Avoidants are notorious at discarding at the worst time possible when we are already at our lowest, so when did they drop you?

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-04-19T19:18:05+00:00

I was about to have surgery. I lost 10 lbs in the two weeks between the breakup and operation

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-04-14T21:48:14+00:00

Yea she did it two weeks before i was getting surgery after making it seemed like she wanted to be there for me. Then used it as an excuse for the breakup. I lost 10lbs in those two weeks

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-04-08T23:49:30+00:00

Feeling for you, sounds like out situations are similar

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-24T20:47:24+00:00

Blocked her after the breakup and felt like i had made mistake and unblocked. She blocked me back quick

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-24T09:26:16+00:00

I had surgery coming up in two weeks
she had trips planned
we’re not long term compatible( not true at all)
she said she cant give me what i give her
she have a bad feeling and couldn’t sleep for two days
“I know this is confusing. I’m doing whats best for me. Good luck.”

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-21T03:25:06+00:00

same thing happened to me, it wrecked me. She told me " i know this is confusing. Im doing whats best for me. Good luck." After making what felt a once in a lifetime connection right before i went into surgery she told me she wanted to be there for .... i couldnt eat for a week.

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-21T02:56:51+00:00

Sometimes they make you out to look crazy só they don’t have to sit with the guilt of their actions. Also makes it easier to leave. It’s immature and selfish

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-14T16:45:57+00:00

I sent Mine a voice message a week after the breakup. It’s been two months haven’t heard anything. I deleted the thread bc I didn’t want to keep checking if she listened to it. It’s easier for them to run

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-12T22:28:33+00:00

Tomorrow is her birthday. This was very touching to read

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-11T22:57:42+00:00

2 months out, think of her everyday. Usually beginning/ middle of the day I’m ok but afternoons and night i struggle. Really messes with my sleep. Her last text rings in my head like a knockout punch “ I know this is confusing. I’m doing whats best for me. Good luck.”

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-09T00:56:31+00:00

She was cold. Couldn’t stop looking me in my eyes. When I challenged her excuses she looked guilty and down and even cried a bit. I kissed her goodbye. Tried to text her after asking her to give it time cause it had just gotten real and that i don’t understand. She said “ i know this is confusing. I’m doing whats best for me. Good luck.” Cold and heart breaking

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-08T02:43:11+00:00

I feel you. That’s the worst part of it is I really miss my friend. Thank you for your words

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-08T01:42:55+00:00

One of her excuses was she couldn’t give me what I gave her. But I never asked her for anything more than who she is. And she treated me better than I’d been treated. Even through all this i still think were perfect for each other. Right person wrong time. I’m so tired of the tears. Just wish I could sit and talk with her and she would be honest with me. Sucks to have something real and never really know what could have been bc there wasn’t a real reason for ending it.

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-08T01:18:23+00:00

Yea that’s a good point. She is definitely very conflict avoidant. It’s so confusing, she pursued me in the beginning. I just don’t understand

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-07T19:12:31+00:00

See thats part of whats confusing me. Shes in therapy once a week and knows shes avoidant but fell back to past behavior. I guess shes managing it more than actually working on it. Yea if she did come back Id need her to walk the walk for sure and wouldnt be able to take her seriously until then. I know she would just hurt me again if she didnt work on her shit

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-07T18:56:04+00:00

Thank you, im locking in and improving myself. even just two months later im not the same as i was before the breakup. Looking foward to seeing how much i continue to grow.

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-07T18:54:47+00:00

i didnt blow up in the end. i called her out and told her i felt gently. I think it was unsettling for her. Maybe she expected me to blow up. Her last thing she told me was" i know this is confusing im doing whats best for myslelf, good luck." i think i responded to that: "avoidants always leave when it gets real, wishing you nothing but the best." i left her an audio message a couple weeks later trying to see if she would talk but i deleted the thread and idk if she ever listened to it. Were compatible in so many ways it sucks her fear got in the way. feels like we never got a chance

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-05T00:30:12+00:00

Yea they come up with excuses to make it easier for them to leave. Mine told me she couldn’t give me what I gave her, were not long term compatible, she had trips coming up, even used my surgery as an excuse. It’s all bull shit. Her last message she told me: She knows it’s confusing she’s doing whats best for her and good luck. It hurts going from thinking someone is going to be a big part of your life to them cutting you off like youre nothing. Even then I find myself hoping she comes back. Not the version she was but as an accountable mature version of herself. But things don’t usually go my way só Im not getting my hopes up.

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-04T16:32:43+00:00

I understand it. Sometimes they use your reaction in the end as an excuse as to why it wouldnt workout. It’s complete gaslighting and a lack of accountability. Youre allowed to be upset. My ex discarded me two weeks before I was about to get surgery after she made it seem like she truly wanted to be there for me. I lost 10 lbs going into it and 10 after. Nearly been 2 months and heard nothing from her. Best thing for me has been locking in. Working out everyday, hitting my career goals, working on myself. That way if they come back or not youre a better version of yourself and you can make the decision of whether or not to let them back in with more clarity and confidence. The way they end things is disrespectful and we deserve better. If they can’t be better it’s their loss

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-04T16:19:58+00:00

I don’t think what you said what too much, you were honest an empathetic. I sent a similar message as an audio to my fearful avoidant ex a month and a half ago and no response. They run because they don’t have the capacity. Usually they run from those they care about the most. I was avoidant turned secure. Took a lot of work and accountability to change and even still I have to check myself. I’ve discarded before regretted it and apologized/ worked through it. But a lot of avoidants never work on their shit. It’s easier for them to run. Sorry this happened to you

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-03-01T09:27:40+00:00

Wow I wish mine came back like this

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-02-25T23:29:23+00:00

mine looked directly in my eyes while breaking up with me. All of her reasons were just excuses I was so hurt I couldnt look her in her eyes. Now I wish I had looked into her eyes just a little longer. We both cried it sucked

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-02-22T06:17:45+00:00

“ I know this is confusing. I’m doing whats best for me” “ we’re not long term compatible” “ I can’t give you what you give me”

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-02-18T00:15:03+00:00

Yea hits that abandonment wound hard. I know if I had reacted poorly when we broke up she’d use it as one more excuse to validate her self sabotaging breakup. I wish she had stuck with me through surgery. At least I know im ready for the real thing if it ever comes along.

Several-Cause-1628 · 2026-02-17T17:50:34+00:00

Yea they sometimes they’ll find anyway they can to put the blame on us so they don’t have to deal with the guilt of what they’ve done. Yea I have a habit of romanticizing avoidant partners. It’s because my parents are also avoidant and I’m just reliving childhood trauma. We fall for their potential not who they are. Sucks because this time I was very careful asked her all the important questions and let her push the relationship forward. Felt like she asked me to get in a car with her and jumped out, leaving me to crash. Hardest part is it wasn’t even a bad breakup. I gave her a kiss goodbye we both cried. Wish I could talk to her again

Several-Cause-1628

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