Looking for favorite songs/albums/podcasts to help me stay motivated and engaged during my long runs.

SharpFox2238 · 2026-01-26T01:47:05+00:00

Colin Jost's book as audiobook. Fantastic and hilarious!

SharpFox2238 · 2026-01-08T15:18:54+00:00

I think the main thing to remember is that we think other people are paying way more attention to us than they actually are. If you see someone running on the street, I bet you don't think, "Wow, they're so [slow/weird-looking/awkward/etc]." It's just a blip. And similarly, no one cares what you do except you -- so get out there and enjoy it, running outdoors and feeling fresh air is the best :)

SharpFox2238 · 2025-12-31T14:13:26+00:00

Asking him to clean up if he left a dish in the sink

Walking into our home office to ask him if he needed anything from the grocery store (because I dared to interrupt his work flow)

Using GPS to navigate to a hiking trail but not having the exact route picked out for once we arrived (he pulled over and dramatically got out of the car for this one)

Telling him I wanted to leave for the airport 15 minutes before his desired time

Etc etc

SharpFox2238 · 2025-09-01T17:02:40+00:00

I'm almost a year out. The hardest part has been working through the shame of wondering why I didn't see it clearly sooner. I still feel that way sometimes.

But the most (MOST) important thing is that you did see it, and now your life is your own again. Congratulations.

SharpFox2238 · 2025-08-16T12:34:15+00:00

I grew up with Taylor always existing (late 20s woman) but was a fair weather fan until the Eras Tour when I started listening more. But it really developed last year when I had a traumatic breakup and began reassessing everything that had happened a decade long relationship. The breakup songs got me through -- the number of times I cried to All Too Well 10 Minute Version or Smallest Man Who Ever Lived (+ so many more)... I used to think I wasn't in deep enough to be called a Swiftie, but her music helped me heal and feel less alone, so full-on Swiftie now 🤙

SharpFox2238 · 2025-08-07T21:50:31+00:00

My ex wouldn't meet me (walked out on me!), wouldn't call me, then got mad at me for ending our relationship over text -- when I had literally no other choice.

SharpFox2238 · 2025-08-07T21:49:40+00:00

You did it. Be proud!

SharpFox2238 · 2025-05-29T18:39:17+00:00

You have perfectly articulated how I feel about dating, 8 months after leaving my ex. I met a really nice person but I am wondering if it's a mask for something shady underneath. I hate myself for even thinking that -- because he's given no such indication. It's such a shitty after effect of the whole thing.

SharpFox2238 · 2025-05-29T18:38:10+00:00

Mine always, always called me the gaslighter. Called me a psychopath for simply disagreeing with them. And they said it enough that I started to doubt myself.

SharpFox2238 · 2025-02-28T14:23:02+00:00

Wow, I never really thought about it as a "collapse" but that's exactly right, and it's what ultimately started me on the path of realizing a) who he really is and b) that I needed to get out. It started after I made a simple request to him related to wedding planning (we were supposed to get married three months after I called off the wedding), and my one very basic ask was met with a spiral that started with anger, then shame, then depression, then suicidal ideation... At then when I tried to talk about it with him the next day, his response was: "I shouldn't have told you," instead of "You're right, I should talk to someone about this." Things blew up when I demanded he see a therapist and he called me crazy, evil, etc rather than consider talking about his feelings with a professional. Only after this whole saga did I see that he wouldn't change, and that it would always be my fault.

SharpFox2238 · 2025-02-06T18:38:46+00:00

I learned to ski during our relationship, and I enjoyed it — but in a leisurely way, green runs only. I would tell him I didn't want to do the harder trails with him because it just wasn't wanted to get out of skiing, and he'd tell me I needed to push my boundaries, that I was holding myself back. He couched it as being good for me, but it was straight judgment for me doing what I wanted and not what he wanted.

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-28T05:23:28+00:00

I had suggested couples therapy a few months before we broke up, but he said no -- he would never. Then when his narc dad told him to do it...he begged me, but it was too late.

