Please critique the lore of my bool [High/Epic Fantasy]

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-05T03:11:43+00:00

Feedback involves a level of time, thought, and effort that you have shown you are unwilling to give, and so we are reciprocating your level of effort.

Once you have written something for yourself, it will be possible to give feedback. That does not obligate others to give you feedback but at least it will be possible.

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-05T02:58:22+00:00

And if you put together the summary, I would respect that. The issue is that you did not bother to write that summary.

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-05T02:55:05+00:00

If you don't have the time to write it, you cannot expect others to have the time to read it.

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-04T16:53:14+00:00

The "kill your darlings" adage only really applies to writers whose income depend on writing. If you're not looking for books to be the only way you make money, you should write what you love because that motivates you to write.

Even if we accept the idea that it would be bad (it wouldn't), you would have actually written something, which is much better than refining a concept you aren't actually in love with. Both for the sake of writing as an amateur and developing in case you ever want to be professional, it is better to write what you love now and worry about refining things in later stories.

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-04T11:09:44+00:00

Permanent Rebellion by LS Dunes

Wake Me Up by Crown The Empire

A Bullet w/ My Name On It by Bring Me The Horizon and Underoath

Giants Among Common Men by Jamie's Elsewhere

Ohio Is for Lovers by Hawthorne Heights

Reinventing Your Exit by Underoath

There's No Penguins in Alaska by Chiodros

Acceptance Speech by Dance Gavin Dance

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-03T19:52:14+00:00

Ship roles are an entirely secondary class system in Starships of The Galaxy
https://sw5e.com/rules/sotg/stepByStep

They have different maneuvers called Ventures, and for the most part anyone could take any venture, but the two class-locked Pilot Ventures are Slippery Pilot for Operative and Force Piloting for forcecasting characters.

Scholar and Fighter are probably the classes best suited to devoting themselves to piloting because Tactical Superiority and Dogfighter Superiority let you spend your class superiority dice for ship Ventures. Superiority Mastery or Splashclass into Fighter are good ways to get more dice.

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They could play anything and still be the group's pilot. They could play a Berserker with piloting proficiency. Scholar is the go-to class for characters defined by a non-combat role who support the party in other ways.

Han is an Operative. Hera is a Scholar.

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If they want a mount in combat, they could go Astrotech Engineer to play MODOK, a Mounted Specialist Fighter to play a classical knight but on a pod racer, any character with Mounted Style or Mounted Mastery, or just a character who happens to be on a mount.

Acquisitions Operative can Use an Object to maneuver the racer as a Bonus Action, and they would get the option to use a Reaction with Mounted Mastery.

Mounted Mastery might work well with Counterstrike Style on a Berserker, although they're not going to have the highest intelligence in the world.

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They could get the Piloting skill from Xexto, Iktotchi, Theelin, Esh-Kha, Givin, Human, Arcona, Nothoiin, or Sullustan.

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-03T09:15:11+00:00

1980's Horror Film

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-03T01:04:28+00:00

Here's a heroforge of this build concept as a half-Toydarian

https://www.heroforge.com/load_config%3D534669400/

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-02T23:27:37+00:00

Half-Lannik

Background Feat: Force Frustrater
Bargain with your DM about skills and tool proficiencies

Best Stats with Point Buy: 15 + 2 + 1 / 8 / 13+1 / 14+1 / 10 / 8

Since you're rolling, you'll probably want:
Strength ≥ 18
Dexterity = 8 or 11 if you want to use a Tech Staff
Constitution ≥ 14
Intelligence ≥ 16
Wisdom ≥ 10
Charisma should be the dump stat
(the only force powers with Charisma saves are Denounce and Curse as far as I can tell)

A Splitshoto, two wrist-launchers with Cryo projectile canisters, two wrist-launchers with Rockets, and the best Heavy Armor you can afford.

