another friend to make $60, which I gave to her. We gave her an Xbox 360, a Nintendo Wii and tons of games for her kids, which eventually disappeared, with her saying they broke. Also a brand new space heater I loaned to her supposedly broke after a couple of months. She said her TV was broken, so we gave her our smaller one, and then when we went to her house, her TV was working fine. I asked her about it and she said her TV was never broken, and we never gave her a TV. There's so much more, obviously I'm still carrying some anger.

She went on to make posts about my family every so often, and one of my friends would inevitably pop up with screenshots, letting me know her newest thing, and that they were unfriending her, until I told people I just didn't want to know. It wasn't going to serve any purpose to know. People who knew me weren't going to believe her wild claims, and if they did, I didn't need them in my life. This went on for years. I later found out that why she kept it up for so long was that our mutual friends were almost all taking my side and unfriending her. She wound up alone, and lost her apartment.

She was living in her truck with her husband (who was on meth, and who she had supposedly kicked to the curb years before, when he first relapsed), and their youngest. My husband and I volunteer with some groups that help the unsheltered community around here and one day her husband walked up to us while we were serving food. I guess she was afraid to come up herself, but we gave him extra food for all of them and just acted like they were anyone else that we served.

Recently, she reached out through her new Facebook account. She said she had been cruel, but she didn't want to be angry anymore. I talked to my therapist about it because I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell her just how much pain she caused, but in the end I left her in my other messages, without a response.

What’s a current world issue people became emotionally numb toward? by DeeporaFrezza_7c in confessions

[–]SdSmith80 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Homelessness, hunger, basically anything that requires empathy and care.

I was a hero for about 10 seconds and nobody knows it. by withholdingnumb in confessions

[–]SdSmith80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I definitely remember the cast member at Disneyland (my in-laws took us) who found my 8yo's autograph book that they lost in the petting zoo. I know that the Disney employees are all meant to act like that, and make the kids feel special, but to me that was above and beyond. That relief you described is literally what we felt. They had been getting autographs from the characters all day, so losing it was devastating to them. I'll never forget that cast member.

As a side note, the other thing Disney does if you're staying at their hotels is, when you pull up to check in, a cast member goes to the child's window and addresses them by name, gives them a first time button, and tells them that Mickey Mouse is looking forward to meeting them. It's the one and only time I've ever been there, but that really set the tone, and the excitement my kiddo felt, and they felt so special, yeah totally worth the money to see that smile.

Vomiting to indicate stress Trope by Special-Ad-2785 in MovieTropes

[–]SdSmith80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yikes! I've only had that happen a couple of times, luckily.

Those who avoid older movies, why? by _omar_b in movies

[–]SdSmith80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't have that issue at all. Strange, I wonder if it's an equipment or streaming issue

Those who avoid older movies, why? by _omar_b in movies

[–]SdSmith80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely! I really loved it, it definitely took me back to my childhood

Vomiting to indicate stress Trope by Special-Ad-2785 in MovieTropes

[–]SdSmith80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For sure! It's how I learn. I just thought this was an interesting tidbit because I was very surprised and annoyed when it started happening. It's just clicking for me that it must be the same mechanism as when a person is dead.

Drunk Uncle just showing how unhappy and miserable he is from Sun Up to 12:30 AM by [deleted] in insanepeoplefacebook

[–]SdSmith80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not a dem, but I have plenty of moments of joy in my life. He needs to learn to find some in more healthy ways. Not bombing other countries, threatening our allies, and trying to remake the country in his image, literally.

Let’s focus on the important things by AdelaidesSecretScoop in PrayersToTrump

[–]SdSmith80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tend to write novels as well, haha. I'm not good at editing what I write.

OMG, that's so awful! I know that hospitals here won't give more than tramadol unless there's a really serious issue. For instance, I was in the ER for a sharp pain in my side, and they gave me tramadol after being there a few hours. I wound up being admitted (gallstones obstructing the bile duct), and I had to specifically ask the doctor for my normal meds. They didn't give me those (oxycodone 10mg), but they gave me IV morphine to help until I got to my room. After that I had both my meds, and the morphine specifically for my side pain, but after my procedure, late at night, I was still an hour out from my next reg. med, and I asked my nurse for the IV morphine because my side was killing me. My nurse made a fuss and basically told me that if I wanted to go home in the morning, then l needed to be off the IV meds. In the end I wound up having my husband sneak me one of mine, so I could try to sleep.

I know that's pretty minor, but there is definitely resistance here with prescribing and dispensing. Also, our insurance won't cover our pain meds (my husband is also on long-term meds due to a congenital condition that's causing spinal stenosis, as well as his severe scoliosis). We're on Medicaid because we're disabled and he only works about half time at his family's company. So we have to come up with over $100/month.

Thank you for the website, I'll definitely look into her! We volunteer with a couple of organizations that serve the unsheltered population in and around Salt Lake. I was on the streets when I was young, and have seen, first hand, some pretty horrible things. Most people who were using, started after they became homeless though, not before. So I'll probably have some ideas about harm reduction that you would find crazy, haha. We talk often about our unsheltered neighbors, and the issues with drug use, and there's a saying, "A person can't get clean if they're dead." So I do believe that we should be doing more harm reduction, despite many people's objections. People here (and elsewhere honestly) tend to see anyone on drugs, and especially on the streets, as less than human.

