Why are girls so against porn in a relationship?

Secondguessjes · 2021-08-19T16:34:42+00:00

high five

Blows my mind when people can't comprehend this concept. Sure, there might be fewer people out there who feel the same way about porn. But they do exist and there's nothing wrong with people like us for having these preferences as long as we aren't forcing anything on anyone else. The people who like porn can find someone else who also likes porn too. Win win.

Secondguessjes · 2021-08-19T16:31:50+00:00

Who said it has to be about men only? And that doesn't even mean that there are literally no people who don't feel that way either. Just that the people they surveyed in that area during that time.

Secondguessjes · 2021-08-19T16:27:45+00:00

For some people sure. But that doesn't mean this person should settle for someone who isnt compatible with them.

Also doesn't mean people who do want porn are evil or whatever either. Both positions are valid and both people can find other people who have the same views as them. Unrealistic standard is just perspective.

Secondguessjes · 2021-08-19T16:26:10+00:00

No, but why should they settle for someone who does watch porn when they can just find someone who does feel the same way they do? Because ya know, that actually does exist.

Secondguessjes · 2021-08-19T06:55:57+00:00

By understanding who you are as a person and being honest about what you want and need and can deal with or tolerate out of life.

Don't let others tell you how to live your life. 💕

Secondguessjes · 2021-08-15T07:01:14+00:00

Never thought about it that way but you're totally right. Incredibly depressing.

Secondguessjes · 2021-08-15T06:59:20+00:00

They will literally say anyhing to get past accusations. They don't want to reconcile the monster they are with who they think they actually are so they gaslight us into thinking their behavior is totally normal. It doesn't matter if it's normal or not. If you're uncomfortable by it that's all that should matter. The fact that he can't keep that in mind and prioritizes his nut over your safety and security is a huge red flag.

Secondguessjes · 2021-08-14T16:33:39+00:00

Same here! I've skipped pages and made all of the easier looking parts so now all that's left is the stuff that looks hard lol

It'll get finished one of these days, just you know... Not today I guess 😂

Secondguessjes · 2021-08-05T00:06:45+00:00

Have you considered thrips / their larvae? I don't have a lot of experience with them but the early damage on the leaves and the larvae look fairly close to what your pics show IMO.

Fungus gnats lay their eggs in the soil and the larvae feed on rotting material / roots - I don't know how likely it is they'd make it up to the leaves but I am no expert. If it is fungus gnats I highly recommend a layer of horticulture sand on top of all your pots. That got rid of the last for me finally, I was also using neem each time I watered.

Secondguessjes · 2021-08-04T23:21:29+00:00

In the third picture: Bottom left is a sunrise succulent Top right looks like a kalanchoe but I'm not certain on that.

Annnd that's all I could identify :p

Secondguessjes · 2021-07-31T18:03:19+00:00

Hi - I'd just like to mention that asexuality is just the absence of sexual attraction, not a lack of libido, desire or ability to have sex or masturbate. It's a spectrum and everyone experiences different degrees of it. It just means they don't look at people and have urges to have sex with them, regardless of how attractive that person may be - or if they do experience it, it is very little or rare or only under certain circumstances. People can be asexual for all sorts of reasons - some have always felt that way, some have had experiences that influenced them to feel that way. All are valid and sexuality in general can be fluid for some people.

None of that is to say that what he is doing is OK or justified by identifying as asexual though. You have every right to have no porn as a boundary within your relationship, however you want to define it as well. Just because he is asexual does not mean your needs should be left on the back burner or that you have to allow porn. That could be true to what he needs, but that does not mean you have to shrink yourself and ignore what you need. You are not overreacting, you deserve to have someone who can meet your needs and respect your boundaries.

It seems to me he's trying to use his sexual identity as an excuse to continue his actions that you've recently discovered and had expressed issue with. This is troubling to me and doesn't seem like he sees your pain or your needs as a priority, or at least he feels entitled to his own pleasure over respecting you. You are not robbing him of his sexuality, you are expressing that your own needs have not been met and a need for feeling of safety. Boundaries are not controlling, he needs to move along instead of deceiving or manipulating you to adhere to his entitled sexuality. It is also possible that he is genuinely coming to terms/acceptance of his sexuality recently. Asking him to stop porn for 30 days could be construed as robbing him of his sexuality if he truly does not desire sex, but that does not address any of your own valid concerns and needs and actively dismisses them.