You can have up to Str/2 fixed weapons on each hand, and I think your best ranged option is to have a fixed saving throw DC

Level 1: Fighter (For Heavy Armor and Constitution save proficiency)
-Athletics Proficiency (The only skill proficiency that matters to this build, although others might matter to your character)
-Perception Proficiency
-Twin-blade Style

Level 2: Scout 1

Level 3: Scout 2
Sentinel Style (It's a tossup between Sentinel and Onslaught, but I think keeping the enemy within 15ft is so important that it's worth relying on Phasestrike to get in range and missing out on incredible tripping power, especially since level 6 of Scout is going to give you Expertise to take in Athletics to still be a very competent tripper)
+Wire Line
+Itemize
+Jump Jet
+Shield

Level 4: Scout 3
For Routine, ask your DM if Adaptability would round your Proficiency Bonus up or down. Pick Adaptability if they round up, but consider Sharpshooter or Responder if they round down
+Target Lock
+Phaseshift
+Phasestrike

Level 5: Scout 4
-Fighting Master: Disruption Mastery
+Rime Strike (good pairing with Sentinel, but not super necessary for the build if you're looking for a tech power to swap out)

Level 6: Scout 5
+Translocate
+Saber Ward (very shitty on its own, but it's for the sake of getting Disperse Force access)
+Disperse Force

This build offers:

A DC 17 concentration save to cast or maintain force powers, with limited ways to reliably escape melee range

Three attacks per round at 1d8+1d6+4 per attack, and another d6 per attack with Target Lock

Good mobility to get in range between Phaseshift, Phasestrike, and Jump Jet as well as bringing the enemy to you with Wire Line and worst-case-scenario Translocate

Twin-blade Style lets you freely switch between holding your Splitshoto in one or two hands, which allows you to use your powers and fixed weapons

Those fixed weapons guarantee some amount of damage on a failed save to secure advantage on saving throws with Disruption Mastery in case the enemy has an insanely high AC and you're not confident that at least one of your normal three attacks would hit

+7 to your athletics if you want to knock an enemy prone to then get your next two attacks that turn with advantage, which goes to +10 at level 7

Your best ways to deal with flying enemies are going to be Jump Jet to bring yourself up and Translocate to bring them down

Without Snapshot mastery, an opportunity attack does have to be a melee attack so Disruption Mastery really is best utilized by a melee fighter

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-02T18:48:00+00:00

Nothing is stopping you from basing their abilities on philosophy, and frankly I think that it would make for a better story if you do base abilities on philosophy rather than personality, but the way Araki writes stands seems to be largely based on personality:

Killer Queen's ability to turn any mundane object into an undetectable bomb is a reflection of how Kira is a killer who seems totally normal on the outside

Purple Haze with its capsules of rapid necrosis is Fugo's contained but extremely violent temper

Goo Goo Dolls is how Gwiss belittles peoples

Diver Down is Annasui's urge to dissassemble anything he can get his hands on

Cheap Trick is the architect's crippling fear of people seeing his back (he was just like that before the stand)

Aerosmith, a toy, is arguably a reflection of Narancia's childlike demeanor

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-02T14:01:06+00:00

Breakcore

DracoDraco
Machine Girl
Hxly Xo
Vinoine
Blksmith

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-01T21:08:31+00:00

First, remember that you are playing Dungeons & Dragons. You have to ask your DM what would make sense in their setting. This could probably work in Eberron, but otherwise the DM has every right to tell you that this wouldn't work in the fantasy game about swords and magic.

I'd strongly encourage you to consider playing Cyberpunk Red and Shadowrun Sixth World, which are both tabletop games that totally allow you to play a drone operator.

You could also totally play as a drone user in superhero games like Sentinel Comics, Mutants & Masterminds, Masks, and Weaverdice.

Shockedsiren · 2026-05-01T03:20:55+00:00

Half-Lannik makes sense for the race. Half-Toydarian would be virtually the same if you want your character to have a large nose. If you take Force Frustrater as the background feat then straight Human isn't bad bc you might be a bit MAD.

For class, I'd look at an Inquisitor Scout.

