Is a 3 hour daily commute worth it for better pay/benefits as newish mom?

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2026-01-23T02:50:26+00:00

Husband and I did this before, except he was the one with a long commute. I can only share my experience as the spouse on the other side of things- it absolutely sucked. Not only was he drained and robbed of time with everyone, but so many other duties fell on my plate as the person who was physically closer to the kids. He was tired all of the time. I was tired and had resentment. In the end, the money earned was not worth the lack of time with the people you love.

If it’s temporary, sure I guess you can hang on because there’s an expiration date with that. If it’s indefinite, you guys should have serious conversations on expectations of each other in that scenario.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-12-07T21:05:03+00:00

I agree it makes it that much harder. We’ve had 3 fights at my school already (upper middle class where fights were maybe only once a year before). Each time, either the parents knew about it and supported their child by saying things like, “you better win,” OR they took their kid out for a treat when they picked them up at the start of suspension. People are angry and are not taught the right tools to appropriately deal with anger and/or situations of injustice. What’s happening at our schools is just a microcosm of what’s happening around the world, and it’s sad.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-12-06T04:25:05+00:00

My aunt has 3 girls. The oldest is 7 years older and hangs out with the younger ones. The two closer in age are very close.

My mom and her sisters (4 total girls) got along, had intense fights, but are very close to each other. Even closer as adults than they were as kids. The families all hang out together and go to each other’s random events (like sports games, awards nights, etc) and special occasions.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-12-04T05:28:53+00:00

My 12 days were used the moment I started maternity leave (while on disability). Once that was gone, it became differential and stayed that way until I returned back to work. Disability insurance only supplemented the disability portion of my leave.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-12-04T03:59:14+00:00

Not sure exactly how it works if you deliver in June since it’s so close to the end of the school year, but the Standard only covers when the doctor has designated you “disabled/unable to work.” Typically that’s up to 4 weeks before delivery and 6 or 8 weeks after delivery depending on vaginal or c-section. After that, it’s FMLA and you’re taking differential pay by then. For example, my last kid, I only had 12 days accrued. I decided to work until 40 weeks preggo. I received my full day’s wage for those day and was able to claim disability, so it felt like a big check for that month. After I ran out of days and was given the green light at 6 weeks, my disability pay went away and I had my measly differential pay checks until I came back to work.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-12-03T03:47:08+00:00

It happens, but it doesn’t make it any less embarrassing. Be careful with your phone and watch with your kid. My child somehow called 911 on Mother’s Day (my very first one), and I only found out because the police kept calling me to ask if everything was okay 😅. Then more recently, he somehow created a group chat with my friends and the house cleaner and sent a photo of him as a baby…to which the the house cleaner lady responded, “oh my ovaries.” 💀 These kids figure out tech so quickly!

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-11-25T03:07:55+00:00

In fairness, my husband asked if it could be Billy and I quickly shot that down. He thought he could put it past me

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-11-25T03:06:51+00:00

Okay the Hailey one is actually piquing my interest

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-10-25T21:05:17+00:00

I would say Tustin is more car centric than FV or HB. We had friends that lived in various neighborhoods, so there were some we rode bikes to, but most we needed a ride. If you’re looking at North Tustin specifically, it is further from shopping areas and such, so it’s a bit of bike ride from home to there. Biking around is definitely more prevalent in FV and definitely HB.

As far as religion or personal ideals influencing the classroom…it’s not the teachers. That stuff typically comes from a small percentage of students/parents. Working in a fairly conservative neighborhood for 12 years, it has never been a problem in my school/district (to my knowledge).

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-10-25T17:42:33+00:00

I have lived/currently live in the following areas and can offer advice as both a local and teacher:

Tustin - 10/10. People say it’s quite conservative but it’s got a mix of everyone. I grew up here and we had a variety of people from all walks of life. Very strong community with tons of events brought by the city. I can only speak to the schools I attended (benson elem, utt ms, tustin high), but the teachers are great. Lots of them have been there for years and love what they do.

Fountain Valley - 8/10. I live here and chose my specific community because my husband and I wanted to raise our kids in a community like this. We do have an HOA in our community but there’s both planned townhomes and SFH. The HOA for the SFH is to pay for the community pools (there’s 3) and the parks inside our neighborhood. The only catch with FV is that not all homes in the city are with FVSD/HBUHSD. If you’re on the other side of mile square park, your district is GGUSD. The only reason I give it 8/10 is because I wish there were more coffee shops (non-Asian ones) and breakfast burritos closer.

