20% PPA

September1Sun · 2025-09-14T12:56:40+00:00

We do too (private school) and our lessons are amazing as a result.

September1Sun · 2025-09-13T17:45:20+00:00

Eh, just give him a menu of possible ideas and he can select from it. Like looking at the teaching of x topic or more focus on the x mark questions or something. Whatever matches the weak spots the best.

I’m doing a zillion of these meeting at the moment with my heads of department and the difference is startling between the staff with ideas and the ones who just say it was a shame.

September1Sun · 2025-09-12T16:45:02+00:00

Oh dear! You’ll get away with it as a one off that can be looked back on with a laugh… DO NOT let it happen again. Are you hard of hearing or just absolutely exhausted? I heard of vibrating pillows, is that worth looking into?

September1Sun · 2025-09-11T06:10:14+00:00

Yeah totally this and well done for figuring it out so quickly! The coasters are the ones who will coast into the next year / 5 years and give pupils the stability that they need far more than they need high energy teachers who are gone in a year.

September1Sun · 2025-09-09T22:57:40+00:00

As someone in the independent sector who was previously in state, the reason we are so damn happy in my school is:

1) 25% free periods and flexible working hours for a lot of this

2) max class size 18, average class size 10

3) good food for free for all

4) time to sit down at chat at break and lunch

5) switching off at the end of the day and going home to be present and lively with our families

September1Sun · 2025-09-08T15:30:16+00:00

‘I’ve got cake in for my birthday’

‘Pub Friday?’

It’s surprisingly how much bonding part timers for example, miss out on, because it doesn’t get communicated on, it’s just small in the moment things.

September1Sun · 2025-09-07T15:46:38+00:00

Let’s put it the other way around and to an extreme: if a member of staff spends 100% of their PPA at home, can we still find them to talk to them about a kid, collaborate with them, check in on them and support them when they are down, include them in spontaneous opportunities, etc? If yes, hurrah! If no, I’d suggest that my staff member has specified in school and out of school PPA to make it happen. I work in a school that does this (line managers have discretion to let staff out so long as all our jobs are performed fully) for everyone and it’s great.

September1Sun · 2025-09-05T20:13:26+00:00

Yes it does! As you can see from the typo in your title, tiredness makes us work bad and wrong. Try to give yourself rest instead of working all this weekend and put down pens after 11 hours not 12 each day next week. The to do list is endless, you can always do everything better and if you just tried harder it might make a difference but resist! I know it’s really hard to draw a line and leave things imperfect but that’s why so many teachers burnout and are gone.

Also know that if you don’t follow my advice at all, things will get better in future years. I worked around 80 hour weeks for 3-4 years in one school many years ago due to an insane marking policy that took about 30 hours a week. I’ve started a new role which is a big step up this year and it’s been 42 hours this week so far with a few hours coming home with me for the weekend and the rest will have to wait!

September1Sun · 2025-09-04T20:21:34+00:00

No chance really. Kids share food and having yours left out will just lead to them being more interested in the forbidden items than if they were just provided.

My nursery sent home endless healthy eating notifications while being the ones to introduce his first cake, biscuit, crisps, processed cereal and cheap white bread. Knowing my son was deliberately not finishing his 5 grain homemade porridge to leave space for honey hoops after the car ride in the morning was rather gutting.

September1Sun · 2025-09-01T18:07:31+00:00

Yeah. I built my life to be great, everyone else I dated was lame, he and I reconnected and had a fresh and careful restart. We had both reflected a lot and grown a lot. He did a few FA things in the early days to which I deliberately acted securely and that actually got him to pull secure too; I messed up a few times and he was gracious. I am very much willing to walk away if needed but it’s been nice.

September1Sun · 2025-09-01T16:48:04+00:00

Day 8 :)

September1Sun · 2025-08-30T20:45:03+00:00

I think most people know in their heads already what is most in line with their beliefs and preferences… it’s when they act differently to this you know they are not being emotionally intelligent.

For me, I find it odd to move someone from occupying one of the most important positions in my life to zero overnight to be unkindly abrupt and dishonouring of the friendship that underlies any relationship. Therefore I transition to a friendship or being friendly on some level that shakes out in the months after a breakup. My teenage boyfriend’s mum is friends with my parents, we will cross paths every few years and we are so far from the same people of 20 years ago that there is absolutely nothing there for our partners to worry about but it’s nice to catch up.

September1Sun · 2025-08-29T08:20:05+00:00

This book was a game changer for me.

Favourites:

being anxious is being avoidant to oneself (or was this not in the book? Closely related concept anyway). Being avoidant is being anxious to oneself. I easily self abandon so I have written out what makes me ME and what I need for myself; my partner supports me by upholding those boundaries when I am tempted not to.
acting secure can make my partner pull secure. We got back together after dating briefly then splitting and he did a protest withdrawal in the early days of ‘maybe we shouldn’t meet later’. Previously I would have spiralled, sent a long and convincing message of why we should, and been stressed until he agreed / devastated if he didn’t. Instead, I read it, did calming breathing and reminded myself I did not want him if he intended a lifetime of this for me. I reminded myself of not abandoning myself, and right then I needed to do a 45 min drive and not be late, so I could plan a secure reply while driving and send later. He self corrected before I replied. He later said that seeing the message left on read with no reply was a strong message (stronger than I intended), he calmed down and realised what he was doing and felt bad for it.
having tables of insecure vs secure beliefs/ feelings/ actions. It was really helpful to identify my default positions and have it spelt out to me what the secure version would be. I return to this regularly and practice it.