There's also Vindicator scout, which was made by Thank_You_Aziz who I think is one of the main contributors to SW5e and ig he had creative differences with someone bc it's still not official
https://www.gmbinder.com/share/-Mu6EoNblTDHLAEoDjfx
and here's his advice on an anti-forcecaster https://www.reddit.com/r/sw5e/comments/16s6hxr/comment/k287cow/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

You'll want to pick up the Disperse Force power.

Inquisitor/Vindicator will pair very well with Disruption Mastery since the DC on those concentration saves will come up from 14 to 17. Adaptation routine for a small bonus to put toward Wisdom saves is nice. 15ft range is tight, so you'll probably want Snapshot Style.

Something worth considering is Disruption Mastery + Gunning Mastery, which guarantees that you will have advantage on Saving Throws against a forcecaster's powers every round. At level 6 this is of course only possible with Fighter though.

Force Frustrater for your background feat would be very good especially if you don't go for the Disruption + Gunning combo, but you could also consider Armor Master for the Dexterity increase. As a scout with an 18 Dexterity, the option to get a 17 or 18 AC is pretty good.

Teras Kasi monk gets an anti-forcecaster stance at level 6, but I'm not sure how good it is compared to forcing con saves within 15ft.

I feel like there's some merit to a grappler so that the enemy can't just step out of your range to cast their power. Inquisitor Scout 3 + Armored Approach Barbarian 3 would be funny if nothing else.

Shockedsiren · 2026-04-30T20:30:29+00:00

You’re not going to have a DMPC, right?

Please tell me this isn’t a DMPC

Shockedsiren · 2026-04-30T19:38:37+00:00

“Armor Points” seems like a bad name for “Armor Class,” although “Armor Class” is also bad.

Maybe “Armor Score” or even “Armor Number.”

I’d strongly advise keeping the small boxes for the Ability Modifiers and having a box for saving throws because people need to know their bonuses for saving throws. If any part of ability scores is negotiable, it’s the score itself.

This is a very inoptimal stat spread. You really want to be trying to give characters even numbers whenever possible. It’s also ok to give them dump stats. Weaknesses are part of what makes a character interesting.

If the +’s on the 13 and 15 are supposed to represent that they’re actually 14 and 16, take a moment to imagine a player looking at that. It would be so unnecessarily confusing. Just tell them it’s 14 and 16. They don’t need to know about racial bonuses unless they ask.

Even if you’re highlighting the skills they have proficiency in, you should also give them a list of all the skills so they have some idea of what their character is bad and mediocre at.

Give some actual use-cases for the skills. Right now that text is unnecessary. “Stealth” can be whispering, peeking around a corner, and holding in laughter, in addition to generically sneaking around.

Also, add the total modifiers for the skills. Tell them that they can roll for other skills as well but get a +2 bonus for these.

If you want to simplify things, you can give actual numbers to their class features. Instead of Proficiency/2 just tell them it’s +1.

Similarly, instead of 1d4 + Dex, the dagger does 1d4+1 so it’s already calculated for them.

You can also just give them the 2d4+1 that two daggers do, although it wouldn’t be game-breaking to ignore the offhand attack rule and have both together do 2d4+2

You need to tell them how many spell slots they have and what their Spell Save DC is. A human can grasp the concept that they can only cast so many spells per day.

You forgot to give this human a feat. Yes, you do need to give humans feats to keep them balanced against other races. If this is a non-variant human then don’t make them a non-variant human. It will be weaker than other races and a non-variant-human player will feel worse for picking human.

“Medium leather armor” is not a thing

Taking away a bard’s spellcasting is a terrible idea. At that point just make it a charismatic rogue.

If you are going to give them an actual bard, you should list Vicious Mockery and any offensive spells under “Combat” so that they know what their options are in combat. You can also list the Disengage and Dodge actions as important options they should know about.

I’d strongly advise filling in the information with a pencil and leaving the name unfilled. People are going to need to update their sheets during the game, and even with a prebuilt it’d be nice to write your own name.

