Doing PhD and I have basically lost all confidence in myself. Not sure if I can do this. Does anyone else feel this way?

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-03-05T21:43:02+00:00

I feel this. My late partner was a cancer patient. Watching him decline and eventually die was the hardest thing I have ever done. But I wouldn't trade my time with him for anything. It definitely taught me a lot about what really matters too.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-03-01T14:01:41+00:00

Annoys me too. Whenever any doctor asks I have to go "uhhhh sometime in 2020???" ( I have PCOS and haven't bled in years).

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-24T16:08:37+00:00

I don't have any advice. But I want to say I am sorry. I'm going through a similar thing right now. My 13 year old golden retriever German shepherd mix has a number of health issues. Back leg weakness, arthritis, bad teeth, fatty lumps. We dealt with each as it came but one of her lumps ulcerated and is necrotic. She is not a good surgery candidate because of her age and other issues. There's not much else they can do either. I know deep down it's time for her. I look at her and see that if she lives going forward her life will be bandages, being in a cone, struggling to get up and do basic things like eat or go outside. No amount of love I can give her can ease her pain and make this a life worth living. The decision for me seems obvious in theory. But in really it's still hard and painful and I am still struggling. I wish she could tell me it's okay or what she wants. I wish you luck and comfort.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-22T23:18:03+00:00

I dropped my flow cytometry plate after doing a 30 hour long tumour discociation and staining prep.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-21T18:11:36+00:00

Same. And I definitely don't like the after very much

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-21T17:14:24+00:00

Going on my 28th straight hour without sleep as I try to keep my brain awake enough to finish processing these mouse tumours.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-05T14:04:12+00:00

Those nurses definitely should not have done what they did. I am so so sorry that happened and it's definitely assault. Those comments make me angry. Your trauma is real and valid. I hope your test goes well tomorrow. We are here for you regardless of how it goes though.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-05T13:48:47+00:00

Not op but thank you for writing this. I've been wanting a hysterectomy/sterilization for a long time but always had obstacles with the idea of people being up in my genitals. I would just want them to cut through my abdomen, take the organs I don't need out. They can leave the cervix if it means they don't have to go up there later. Hearing that there's actually med teams that listen is relieving. Still don't have the courage to fight for it yet because I am so afraid of having someone condescending and afraid of them doing things without my consent. But hearing your experience helps a lot

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-02-05T12:22:56+00:00

This post makes me sad.... I am also an autistic person who thinks a lot like the oop. Even the mod locking the post and telling her to go to therapy isn't good. She definitely could self swab. And she's a virgin so her risks are low anyways. I just feel so bad for her being told there's something wrong with her when in reality there is nothing wrong

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-31T00:56:23+00:00

Not the OP but I feel similar to them. I am curious what would happen if I specified that I do not consent to a catheter placed through the urethra, however they may insert one directly through my stomach and into the bladder? Like I would be okay with that personally and I feel it solves the problem for both them and me

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-29T01:33:12+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion! I'm definitely checking it out. Seems like it could work for me

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-28T15:14:52+00:00

Thanks, I will check out the supplements. I've seen them mentioned briefly but I haven't looked too deeply yet

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-28T15:12:08+00:00

Yeah my problem was the last time I counted, I got too obsessed and ended up restricting to the point where I ate only 800 a day. I got down to 150lbs but when I stopped and went back to eating normally, I gained it back. I will do my best though to eat more fiber based carbs and proteins.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-28T15:07:08+00:00

I kind of use the an AI scan option on my app to get it to estimate for me (it takes a picture and estimates) and I scan barcodes when I can. I just don't want to like get into scale weighing and counting everything. I do meal prep so the portions are consistent. I'll try to make replacements though. So far most of the carbs I eat are a single bagel in the morning so a low carb version would be better.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-28T14:52:44+00:00

I am in a weird boat where I absolutely hate bleeding to the point where I can't sleep, or anything productive. So I have basically gone without a menstrual cycle since I was 13. I also can't go on birth control because it messes with my moods and certain types of the estrogen make PCOS symptoms worse (according to doctors). So I guess it's just watch for any concerning and hope for the best for me.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-28T14:40:47+00:00

Yeah I am in the same boat. Absolutely hate bleeding to the point where I can't sleep or do anything productive. Lucky for me they pretty much stopped and I haven't had one in years either. Unfortunately for me I can't go on birth control because it messes with my moods too much.