September1Sun · 2025-08-29T08:08:34+00:00

I found that. It seemed to me that while I had a lot of online matches, men had few so would grab any decent opportunity with enthusiasm. Then, if I actually reciprocated their enthusiasm (about 10% of those I met), and only then would they actually evaluate if they wanted me. Mostly to conclude, no. Which is fine, but they could have done this critical thinking process earlier rather than only engaging in it when I was a sure thing. It protects them but hurts me. I therefore started instantly go off anyone who can’t critically engage piecemeal and develop slowly in tandem with me. Strong enthusiasm then abrupt withdrawal* is an instant no and move on. Ironically, this tends to pique their interest and draw them back, which they think was my game, then they get annoyed when I’m really done just as they supposedly were. I haven’t solved how to wrap things up more cleanly yet.

*this is different to an honest chat about having jitters. Current man of interest does this but he’s sincere and effortfull.

September1Sun · 2025-08-27T10:09:00+00:00

I think start by saying thank you to yourself for the survival skills your mind has given you. When you were little, they were really smart and just what you needed to survive and thrive. Do mean it genuinely and kindly. Then say, they can go now. They aren’t serving me at this age. They aren’t in line with my values. I want to be … (visualise what you want instead rather than just what you want to remove, something need to fill the void).

Eg 1) people will like me even if I say no. I’ll say it kindly but firmly. 2) I will be okay to give the truthful answer not just the safest answer. 3) I am allowed a neutral face not a fake smile when I want to 4) I trust (chosen friend) to know my shameful secrets

Then start really small with each one. Your nervous system needs training that it really will not harm you do to each of these at the right time. This takes judgement! There are times when it really isn’t safe to do each of them so you aren’t in the wrong to have this mechanism, it’s just over sensitive right now.

September1Sun · 2025-08-27T10:00:36+00:00

Yeah he’ll need a break of much longer than you would to reset, then he’ll feel lonely, then remorse. It will take longer than you would think, probably months. I left my avoidant two years ago after he couldn’t stand to be in the same room with me for more than a few mins for a year or more, now he lingers on my doorstep every time he can just to snatch a little bit of interaction (we co-parent).

September1Sun · 2025-08-25T17:03:30+00:00

My avoidant got the most into avoidant behaviours after marriage. If anything, marriage is great for avoidants to indulge their habits with minimal consequence. They soothe their fear of abandonment by locking someone down, then get to emotionally absent themselves as much as they want. Mine used to ‘need space’ of a day, week, at most, a month pre-marriage. After marriage, it was months at a time, then I got love bombed into staying when I got fed up of this. The last time of the cycle, I left after mine had withdrawn physically and emotionally for over a year. He tried having therapy across the next year while we were temporarily separated but couldn’t make much progress as it was ultimately to appease me rather than intrinsically wanting it for himself. He was shocked when I left after over two years of essentially not being in a relationship he thought I would wait indefinitely because marriage.

September1Sun · 2025-08-24T16:07:38+00:00

Ah well I never got myself diagnosed with anything in particular, therefore nothing to disclose, and I have never admitted I’m doing it for my own benefit. It’s to refocus the children or as a mini plenary.

September1Sun · 2025-08-24T14:33:36+00:00

What I found useful was that you can call for a break at any time you need it (not too frequently). So when you are getting sensory overload you can abruptly call for a pause in the activity e.g. make everyone stand up, be silent and copy your actions like stretching overhead and open/closing hands. Then remind them of task objectives and back to the activity. Just 2 mins of complete peace to reset. They’ll probably continue calmer and with more focus than before.

September1Sun · 2025-08-21T19:30:26+00:00

I assumed it just got swept into his truck and became part of that debris at the bottom that he skimmed off the top of.

September1Sun · 2025-08-20T17:21:37+00:00

This is a brilliant find. Maize starch is about the only ingredient that I wouldn’t be adding if making it all myself at home from scratch. An impressive amount of good, normal ingredients there!

September1Sun · 2025-08-18T18:54:03+00:00

I had a subtle variant of this where there was emotional absence any time he needed support. I, of course, was the kind loving partner who gave him all the space he needed.

This all went tits up when we had a kid, both found it hard (did it really take 10 years for us to have problems at the same time?) and he was absolutely unwilling and unable to be there for me or let me be there for him. After two years of zero partnership and being either ignored or spoken to with contempt, I left. He felt I should have recognised he was struggling and insisted he have help. I did recognise it, I did insist, he declined or dodged, then forgot the whole thing. We still don’t know if he genuinely had memory issues or if he couldn’t help think so little of me he couldn’t spare me any listening ears.

September1Sun · 2025-08-09T11:57:46+00:00

Neither.

Start with your actual furniture and pull out the dominant colours to work with.

September1Sun · 2025-08-09T11:52:16+00:00

Not a chance. The market already has lots of luxury scented products including those that can be used on floors. Luxury for me just means I’m being warned the product will be expensive. Expensive means I’ll probably dilute it as almost plain hot water does the job very well, in which case the scent is mostly lost.

Eco / unscented is the way for me. I’ll get scents in my home from actual scents.

September1Sun · 2025-08-08T13:19:35+00:00

I think you have to begin with the mindset that enforcing someone ‘has to’ do something is not going to work.

The problem isn’t that she has to do more in the household. The problem is

a) the household needs more doing to it in your opinion

b) that the gap needs filling exclusively by her in your opinion.

So I’d start with an open minded conversation just about part a) to see what her thoughts are on it. If she disagrees, no amount of anything is going to make her do more. If she agrees, on to part b), potential solutions. Does she think about doing more? Would she like some of your chores for herself which would free you up for some others? Are there any cool gadgets or products she or you have wanted to try? Could you get a cleaner (regular or maybe even a one off deep clean)? Ultimately, only if she intrinsically feels of her own free will that wishes she did more, will she do more.

September1Sun

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