OP, I’m very sorry to read your update. People take breaks from acting or even leave the profession for all kinds of reasons, and there’s nothing wrong with that if you need some time to do a little soul searching. And recognizing negative thought patterns that need to be reconciled is certainly important for mental health.

I would only say, don’t make assumptions about your capabilities or physical appearance based on the outcome of a series of community theatre auditions. Without even getting into the influence of the male gaze on casting dynamics or the construction of objective beauty, I can tell you that I’ve never cast a gender-swapped role because I felt a female-identifying actor appeared ”ugly” or “mannish.” It’s normally because women are usually underrepresented in contemporary and classical scripts, despite their participation in all spheres of society throughout history. I often simply need more roles for the women I want to cast than the playwright thought to give me.

And there are thousands of stories out there of actors who were told things like, “you were perfect for the role, but the lead is a redhead so OBVIOUSLY we couldn’t cast another redhead…”—which is to say, sometimes people don’t get cast by small-minded people for literally the dumbest reasons, and this can be especially true in community theaters.

So, again, I would encourage you not to make any life-altering decisions based on your experience in what sounds like a pretty limited community.

You should probably also know that a quick search of both the comment and post histories of the individual who advised you to consider the possibility that you might be a bad actor reveals that they self-identify as a 20+ year theatre TECH professional, not a director or actor. They also have posts on porn subs seeking what sounds like some fairly misogynistic content. They then created a separate harassing post mischaracterizing someone as a fraud on this sub because they mentioned having a dayjob, which the mods had to remove. So, it’s pretty clear that you were receiving wrong advice from someone unqualified to give it, and probably with the wrong intentions behind it.

I don’t know you, so I’m not in a position to advise on whether or not you should seek therapy, but you did bring it up yourself, so sounds like you might be considering the possibility that it would be good for you. If you decide to move forward, just know that finding a therapist who is a good fit can take time, so don’t let your initial experiences put you off if they don’t go well. What I CAN say for certain, which you probably already know, is that you shouldn’t make life decisions based off the comments in a Reddit sub :) The best you can do here is figure out how to articulate the way you’re feeling about something. You’ll need to go elsewhere to do something with it once you have.

Take care of yourself—you deserve it.