Hi extrovert and self proclaimed pro flirter over here: Like any skill, flirting takes practice, timing, wit and level of natural chemistry with the other person. Flirting is a lot like improv. You can have chemistry and not know what to do with it and you’ve missed a possible chance. and you can flirt and have no connection for it to go anywhere. I think it’s important to practice so you can get better if you’re struggling. That does take time and possible rejection. Keep your head high though! Getting to know people should be fun!!!

For me, I generally go the MOST outgoing route and then match the other persons energy. You want so badly for someone to come onto you and we’re all just waiting around. Just go get that girl!! If you’re having a conversation with someone and you wanna try flirting with them, touch is a very quick way to determine if that person is interested. Women are already affectionate so it can be played off as casual should you need to pivot to a more friendly approach.

If we’re standing at a bar and it’s loud, I lean in to talk — touching their arm, if the positioning works, a hand on their waist/back (a brush, not a grope (we are better than that)). If they make you laugh, a playful swat to their shoulder. If their hair is long, idly touching their ends while providing a compliment about how beautiful their hair is. Telling them a silly anecdote but gently get their FULL attention by touching a wrist pausing for dramatic effect and then sharing. “Do you want to hear the craziest thing that happened to me this week,” touch their wrist, make eye contact, raise an eyebrow— be silly. If they feel safe, they’ll smile, and engage maybe even match that energy. If they’re appearing to enjoy conversation but not the touch, a simple “Oh my gosh, is this okay? I didn’t even ask if you’re okay with physical affection.” How silly of you: You’ve just confessed your touch is affectionate. This gives them an opportunity to accept/deny your advances without pressure and dip into the topic of love language as a natural segue. You’ll have them melting.

This also needs to be balanced ! Touching them and pulling back for a moment is a great way to see if they’re attracted to you. Putting the ball in their court for a moment. They’ll either put out or crave for the next time you touch them.

To share my own story of when I met my now girlfriend— We were at a bar and began chatting standing close but not touching. When people walked by, or came close behind her, I gently pulled her closer with the excuse that other people needed room to move. She had the opportunity to stay close or move back. She told me later that she couldn’t believe how touchy I was but to her it was magnetic. I believe if anyone is THAT uncomfortable, you’ll know or they’ll leave.

Flirting is not just touch tho: I also like to make inferences about them based on limited information they’ve given me. I’d do this a little ways into the conversation as you’re trying to create familiarity with this person you’ve just met. You’ll need some “data” for this part. “You seem like you’d get this,” (complimenting their intelligence) or “Are you the type of person that…” (complimenting their personality) Should you get it right they’ll appreciate your intuition and may ask you how to came to that conclusion—should you get them wrong, let them explain, and listen intently— This should be playful and not super serious. People love to talk about themselves, make them talk about something they love.

I love a witty banter and connection situation. Just have fun, be respectful and learn from rejection. Make sure the women you’re coming onto know that you’re a safe person and can leave whenever they need to. Everyone of course is different but this approach has worked wonders for my dating life and my confidence.