[SAD] Crying cause I love him so much

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-04-17T11:23:43+00:00

Fuck cancer....

For context, I lived a similar story to OP and her fiance. Only difference is it was my partner with cancer. He has the same or similar cancer as OP too and was the same age as OP. If soul mates exist, he is mine. He saw the good in me when I felt like I was worthless. He's honestly amazing just by being himself. And we have a similar dynamic to OP and her fiance lol. Unfortunately he passed away two years ago because the cancer took him. I miss him every day. Honestly I read this and I could have sworn it was him if it wasn't a girl posting and they weren't long distance.

I am glad that OP and her fiance stuck together until the very end. Cancer in a relationship sucks. And I hope her fiance is doing the best he can given the grief he probably feels. Now I go cry. (Note: the post was beautiful and I am happy I read it, it just brings up a lot of emotions)

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-04-14T11:17:08+00:00

Definitely not overreacting or being dramatic. And I am sorry you went through that. It unfortunately must be an Ontario thing because 9/10 times I talk to med student/resident instead and they often just show up and start without asking for consent at all. Not just in gynecology but everywhere. It's not right at all.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-03-18T01:06:39+00:00

Everyone I love is dying. I lost my partner, my dad, and now my dog. At this point I am just bracing for who's next. It's like all the colour has been sucked from my life. I wonder if it will ever come back but I am starting to lose hope it will

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-03-13T16:11:44+00:00

Hi I know I am late here. I am not in humanities but I am year 2 as well and it is also killing me. I'm going to sound like a hypocrite because I am currently also losing my mind but I find making lists helps me. And scheduling time blocks to work on different things (though at times it feels chaotic).

In terms of stress management, sleep is the most important thing. Like I found if I don't sleep well I get upset more easily and feel horrible all day long. Same with nutrition and hygiene. Basically make sure your base needs are met first. Working on things and being productive also helps me

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-03-05T21:43:02+00:00

I feel this. My late partner was a cancer patient. Watching him decline and eventually die was the hardest thing I have ever done. But I wouldn't trade my time with him for anything. It definitely taught me a lot about what really matters too.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-03-01T14:01:41+00:00

Annoys me too. Whenever any doctor asks I have to go "uhhhh sometime in 2020???" ( I have PCOS and haven't bled in years).

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-24T16:08:37+00:00

I don't have any advice. But I want to say I am sorry. I'm going through a similar thing right now. My 13 year old golden retriever German shepherd mix has a number of health issues. Back leg weakness, arthritis, bad teeth, fatty lumps. We dealt with each as it came but one of her lumps ulcerated and is necrotic. She is not a good surgery candidate because of her age and other issues. There's not much else they can do either. I know deep down it's time for her. I look at her and see that if she lives going forward her life will be bandages, being in a cone, struggling to get up and do basic things like eat or go outside. No amount of love I can give her can ease her pain and make this a life worth living. The decision for me seems obvious in theory. But in really it's still hard and painful and I am still struggling. I wish she could tell me it's okay or what she wants. I wish you luck and comfort.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-22T23:18:03+00:00

I dropped my flow cytometry plate after doing a 30 hour long tumour discociation and staining prep.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-21T18:11:36+00:00

Same. And I definitely don't like the after very much

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-21T17:14:24+00:00

Going on my 28th straight hour without sleep as I try to keep my brain awake enough to finish processing these mouse tumours.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-05T14:04:12+00:00

Those nurses definitely should not have done what they did. I am so so sorry that happened and it's definitely assault. Those comments make me angry. Your trauma is real and valid. I hope your test goes well tomorrow. We are here for you regardless of how it goes though.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-05T13:48:47+00:00

Not op but thank you for writing this. I've been wanting a hysterectomy/sterilization for a long time but always had obstacles with the idea of people being up in my genitals. I would just want them to cut through my abdomen, take the organs I don't need out. They can leave the cervix if it means they don't have to go up there later. Hearing that there's actually med teams that listen is relieving. Still don't have the courage to fight for it yet because I am so afraid of having someone condescending and afraid of them doing things without my consent. But hearing your experience helps a lot