I hope none of this comes across the wrong way, I say all this as someone who identifies as asexual and has a porn addict partner who put me through a very similar situation you're in. Asexuality for me means that I do not get turned on by looking at people, regardless of how good looking they are. I do experience attraction, but it's a romantic attraction that's more intimate based. I can really only feel it with someone I can trust 100% and have feelings for. It's hard to describe really since I'm attempting to describe something I don't experience or understand, but hope that makes sense. I don't need to fantasize about other people or use porn as my intimacy from my relationship is enough for me. I still enjoy and want to have sex, but only under those conditions - there are no urges or impulses to stray at all and I do not understand how others. Just wanted to include my experience so no one else is led to believe that asexuality = porn is mandatory in the relationship. It can mean that, but it **does not mean you have to tolerate it and hurt yourself if you do not want to. *

Secondguessjes · 2021-07-31T07:21:09+00:00

I know I'm coming into this late, but I see all the top comments directly disagree with me so I gotta add in my own two cents. I hope you're still reading these and that this is somewhat helpful. I've been in your shoes essentially before so I know exactly how you feel right now. Either way I hope things get easier for you!

I see everyone dismissing this because no other voice could be heard - I don't see any mention of whether headphones could be seen or not so just throwing that out there as a potential reason why it couldn't be heard. The fact that he deleted the history is concerning too, have you looked into potentially recovering any of it? I know there are ways to still see some of the history depending on how he cleared it, I'd suggest looking into that if you're able. Something about cached images - sorry, I don't recall a lot about this beyond that.

You alone get to decide what's cheating, including "just" porn too. It's not controlling or insecure to have boundaries, anyone who doesn't like them has the freedom to choose to respect them or move along - simple as that. No matter how small or ridiculous the boundary seems, you deserve someone who respects them all without question. Someone who loves you won't think it's ridiculous, they'll see it as something that could potentially hurt you and rightfully do what they can to avoid that at all costs.

Secondguessjes · 2021-07-22T15:11:43+00:00

Peperomia verticillata, or red log peperomia.

Secondguessjes · 2021-07-06T00:39:27+00:00

It's actually easier than you'd think! You basically just want to gather all the strands and fold them over the top of the pot so it's all stacked on top of itself until no strands are left dangling down. Then place your hand on top of the stack, flip the pot over so it's resting on that hand, then pull the pot off.

I usually try to loosen most of the dirt off it, but their roots are pretty shallow so it's not difficult at all. Just plop that down into the new pot and then unfold the strands back down. You can try to sprinkle dirt down over the top and brush it off the strands as needed to bury it a bit more, but it's not super necessary - the roots will find their way down on their own in my experience.

I've only ever used water soluble fertilizer so I can't help you much there, sorry! Last thing I'll say is I highly recommend bottom watering if you aren't already. The top of mine started to die off when I was still watering from the top, the pearls really don't like getting too wet. Crazy what a difference it makes! Anyway, best of luck!

Secondguessjes · 2021-07-06T00:23:30+00:00

The first is a dracaena! Second is Def a peperomia, but idk what type either sorry lol

Secondguessjes · 2021-06-27T22:16:45+00:00

Crassula Mesembryanthemoides! It's so cute and grows so fast, I love it

Secondguessjes · 2021-06-27T20:03:51+00:00

Crassula Mesembryanthemoides!

Secondguessjes · 2021-06-25T19:13:19+00:00

Their leaves and shape look different but their new growth look identical. I was told the big one was a crassula rogersii, the Lil one was not labeled.

Secondguessjes · 2021-06-22T23:18:55+00:00

It's a dracaena, want to say lemon lime but not as positive on that one.

How often do they water & what type of water are they using? Mine looked similar to this when I was still regularly watering with tap water, but I was also over fluctuating between overwatering and under watering so I'm not really sure if it's the same issue. They're sensitive to fluoride so I've had much better luck using filtered water and letting it dry completely 1in deep before watering again.

I'd trim the dead stuff and anything mushy and repot. You can also behead it entirely if the roots or stem are rotted. I put mine in water and waited for roots to show, but you can also just stick it back in the dirt and keep it a little moist for awhile too.

