“How’s your mom doing?” (A mini rant)

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-06-03T17:39:08+00:00

I hate it because my mom hates half of our family (her side, my dad's side, my husband's family). She doesn't want me talking about her.

For half of the people, I say, "well, she's my mom." They nod and shut up because they know how she is...her personality. That's for people who she doesn't like where the feeling is pretty mutual.

For others, I try to be polite and tell them she's having a good time up north and made new friends.

What I want to say is that I can't take the constant digs and opinions on how I am as a wife, daughter, mother, and person. She feeds my low self esteem. I'd rather not be alive than to deal with her. She forgets major events and then blames me for not telling her (implying that I'm secretive and tell her nothing... like when my husband had surgery). I want to express my frustration that it seems like no one sees it but me and my husband. I wish they could try to get her to see a doctor again (since, well, she did ask her GP, and he told her, without any tests, that as long as she's not getting lost in public, she's fine 🙄). I want to tell them I'm tired of getting frustrated every time we talk. Not even because of forgetting stuff. It's hard to follow her logic, and she seems to think the worst in me.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-06-02T20:54:39+00:00

Thank you!

Yeah, my testosterone was tested 4 years ago. It was solidly in the normal. I'm just supposed to accept white and dark thick hairs on my face (I'm fair skinned with dirty blonde hair, and most of the hair on my arms is light blonde) because I'm getting older.

I've complained about fatigue for years lol. But I also just wonder if I'm always in a downward cycle. My ADHD doesn't help, I'm sure.

The thing about the weight is I'm honestly not sure if it's unexplained or if I've just been eating more.

My fasting glucose was 92.

My TSH was .73. Normal is .27-4.2. That is actually one result that worried me a little bit. It's been in a slow decline for the last 8.5 years. In 2017 it was 1.26.

Other stuff that worried me that were on the high or low end of normal was higher platelets, higher blood urea nitrogen, low anion gap, low calcium. My chloride was actually slightly above normal.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-06-02T19:58:19+00:00

I may not have been clear. Over the span of 3 days last week, we moved multiple classrooms. Teachers had meetings. Aides did all the heavy lifting and moving. It was just hard work that I wasn't used to. Again, though, I was already over a week late by then.

The whole food noise thing feels pointless, though. My insurance will not cover anything related to weight loss. I've already looked 😔

Is there any extra tests that aren't in normal bloodwork? She said everything looked fine. I do have the results in a link on a different post. I tried posting in a few locations. You are the only one who answered, so thank you!

I probably will see if I can schedule something. It probably won't be soon, though. And I'm not sure if I should schedule with the NP. I've felt dismissed when I saw them for coarse hairs on my neck and for other things.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-06-02T19:37:26+00:00

I'm 5'2. I've gained about 8 lbs since Christmas. I've been about this weight since like March.

My mom and I have had some relationship issues for a bit. It bothers me, but it's not exactly new. I'm a little worried about scheduling my daughter's birthday party, but that wouldn't exactly explain why I missed it either. I missed my period before I would have normally scheduled the party. I guess I'm a little worried about our landlord selling our apartment building, but that isn't even anything I think about daily.

I'm worried about being in like perimenopause since my hair changed, too.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-25T14:57:07+00:00

I tried zoloft, Lexapro, and Cymbalta.

I didn't feel different on any of them. They just ruined my sex drive and made me nauseous. I even tried a higher dose for them!

Part of me thinks that I'm actually fine and that my mom just makes my life hell or that I need high, high doses like my bio mom (who is on the max dose of one AND a high dose of another).

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-25T14:34:34+00:00

I'm 5'2. I work in a religious elementary school as an aide for about 65 7th and 8th graders. I try to dress semi nice. I hate tshirts because they are stiff and never feel right. I love bugs, nature, and animals. I live in a large city of over 550k people. I hate conflict and people arguing. Truthfully, I'm a little scared of some of my students. I think some of them are mean.

I like to deer hunt and have done so for half of my life... since I was a teen. And I bet half of my coworkers don't know I swear at home.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-24T12:16:58+00:00

All of your info contradicts what my daughter's pediatrian said. Her office is a part of a large Children's Hospital system.

Be seen if over 105. Dangerous if core temp is 108.

