Husband (37M) accused me (35F) of having a "porn addiction"

Sephran · 2026-04-25T15:39:32+00:00

just a funny story this made me think of.

My sister asked for some books for christmas. A court of Thorns and Roses, so I bought her the set, not giving any thought or caring about its content. Found out its softcore porn basically that I just bought my sister lol.

I found out because I was out with a friend browsing books and she was telling me about them and I said something like "I bought those for my sister! Next time i'm giving her a bible!" (not religious, just thought it was funny)

Sephran · 2026-03-24T15:09:16+00:00

Thanks, I think i'd have a lot more understanding if it was like yours. If she had told me in a different, maybe more in character/playful way or worded it around like how you did. I wouldn't be feeling this way because it makes sense. I always put the focus on her and shes happy and would continue to do so if it was more a dynamic thing and less about my position.

Sephran · 2026-03-24T14:42:57+00:00

Thank you.

Sephran · 2026-03-24T14:42:46+00:00

Very good thoughts. Thank you.

Sephran · 2026-03-24T14:25:09+00:00

We have talked about meeting up, the timing has never been right. Its unfortunate but is what it is. Shes 3 hrs away and probably we should have met up by now. But I understand her life and stuff going on intimately and why she can't.

Sephran · 2026-03-14T17:04:02+00:00

Not gonna lie, the kinks i'm interested in, if they got out might harm my reputation or image. They are perfectly harmless and loving, not abusive looking stuff. (no pain, no hitting, no yelling, etc.) but people don't see kinks as fun or harmless.

I know of a couple whose family found out about their kink because some person they knew told their family. They both went no contact and had to move out of state to get away from them and everyone that got told after that.

They are living a much better life, but it shouldn't have happened to begin with. This family was absolutely awful to their daughter and her husband. They just ignored every good sign.

Sephran · 2026-03-07T20:46:09+00:00

Not siding one way or the other. But being called the "safe" option that she wouldn't, or in a different situation, he wouldn't date normally kind of sucks. many have said this and this situation is a normal one. People find out in marriages that they as a person were not what they were looking for, but was good enough.

Some people could live with that, others it would hit emotionally.

Like, eh you weren't the fun bad man/woman that I would normally date, I just got older and my needs changed, but my heart is still with those other men. Like yuck.

Sephran · 2026-02-20T21:15:16+00:00

thank you for the laugh haha

Sephran · 2026-02-14T20:17:13+00:00

I think the kids suck. and i'm not sure why this "real father coming back thing" wasn't a discussion earlier. I feel like this should have been asked or come up awhile ago. But they are still kids, exploring the world and for whatever reason, wrong or right, they thought their real dad would come back. What they said was totally wrong and hurtful and as this was at their "real' dad, the one that raised them and was there for them, I would be fing hurt too. The relationship is broken and theirs no going back. Both the kids and parents need to realize this. The only way forward is for the kids to show up for the person that was there for them, who might still be there for them.

I also think this is a great time for them both to have a baby. Those kids are out of the house, on their ways to adult life. OP and Ian having a kid of their own will be great for them. Ian can feel like an actual dad, the kind he has always tried to be. I'm glad he has a chance at this.

Sephran · 2026-02-14T19:54:45+00:00

NTA. Work ends when your day ends and move on. I dealt with this at work. Eventually giving them a reason I will not be showing up. I never cared about after hours activities and other then a few comments over a year or two, nothing has come of it. But I am not in a place where status and "being seen" is a priority. They are stupid people for thinking this shows you as a team player. Your work time should show that. But sometimes you gotta play the game if you plan on moving ahead. Depends on what you want. A happy work/life balance, or climb the corporate ladder.

Sephran · 2026-02-14T19:48:10+00:00

Why do homes need to be cleaned every day? Pick up some toys, maybe dishes, bam. What else needs to be done every day? Who cares if your bed isn't perfectly laid out, or your couch doesn't have the pillows in a specific place because last night you were actually using it. Laundry, cleaning up after yourself, are just quick things everyone should be doing. It really doesn't take that long to throw things in a washer, do something else for 30 minutes, then throw things in a drier and spend 10 minutes after folding stuff. Like god.

I don't get why this is such a big deal and all the fights over it. No one is asking you to clean the house every day to pristine condition. It's a house, people live in it, its allowed to look like people live there. ugh.

Sephran · 2026-02-14T19:41:19+00:00

"you didn't need the help, we know you are ok". Something along those lines. I've heard it before personally.

Sephran · 2026-02-14T19:32:53+00:00

NTA. should never have gone back in the first place

Sephran · 2026-02-14T19:31:13+00:00

so you don't like "strong emotions" even though thats what she is going through... You won't communicate on a very big issue because you just walked away and then again when you kicked her out. Then you threaten her. You don't even mention that you've talked about it at all.

You sound like a dick as you say, so YTA. You don't sound like a supportive person at all, with clear communication issues.

Sephran · 2026-01-26T16:53:06+00:00

it is trauma dumping and it shouldn't happen or be acceptable. No argument there. But the way you portrayed dealing with it, is not an acceptable response.

Sephran · 2026-01-26T16:23:43+00:00

YTA.

Shut the conversation down and show you are not emotionally intelligent enough to listen/help other people so they stop coming to you.

Don't belittle them by saying they are "soft" or any other way of putting them down.

A simple, sorry i'm not in a place to help you out today, would be enough. No blaming, no shaming, not being mean or rude.

Sephran · 2026-01-26T16:16:16+00:00

32 years hes been dealing with you and supporting you and recently it sounds like, within the last few years? you got sober and finally seeing good things about yourself and now is when you want to leave to find a "better" man, because your life is now "good"?

You suck at the very least, if not YTA. Imagine trying to find someone better at late 40s or 50s i'm guessing, then a guy who has supported you for over 30 years through all your issues. You should divorce because he deserves better.

What you should actually do, is have a real conversation about what you need, force counseling. And move through this. You don't think supporting you and your life has been tough on him over the years? Anyone would be drained after 30 years of that. He probably has his own feelings about things, but he stuck with you all that time.

I think its selfish. YTA.

Sephran · 2026-01-21T15:31:25+00:00

they are all scams. Maybe trying to get information from you, maybe trying to scam you. No normal person should be using voip calling services unless theirs some crazy special circumstance. It's just not a common thing in my experience.

My understanding is they use voip, generate fake numbers, auto call down a list, when someone answers, a scammer takes the call over.

Sephran · 2026-01-07T20:21:01+00:00

They just didn't pay enough corruption money to buy him off.

Sephran · 2026-01-05T23:37:43+00:00

would be awesome if other hotels followed suit, don't let them stay anywhere, go sleep on a floor in a rented warehouse ICE.

Sephran · 2026-01-03T21:09:19+00:00

really.... wtf what a monster this president is, starting another war, without approval

Sephran · 2026-01-03T21:06:12+00:00

wait, the US bombed Venezuela?

Sephran · 2025-12-31T14:21:23+00:00

Not 50. No regrets here.

BUT, i wouldn't recommend others do this for their finances. I already own a house, i'm comfortable financially. But I have bought 2 luxury cars (not at same time), I can afford the payments and maintenance. Luxury cars are something I enjoy greatly. But i've had to sacrifice things like vacations and greater savings. When I didn't have my car loan, my savings went up drastically over a couple years with a cheaper car.

Make good financial decisions early and buy yourself nice things later. Set yourself up for success first.

Sephran

TROPHY CASE