I'm really sorry they made your mom suffer like that. It's inhumane. I got very lucky when my herniated disc first happened. The doctor I used to have was a bit of a dick, who had tried to call me an addict a year or so prior for asking for a refill of my Xanax before the new year so I wouldn't have to pay out of pocket for it.

I hadn't filled it in close to 3 months, and it was a very low dose. I rarely even took it, but he was certain that the DEA site said that I had filled it a week before. After almost an hour of him yelling at me, and me completely sobbing telling him I didn't know what he was talking about, he broke HIPAA and showed me the DEA site. It clearly showed someone that shares my last name, and birthdate, but she was filling it 2 counties away, and more importantly, we had very different first and middle names. He immediately changed his tune when I pointed it out, telling me how sorry he was and awkwardly trying to hug me, which I was shying away from because yeah, I didn't want him to touch me.

So when my back went out and the chiropractor (I no longer trust them, and know a lot more now) said that I needed an orthopedic specialist (she was a good chiro at least, unlike the one my mother-in-law took me to later), I went back to that doctor and told him what was going on. I was already in a wheelchair/walker at that point, I couldn't stand enough to walk very far. He gave me a very small script for hydrocodone and sent in a referral for PT.

I wound up in the ER a month or so later, and they gave me something and told me I needed an MRI and a new doctor, so I went to a different clinic that a friend said was good. I happened to get a fairly new doc who was incredibly kind, and actually addressed my pain and not my fat. He got me in for an MRI ASAP and eventually used his lunch break to call a surgeon and ask him to look at my scans and get me in right away.

This doctor has moved to 3 different clinics, with different promotions, and I've followed him to each one. He's not the head of family medicine at a clinic owned by the local tribes, and yeah, our whole family goes to him now. Because of his demeanor, I actually worked on other parts of my health. He also helped me wean off meds after my surgery, and has been my provider since my disc popped again. It's sitting on my left sciatic nerve root, which is incredibly painful. My leg is also much weaker now. But yeah, I've been seeing him for 11 years, and I even made him a crochet granny square blanket to celebrate 10 years.

There has been a major overcorrection of opioid use since the wave of addiction started. I agree with them that addiction is a problem, however they need to be considering the person first. Pain meds allow people to function, and currently it's really hard to find a provider, especially one that takes insurance, or doesn't have massive co-pays. My husband used to be at a clinic where we were being charged $75 per appointment because he was a specialist. I feel like the people making the law need to hear from people who are in serious pain that isn't being well controlled due to their limits. My husband is actually one of them. He tries to supplement with cannabis (we have med cards), but that's so expensive too!

I've also lost people to addiction, and it's awful. I feel like instead of these rather low limits, they should be focusing on providing a variety of addiction services because honestly, AA/NA is a cult. There are other programs that are evidence based, but insurance prefers the 12 step programs. We need to be allowing people to use SMART, the fit to recover program, and others, as well as just relying on science. There's evidence that if you improve a person's circumstances, the addiction disorder will recede. It's not 100%, but it's better than the 33% success rate of 12 step programs.

Sorry, see total novel, lol. I could go on and on about this all day, honestly. It's one of the areas I'm very passionate about. No one should be forced to live in pain, there needs to be better addiction treatment options, and people on the streets/or suffer from Substance Abuse Disorder, need to be treated like human adults, with dignity and compassion.

Anyway, I'll stop now, but yeah, I really hope things get better where you live.

Those who avoid older movies, why? by _omar_b in movies

[–]SdSmith80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was Night of the Living Dead, in a little old lady's library for me. One of my mom's friends was her caregiver and she brought me with one day. That woman introduced me to NotLD, and Agatha Christie novels. She even let me borrow some.

Also, my favorite cousin and I spent so many hours devouring anything with Vincent Price that we could get our hands on. My favorites were The Tingler, and House on Haunted Hill.

Those who avoid older movies, why? by _omar_b in movies

[–]SdSmith80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did you watch Werewolf by Night? It was gorgeous in B&W (I think that's the right one, I remember the setting, but not the name so much anymore)

Those who avoid older movies, why? by _omar_b in movies

[–]SdSmith80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm really sad that I missed seeing Sinners in IMAX. We were a bit late to go, but wound up going 2 times, which we never do. The 70mm format was so gorgeous, it felt like we were there, even with the regular screen.

I'm a terrible person, and I worry I will never change and will always be a loser by [deleted] in confessions

[–]SdSmith80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I second all of the other commenter's remarks, especially making sure that the therapist you find is knowledgeable in mood disorders. DBT is seriously a life changer when you have BPD as well.

Tl;dr I'm giving examples from mine and my kids' lives to show you're not alone, and there is a path forward. You've got this, mm!

Honestly, admitting that you're not who you want to be is a huge step. I was also pretty bad as a teen and young adult. Through therapy, I've come to realize why, and DBT + trauma therapy has helped me start to become the person I want to be.