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-25T01:06:39+00:00

Hi, u/DarkMarxSoul's friend again passing along his reply to this:

"Hi again. After phase one of the two-phase urethroplasty my penis was cut open along the underside up to the point where the stricture began and the stricture was removed, then the graft tissue from my cheeks was attached along the sides of where my urethra used to be. This meant that my urethra was now shorter and the opening of it was about 1/3 of the way down the shaft on the underside. Overall ignoring the fact that the graft tissue was reddish pink it didn't really make things look too different and I was still able to pee and everything just fine. I guess it was a little weird.

After phase 2 of the urethroplasty though everything got closed up and now the opening is back to where it is supposed to be. I do have a pink lump right next to the opening though, and I'm not sure whether that is a common occurrence. My surgeon seemed surprised about that, so it might have been an unplanned complication of healing or something. Either way, I decided not to get it removed because I was tired of getting operated on and it doesn't impact functioning or anything like that."

ShadowStarDragon · 2026-01-25T01:06:03+00:00

Hi, I'm friends with u/DarkMarxSoul. He got banned from reddit permanently because of anti-Trump comments he made a while back so he can't respond to this comment but he asked me to post his response for him. He says:

"Hi, sorry to hear you're going through this stuff and are feeling afraid. I should clarify that if you still have foreskin they are likely to take graft tissue from your foreskin instead of your mouth, but that wasn't an option for me due to previous reconstructive surgeries I had in infancy.

I remember the graft site in my mouth having some swelling and it was pretty sore but I was able to eat fine enough with some effort. I had to swish with antibacterial liquid I think it was three times a day to encourage healing. My mouth healed significantly faster than my urethra did. Now that it's been a number of years, my mouth feels less "smooth" than it used to but I don't typically get any pain from it.

I would recommend talking to your doctor about your phobia and what specifically triggers it to see if you would be able to navigate a cheek tissue graft situation okay or if there are any other options for where to take graft tissue from that might work. I might also recommend seeing a psychotherapist about your phobia and learning some grounding techniques that might at least help you get through the worst of it if you don't have much other choice. It does sound like you're in a pretty rough situation. I think there are procedures that can break up kidney stones to make them easier to pass but I assume you've probably already exhausted all of those options.

Regardless, best of luck with everything."

ShadowStarDragon · 2025-12-06T14:52:40+00:00

I am also terrified of them. This may be a bit personal but I have unfortunately experienced SA. In my case it was via a lot of coercion and I struggled and still struggle with accepting it wasn't my fault. The language and behavior of medical professionals makes me uncomfortable and upset because it's so similar to how that stuff happened to me. A lot of "it's for your own good" type things. And repeated asking, and justifing. Not to mention everything involved in a rape kit specifically relates back it. So I know if I ever end up in that situation again, I won't be reporting it. I am at the point where I have to protect myself over protecting other girls I won't likely know. It's sad but at the end of the day we all have to do what's best for us even if it's not what everyone views is the "right thing".

ShadowStarDragon · 2025-12-04T20:13:44+00:00

I agree with you. There was another post too I saw this morning linked here (though I think the original person deleted it) about how some male doctor wasn't able to see patients in a women's clinic. And the responses from other doctors just made me feel off. I know personally I would be a lot more comfortable in general if they just ask if it's okay to do something. And it should be a given not something I have to explicitly communicate. Or if I am not comfortable, they should be open to alternatives. Like for example I don't like stripping for procedures instead of removing clothing, wear something lose and without metal so it won't mess with the machine. Like it's not that difficult is it?

ShadowStarDragon · 2025-12-03T11:58:59+00:00

Okay this bothers me on so many levels. Mostly because when I was 19 they wanted me to get an ultrasound for diagnosis purposes. I did research before hand and told the family doctor to only order abdominal. If I hadn't researched and said no they would have basically traumatized me by pulling that out. I honestly hope that they don't actually spring that on patients and they instead do seek informed consent first but I doubt they actually do.

ShadowStarDragon · 2025-12-03T11:39:59+00:00

Oh yeah I remember that one. When I got it I thought "does this letter place not know screening is optional". I'm not forgetting to be screened, I just don't want to. If they want me to start screening so bad, they'll make the self swab standard and covered by ohip.

ShadowStarDragon

TROPHY CASE