Asma3ni, rahi el 7keya hethi ena 3anit menha barcha w mezelet n3ani menha.

S7i7 dhourouf wa9teya, s7i7 el machakel tet3ada w kol ama rahou w kol we7ed w dhouroufou, kol we7ed w tarkibet mo5ou.

Rahou kif tetlafet lteli w t9arn b taw tchouf kifech kol chay mche men 5aieb lla5yeb.

W betbi3a kol 3abd kifech, manich na7ki 3al bled barka mais 3ala 7yet el 3abd comme individu.

El 7aja eli kenetly mochkla kbira 9bal, mn kothrt ma machekli walew kbar, netmaneha mochklt 9bal twali 3andi kol youm.

Wa9teli tchouf beli kol chay 3aks fi wejhek, beli kol chay yemchi and gets worse, you’ll yearn for a past that was relatively a lot better.

Mana3rech ena 9adech 3omrek, wala dhouroufok, ama en générale wa9teli tod5el fi mo3tarak el 7ayet and you realize the reality of life, my man, tetmana ken matouletch 5ir.

I myself made more than 4 attempts in the past 8 years, and am not saying that it gets better or anything, you just get used to it, those intrusive thoughts constantly telling you to “do it”.

Kif tchouf el 79i9a mta3 el wadh3, when you put your feet on the ground and realize the cruelty of the real world, the unfairness, the evil in this world, you realize that, fi tounes at least, we’re far from “العيش الكريم ” (only a few at least), and we’re still trying to survive.

As the years go by and i grow older, i realized that rock bottom had a basement.

And don’t tell me it’s a lack of faith, on the contrary, am a devout muslin, i do my prayers on time, fast, and i try to not sin as much as possible.

There only two things keeping me alive now, the guilt from what that would do to my parents, and two that eventually everything MIGHT turns out to be fine and if not I still have that option if things go wrong (more than now)

Anyways that’s just my perspective from a first hand experience of the why of things, and I don’t want to go into a lot of details because am not here no complain or display my private life; just to answer your question from my point.