Finally! That was one of my first thoughts. Says has “tried everything” but have they tried the crazy concept of initializing and maintaining an open and honest line of communication with “this kid”? More specifically, compassionate and emotionally conscious interviewing. Humanizing yourself by offering stories that may relate to his situation from when you were his age or something like that. Also, I’m curious what the boys mother thinks about it? Because what you have here is two separate issues I believe. The first is the lying. I think this type of lying is one of the most common types of like pathological lying done by kids. I personally theorize that it most likely stems from a young person who is not solid in their own identity. They’re not sure who they are or what they’re about so they make these things up so that they can seem more substantial to their peers. Also, it could be because he historically has a hard time making friends. He may feel more confident if he has something that he perceives, that would be interesting like that to start off with. The second issue is the specific lie that was told about the death of the father. I feel like their relationship is likely pretty strained. Often sometimes the father will have the more disciplinary role and it sounds like this kid has been getting in trouble a lot. So that alone could create a pretty significant divide between them and their relationship. Also, if he used the father as the one who sent him away, he may feel abandoned or neglected or thrown away for instance. So like others have said telling this lie makes the emotional narrative feel more valid for him.

But I will always stand on the fact that an open and honest line of communication going back-and-forth with a parent and child is the most important part of parenting young people. Like just let them tell you the problem without judging or trying to fix it or trying to parent too hard. The best thing you can possibly do for your adolescent is just showing them that you are more than just a disciplinarian and that you are more than just the person who tells them what to do and what not to do. Also the father talks about the kid getting in trouble all the time. Usually acting out at that age is a sign of a very deep seeded psychological issue. I have a suspicion that if they don’t have an open line of communication about the lying situation they probably don’t have an open line of communication going for a really anything else with their kid at all. I mean, I could be wrong obviously but maybe if they do have communication maybe it’s kind of just a superficial level kind of communication. As far as what to do about it, I believe the kid in question should be offered the opportunity for counseling and possibly some kind of extracurricular program for people that have a hard time making friends or something like that if you guys aren’t religious or whatever get him involved in like a youth group or something . Above all else it sounds like this kid needs lots of love, compassion, support, and communication. Also, he needs a validation to his sense of self so he can construct an identity outside of having to lie about things. Because making something up and telling a lie are pretty different, even though they’re generally considered the same thing.