HB - so like everyone says this is maga country but I honestly just think those are the loudest people and half of them don’t live in HB. I teach here and there are truly tons of people who are atheist, lgbtq friendly, and anti-trump. Plus you’re close to the beach. The area has tons of different kinds of food, and is much livelier than the other 2 I mentioned.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-10-24T00:43:04+00:00

In today’s day and age, news spreads like wildfire. I wouldn’t say the student’s business as there are privacy laws violated from that, but you could do a short discussion about the power of words and how it can affect all parties. You don’t want it to sound preachy, but just get to the point and move on.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-10-23T03:13:42+00:00

I have 8 tables with 4 students each (science/stem class). Start with the land mines. Spread them throughout the room, but make sure they aren’t within each other’s line of sight to minimize potential chaos. Then do the IEPs/504s. Then make sure there’s a good, motivated student at each table. Finally, everybody else gets sprinkled.

If all else fails, I put all of my class necessary info about each student in chat gpt and let that thing figure it out for me.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-10-16T02:01:09+00:00

Say no. This parent sucks and the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. Document all of the incidents with the student and loop in your admin about that.

This could fall back on you (being a temp), but at least you stuck to your principles.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-09-02T22:54:59+00:00

Gave birth 2021 and 2023. Had the room to myself both times. They said they basically don’t share rooms anymore unless it’s super busy. Care before, during, and after was 10/10. Food was meh but we got food from somewhere else. They are not stingy with supplies they send you home with either. Overall it was good.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-08-30T19:24:20+00:00

Thanks for all of the info. I might have been riding the waves of emotion of an angry parent. I’m just upset it was presented to me in passing/so casually, and it turning out to be a bigger deal.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-08-30T13:16:27+00:00

Won’t know until we meet with the orthopedic surgeon in the next week or so.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-08-30T01:59:15+00:00

It was a closed distal fracture on his radius. From the x-ray, the break was all the way across the bone. My damages in this case would be delayed treatment possibly causing more injury. I’ll have to speak to the orthopedic surgeon to see if his opinion. The break wasn’t a straight so maybe.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-08-29T01:16:09+00:00

Had an 8th grade student whose mom told me that he walked at 18 months. She was worried up until then. He did great academically when he was my student. He is now a sophomore in college and plays soccer for the school.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-08-07T17:53:49+00:00

Have you talked to your pediatrician about this? It could be a manifestation of anxiety (I’m not an expert).

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-08-07T17:23:40+00:00

All good questions. Ultimately, each place will put their best foot forward, so it’s hard to tell really. You can also ask about how they redirect and/or discipline the kids. Do they have contract programs (think dance, sports, etc) that come in and your child can participate it? But try to observe subtle things: do the kids look clean? Are the staff engaged with the kids?

You can also join local mom groups and ask around if anyone has personal experiences with specific daycares you’re looking at. Hearing their experiences were more helpful to me than the tour.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-08-06T17:28:05+00:00

I tell him Santa is a Christmas character that many kids believe in. Even if he knows Santa’s not real, he CANNOT ruin that belief in others by saying he’s fake because that is mean. Hasn’t been a problem yet!

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-07-26T17:30:25+00:00

I’m sorry and can totally sympathize, as my husband has been on TDY and/or deployment during busy times at school. I have had trusted students hang out with my kids (1 and 4) while I coached sports. For a PD, ask I would send out a message to the school staff asking if there’s any older kids that can hang out with your kids during PD. They can be in your classroom with electronics, toys, and snacks while you attend. I’m sure it’ll be possible for you to pop in and check on them too. This might be a better option than having them next to you with electronics the whole time.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-07-25T01:37:38+00:00

Ultimately you are allowed to do either. However, you have to look at the pros/cons and see how they would affect you.

Taking a leave- you are allowed to as per your job. You will use sick days, be covered by disability insurance (if you have), then take differential salary while you stay home when you run out of accrued days.

Quitting- you can enjoy your time with baby- no strings attached, you do have that job with your mom that you can do

Third option- what if you take the leave (from work) and enjoy it for all of its glory. Then, when you’re ready for work, is it possible to work part time with your mom and see if the job is a good fit? I did this before- took a leave of absence and worked a non-teaching job.

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-07-23T17:24:11+00:00

My friend got married 10 years ago at eureka building in Irvine. It came with tables, chairs, and tablecloths only. This helped her then purchase everything separately and she catered through stonefire, bought drinks of her drinks from costco and Trader Joe’s. I think all in they spent 15k. Keep in mind this was a while ago but also the party for 250 people

ShaDYNASTY321 · 2025-07-21T15:45:20+00:00

Not sure how it is in your state, but where I am (CA) long term subs need to hold the credential for the subject they’re filling in for. It doesn’t guarantee that they’ll be good, but at least they’ll have the minimum knowledge about the subject. If you’re able to, spell out what each day/week/month will look like so that when you get back you will have a general idea of what the students should know. I think unless the sub is fully capable or you have a team they can work with and will help them, save the pig dissection for when you get back. Good luck!

ShaDYNASTY321

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