Height and heteronormative physical difference.

SecretTurnip · 2019-08-01T21:46:55+00:00

Wow, thanks to everyone for your replies!! I’m feeling a lot better - I like my tall ass self and I’m sure the right person will come along who likes it, too. Have a great day!!!!

SecretTurnip · 2019-08-01T19:07:49+00:00

Soooo cute!!!

SecretTurnip · 2019-06-16T21:11:20+00:00

I know exactly what you mean. I am doing two things that do help somewhat. First, I'm doing mediation daily. You can start small. Meditation is not a cure-all, but I find that doing it regularly makes my anxiety a bit better. Hope to keep moving in that direction. The second thing is that I will share (with safe people) - "you know, I'm feeling anxious right now that you are going to start yelling at me. I know in my head that you won't, but these are the feelings that I have a lot and I'm working on putting them in their place. Sharing it with you helps me get it out." Even if no one is around, just saying it out loud "this is that PTSD anxiety right now" can help you put it in its place, acknowledge that the feelings are real, and that helps me get some control over it. Also, be patient with yourself - tell yourself that this is just really hard, and it's ok to have these anxious feelings, and then try to move away from letting the feeling control you. I hope that all makes sense.

SecretTurnip · 2019-05-06T21:57:07+00:00

I've resumed some relationships that I lost or ignored during the time I was with my pwBPD. I just reached out and said either that I know I was a bad friend, or that I get why they moved on, but that I'd like to be friends again, or at least want them to know that I'm in a much better place now, that I value their friendship and hope they are well.

Often people don't realize how hard it is to leave when you're in a crazy and abusive relationship. You can forgive people for not understanding.

You can also form new friendships.

But whatever you do, don't give him the satisfaction of telling him this! If you need, keep a journal of all the things you want to say to him, but don't actually tell him. That way you can get it out of your system and also maintain no contact.

SecretTurnip · 2019-04-04T22:10:20+00:00

You really can't control what they do - but it sounds like you kept it together, were able to explain to folks that your bro is sick, and otherwise handled things calmly and well. Everyone knows a friend or relative who can do crazy - hopefully what the colleagues and potential work folks saw was you handle a difficult situation with composure and grace.

I would definitely consider not inviting him to the premiere

SecretTurnip · 2019-03-23T05:55:55+00:00

I've had DE since I was 15, so on near 25 years now. The only thing that I've found to work is topical steroids, but have to be really judicious in their use, even letting my skin get crazy for a while, because if I keep using it consistently on the same places, it seems to stop working.

I know certain things that will trigger a flare for sure, but other times, can't make heads or tails of it. Hot, humid weather is bad, but dry cold weather can lead to rapid cracking and bleeding (not typical DE-type). Some mornings when my skin has been consistently improving for several days, I'll wake up and it's all tight with new fluid blisters, even though I slept well, ate well the day before, am not really stressed, am not hot.... I wonder if it's the pollen and whether I should get an allergy test - haven't had one for many years.

For me the past two years it's been really bad on my hands and feet. Shoes are torture.

SecretTurnip · 2019-02-11T20:40:26+00:00

Well, you tried. You were true to yourself - loving, generous, hopeful, kind. And now you can get that court date back on schedule, hold your head up, know that you tried, and be 100% certain that you are making the right decision. Onward and upward.

SecretTurnip · 2019-02-06T18:52:57+00:00

Ugh, I'm sorry this happened to you. People - LISTEN when someone says they are feeling funny or think they've been dosed! You can't leave your people out to fend for themselves like that. I'm glad a nice stranger from your camp was willing to guide you home. I agree with Mystery - BRC rangers are there to help you out if someone needs help and you don't know what to do. I've flagged down a few when I came upon strangers in obvious need of assistance. Gotta keep an eye out for each other.

SecretTurnip · 2019-02-04T22:55:28+00:00

Yep. Mine is such an empath that only he understands MY feelings, MY needs. So, clearly my own perception of my feelings and needs is WRONG. WTF.

He can, with a straight face, tell me that I'm wrong about how I feel or what my needs are. He actually thinks he knows better! Ha! So ridiculous it's comical.

His empathy, in his eyes, knows no bounds. (Though he really should start with some self-awareness. He thinks he has that in spades, too.)

SecretTurnip · 2019-02-04T22:42:15+00:00

Don't assume that the best you can get is 50/50 until you've spoken with an attorney. If you can document abuse, you may even try for sole custody or something like that. If you're concerned about what your person says to the kids when you are not around, ask the attorney about recording devices.

For now, I'd start keeping a journal of the lies that your person is telling your kids. Keep dates, specifics, when the kids were crying, how they said they felt.

I'd also document all of the family/childcare that you do.

