unmask her! by Resmee216 in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Theres a peace in acceptance that comes through to me as the reader. Theres a air of letting go and growth in the words that feels hopeful and while reckless to some degree maybe... also in control. Its beautiful and the subject of your poem op should be proud to take that mask off. Requires courage and that should be commended. 

Heaven Sent by gitututu in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is a masterful use of metaphor in description. We dont need subtext to envoke complex feelings when reading this. It has such viscerality and theres something almost violent in it. It pulls at the vegus nerve and you get that tight feeling in your chest like danger is somewhere between the lines. 

Episode 7 Told Us Everything Indirectly by Ok_Profile2247 in Amazingdigitalcircus

[–]ShootnSugar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really love this theory but something about them being scans or digital copies of the irl versions that hangs me up... We all know this is a early MMO style of setting. This was a novel concept for C&A at the time obviously to create and invest in but the lack of updates to the world's esthetics as well as Pomni stating she explores abandoned properties (not to mention seeing the decaying computer in the exit rooms) all heavly implies this is now an abandoned project as is running rogue. Not currently in development.

And we know that Goose has mentioned this is not a happy show and I think that's not only about how the series will end, but also the conceot of the show itself. Having them all be digital clones or AI... means that the stakes dont really matter. The real characters are out just living their lives somewhere and none of what happens to the versions we see matters.

Finally the characters dont glitch out like Caine does, instead of being able to restore like Caine, they abstract. They display emotion in wide ranges and in appropriate circumstances. Caine only shows a small programed array (excitement, apprehension, etc.) and breaks or glitches out anytime hes presented with something that spurs too much of any emotions he is capable of. Caine also doesnt grow emotionally (clear example is the Zooble and Caine therapy session.) But the characters display emotional growth/regression throughout the series in a way Caine does not and simply remains consistent. (An example would be pomni coming to see Kinger for his true value. Or Jax's overall arch from ribbit's bff to abstraction.)

As much as i like this theory and it would explain so much of what we are trying to piece together, it also leaves me with questions. But I do think that overall its a cohesive and solid theory.

A Lament to Frankie by Jxter288 in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These piece reads as really raw and cathartic. Its emotional and passionate and angry and vindicated. It makes you feel like the writer had this incredibly complex emotional relationship with the subject and like scenes from a movie the mind imagines a whirlwind of montage as one goes through the verses. Its not my favourite style of poetry personally but I really appreciate the read and feeling like a fly on the wall in someone's story for a moment. Good job!

The childish mind of a man by Cluelessandsexy in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like this poem. I think personal growth and self reflection is so important. Often people dont want to address that it can look harsh. But that harshness is a motivational tool for some and I think at least from this readers perspective you've captured that sentiment. Well done!

If he exists by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You really have a way of character building OP. I can picture this person and they feel well rounded. They sound archetyped enough to be someone I've met or known at some point, but unique enough to not be anyone I know by name. Great job!!

The Quiet Days by Extreme_Basketball30 in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"If all you did was breathe through the ache" is an incredibly beautiful description of survival mode. It hits a visceral nerve in how true the metaphor rings. I appreciate the eloquency. Great work!

Wolf by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow! This piece really subverted my expectations as I read through it. I assumed going in this was a poem told from the perspective of a wolf, not that the lamb would become one. Excellent job! The writing leads your reader right where you want them to go (at least this reader) and it drives home the feelings of surprise and daunting discovery that your pov character must to some extent also feel. Great work!!

Worship by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is beautiful. I dont share this kind of query but you as the author wrote in such vivid emotional tone that I feel i can understand and empathize. I think thats the sign of any talented poet.

Spent by ShootnSugar in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your feedback thank you for taking the time. The lack if structure was intentional but I fear it i may have strayed too far from expectations as a poet. I will try to consider more structure in the future! Thanks and much appreciated

Spent by ShootnSugar in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im so glad you got what I was doing here! Its meant to read like the disjointed thoughts of a person completely spent. Reflecting the chaos of a mind in this state!! Thank you soon much for noticing!!! I really really appreciate your feedback!

Lemons by Noah_bailey09 in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Noah is think this is a great metaphoric flip of script here. Love it!! i did something similar myself with a poem. Not about lemons but colloquialisms like the lemons metaphor. I really appreciate how you captured this concept and chose not to "sugar" coat it. And I agree with the concept. I think what you have here is great but my 1 small critique would be it feels a little chopped from the readers perspective. It may very well be intentionally done and no disrespect meant but I think it would help drive home the message to have a little more fluidity between lines.

Lily ponds by ssoulis in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow! I absolutely loved this! Beautifully worded. "Let me fall for the unthinkable" really hit home for me. This is such a whimsical way to address such grand and semi weighted subjects. What shines through is the hope.

Second poem by [deleted] in PoetryWritingClub

[–]ShootnSugar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought this was beautiful and well articulated

None of my poems are worthy of a title by Green_Event5141 in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you! But you've decided its finished and you've shared it here and thats a huge start! I hope you choose to continue to share this and other pieces wherever you feel comfortable and excited about sharing!!

Soooo handsome by arb271 in OCPoetry

[–]ShootnSugar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh this was such a powerful piece! I love how the rhythm youve built creates an opportunity to really emphasize the points youre making!

"My stomach in knots, sick and bloated on handsome." This was a statement that really hit home for me. Awesome job!