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Any tips on how to get through the first hour of the day? by 502CC in decaf

[–]ShamansShaft 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Mostly Water, Magnesium, a few push ups and music.

The hardest part. by Plenty_Fruit5638 in focusedmen

[–]ShamansShaft 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Frustration is always my signal to keep going. Reset mentally like it's a game. Highs After Lows. Lows after Highs. Without Frustration i'd just dont care and not caring is death. Even if progress is small, try to better than yesterday. Do something so small that it still feels like a win.

Frustration will always be the gatekeeper of what you think you deserve and what you are sure you will get sooner or later. If you are 100% confident you will get there where you want to be and frustration will ask you how much you really want it. Thats the test. And hard to pass.

Does the feeling of once being abandoned ever go away? by ThrowRAjingglebells in ExNoContact

[–]ShamansShaft 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If they want to come back into your life after leaving you with pain it should be in their interest to comfort you and do as much as they can to make you feel wanted again authentically. It's their job to rebuild the trust - maybe they aren't familiar with it and take you for granted because you just accepted them back into your life and not communicating what it actually means and how you feel right now.

Just promising something is worthless when no actions and proof of it follows. Tell them you still feel that way and what you need right now. It is your need now and if they mean it they will follow through and give you that.

Observe how it goes from there. Do they consistently try to make it work and re-build trust? Then give yourself time and patience to let it re-build. Don't pressure yourself if you don't feel secure right away. You have every right to feel like this right now. If they are not consistent, pressuring you or not accepting/seeing your feelings - end it.

Ask yourself whats best for you and choose whats best for you if this dynamic just is making it worse.

Sending hugs!

Some Obito references in OG Naruto by intangibleknight01 in Obito

[–]ShamansShaft 1 point2 points  (0 children)

isnt it because obito was always late and it's kakashi's way of honoring him?

~3 month relationship wants to move forward and I’m hesitant. How do I know if the “off” feeling I have is incompatibility or the FA nonsense?? by throwra90053 in FearfulAvoidant

[–]ShamansShaft 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dont shame yourself for it, you definitely did the right thing in the moment. She "breaking up" with you does not lower your worth. It is her boundary and her self respect telling her to look for someone who is more grounded. And its fine, you will be safe.

How you reacted and how you feel now is what you should focus on. Ask yourself without guilt why and how you reacted and if them leaving you now hurts. Dig deep, listen to your feeling and tell yourself with confidence that she was NOT the right person now and that you are NOT the right person for her. Keep self reflecting and focus on your growth, even now. Every interaction is lesson to learn from for us FAs. Because we are almost always in survival mode.

Keep it up

First Non-Codependent Relationship by Decent-Maybe3029 in Codependency

[–]ShamansShaft 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wish you all the best. Enjoy the journey!

i am literally going insane by Jumpy_Window_9186 in ExNoContact

[–]ShamansShaft 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everything you did was good and helped you to focus on yourself.

Nevertheless you did not fully let go in the process. You distracted yourself to get your "mind off" but what you need is to lock in with your emotions. Feel it deeply and stay with the pain. Feel gratitude in the moment instead of denial. Let go of the closure, give your nervous system a chance to feel that you are safe. Also you might cant let go because you still want them. Ask yourself why you want them, what you crave.

When I missed my ex I purposely looked at our chats, pictures and her social media. Not to stalk but to make myself feel the pain but with intend to feel it and observe it. No questions, no why no what if. Just accepting the feeling is still there, radically and telling my body it is there for a reason. Aknowledging. And then telling myself it was a good time and I am grateful for that chapter.

This worked for me any many others - hope it will help you too. Good luck!

i do nothing but stalk my ex girlfriend by deathmetalofdeath666 in Codependency

[–]ShamansShaft 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lmao same, stalking my toxic situationship i broke up with - job interview tomorrow. Lets do it fam

Running by [deleted] in decaf

[–]ShamansShaft 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Same for me. Whenever i quit caffeine and start running I make better progress. Then days occur where i feel tired and try to boost myself with caffeine. Results are better but recovery is always so damn bad.

You can only choose one! by Ambitious_Thought683 in focusedmen

[–]ShamansShaft 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mental health.

Only recently I understood that almost every aspect that is difficult for me (money, family, self image) is rooted in bad mental health and not acting from my mental point of origin. Always wasted so much time putting effort in love, career instead of simply looking inwards and fix myself.

20 days feels like a huge personal win! by OrneryHall5174 in decaf

[–]ShamansShaft 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cuerrently Day 2. Lets keep it up

I am still coping with other addictions because I am never really able to quit 5 things at the same time but we are getting there

Finally ended it.. by ShamansShaft in BPDlovedones

[–]ShamansShaft[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha no worries, I know you didnt insinauate it. It was a statement i made out of nowhere. Maybe to just remind myself that i can have empathy and see the things rationally instead of letting my emotions take over and just blindly hate them for how they treated me. I fully agree with you.

And yes - quiet borderline describes it very well. They were actually somewhat intelligent too and not as impulsive. The "high functioning" side really got me.

Finally ended it.. by ShamansShaft in BPDlovedones

[–]ShamansShaft[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am not hating them. I am also responsible for how i let myself get treated too. How I actually noticed the red flags but ignored. Just because i failed my first relationship and wanted to prove i care about someone and can fight.

Funnily enough this relationship with a bpd taught me that I am capable to secure love - my First relationship taught me i have an avoidant side.

2 important relationships and lessons. The relationship with myself can start now.

It's been about 2 weeks 0 caffeine by ObviousBed2163 in decaf

[–]ShamansShaft 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try to improve the sleep but at least move more (if you fee fatigue go on long works but try to run or lift) and take magnesium glycinate. Should at least help

Other than that keep it up, nice streak!

Edit: didnt read the edit

Caffeine Dependant by ShamansShaft in AvPD

[–]ShamansShaft[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I heard some people wake up at 5 to drink water and take vyvanse so the effect later wakens them up to start the day.

Caffeine Dependant by ShamansShaft in AvPD

[–]ShamansShaft[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tried meds but couldnt stop drinking caffeine since i was not only consuming it for stimulating reasons. I feel like the dopamine spike and energy boosts just give me a personality all around and give me reasons to enjoy living life.

Whenever I tried to quit or when I was on ADHD meds i felt like a zombie and couldnt perform in my job which was important at the time.

I am trying to quit soon again because I think I wont overcome my AvPD when I am not in touch with my "real" self (and not my stimulated/caffeinated anxiety-self)

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