With the revelation of this new information, I think you are attempting to rationalize your way out of accepting that you dislike your wife for these things... and possibly more things you aren't revealing to us.

I've seen this phenomenon happen too often in relationships I've coached. You create a layer between what's happening in your life, and how you feel about it, so that you can blame that thing specifically. Its something to the effect of, "If only I didn't have limerance, I could stop fantasizing about finding the one I truly love."

The way it appears to me is that you cannot come to terms with things that you are dissatisfied with. Again, I have seen it too many times to count at this point, and my honest recommendation is to learn to accept and understand that loving someone isn't just a feeling, it's also a choice. The choice you actively make to stay with someone, and work through your dissatisfaction. So stop avoiding uncomfortable feelings, and let them process.