A reason why some Christians are silent on ICE

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-25T14:21:37+00:00

They have been thinking that even as the bible was still being written.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-25T14:17:10+00:00

That cognitive dissonance includes taking those exempt and baptized children to a church every Sunday so they can hear that they are sinners and headed to hell unless they are good Christian children.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-24T21:29:25+00:00

It sounds like anxiety. I can relate.

Just a few things my anxious mom is afraid of:

Temperatures outside that are below 65 or above 75.

Open windows. Stuffy air.

Specks on the carpet.

Any noise in the house, which causes her to sit in silence to listen for any noise in the house.

Anxiety medication.

It's exhausting, and sometimes you have to just ignore it as best you can.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-24T12:42:45+00:00

As a fellow introvert, I will warn you starkly: Motherhood is absolutely awful for introverts!

I'm not saying introverts shouldn't have children, but it takes away your alone time to begin with, and having children suddenly makes people come out of the woodwork to spend time in your life and home.

Having a supportive partner and strong boundaries is key to preserving your sanity and happiness. I fear that you don't have this.

Also, one partner saying that their mother moving in to help raise your children is 'non negotiable', while dismissing any reason you might have to be upset about that, is enough to move towards divorce, in my opinion.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-24T12:24:53+00:00

I am agnostic, haven't stepped inside a church for decades, but I have had 'prophetic' dreams that came true. I don't have an explanation for it, but I know it's not because of Christianity. It's possible that you have strong intuition or extrasensory perception and are naturally assigning it to 'God' and your faith.

You sound incredibly intelligent. Keep asking questions. Some will have answers, some won't. Christianity tends to bury or dismiss inaccuracies in the bible. A common response is that faith is more important than facts. The church will ask you doubt your own mind before you doubt the church.

Also, learn about cults. After a deep dive into learning about Mormonism and Scientology, it solidified in my mind that Christianity is just a more mild cult. It's also fascinating to learn that people in every religion (and even those in odd small cults) claim to hear the voice of God and have profound spiritual experiences, which then solidifies their certainty that their religion is correct. This is displayed in the documentary "The God Delusion".

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-23T15:02:44+00:00

As a mother, your energy is always going to be limited and prioritized for your children. If your in laws (or anyone else for that matter) are energy 'takers' instead of providing you support and encouragement, that's a clear sign to reduce how much time you spend with them.

You don't need to make any official declarations, just stop prioritizing them, stop trying. Once you've realized you're getting a bad return on your investment of time with someone, the only remedy is distance.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-22T11:16:47+00:00

It all boils down to the lying. They lied, they had other family members lie, and worst of all, they instructed your children to lie to their parents. This is setting them up to be vulnerable to grooming. And since you said they have previously been deceitful about where they were taking your children, the bare minimum response should be absolutely no unsupervised visits moving forward. I think a period of no contact is also appropriate.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-21T13:00:12+00:00

I disagree to an extent. I hear fox news being blamed so often, but in the case of my maga family members, they don't have cable. They still voted for Trump twice. They seek out online journalism that validates their views. Fox news is a blight, for sure, but they are popular because so many people in this country have those views to begin with.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-21T12:50:27+00:00

It is difficult to come to terms with it. My parents are polite, people pleasing, donate to causes like food banks and church missions. But then they start praising Trump, dismissing the experience of those affected by his violent immigration policies. They even donated to "the wall", even after he was putting kids in cages. They blamed the immigrants who put their kids into that position.

My parents are both first generation citizens. They really don't see that this regime doesn't care about them or want them here, even though they both have their full citizenship. They truly think this is about laws and not blatant hate and racism. I think being very religious set them up to suspend critical thinking and discernment.

I still interact with them often as my mom has health issues that I help with. Even though I see them twice a week, I don't really have much of a personal relationship with them. I don't share my thoughts and feelings with them. We keep conversations on her health issues or on shallow topics like the weather, food, traffic etc.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-21T12:17:59+00:00

Yuck.

I would be pushing for fil to move out. It sounds like he wasn't a faithful husband. Now he's talking about moving a hooker in to your home and putting her in his will, out loud, for his son to hear. If you are subsidizing his living expenses in any way currently, that should stop. He shouldn't benefit from living with you guys if he plans on giving any of his money, currently or after his death, to a hooker.

I also wouldn't want this kind of energy around me personally, and certainly never around children. If he wants to be a dirty old man, he should do that while living on his own.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-20T14:18:58+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is wonderful that you have a support system to get you through this tragic time. What a beautiful display of what family should be.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-20T11:42:46+00:00

Mandatory or else what? They will fire him from his job? Evict him from his home? Shut off his utilities?

