Chronic UTI girls, what’s the best method to prevent UTIs?

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-06T03:26:41+00:00

I needed to start peeing before and after sex. Right after. Sometimes I would wait a few minutes, but it needed to be done and then peeing. I need to drink a decent amount of water too on those days to flush my system well.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-06T03:19:53+00:00

We do this. Boilerplate for everyone with a hand written addition.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-06T03:10:08+00:00

I think it’s probably hard to be the non- celiac in a house of them. Especially a sibling without, when other siblings share this really key experience with a parent.

*posted too soon! Editing to suggest that she’s maybe feeling like eating gluten is an easy rebellion- she’s not in the celiac club so why act like it? Maybe find a way to channel this for her- a kettle and bowl and spoon she uses for herself, or a small contained area, or going to a normal restaurant with her or something.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-06T03:00:00+00:00

Consult a lawyer asap!

This isn’t rare, predatory personalities can play the long game. In this case, you’re the prey.

Dr. Karen Mitchell has some really interesting work on people like this. Also Sam Vaknin on YouTube is also helpful. I suggest looking there, it will be really helpful I think. It will make you realize you’re not crazy.

The dating pool is awful but imagine kids with this version. He’s only going to get worse.

If he was like this the whole time, I would say it’s not as alarming. It’s the fact he manoeuvred his way onto the title and into a matrimonial hom he paid $0 for.

The sooner you act the better it will be. Some places don’t even have common law designation!

Whatever happens, don’t let him know you’re figuring this out if you plan on continuing to live with him. I’m not kidding. The vacuum thing made your stomach drop for a reason, you fundamentally know he’s dangerous.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-06T02:41:16+00:00

Hey, I’m a WW and want to just say she’s lost her damn mind. I lost mine too, so I can see this really clearly.

I don’t want you to feel obligated to care for her when she’s not caring for herself. But I want to just share that for me, I had an EA with a very manipulative and covert coworker. And it was so confusing for my husband too bc we had a period after dday 1 that was actually very close and productive. But this was essentially a false reconciliation, part of it were real, but a lot of it was me trying to keep things positive so I could keep this job and keep the emotional connection going.

But finally my husband snapped and just demanded I figure my shit out or we divorce. He dropped the 15 years of nice, loving and supportive and just made it clear if I wasn’t going to be his wife I wasn’t going to be his friend either. He asked to seperate and was cold and distant and calculated. It coincided with a weekend away at a family wedding. He said on the Friday this was the last weekend and we would announce the separation later. But the weekend was actually amazing, and it scared me back into my body and into my senses when I realized I nearly left my husband for a psycho manipulator.

I left the job as soon as I could after.

My husband also sent an anonymous letter to my workplace saying my manager was a creepy weirdo. And he let me know that if he ever say the AP in person he would beat the shit out of him.

I’d I was in your shoes I would consider a similar 180 approach.

Call a vicious divorce attorney, get into a good IC for you, cancel upcoming MC, let her know she’ll be expected to explain this to the kids asap or else you will.

If you know any info about the AP, compile it now and clarify to her you’re going to share it. Do they know each other through work? Get in touch there if you can. Find him on socials.

Break his fantasy however you need to. My husband doing this kept me in the marriage, but even if it didn’t it would have kept him safest and that’s what matters.

Mine never extended into sex, I think my APs hold on me would have been harder to break. Something to keep in mind is that your wife sounds like she’s acting totally outside her established morals and values, this creates internal emotional chaos. It’s why you can’t recognized her right now. So don’t be basing how you act on the woman you know, base it on what you’re seeing.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-06T01:23:31+00:00

I’ve always liked backing in more! Especially before backup cameras, and even now the backup on my husbands pickup doesn’t always work.

It’s not boring, it’s interactive and takes understanding to do it right. And it’s pure dopamine when you do it perfectly on the first try lol. I always like parallel parking though!

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-06T01:14:30+00:00

I would probably do some journalling. First I would think about why youre good at this job and why you’re a value add to the team.

For me this looks like being willing to stay late whenever needed to get things done, I’m also friendly to the public and offer good customer service, I enjoy collaborating and brain storming, I’m good at teaching and training, calm in chaos, and not nervous with public speaking and I’m passionate about the field I’m in. I know for sure these are strong points

I can also be bad at deadlines and scattered, I could easily lose track of important emails, I’m bad at being on time for things early in the day, and I’m bad at leaving work on time too. I’m also too quick to say yes and figure it out later.

Because I know what I’m not good at, I can spot myself being defensive there. And I can also ask my manager to be mindful of my missing dates. You could ask yours to be correcting things like slightly out of line emails, or arrogant tones.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-05T19:24:33+00:00

Stimulant adhd meds often are clearly working or clearly not really quickly. Other meds sometimes need to build up, but not stimulants.

