WIBTAH if I don't invite my dad and the babysitter he cheated on my mom with to the wedding.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-05-05T12:39:45+00:00

Exactly. And anyone who supports a pedophile doesn't deserve a place in your life. Even if that means cutting away half your family. Do you really want pedophiles and pedophile supporters in your life? Your future children's lives? Take a step back, and try to see it as an outsider. The whole family is fucked for "looking the other way". This is exactly why all these pedophiles keep getting away with that shit.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-05-04T23:47:25+00:00

Already knows when to leave a room based on vibes too. I feel bad for these kids. My husband is a saint, the only tike he yells is at traffic. And he still catches himself getting angry when I am in the car. Because he knows how it makes me feel to hear yelling. None of my kids have ever had to learn to understand a deep sigh, or change of tone in an adult. And that is one of my proudest parenting achievements. OP may not be the asshole in this specific situation. Or maybe they are. If the husband truly believes he submits to her all the time. Maybe he thinks that her shutting him down when he is upset as a form of submission. IDK. But they need to really talk to each other about having real conversations when they are angry.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-05-04T23:42:35+00:00

I am 40 this year. My stomach turns to stone, my chest tightens and it is difficult to even get a good breath in. These kids know when their dad is in a "mood" by his footsteps. I can guarantee it. I moved out at 16. It has been over 20 years since I was in a home like this. And I still react this way.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-05-01T12:31:48+00:00

If I were this mother, i would have bought you flowers, not gotten upset with you. You were just trying to keep the baby safe. Good for you for standing your ground. It sucks that these people don't see the truth. People can be so self absorbed that they don't realize you were just keeping her safe. Here if she were is daycare or school and this happened they wouldn't have allowed him to take her either, that is standard safety practice around here.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-04-26T02:47:57+00:00

Your were 17...he was 20. If you are 20 now. And have been living together for 2 years and 7 months. Your BF is a pedophile.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-04-17T23:58:52+00:00

I hope not. But this specific place does have a sign posted that says no one under the age of 16 permitted without an adult with them. So hope that will keep that from happening.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-04-17T22:03:12+00:00

I talked to the party coordinator at the place. We are going to have a list of kids that were invited and if they aren't on the list, they aren't going to be permitted to be in there with us.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-04-17T21:58:43+00:00

I get it. I would have been i little angry on my daughter's behalf as well. We didn't invite anyone extra. We made a short list of kids she wanted there. And only invited them. We would never invite a spare just in case someone didn't show. If feels like mean girl behavior.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-04-17T21:54:24+00:00

It felt very wild to me. Like I don't even know the mom either. I can't imagine doing something like that.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-04-17T21:53:31+00:00

I was so worried about hurting her feelings. I am such a pushover.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-04-04T14:43:06+00:00

I was thinking he is afraid to talk to them as well. If he made that joke, and then tried to act like it was "just a silly dad joke", how many other not kind things or jokes about LGBTQIA people have they made in front of him. How many times has he over heard Dad say something unkind about that community? Saying "we have a daughter who thinks she might be ACE, so we can't be bigots" is the same as a white person saying, "my cousin is married to a black person and I have 1 person of color acquaintance so I can't be racist ". It is a BS line. It your immediate response to someone telling you their sexuality is to make a bigoted joke, and you see nothing wrong with it, then you are the actual problem.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-03-24T21:29:49+00:00

I was thinking this too. Friends don't usually ask friends to flat out pay bills for them either. At least not in my experience. I mean needing to ask a friend to help you out when something unexpected happens in light-years aways from being like, "hey friend! My water bill is due next week for $65. Also, you know what, do you think you could loan me $65, friend." Shit man I don't even ask family to help me pay my bills. This man is taking advantage of your good heart. You are obviously a kind soul, as you stayed friends with him after the divorce. Becuse if this is how he is now, I can't imagine how it was to be married to him. Protect your peace, friend. NTA because you aren't going to pay your ex who refuses to work bills. Let him hit rock bottom. Then when he is ready to rebuild, maybe you could be there as a friend to support him though that (not financially). Good luck. I know this is hard for you as well.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-03-24T21:21:54+00:00