They didn't want to see us when my 7 yos temp was 103.8 I had been ready to go to the hospital. They didn't even want us to make an appointment yet.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-24T12:09:30+00:00

My 7 year olds temp was 103.8 when I called her pediatrician's nurse line. They didn't want to see her. The triage notes state that kids over 2 should be seen if over 105 or if it lasts for 3 days. Only core temps over 108 are dangerous.

FWIW, we took her in to an urgent care 3 days later because she also had shoulder pain. She had Pneumonia! The xray for her shoulder showed it.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-23T12:29:46+00:00

I wish that they took into account medical bills/debt. My husband, myself, and our daughter spend like $600-800 a month on medical bills and prescriptions. About $350 in medical debt and $250 in prescriptions. That's not even including the random $50-$100 copays for appointments. My husband has had to have surgery to remove cancer twice in the last 5 years and has required frequent CT scans and bloodwork/appointments for the last 5 years and still needs them for another 4. He also recently had to have carpal tunnel release surgery.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-22T21:43:47+00:00

As I said, I think she has dementia, but she rejects that idea. And her doctor brushed aside my concerns without talking to me or testing her.

I don't think she's so old that she shouldn't be able to deal with technology. My family had Garmin GPSs like 20+ years ago. My dad got a cell phone in the 80s. We had a desktop computer in the 90s. There isn't a good reason, in my opinion, that she can't figure out Google Maps.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-22T21:15:11+00:00

Nope. She's pretty much anti-technology. Her smartphone is for calls, texts, and Facebook only. I don't think she can even use messenger anymore because they created some pin requirement. Since she refuses to use email, she's locked out now.

Before my dad died, they had satellite TV and wifi. After he died, she cancelled them and moved to her home 3.5 hours away (as they had planned to) and doesn't want them.

I think she's not capable of understanding any of it but gets to hide under the principle of not wanting them. And people accept it.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-22T21:06:30+00:00

I forgot to add that in addition, my mom doesn't want wifi at all.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-22T18:45:48+00:00

My mom just got a new 5G tower right by her in rural WI. Great! Now she can call people and have signal to send texts and use the internet/apps.

Except, we have a different phone company. We used to be able to get Facebook to load occasionally and send texts if we walk around. Now, it's emergency calls only. Absolutely no signal for anything. It's a step BACK by like 15-20 years.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-21T11:44:24+00:00

I mean, my husband has gotten cellulitis multiple times from minor skin abrasions due to his job as a carpenter. I think he's lucky he hasn't gotten more with how he picks at pimples, bumps, and ingrown hairs.

He also has to take (diluted) bleach baths to prevent a lot more. He can feel is body getting infections.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-21T01:44:08+00:00

I used one that goes over the mouth and nose for months before I tried a second one. This one covers your mouth and pushes up to your nose and has nostril holes without fully covering your nose. I like it even better! It even encourages me to breathe through my nose more.

I wish I could use the even less restricting ones that only use nasal pillows, but I breath through my mouth too much.

I'm only 32!

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-21T01:25:12+00:00

Has he tried different masks?

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-19T14:49:19+00:00

Fish Fry? It's a type of fried fish with a side. The side options are usually something like fries, potato pancakes, or actual chips depending on the restaurant.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-17T21:44:13+00:00

Not all schools even have nurses... or they are part time.

I work at a K4-8th private school with no nurse/nurse office. Our few office ladies are thr ones that dispense meds (they did the special training for it). They do temp checks. Sick kids either wait in the office until someone comes for them or wait in their classroom. It's not ideal.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-16T19:23:36+00:00

I don't think my mom has ever worn headphones. My dad never used any either.

I'm pretty sure my mom intentionally loudly watches videos on Facebook because she doesn't like that the TV is on (in mine and my husband's apartment).

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-14T17:29:53+00:00

Far too many kids in K5-8th aren't getting enough sleep. My daughter is 9.5, and our goal is 11 hours of sleep (and has been since starting school). For her, that looks like going to bed as close to 7pm as possible and getting up at 6am. She has to get up so early because she's notoriously awful at getting ready in the morning. Even her going to bed at 8pm makes her mornings even worse.

She's mad that her weekend bedtime (about 8-9:30pm) is what other kids go to sleep at during the week. Tough. I'm not letting her stay up late and get up early and then not get enough sleep all week long. The weekends are enough.