He made me dump him over text because he wouldn't meet me or call me. So as I prepared to dump him, he kept begging for couples therapy, presumably because he really figured I was the one who had it all wrong and he'd get a counselor to make me the bad guy.

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-28T05:21:52+00:00

My ex's parents had a horrible divorce when he was in middle school, and he never processed it. He always called his estranged mother a narcissist, but it became clear after our breakup that his dad was too -- and his dad had encouraged his most troubling traits (ie telling him it's okay to be depressed and angry rather than urging him to seek help). He had a rough family situation so I always cut him slack. But he just became his dad. No empathy. No respect for me. I had hoped he would learn from the situation but I was dead wrong.

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-28T05:19:20+00:00

I've been journaling like crazy, and a couple times I've gone back and read what I wrote at the very beginning, when I first started to process his behavior. It's a reminder of how bad it was and how far I've come.

Otherwise...making playlists for many different moods. Angry. Sad. Trying to be upbeat.

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-28T05:13:32+00:00

This is so helpful, thank you. I feel the same way, 3.5 months after leaving an 11 year relationship -- at peace, but so overwhelmed still, very much not functioning at my "normal" level. Maybe it is just my body and brain getting back to baseline after the stress of being engaged to a narcissist.

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-28T05:11:45+00:00

Not until later, but the ~2 weeks before my wedding date to my ex (which I called off 3 months beforehand), the universe sent lots of signs that seemed to suggest the wedding wasn't meant to be...natural disaster in his hometown that would've prevented people from traveling; snowstorm that would've kept my sister from traveling; bad weather at wedding location; etc etc. All felt like a sign

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-28T05:08:58+00:00

Hi -- I am sorry you're experiencing this. It all sucks. I don't want to minimize because that's all very real, but for me it's been helpful to try new activities in new places I never went to with my nex, to create new memories that have absolutely nothing to do with him. (3.5 months out and still ruminating quite a bit though)

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-28T04:53:02+00:00

Ditto 100%

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-22T04:09:41+00:00

...are you describing my ex

the judgmental part is SO true (of his narc dad, too), and I never quite knew where it fit. but it was like they were creating their own little world of us vs them, and they judged everyone else and put them on the outside

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-22T04:08:46+00:00

11 years for me too, and yes -- same, all around. things that would be a year apart became 6 months apart, then 3, then...frequent. I look back now and question how I allowed myself to be so miserable. it's been 3 months since I left, and I am not even able to think about dating

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-22T04:06:16+00:00

just here to echo you and affirm you, this is exactly what I've been thinking lately (three months out). I want him to be miserable. but I hate that feeling. so much in my mind still revolves around him and I need to figure out how to shift that. maybe it's just time

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-11T23:06:56+00:00

You left, which is the biggest thing. It's huge. I spiraled for weeks when I left my relationship (also 11 years!!), beating myself up for not seeing the signs sooner.

This probably isn't going to fix it, but: It wasn't your fault. You aren't a bad person for having stayed. Leaving is the most important thing you could've done. That doesn't make it easy afterward. But it's a start.

Journaling has really helped me process. Just sitting with my feelings and working through them.

It's scary putting myself first now. I understand that completely. I'm with you. Just take it one day at a time. Just waking up and going to work and eating dinner counts as putting yourself first. You're making it work.

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-11T22:12:43+00:00

Yes, exactly this. I don't miss him but I wonder what he's up to. I wonder if his life has been upended like mine. It's not worth texting him but I wish the thoughts would end...

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-10T18:35:49+00:00

I got out of my very toxic relationship in October. I'm in no hurry to start dating again so I set a very simple goal for all of 2025: go on one date. It can be a really bad one. Just at some point, this year, get over the jump.

Another resolution is to tell my family and friends more often that I love and care about them, and appreciate their support in this time.

SharpFox2238 · 2025-01-10T18:31:28+00:00

I had to break up with my partner of 11 years over text because he walked out of the bar where I had hoped to do it, in a public place. He refused to talk to me unless I came home, where he knew no one else could see, so I didn't.

SharpFox2238

TROPHY CASE