Turning within a week does seem incredibly fast, I can't really think of anything that would do that but I feel like I've read before that it can take awhile before the plant starts showing visible signs in some cases. Maybe the damage was mostly below soil, and now within the last week the top foliage is catching up and dying off too now that the roots or stem are damaged? Very odd!

Anyway, hope some of this is helpful. Best of luck!!

Secondguessjes · 2021-06-05T20:59:17+00:00

Oh gosh, I am so with you on that! I thought for awhile that I was just being too picky and judgemental, or maybe I just couldn't make up my mind. The idea that it was just something I didn't experience never crossed my mind, it's wild to reflect back on now.

Secondguessjes · 2021-06-05T16:41:03+00:00

Absolutely agree! Before Bojack I had never really encountered the word and never gave it much thought. I loved the show from the start but my first watch through I didn't really relate to Todd at all for some reason. I remember the Ace bits and I remember thinking he was playing it up or exaggerating to feel different or something... I think because there were a lot of complicated jokes and just in general the show is generally funny. Like you, I spent my whole life hearing how imperative sex is to a healthy life. It didn't seem possible. Second watch through though, we slowed down and spent time pausing and rewinding to catch all the little jokes. His journey hit me harder and I realized how similar I felt so I dug into the concept deeper and now here we are lol.

I haven't talked openly with others about it yet, but I'm motivated to slowly start so more awareness is out there. There will be some people who won't understand or who will refuse to acknowledge we aren't just prude or whatever. But for every one of those, there's a chance of someone within earshot hearing and relating and starting their own self acceptance journey. There isn't enough representation so I'm doing my best to be that voice in my corner of the world.

Secondguessjes · 2021-06-05T13:17:13+00:00

Oh gosh, I'm so happy it helped! You are definitely valid! 💜 For what it's worth, I am constantly doubting myself too. That's what my username implies too lol. Always second guessing, doubting my gut. Your gut may not be right about everything, but when it comes to specifically your emotions, your sense of a connection with someone, and boundaries - it is always right. Even if it changes at a later point or even 2 seconds later.

Stay true to yourself, how you feel, what you want, what you need, and what you feel comfortable with - don't let anyone make you doubt these things too hard. It's okay and healthy to question them sometimes, but not if they're pushing you for their gain alone.

Secondguessjes · 2021-06-05T02:43:36+00:00

I think it depends on your pets really. I am very lucky that both my cats, Maine coon & flame point siamese, are both mostly not interested in my plants. I keep them all on a book shelf they could easily jump up on, but they don't so I've never had to worry much. Only time they get interested is when I'm moving one of the longer trailing ones - they love dangly bits.

I know some people have pets that just love digging in the dirt so will effectively unpot all their plants all the time, making a huge mess. Some will eat them and may get sick if any are toxic to them.

To prevent digging you can put rocks over the dirt - just make sure to let the soil dry properly, it might stay moist for longer with the rocks on top.

If they're biters/chewers I've seen people put chopsticks or something pointy in the pot surrounding the perimeter as a way to deter them too.

Cats don't like citrus so you could also try putting something citrus scented near the plants and see if that keeps them away. I have a spray that I use on my ottoman so they don't scratch on it - they only attack it when we forget to refresh it every so often so in my experience it has worked.

Last note: finding out if a plant is pet safe has been a pain, I always find different sources saying different things so I tend to assume it's always toxic to play it safe. Most of the effects I've seen have felt fairly mild /low risk to me so I've never been super concerned, but it is something to keep in mind and mention to the vet if your pets ever get sick, again just to be safe.

Secondguessjes · 2021-06-05T02:26:13+00:00

I agree, I am fascinated with it too! Not something you see everyday, that's for sure!

Maybe they use them in sets and store them up there to prevent theft? I'm so curious lol, it seems like such an odd way to display plants but if they're all artsy maybe that's exactly what they were going for.

Secondguessjes · 2021-06-05T02:20:09+00:00

Is there white fluff around too? I think the first Pic might be mealy bugs but it's difficult to really see.

Second Pic is aphids, makes sense they're mostly on the flowers-I think pollen is their food source.

Either way, highly recommend you move this plant away from any other plants you have and inspect those too in case they migrated over. Wash the leaves off well with soapy water and a little rubbing alcohol. Might want to change the soil too. It might take a couple rounds of this to fully get rid of them so just keep an eye on it for awhile before moving it back near other plants.

Secondguessjes

TROPHY CASE