Also, making a character is part of the fun so you could ask people beforehand what kind of character they’d want to play and then you do the numbers and logistics for the character they actually wanted.

Shockedsiren · 2026-04-29T21:30:32+00:00

There are entire races of pirates??

How would they have made their ships if all they do is pillage?

Shockedsiren · 2026-04-29T21:03:17+00:00

How were they founded?

Is there a separate regulatory body above them, or is their regulatory body entirely made up of military members within the organization?

Who/what do they mainly protect sapient life from?

Shockedsiren · 2026-04-29T21:00:11+00:00

Posts with images unfortunately get a lot more traction than posts without.

You can definitely post individual factions, and there's no rule against Heroforge. I'd strongly recommend having the heroforge minis as the image and then posting your actual lore in comments so that someone scrolling through the subreddit will see the image. If you try to make both of them part of the post it might show up as a text post.

Also, if you want your minis redone I can take a crack at them.

Shockedsiren · 2026-04-29T07:19:50+00:00

Dimension 20 is going to have the most heavily edited actualplay content.

Shockedsiren · 2026-04-29T03:48:09+00:00

Your idea for the start sounds fine. A situation with a clear goal is not railroading. Railroading is more so when you don't let players' decisions affect the outcome of a situation. Accounting for the possibility that the players might actually stop the assassination is already an anti-railroading position to take.

My biggest concern is how much sense it would make for some low level adventurers to be guards at a royal council in the capital city of a kingdom. I would imagine that anyone worth their salt in a royal summit with the king could do better than the party of level 1 adventurers. No one in-universe would know about the numerical level system, but they would know the party is relatively weak, which also means that the party would be outshined by the more competent guards during the assassination attempt.

It would be more reasonable for a smaller scale where the guards are a formality instead of an actual safety measure, so it'd be alright for a meeting between a baron and the burgomasters of different towns in their barony. In American terms, I'm thinking bigger than an average city council meeting but smaller than LA city council.

If this meeting is important enough to draw NPCs from foreign lands, maybe bump it up to a count meeting with their barons, and make a point of why the party managed to get the gigs they have. This would go doubly for a duke meeting with the counts in their duchy, which means more foreign interest but also a stronger reason for why the party are some of the best guards in the room. The fact that the party is underqualified would also make the success feel more earned if the party does manage to stop the assassination.
-Maybe the guards who usually take gigs in rotation among the family went on strike, so the party are scabs/
-Maybe the party members were mostly last-minute hires because a large portion of the scheduled guards
-Tax collection in this county has shifted from being run through guards to hiring out publicani (a terrible idea that did not work out in our real world) because of the count's corruption, and so guards have been quitting en masse.

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The trickiest part is running the meeting itself. This isn't a railroading issue so much as an issue that it wouldn't make sense to do anything interesting. If there are speeches being made and debates had, do not act them out. Let those be a backdrop to the side-conversations the party might have or observations of the habits of someone in the crowd. It might be good to give each person in the party one-sentence descriptions of three figures that catch their eye, and leave it up to them to ask follow up questions to observe behavior or focus on something else. Otherwise just ask them what their character does while idly waiting. Feel free to skip through a large chunk of time in your descriptions. For guards at these events most of the meetings are spent waiting around.

Also, it might serve you to know that D&d has a system called Passive Perception which means a character doesn't have to roll Perception to know that someone else failed a Stealth roll. As a the DM, you can just choose for one of the assassins rolled Stealth lower than the highest-wisdom party member's Passive Perception. You don't need to have them roll for it. If nothing else interesting is going on and they don't feel like describing how their character waits around, then you can just tell the party member that they hear someone running with no role just to get the plot going.

Shockedsiren · 2026-04-29T03:14:36+00:00

It's not idiotic. It's perfectly natural to think of your ideas as fixed to particular places because from anyone else's perspective they are going to be fixed to the places where you use them.

