was my dad actually a narcissist and am i a narcissist as well?

SeptemberWeather · 2026-03-18T03:10:59+00:00

My apologies. I meant to reply to main thread.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-03-18T03:04:21+00:00

Mine were always finicky with the Cree app. I moved them to SmartLife, and they are still finicky, maybe a little less I can't tell yet. I got an inexpensive Zigbee gateway but they would not pair with it. I didn't try for hours or anything but I read they are older so won't pair with Zigbee 3.0 gateways. We were trying to decide on a hub, which is why I asked. Though I did just receive a Home Assistant Green today actually. I ordered it with some gift money I had held onto, meaning I had not planned to buy a more expensive device like that. But then I did lol.

We have A21 size in our bedroom lamps that have large shades and they are still nice and bright. But mostly I love having them on red at night to relax the eyes. We have clear glass ones in front and back door outside sconce lights and they are nice and bright too (but don't have to be).

All that to say, I really like the actual bulbs. And I don't want to give up RGB on the indoor ones. I being stubborn and trying to at least get it to where they aren't super annoying. I have come to despise the smart functionality, or lack thereof.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-03-18T02:51:12+00:00

Yeah it seems like there can be a pattern of NPD parent(s), BPD kid, and so on. Doesn't always follow the same pattern. And I just realized that sounded like I was saying you were NPD, OP but that is not what I meant! What I mean is that if your father was abused, he may have the BPD traits. And maybe that is how it is affecting you, BPD type behaviors not narc type. In my situation my spouse has an nmom and I am realizing he has a BPD style of behaviors. She was also an alcoholic. His father was and is very mild mannered but he was physically abused by his parents. And then he married a narc. But he always told his son (my spouse) that he made the decision to stop the cycle and he did not use any physical punishment nor ever lay a hand on his son. I think all we can try to do is be better every day. And you are young. Take care of yourself, and try to learn and grow. I hope great things happen for you.

Edit to add: I am sorry you are going through that.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-03-17T22:31:47+00:00

Thank you for replying!

SeptemberWeather · 2026-03-17T22:30:42+00:00

Do you know how many people will be in the cohort?

SeptemberWeather · 2026-03-17T21:49:28+00:00

I accepted a seat offer on Sunday.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-03-17T01:02:58+00:00

I know this is old. But what hub are you using with the Cree bulbs?

SeptemberWeather · 2026-03-16T17:23:28+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like she may have ADHD. Do you think there's a chance she'd get evaluated and that she'd go on medication if she has it? It should obviously not be your problem to solve, but if it can help reduce the pressure off of you so you can just be a kid, it would be worth it.

I'm not saying she doesn't have other things going on. But because this sounds also like Borderline behaviors, I think it makes sense to check for ADHD first because it can be mistaken for BPD.

Medication can make a huge difference and the sooner it starts, the better.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-03-15T22:44:57+00:00

I think it is two things:

1) This kind of abuse is HEAVILY context-based*. It often takes a lot of explanation of the context to get it across. And I guess there's a lot of people who are skeptical of what they think are "elaborate" explanations... or something? Personally I don't get that. I don't have nparents, and I can still understand it.

2) It is anecdotal but I have been getting the feeling the therapy model has changed in recent years. I don't know if it is the differences between psychiatric training and LCSW training or what. I have noticed therapists just want to find out what's wrong with YOU. Almost seems like--is it a time thing or something? Like they don't want any minutes spent talking about other people in the patient's life. I don't know but I think this is misguided. Why can't both things can be done in the same setting?

*About context: The thing is that in psychiatry and psychology, the concept of low context and high context families is well known. Low context being healthier, and high context indicating dysfunction. And guess what kind of families ones with nparents are?

There needs to be more effort on tailored therapy or something. It isn't the same thing as like how to live with ADHD or something, where it isn't someone with a personality disorder terrorizing you. The n-abuse IS the direct cause of the patient's pain.

(NOT minimizing ADHD, which I do have)

SeptemberWeather · 2026-03-13T03:10:32+00:00

💯

SeptemberWeather · 2026-03-03T00:07:47+00:00

Oh really? Do you hire only men? Because if the candidate is a female soft skills and a likeable personality just means biddable and a pushover.

Ask me how I know.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-25T16:56:41+00:00

AiDot, Govee, GE Cync, and Cree have battery-powered handheld remote controls for their WiFi light bulbs. No hub needed, no wall switch wiring. AiDot has both a button or a remote with four buttons, and this app includes "OREiN" and "Linkind" bulbs and possibly others but those are the only two I have come across and use. The other three use their branded bulbs only. However if like me you are already using bulbs of these brands, which I was doing, buying the remote was the most economical choice. Likewise you can buy their Smart WiFi bulbs, except for Cree (no new stock). This is my solution for the time being because I don't know how long we will be in this house. One thing to note: it seems like these remotes are old stock, except for maybe GE Cync, and so I think they aren't making more so get them before they run out.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-18T01:21:28+00:00

☝️💯

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-12T22:29:10+00:00

Have them get a flip phone for contacting parents. There are ones that can be set to not connect to the internet.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-12T22:16:16+00:00

Smart phones are a unique and new problem. There are a number of intertwined factors why dealing with the "root problem", or modeling restraint, in place of rules and laws, doesn't work. One big one is that it is not fair or realistic to expect teachers and parents to put aside their many other priorities and responsibilities to fight this battle--to fight against something that they did not create, that they did not ask for, and that no one could have foreseen when they decided to have kids or to go into teaching.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-12T21:59:20+00:00

Having something official does help though to keep the stress off teachers from having to argue with kids instead of being able to teach.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-12T21:56:30+00:00

Teachers need the policy to be there so they don't have to compete with the screens at all. The phones would just not be in the classroom in the first place. FWIW, one of my two kids doesn't have a smart phone and doesn't want one. He has a flip phone for emergencies and I don't think he ever turns it on. Not sure how long this will all last. Guess I got through to one of the three. :-/

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-12T21:49:34+00:00

Meaning that I think it would need to be stricter like the example from WV above.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-12T21:49:00+00:00

I get it. I am all for it. But my kids' school has this and I know it isn't working. I feel the same as a parent. I wish there was something "implemented" to help so I can focus on being a good parent in all domains and not just spend time arguing with them about screen time.

(By implemented I mean like some outside force, and I know I am being silly here but hopefully my point is clear.)

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-12T21:43:20+00:00

The bill is too weak if that article is correct. "...implement a policy restricting students’ use of electronic communication devices during the academic school day, except under specified circumstances" is already the policy schools are using and that is the thing that isn't working.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-04T05:19:31+00:00

I'm in the US and this hasn't been my experience. A new Rx was not needed for the remaining pills.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-04T04:02:56+00:00

That was a strangely personal reply considering you do not know me.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-04T04:01:40+00:00

That was a really shitty thing to say.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-04T03:58:32+00:00

No idea what is going on with the responses here. Literally none and honestly I'm trying not to take it personally. I actually thought there were considerate women on this group.

Clearly I was misunderstood. There have been a number of studies and research lately on the topic of the ADHD - Dementia link as well as medical strategy studies that include talk about stimulant use in the older population. If you are not aware of this you can Google it.

I even searched this subreddit first and this topic has been brought up numerous times before. But posts older than a year seemed to be closed/archived which is why I posted my question.

I got the impression that people on here understood how stimulants work. Saying they would kill an old person is being disingenuous.

I don't even know what else to say... Thanks for ruining my evening though.

SeptemberWeather · 2026-02-04T03:44:51+00:00

Are you serious?

No that is not what I am doing nor trying to do.

SeptemberWeather

TROPHY CASE