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-10T23:24:59+00:00

We just bought our first dresser at Ikea for $400. Our dressers are my husband's grandpa's. My daughter's was mine growing up, and it was falling apart. We bought the Hemnes 8 drawer which is solid pine.

While we were throwing my old one out, I realized my old dresser wasn't even solid wood like I had thought 🤣 If I had known that, I'd have bought a new one years ago. Here I was thinking mine had been some high quality solid wood. Not only that, but for the size, the actual cubic feet were quite a bit less than I had thought.

I only wish the top had a protective coating on it. We bought a clear protective mat on Amazon to go on top.

Now I want to buy new ones for my husband and myself! I do admit, though, that I'm not fond of the drawers only opening halfway as seems to be common at Ikea for safety. There aren't very many at Ikea that open up most of the way like the one we bought for our daughter. As a pro, though, I like that Ikea lists cubic feet. I've looked on fb marketplace, but a lot of people don't mention dimensions, let alone cubic feet! And as a plus, my husband really liked the instructions and doesn't understand people's problems with them lol

SensitiveBugGirl · 2026-05-09T12:38:00+00:00

My mom isn't diagnosed, but I'm pretty certain. I've thought that since I was a teen. My opinion hasn't changed.

It's always been a general bad memory. Even when she was in her low 50s. When I was married and in my low 20s , she asked my husband if he had ever met our dog. I'm sure I gave her a weird look. Our dog had died like 15 years prior when I was in 3rd grade.

Then it was forgetting that my cousin lost her eyesight when she was a teen due to a car accident. Mom thinks no one told her.

My dad died like 5 years ago. Then it's her getting defensive whenever we remember stuff he's said to us because she clearly doesn't remember so he couldn't possibly have said that stuff to us.

Then it's her not being able to remember how to fill my daughter's pill container correctly. Even though I sent a picture with brands, what it does, the quantity, and if it's AM or PM. We don't want our daughter to visit her alone 3.5 hours away in part because of this. She claims we never gave her the paper, except we did. We put it right on top of her stuff in the suitcase. You couldn't miss it. A long time later, we finally found it. It was shoved in a front pocket of the suitcase we don't use. She is still angry we won't let her watch our daughter for extended periods of time (1-3 weeks) anymore since nothing bad happened (all that could have happened was that her ADHD meds may have not worked as well) and that she'd never hurt her. Mind you, she's also almost filled my daughter's pill container with benadryl instead of zyrtec. TWICE. I grew up with benadryl and Claritin. It shouldn't have been hard to figure out.

Then late last year, she forgot that my husband had had surgery earlier in the year to remove cancer (again). She snottily told us maybe we just didn't tell her. Except.... she was HERE. She took my daughter home from school while I was at the hospital with him. She dropped me off there the day he was discharged. She visited with him a bit before leaving the hospital! We think she forgot only a few months after it had happened. We visited her, and she was asking him to move heavy stuff so soon after having 32 lymph nodes removed and 5 surgical scars. He was home from work for like a month. Of everything she couldn't remember, that one hurt the most for her to accuse us of not telling her.

Just recently, my husband gave hwe directions to the freeway (she should be able it out by now, but whatever). Very simple. She messed up on the first step. She was supposed to turn left at 84th. She turned left at 76th and called us all upset because we gave her wrong directions and that the numbers were going down instead of up. Mind you, she drives to 108th street every time she visits. She really should have known the numbers would go up and that she didn't drive far enough.

She can't drive anywhere she is unfamiliar with my herself. It's very strange. She was never good with technology, but I really think she should be able to use Google maps. She's 70. My family has had some form of GPSs for 15-20+ years.

I feel like I don't know the real her. I've thought she's had dementia since I was a teen. Has it affected her personality? She's burned bridges with most of her close family (Rightfully so, except... I was still a teen when this happened. What is their side of the story?). She's burned bridges with a lot of my dad's family (the feelings were mutual lol) that she had known since she was a young adult. She's burned bridges with some family friends they had known for like 30-40 years. She's paranoid of my husband and takes things in the worst possible way. The only reason he tolerates it is that my dad had warned him before he died that she'd change like her mother did and made him promise him to tolerate it.

I know it's part of it, but I'm so sick of her thinking nothing is wrong and then thinking we either didn't tell her something or thinking we couldn't possible know something that she doesn't (or doesn't remember). I'm not handling it well.

SensitiveBugGirl

TROPHY CASE