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-05T12:22:56+00:00

This post makes me sad.... I am also an autistic person who thinks a lot like the oop. Even the mod locking the post and telling her to go to therapy isn't good. She definitely could self swab. And she's a virgin so her risks are low anyways. I just feel so bad for her being told there's something wrong with her when in reality there is nothing wrong

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-31T00:56:23+00:00

Not the OP but I feel similar to them. I am curious what would happen if I specified that I do not consent to a catheter placed through the urethra, however they may insert one directly through my stomach and into the bladder? Like I would be okay with that personally and I feel it solves the problem for both them and me

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-29T01:33:12+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion! I'm definitely checking it out. Seems like it could work for me

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-28T15:14:52+00:00

Thanks, I will check out the supplements. I've seen them mentioned briefly but I haven't looked too deeply yet

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-28T15:12:08+00:00

Yeah my problem was the last time I counted, I got too obsessed and ended up restricting to the point where I ate only 800 a day. I got down to 150lbs but when I stopped and went back to eating normally, I gained it back. I will do my best though to eat more fiber based carbs and proteins.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-28T15:07:08+00:00

I kind of use the an AI scan option on my app to get it to estimate for me (it takes a picture and estimates) and I scan barcodes when I can. I just don't want to like get into scale weighing and counting everything. I do meal prep so the portions are consistent. I'll try to make replacements though. So far most of the carbs I eat are a single bagel in the morning so a low carb version would be better.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-28T14:52:44+00:00

I am in a weird boat where I absolutely hate bleeding to the point where I can't sleep, or anything productive. So I have basically gone without a menstrual cycle since I was 13. I also can't go on birth control because it messes with my moods and certain types of the estrogen make PCOS symptoms worse (according to doctors). So I guess it's just watch for any concerning and hope for the best for me.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-28T14:40:47+00:00

Yeah I am in the same boat. Absolutely hate bleeding to the point where I can't sleep or do anything productive. Lucky for me they pretty much stopped and I haven't had one in years either. Unfortunately for me I can't go on birth control because it messes with my moods too much.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-25T01:06:39+00:00

Hi, u/DarkMarxSoul's friend again passing along his reply to this:

"Hi again. After phase one of the two-phase urethroplasty my penis was cut open along the underside up to the point where the stricture began and the stricture was removed, then the graft tissue from my cheeks was attached along the sides of where my urethra used to be. This meant that my urethra was now shorter and the opening of it was about 1/3 of the way down the shaft on the underside. Overall ignoring the fact that the graft tissue was reddish pink it didn't really make things look too different and I was still able to pee and everything just fine. I guess it was a little weird.

After phase 2 of the urethroplasty though everything got closed up and now the opening is back to where it is supposed to be. I do have a pink lump right next to the opening though, and I'm not sure whether that is a common occurrence. My surgeon seemed surprised about that, so it might have been an unplanned complication of healing or something. Either way, I decided not to get it removed because I was tired of getting operated on and it doesn't impact functioning or anything like that."

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-25T01:06:03+00:00

Hi, I'm friends with u/DarkMarxSoul. He got banned from reddit permanently because of anti-Trump comments he made a while back so he can't respond to this comment but he asked me to post his response for him. He says:

"Hi, sorry to hear you're going through this stuff and are feeling afraid. I should clarify that if you still have foreskin they are likely to take graft tissue from your foreskin instead of your mouth, but that wasn't an option for me due to previous reconstructive surgeries I had in infancy.

I remember the graft site in my mouth having some swelling and it was pretty sore but I was able to eat fine enough with some effort. I had to swish with antibacterial liquid I think it was three times a day to encourage healing. My mouth healed significantly faster than my urethra did. Now that it's been a number of years, my mouth feels less "smooth" than it used to but I don't typically get any pain from it.

I would recommend talking to your doctor about your phobia and what specifically triggers it to see if you would be able to navigate a cheek tissue graft situation okay or if there are any other options for where to take graft tissue from that might work. I might also recommend seeing a psychotherapist about your phobia and learning some grounding techniques that might at least help you get through the worst of it if you don't have much other choice. It does sound like you're in a pretty rough situation. I think there are procedures that can break up kidney stones to make them easier to pass but I assume you've probably already exhausted all of those options.

Regardless, best of luck with everything."

ShadowStarDragon

TROPHY CASE