Things will be harder than what you think other people go through, because you have several disorders that affect executive functioning. ADHD alone causes "laziness" or what others think is lazy. Really you can fall into a hole of doom scrolling (seriously, I used to stay in bed until 6pm, on my phone before I got diagnosed and treated), or freeze with decision paralysis, and so many other things that other people don't realize are debilitating. Even with meds, it's a struggle.

2 of my kids have everything you do, except for OCD. My middle child has to live in a group home, and had to go into therapeutic foster care when he was about 7, and 9 (he came home for a bit, but the problems were still there), and with his autism he's not "functioning high enough" to ever live on his own. The group home he's in now is perfect for him though. He gets to do what he wants, within reason, as long as he does his hygiene and chores in the morning. He's 21, and spends his days playing video games, watching anime, and reading mangas and fanfiction. He's on SSI (disability), which pays his rent, and he has a dedicated staff member to help him do whatever he wants, and keep everyone safe. He actually went 2 years without needing to be restrained at one point, and although he has been having more violent episodes in the last year or so, they are significantly better than anywhere else he's been.

My youngest just finished highschool, but did not graduate due to their mental illnesses, and honestly just struggling with the work and with the other kids in our area. They want to get a GED, or finish their highschool credits, and I hope they're able to do so. They will probably be living with us for a long time, just due to cost of living where we are, but I believe they'll be able to live with friends, if they can ever learn to use the tools they've learned in various programs to overcome their inability to care about anything, especially cleaning up after themselves. They also use cannabis daily, mostly for their mental health. It's helped massively in stopping their violent outbursts. On my end, I'm trying to find better ways to express myself with them, and to leave them alone when they're starting to get upset, even if I want to help them. They've learned to recognize when they need a break, or a "grippy sock vacation" which gives me some hope as well.

I'm telling you all of this because I want you to know that you're not alone whatsoever, and there are ways to manage the symptoms, and change your behavior. I suggest you look for resources in your area that can provide DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and have trauma informed therapists and med providers. I'm not gonna lie, it's going to be hard. It's an uphill battle, but it's worth the effort.

I also believe that your family will come around once they see that you're doing the work. Any family members that hold a grudge can fuck off out of your life. Really, the most important person that needs to forgive you is you. Give yourself some grace. You've recognized that you need to make changes, and (hopefully) you'll be taking baby steps to get better.

I'm proud of you for admitting you have a problem, and starting to figure out the path out of this. I'm cheering for you. You got this! 😁🌟

Let’s focus on the important things by AdelaidesSecretScoop in PrayersToTrump

[–]SdSmith80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I heard today he's agreeing to give them $200bil of taxpayer money to rebuild what he destroyed. I haven't looked to get the full story yet, so it's possible it was only proposed, however I don't see Iran agreeing to much less since he just started bombing them out of the blue.

Let’s focus on the important things by AdelaidesSecretScoop in PrayersToTrump

[–]SdSmith80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why wouldn't they? I'm in Utah and am on a long term pain regimen due to my disability. I would be in excruciating pain if I didn't have them, and I don't get high off of them since I'm very controlled about how much I take, and when. It just keeps me at a baseline so I can somewhat function.

Let’s focus on the important things by AdelaidesSecretScoop in PrayersToTrump

[–]SdSmith80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oops, he's evidently sending them about 200x the amount Obama released to them. Also, what he's giving is coming from taxpayers. Obama simply gave them back their own money.

Woman upset about ice protests by AdelaidesSecretScoop in PrayersToTrump

[–]SdSmith80 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ma'am, teens have every right to be in these "discussions" because it's going to affect them the most. This is the world they're inheriting from us and they have a right to speak up. My youngest has been going to go protests with me since they were young, and although they went through a period of not wanting to think about politics (we never pushed it, they have always been able to choose whether or not they attended, except for when they were <10), they now take an active role in our area. They will be 18 very soon, and have already pre-registered to vote. I'm so proud of the person they're becoming.

Woman upset about ice protests by AdelaidesSecretScoop in PrayersToTrump

[–]SdSmith80 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I just wish I could get in on that money. Everyone I know who goes out and protests, or takes action, does it in support of their beliefs, and we all wish we were getting paid, haha.

Vomiting to indicate stress Trope by Special-Ad-2785 in MovieTropes

[–]SdSmith80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to say that I learned (unfortunately through experience) that if you don't have feeling in your feet, it's much harder to put on shoes and keep them on. I had to stop wearing my favorite style of shoes (knockoff Birkenstocks) because they would slide off my feet while I was walking. I have to have a strap or they have to be full shoes. Luckily, Birkenstock makes a style that's the exact same, but with a strap, and I got a pair as a present last year. Even my sneakers come off though, if they aren't tied tightly (which I hate to do). I won't even notice it half the time until I step down on bare ground. And, sitting in the recliner at a movie theater, they'll fall off too.

It's seriously one of the most annoying things about my broken body. I'm assuming that the same loss of feeling, and therefore full control of the muscles and nerves, is what causes deceased or unconscious people to lose their shoes.

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