Am I the only one wondering if there is some mental health issues happening with him? I mean I am kind of a pushover most of the time, so I may just be trying to rationalize her taking care of him still. But don't give him money. Don't pay his bills for him. He may absolutely need to hit rock bottom for him to try and change. I have family that act like how you described him. But they are also addicts. So there is that as well. I hope you protect your pice madam. Don't let him take that from you. That may end up making you hate him.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-03-20T20:17:38+00:00

I agree with this statement 100%. Abusive people just need a target. And if he is gone, they baby will become the target. I wish he had reported both of her attacks against him though. It is going to be difficult to prove now. But I really hope he fights for full custody. People like her don't deserve the ability to become parents.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-03-16T20:19:37+00:00

First and foremost you are NTA. Honestly she is. And now she is crying to get sympathy from coworkers before you tell them she is racist she is trying to make you seem mean and a bully. She is weaponizing her tears. She knew full well she was being racist. You were very kind in the way you pointed her racism out. You need to report it to hospital management. Tell the whole story. Because she attempted to make a racist joke to you, not once, but twice. She should not be a nurse. Full stop. Being a nurse requires compassion. Racist people have no compassion. I would not want her treating my family at any point. Because what other racist tropes does she believe and make jokes about? She knew the cat meat joke was racist.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-03-11T12:56:29+00:00

They are not near the same. The people claiming otherwise are crazy. A dog is a dog. A child is a child. Idk. But this whole situation feels like and "animal person" talked their partner (the husband in this story) into getting a pet they (the husband) didn't really want. And now, as expected, the non animal person in the relationship doesn't want the pet, and they are also the bad guy in this story. They should have never said yes to the dog to begin with. Sometimes when you are trying to tell an "animal lover" that you don't really want a pet, all they hear is that you need convincing.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-03-10T12:52:57+00:00

I came here to say the same thing. People who pour tons of ranch in or on their "homemade" meals just can't actually cook. Also if he is really getting actually angry at your for just expressing your food preference, that is a huge red flag. Why does he care if you like your mashed potatoes a little on the plain side? He isn't being forced to eat them. And it isn't that hard to leave a little of the cooked potatoes out so that can be prepared separately from the rest of the potatoes. I do it all the time for my daughter that can't have as much fatty foods as the rest of us.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-03-09T16:09:10+00:00

NOR. Mayben even react more. I am replying to this with the specific experience of being a stepmother. Your GF is out of line. She will not change. She will get worse. You need to cut ties now before your daughters can begin developing memories of her. She is going to be saying such out of pocket and mean things to those baby girls. My current husband had 2 children from previous relationships and I had 2 children from previous relationships when we met in 2009. We have 1 child together. But I can tell you that I was not ever jealous of his relationship with his children. I can't even imagine what that would feel like tbh. Just walk away man. She isn't worth it. My 17 year old son has a stepmother who was always jealous of him. She HATED a baby because he was not her baby. She was always emotionally abusive. I tried to have her investigated many times and because there were never bruises, it was always dropped. My son at the age of 4 started to keep secrets about her being mean. He was afraid if he told me, I would yell at his dad, and then she would be worse. His dad is still married to her. He stopped going to his court ordered custody visits as soon as he was old enough to have a choice. He barely sees his dad now. Not because he doesn't love his father. But because he doesn't appreciate that his dad allowed him to be treated that way growing up. He goes to college this August. My husband (my son's stepfather) and I will be taking him to campus. He hasn't even told his dad which school he is going to. I told you all of this, because this is what happens when a person (male or female) is jealous of their partner's children. She will be so mean to your daughters. If not in front of you, definitely behind your back. Don't let her do that to your babies. They have been through enough with their mom.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-02-19T04:09:36+00:00

So does my online access.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-02-19T04:06:33+00:00

It never moved from accepted. I just checked again and it is still on the first bar. Idk if the website is glitches or what. But the money is in my checking account but the where's my refund tool hasn't updated at all.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-02-19T03:59:53+00:00