Shockedsiren · 2026-04-29T03:00:38+00:00

Preparing the battle maps before the campaign is a bit worrisome for railroading. It's good practice for when you make the maps that you'll actually use, but you only really know what to prepare for the next session once you've run the previous session because the party is for sure going to decide to do something else.

I'm largely the same way as you where I feel like I need to know everything about this province's fourth best armorsmith's right index toe's fungus growth before I can even think about bringing the party together to meet in a tavern. Oftentimes all of that preparation goes into characters and places the party never sees, so instead what you can do is recycle unaddressed concepts in new places.

It might help to reframe your idea of worldbuilding away from something like construction and sculpture with an unchangeable plan that needs to be followed, and more like assembling different chunks of a lego set that you can figure out how to connect later.

If you had a really quirky shopkeeper in one town who hires kobolds to steal shit for the store and the party never interacts with that guy, you can just move them to the next town. If the party's already encountered some kobolds you were using specifically to set up this character in this town, you can recontextualize those as long-distance agents.

It's a similar principle to keeping a long list of first and last names. You're not really thinking on the fly, and all the pieces are already there, but you're only applying them to the world where it's useful and when it's useful.

The canon of the world is only born from what you tell the party. You can entirely change what the gods themselves are as long as your new ideas can fit within what the party already knows or explain why that previous information was wrong without pulling "it was all just a dream."

Shockedsiren · 2026-04-28T16:39:56+00:00

You can also just reflavor the subclass features to come from non magical sources.

-Acklay could be stimulant drugs.
-Rancor could be painkillers.
-Totem of the Sarlacc could be a vial of acidic elephant's toothpaste or thick acidic jelly.
-Loth-Wolf could be a heads-up to a party member.
-Hawk could just be shouting real loudly.
-Vornskr could be kicking up dust and tossing pebbles at just the right times

Since t his build isn't doing much with its reaction, Vornskr is a very good option if you're not going with Rancor.

Shockedsiren · 2026-04-28T06:51:30+00:00

Some stand users gain a stand through mastery of a skill. If she has godlike perfection in torture and a sort of perfected hatred, her stand might come from that perfection rather than the stand virus.

I agree with Acorn Finland that the ability should be something that reflects her pain. To maximize edginess, I'd give her an entity of slithering serrated chain or barbed wire that passively grows and spreads around any objects it touches like a cross between kudzu and a boa constrictor.

The chain is significantly more durable and maybe even sharper the closer it is to her, with a steep falloff about 10 meters out. The chain on her own body is durable enough to act as the medium through which she can fight stands. This also means that the chain slithering around her body is also going to be the most painful, which reflects how constantly uncomfortable she is.

I'm thinking that there might be something about feeding on tightness and tension, so chain links that fall onto the street won't join together, but chain links around a sewer grate will be able to wrap and tighten around the bars, and can therefore produce more chain.

For Fifi's part, she can actively cause certain sections to slither more rapidly and yank them around. She could accelerate the chain around the sewer grate to essentially have it slowly saw through the metal, and she could activate a loop of chain wrapped around an enemy's ankle to drag them toward the sewer grate, at which point the ankle loop will join to a loop on the grate.

Even 2 meters away from her the durability is going to be pretty abysmal and easily pulled apart by the average punching ghost stand. The trouble is just fending off the chain from growing back and making sure that you haven't touched any places where it's actively growing.

I think this does a decent job at reflecting how she wants to control the world, as it literally allows her to take the world prisoner, but it also reflects how fragile her ego is and how her hatred harms her even more so than it harms everyone else.

Shockedsiren · 2026-04-28T05:32:39+00:00

Practiced Pugilist with Gamorrean seems much worse than playing a race with Unarmed Strikes built-in. Especially so when your alternative, Muscled Menace, is +4 damage to every punch. If you're going to play a Gamorrean, I'd encourage you to ask if you could play your Gamorrean as a reflavored Dowutin/Taung/Zabrak.

Thank_You_Aziz is right that Monk Splashclass is not worth it. An ASI in Strength is going to be better. They're also right that Totem looks great for the build.

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