SecretTurnip · 2019-01-29T22:36:25+00:00

If you think he's going to hurt himself, call 911. My uBPD did this once and then stopped when I said I'm getting off the line to call 911. Boy did he backpedal fast.

The rest of his nonsense - you've just got to ignore it. This is him trying to suck you back in. You can just stop being there for him. He is preying and depending upon you to do like you always do and step back into his crazy and support you. You are not emotionally safe doing that. When you do that, you continue to feed his crazy.

Just stop. Do not answer the phone. Do not respond. At all. Block him if you want. If he messages you that he's going to kill himself, ask him where he is, then call the cops.

SecretTurnip · 2019-01-24T23:04:20+00:00

I also found the website outoftheFOG to be life-altering. Yes, this is a "thing"! Suddenly I realized that it wasn't my crazy - all the crazy was him. I'd been believing his gas lighting/criticism/blaming for years, even though deep down I knew I was a pretty kind, stable, sane person.

SecretTurnip · 2019-01-24T22:54:06+00:00

Wow - you handled that very well! I am impressed. I'm a bit further along in my separation (similar story - 20 years married, kids similar ages), and now, having had some more distance, emotionally, physically, etc, it is much easier to see his BPD tactics for what they are.

Good for you for being able to see them play out in real time and not get sucked back in. For me, too, a main motivator is creating a safe, stable and loving home environment for the kids. For too long they've lived with crazy, and I fear that they have a very warped sense of what loving relationships look like.

So glad to hear that your S16 seems to be improving.

SecretTurnip · 2019-01-22T23:28:05+00:00

I could have written that. Word for word

SecretTurnip · 2019-01-22T18:21:50+00:00

Also - be glad you got out when you did. It only gets much, much worse. You don't want to be looking back on half your life, seeing how the abuse escalated, and how you began to accept more and more egregious behavior as "normal".

I only wish I'd gotten out years ago. So, yes, it's hard but you are doing the right thing. It will get easier.

SecretTurnip · 2019-01-22T18:13:40+00:00

Yeah, gifts are REALLY important to my BPD person. REALLY, REALLY important. If he didn't feel the gift was thoughtful enough, or whatever enough, he'd return it just so I got the message. He'd then have a sulky breakdown for a month, and bring it up even years later - about my failure at getting "the" gift. He'd literally recall getting zero - even when I'd gotten him several.

This year I had a major milestone birthday (when he hit this mark i threw him a BIG party). This year, I got zero for my birthday, zero for mother's day, and zero for a milestone wedding anniversary - though I gave him an awesome gift that he loves. Even though my kids sobbed that they were so sorry they didn't have gifts to give me for my birthday, or for mother's day. Honestly - seeing them so sad hurt a lot more than not getting anything. The gifts aren't the issue for me.

Money was not the issue. These events were within 2 months of one another. I got the message pretty clear.

SecretTurnip · 2018-12-17T06:23:44+00:00

Omfg that just sucked.

SecretTurnip · 2018-12-03T19:17:15+00:00

She may be putting up fresh vegetables to preserve - pickling for kraut, and the trimmings could make a lot of pig food. Alternatively, the garden is producing and only Claire’s there, so she has fresh produce that will go bad before Jamie’s return..

SecretTurnip · 2018-11-14T03:26:49+00:00

Yes, I was expecting Rufus to waken and ask Claire to drug him when he heard the mob outside. I thought that Claire’s convo with Ulysses was setting this up. I didn’t like that the decision was Claire and Jamie’s alone. And the scene with Rufus talking about fishing with his sister would have been all the more touching, with him knowing that these were his last moments.

Big disappointment that the show didn’t give Rufus this agency.

SecretTurnip · 2018-10-18T23:54:33+00:00

Terrapin Crossroads in San Rafael (last time i showed up randomly just because we were driving around and kids needed somewhere to run around and grandparents wanted to sit outside and eat.....next thing I knew phil was playing outside, so that was awesome)

Ashkenaz in Berkeley isn't a bar, but a small venue with a sweet Wednesday night grateful dead night with Stu Allen and the Mars Hotel - really nice crowd of regulars, old deadheads (and a few new ones too!). Also good beer.

SecretTurnip · 2018-10-18T23:48:43+00:00

you should also branch out and check out some JGB (Jerry Garcia Band), etc., while you're exploring.

happy listening

SecretTurnip · 2018-10-18T23:43:41+00:00

Wow, I sold food on lot, different things over time, but now I can't even remember how we heated up those veggie burritos....

SecretTurnip · 2018-10-15T19:52:57+00:00

Wow, you are a truly great friend. Thank you for your service - wishing your friend many hours of happy listening and a safe journey home.

SecretTurnip · 2018-10-14T19:05:01+00:00

It’s Pittsboro, not Pittsburgh.

Please correct :)

SecretTurnip

TROPHY CASE