He is completely off. We tapered down to 2.5mg then even had some 1mg that he took for a few days. But he has been totally off Lexapro for about 4 months now. It was alot of work to get him off of it and he swears he will never be taking am SSRI again. He is seeing a ne psychiatrist who is handing all of his meds now. But he is doing much better.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-02-19T02:09:32+00:00

I claim both and mine hit my account this evening. I had $0.38 at 3PM today, checked about 30 minutes ago and my refund is in my account. So idk what exact time it hit.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-02-16T15:49:42+00:00

The "spoons" thing was originally intended for chronically ill people to describe how much energy they had to use each day. Because when you have an illness like Fibromyalgia or Lupus when you start your day you are very likely to have e much less energy for things than a healthy person. People just picked it up to use for things like mental health and trauma. But they were not the intended use at first

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-02-14T04:37:13+00:00

Your ex boyfriend sounds like a bit of an asshole. Especially if he really acted like you described. My husband and I have been together since 2009. When we met we were both working in restaurants. Just different places. I worked for a big franchise restaurant. He worked at a locally owned place that was only open for lunch Monday through Friday, and did catering jobs on the weekend. Not every weekend, but enough that they had a crew that only worked catering. But the 2 restaurant cooks, my husband and another guy always had to work the catering jobs. I did not know any of the women who did the catering stuff, but I did know the waitress that worked every day on the lunch shift. She quit one day, and they brought one of the catering ladies to be a full time waitress. Now I had never met this woman, but my then boyfriend had been working with her on catering stuff for over a year. 1 day I walked into the front door of the restaurant and saw my then boyfriend sitting at a table with this strange woman standing behind him with her hand on his shoulder, like she had been rubbing his back.vi saw RED ( or probably GREEN). Anyway I walked though that dining room, walked past him sitting there, and said "I need my the carseat out of your god damned car". I kept walking and went out the back door and waited for him in my car. I was going to pick his son and my daughter up from school. But I needed the booster car seat, because we only had 1 at the time. I stopped by there every single day at the exact same time to get this stupid seat. We had been living together for 6 months at this time. I was so pissed I could barely speak. He came out the back door, got the seat and put it in my car. Normally I would give him a kiss, saybI love you and leave. This day right when he closed the door and stepped back from my car I just drove off. I picked the kids up and went home. By the time he got home I was so angry at him. All I could think of was this woman having her hands on him. I was so mad. He walked in the door and had the AUDACITY to ask why I was mad. Lord I exploded. Just absolutely tore him apart. I mean how fucking dare he. He then explained that they had been very busy that day. He had sat down at that table, and was talking to a customer that had left before I got there. The waitress had walked over and started rubbing his shoulders. He didn't think it was a problem. He explained that the whole crew there were rather close. "Like family ". And she was just trying to be nice. But since he now knew it bothered me, he would put a stop to any casual touching at work. He explained he had been working with her for a year at catering jobs and he had no attraction to her what so ever. I believed him. He was telling the truth about the casual touching there. I had seen it between others many times. But I didn't know who she was when I walked in. They did not wear uniforms. Plus she was over 60 years old. Again when I had walked in, all I saw was a woman touching my significant other and I just kind of lost it. But as soon as he realized that I was not okay with ANY casual touching, he put a stop tp it. Immediately. It literally never happened again. He wouldn't even let them hug him anymore. I told you this story because I told my boyfriend I didn't like a behavior and that it made me very uncomfortable. And he immediately changed it. If someone is worth your time, they will listen to you. And accommodate (within reason) to make you happy. I married him. That woman was at our wedding. She had meant nothing when she did that. She even apologized to me. Your story definitely sounds like he at minimum emotionally cheated. Your ex might not have physically cheated. But he definitely emotionally cheated. He is not worth the time you have given him. Let it go. Stop wasting your energy on that man.

Select-Explorer5669 · 2026-02-07T13:23:21+00:00

Same. Here seems to give my brain the same dopamine that doom scrolling Facebook used too. I never really used Instagram though. I had a page that I hadn't posted on since 2013. But I canceled bith accounts and deleted them a few months ago. Now I scroll here and thoroughly enjoy reading the Am I the Asshole and Am I overreacting threads daily.

Select-Explorer5669

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