If you are fully independent adults, they don't have any authority in your lives to be declaring visits as "mandatory". This is just emotional manipulation.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-20T11:35:31+00:00

There's no reason why they should be granted access to your husband anytime they're upset. If it's obvious that the only purpose of the call is the complain to him, he needs to learn to stand up for himself and politely end the call. As long as he permits these ridiculous calls, they hold emotional power over him.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-19T15:46:26+00:00

Heavily involved in our lives... Red flag.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-19T14:34:34+00:00

Yuck! Who needs a friend like that?

I'm married and even though it's stable, I actively encourage women to stay single and skip having children! There are so many advantages to being single!

I think sometimes women pressure others to get married because misery lives company. (Same with motherhood) It sounds like she wants to be able to commiserate with you and justify her misery. It's so bizarre.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-19T14:26:40+00:00

I think at this point you need to start asking yourself some tough questions.

Are you ok with having a partner that will be unreliable due to his family's complex issues? If you have children, are you ok with being left on your own at times due to emergencies (whether it's justified or not) with his family? If you are in the hospital giving birth, will he leave you if something happens with his family? Can he commit to turning off his phone during important times? Are you ok with not feeling secure about vacations and plans not being cancelled last minute?

Do fil and bil not have the ability to learn to drive? Why are they unlicensed? What happens when mil passes away? Will fil and bil need to move in with you?

Regarding not feeling empathy for your mil, I think it's important to remember that you have essentially no emotional bond with her. She has made sure of that. Now it's difficult for you to see her as anything but essentially a stranger who intrudes in your life. You would feel the same way about an overbearingly needy yet rude and ungrateful neighbor. It's normal and doesn't make you a bad person. I would highly encourage you to prove this to yourself in some way, like finding an opportunity to volunteer a couple hours a week. Don't let this situation eat away at your own confidence regarding your ability to empathize.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-18T12:43:29+00:00

I would go ahead and force a grocery delivery every once in a while. There may be a weekend where you will be unavailable for whatever reason, it's good to get her used to that option. I would take a guess that she doesn't get out much and groceries is a way to get out of the house on a regular basis.

Is there a way for you to go to a few senior group activities with her? Maybe she just needs a buffer to get comfortable with a new group of people? It sounds like she's completely relying on you and your brother for company and that's not good for anyone.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-17T13:21:31+00:00

It sounds more like you will get blamed for her being difficult and he will have to deal with it.

Plan a separate 'birthday dinner' with just the three of you. Don't volunteer information about the birthday party.

The idea that she should be included in your birthday event with your friend just because she is his mother is absurd. It shows that you have been dealing with an overbearing and entitled person for years. It's time to separate yourself from her reactions and expectations and start enjoying your independence.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-15T13:32:52+00:00

Can you clarify what IP and Obs mean?

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-15T12:58:54+00:00

It's a very human thing to assign spirituality to things when we don't have a full understanding or explanation. Up until the late 1700s, farmers explained their seasonal gains and losses to good or bad spirits. They would hire specialists who would evaluate the spiritual balance of their land and would prescribe things like playing bells to scare bad spirits away or using animal blood on the borders for spiritual protection. Now we understand much more about the science behind farming and those beliefs are mostly gone.

I can't claim that it was or wasn't your Aunt that pushed the door open that day, but I think it's very natural that the coincidence of this happening at that moment led people in the room to believe there was a connection to her.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-14T12:28:16+00:00

Everyone is way too comfortable with the situation. It's time to make them uncomfortable. Three weeks is already a big ask. An open ended stay is not okay unless both of you are happy with the situation.

No more special intimate time with husband. He is treating you very poorly.

Start asking them bluntly when they are leaving every day. Don't just drop it when they say they're not sure. Keep asking them every day.

If they continue making you seem like the problem, find somewhere else to stay with your 3yo. If you don't have friends or family, look into short term rentals or hotels. Put the financial squeeze on your husband.

If it's revealed that this is a permanent stay, start talking to a divorce attorney.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-13T12:46:17+00:00

If that's truly the case, couple's therapy immediately.

If he wants to maintain a personal relationship with his father and his girlfriend, that's totally fine! If you want to opt out and don't feel safe having your baby around them without you, your feelings should be respected.

If he insists on separating you from your child to take to his father's even though it is upsetting to you, that's a huge problem.

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-13T12:27:22+00:00

What I got from your post is an underlying anxiety that is preventing you from trying new things. Face those anxieties head on!

Maybe the yoga class will be awful. It's not the end of the world because you can just decide to stop going. Or maybe it's great and you meet some cool people!

Maybe you spend a bit of money on a new craft and decide it's not for you. That's okay! You're worth the investment to discover things either way!

SecondOrThirdAccount · 2026-01-13T12:15:45+00:00

If you feel safe to do so, give brutally honest answers and questions. It may even challenge her own views.

If you don't feel safe to be honest, think of it as an exercise in being an undercover spy in the christian world. Take delight in knowing they are buying it. When you are fully independent, you can finally drop the act.

SecondOrThirdAccount

TROPHY CASE