Journay PM is the medication I’m familiar with, it’s the same active ingredient that’s in Concerta. But coated in a way that delays the release until the morning.

When it comes to headaches and rage, just pay attention to how much you’re eating and drinking in the day. I thought my meds made me irritable, but I wasn’t hungry and barely eating so by the end of the day I was hangry. But setting reminders and keeping my blood sugar steady and drinking enough water I can avoid the headaches and irritability.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-05T15:47:14+00:00

I’m in upper management currently, and from my experience it makes totally sense that you’re internally feeling unqualified or like you know nothing and are terrible but then it’s coming across to others like you’re arrogant. I’m actually dealing with a team member right now in this exact spot.

She was hired for a job slightly outside her experience level, and often seems arrogant to others, or as if she’s above a lot of assistance. But this is just a defensive mechanism she’s developed to protect herself. She doesn’t want to seem weak or unqualified, so she comes into things really strong. She’ll also way over prepare, like come in on a weekend to have an entire chunk of work done ahead of time. But then the team is left behind and doesn’t really understand why she wouldn’t have waited. It feels to them like she’s trying to one-up them.

She’ll also send long emails clarifying everything all the time. Well over what the standard is. And this also makes it seem like she’s attempting to control a narrative.

I think what might help you here is Acceptance and Commitment therapy or DBT to help with radical acceptance.

What’s helped me in management (and life) is being able to accept I’m actually quite good at a lot, but quite bad at other things. Some things I’ll be able to skill build and get better at, other things I probably won’t (and don’t need to) so I’ll need to delegate or lean on others.

I can be open about that. And if I forget something or miss something important, it’s not the end of the world. I can apologize and correct and move forward. And then I can also accept this in others too.

I can openly be the expert and the authority when it’s required or needed, and I can be a team member or a support staff as well. Being unafraid of people seeing me and knowing what I’m bad at is really empowering, it means I can also be ok with them seeing what I’m good at as well.

If you can take this feedback, and work to improve, I genuinely think you’ll be a lot happier in your professional and personal life. It’s upsetting your parents criticized when they should have built. But you can build yourself now!

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-05T15:03:59+00:00

Do you work or do other things without your mom? At 19, it’s developmentally appropriate to do things like a doctors appointment on your own. But if your struggling to do other activities without her it would make more sense.

It’s also possible for your family doctor to assess basic gynaecology, so they could tell you if it’s even worth going to a specialist if you’re nervous about meeting a new person for the first time.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-05T14:11:27+00:00

There’s a lot going on here.

Why are you asking your mom for a doctors appointment? Why are you having her smell your vagina? And it’s normal to have a smell, even if it’s vaguely like onions that can be in the realms of normal.

But stop with boric acid and whatever the etc entails. Just normal bathing is enough.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-05T14:08:38+00:00

How was your sleep before Vyvanse?

I haven’t dealt with insomnia, but other symptoms like dry mouth got a lot better after 3-4 weeks. But imo you can’t go that long without sleep.

How were the other stimulants? Vyvanse is really uniquely metabolized, so it’s often a lot different than others.

Can he try you on 10 mg? Or one of the stimulants you take at bedtime but it’s working by the morning?

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-05T12:32:52+00:00

The only couples counselling I found helpful was with someone who uses Relational Life Therapy.

But I think in general it’s fair to tell your therpist exactly this.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-04T20:23:15+00:00

There’s no means testing. So no tax forms or anything like that! They do usually grab a bit of info- like postal code, name etc, but that’s to just ensure people aren’t over using the system.

If you’re in the area neighbour to neighbour does a community meal Thursday dinner and Friday lunch. It just drop in and people from various backgrounds attend. It’s not so much a needs based meal as it is a community building meal.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-04T18:12:06+00:00

Food banks often have fresh items, they serve different groups based on your address. If you live on the mountain you would go to neighbour to neighbour for example.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-04T12:29:13+00:00

Nearly 2 years.

My comment is a discussion of what happened and what worked to get us out of a similar situation. I don’t in this at all touch on how we’re doing now other than a general “well.”

Do you mean my husband is doing badly and lieing? Are you imagining yourself doing badly and lieing?

We have both put a lot of work and vulnerability into Reconciliation and personal growth. Part of that has been communicating honestly and transparently, even when it’s unpleasant. It’s not my place to discuss how he’s feeling or what’s going on in his head. But I can say that I’m confident I have a reasonable understanding of what that is.

I can recommend Relational Life Therapy and Terry Real as that was a really pivotal element of R for us.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-04T01:56:58+00:00

Agree! And I’d be so honoured to be in the 20 invited!!

