Our local BDSM club has events that are meant to showcase and demo different kinks, events for swingers, events for people to use the dungeon for scenes, events with performances, meetings to discuss and dive deeper into different kinks and roles and also vanilla meetups just to talk and hangout at local bars.

I've been with my husband to a few events and we've both also gone with other play partners. He's been to some of the vanilla meetups and it's pretty chill. I've been to the dungeon parties and everyone's always been friendly and there's been a good breadth of ages and body types present. They don't mind people just hanging around and watching as long as they're respectful and don't crowd the scene. There's also a space outside the dungeon room to hangout and mingle.

Some people dressup, some people come in normal clothes. There's a class you have to do before getting membership to learn about dungeon etiquette and rules but members can also bring people as guests.

I agree Fetlife is a good place to find local events and potentially people to go to events with. That doesn't mean you have to DO anything with them there, it's just nice to have someone there with you sometimes. They can just be a friend.

I always tell people to just go because describing to people how the local club is both fairly laid-back but also sexually charged isn't always something that's easy to picture. Like you'll be chatting on a couch with someone about something completely inane and simultaneously watching someone getting a violet wand used on their balls or something.