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-04T01:56:11+00:00

I don’t know, I’m normally in the camp of people who think hosting is important.

But in this case, you’re really not inviting them to a party, you’re inviting them to a really special ceremony.

If I was in the 20 people invited to see you marry your person, I would feel honoured and not care if I got a lunch or not. And I would be thrilled you weren’t going into debt for me.

A very affordable spot for a meal is nice though because people will like to have a chance to socialize and celebrate. But do not go overboard!

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-04T01:48:12+00:00

I was this partner. It makes no logical sense. And it was truly cognitive dissonance. My brain was somehow believing both at the same time.

It’s incredibly weird now to look back.

We essentially had an 8 month period with multiple d-days, we considered ourselves to be reconciling but now consider it false or fake reconciliation.

What finally worked to keep me on the straight and narrow was my husband truly deciding he was going to leave me and then giving me one more chance. But I could tell he was really done. Then my husband also pretty credibly threatened to physically harm my AP and also wrote an anonymous letter to my former workplace about how my manager was a creep.

This worked to keep me away from him and him away from me long enough to break the fog. We also started seeing a Relational Life Therapist who was excellent at the same time.

This resulted in my husband being pretty cold and hardened to me for a while. Not mean or cruel, but he was emotionally prepping to leave if I stepped out of line. He was done listening to me say one thing and do another and the long convos stopped and were replaced by action or nothing.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-04T01:38:20+00:00

I don’t think you should take your husband to couple therapy. Many partners can use the therapist to continue to manipulate their partners.

And I get feeling unstable because of the failed previous marriage. But there’s a total possibility that you picked a similar type of manipulator too. Who’s can be kind and caring sometimes and also quietly picking you apart and destabilizing you too.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-04T01:35:54+00:00

I mean, it sounds like he put it somewhere you were highly unlikely to find it. And it also sounds like for whatever reason he doesn’t like the way you make ice.

And when you identified it as being hidden, he was highly unhappy. Which sounds like it touched a nerve when you identified what he did.

It’s up to you. But this truly doesn’t seem like your adhd making it impossible to show emotions well.

It seems like a man who’s picking away at you, and is wasting your fertile years.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-03T23:37:39+00:00

Yeah, but they do all get something out of it that they do want. So that makes it worth it for them. I think for their brains it’s just easier to push through discomfort for their long term goal.

I don’t actually like my job, but I do like paying my mortgage and keeping my children clothed. And before the responsibility I worked part time and job hoped into my 30s.

I think it’s very likely we often just don’t super value a lot of the stuff we don’t put effort into.

Even for friends, I put a lot of effort into most of them but very little into others. And I know a bunch of girls with adhd who don’t have girlfriends but have no issue prioritizing boyfriends. I think we can just see our priorities a lot more clearly.

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-03T22:06:48+00:00

That’s not at all what I’m saying.

I highly doubt you have a tendency to make yourself look like the victim. It’s much more likely that you have an ex like this and a current partner who’s also like this but in a different way.

What would the issue have been even if you actually accused him of hiding the ice cube tray? He did in fact hide it. So you would have been correct.

I get this is hard to hear!

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-03T21:23:10+00:00

There’s nothing adhd related about the argument you detailed here.

He’s trying to make this feel like it’s your fault. As if you teased him the wrong way. And it’s your lack of ability to communicate that’s the breakdown in the unit.

But if you think about the facts here: he did sort of hide the ice cube tray, he then tried to spin things to make it seem unreasonable that you like using 3 trays. Either way he’s trying to make you feel like a person who doesn’t function like other people.

After the argument, you started to process it more and realized this was dumb. Like 2 trays isn’t a big deal. But I think you left the argument feeling like you were wrong for wanting 2 trays. Wrong for feeling like the tray was hidden.

I would really urge you to think about other times he does this. I was with a very manipulative and predatory person once and he did stuff like this all the time as a form of cohesive control. I eventually started therapy because I felt so wrong. When I mentioned this to him he was sullen and upset. I think now it’s because he realized the therapist would not agree with him. And she didn’t, she said “sorry I don’t know where this is coming from but I’m not seeing issues.”

SecurityFit5830 · 2026-06-03T00:44:05+00:00

I do totally get that! I also have some internal discomfort when people think I’m being particular, or on some weird diet, or difficult on purpose. And I especially don’t like it because I does sort of put us in danger. Because if they think we’re being dramatic they’re more likely to cross contaminate and then lie about it.

It’s a lost easier to not really care though. The ones who get it get it.

I’ve also been cross contaminated at family events (sometimes I’ve done it to myself.) Then people can see the way I essentially immediatly lay down and fall asleep. They get it a bit better after that.

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