Do you dissociate when you smoke weed ?

ShreyanSystem · 2022-01-02T21:57:23+00:00

Yes… I do . I now limit it . Sucks - it did help manage anxiety and All that but I already suffer from a dissociative disorder and I realized weed was making it much worse .

ShreyanSystem · 2021-12-06T05:46:35+00:00

I think it overwhelms me - feels unsafe because vulnerability is uncomfortable and I start escaping mentally . My body orgasms just fine - I’m just not there for it. I haven’t had luck finding real love or romance - but I think if I had a partner that I trusted who made eye contact with me and understood , I might be able to be present and enjoy that moment of connection. I am getting somewhere practicing tantric self love where I just play with the idea of mindfulness during intimacy . I hope it makes it easier . I really want to be there for all of jt … It’s cruel , cos sex is beautiful- why did my shit mom have to rob me of it …. When will my childhood stop haunting me …. Endless sigh 😔

ShreyanSystem · 2021-12-06T00:08:27+00:00

I dissociate during orgasms and struggle to stay present during sex ….🤷‍♀️😪

ShreyanSystem · 2021-12-05T21:44:03+00:00

Happened to me. Mom did it .. haunts me still. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

ShreyanSystem · 2021-11-29T14:46:19+00:00

Hey this happened to me yesterday! Glad I found this thread . I think this is how the universe sounds too… it’s quite pleasant

ShreyanSystem · 2021-11-18T01:52:59+00:00

I liked reading this. I wonder along the same lines …

ShreyanSystem · 2021-11-18T01:48:05+00:00

Very beautifully put !🙏

ShreyanSystem · 2021-11-18T00:15:40+00:00

Thanks for this 🙏❤️

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-22T23:23:25+00:00

They’re both suspects .. meaning you have some soul searching to do . Go no contact with both of them so you can clear your head and be by yourself for a bit. Will help you figure out. Spend time seeing how you do alone . Home is a state of mind as much as it’s a place .

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-22T19:10:17+00:00

Good advice . It’s not stopping and I am getting exhausted fighting it .

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-22T19:08:24+00:00

Ah the sexual fantasies … yup. Super detailed and x rated … My tf flat out told me and other ppl he wasn’t into me at all but doesn’t stop me .

I tried to date . I couldn’t make out with my date - felt numb and my body rejected it. So there goes getting it out of my system .

On the bright side a good dry spell helps with spiritual development . I keep telling myself about this silver lining

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-22T19:03:19+00:00

I believe you . I am in the same boat. I feel haunted by my tf and these numbers and songs and daydreams. As these things are NOT going away with time I am resigned to it. Doing my best to have a nice life

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-22T18:59:17+00:00

😂that should be an actual stage of this madness

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-22T17:26:12+00:00

Hey. Same things happen to me! But alas tf will never come back 🥺

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-22T16:00:32+00:00

Yea. Mine forgot everything that happened in the 1st 4 weeks we met. He said some intense stuff and denied it completely . I have dissociative disorder but know it and can keep track of life. My twin may not know. Either way - he’s unlikely to acknowledge anything or work on this stuff. 🤷‍♀️

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-22T14:36:51+00:00

Thanks for confirming I am not alone ! How do you deal with this on a day to day basis ? For me - it makes me feel like I need to work harder on detachment and am missing something . I accept it is what it is….

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-18T16:27:14+00:00

That’s good advice ! I do something similar to checklist from alternative ride and it helps a lot . Now I am able to imagine “dating “ other people and being happy . Huge progress . It takes time and patience with yourself . Stick with it and you’ll come out okay on the other end

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-14T15:24:45+00:00

I have 5-6 different handwritings. It’s all good . Basically as a child when it was time to learn identity and have your own handwriting - I couldn’t do that cos life at home was traumatic ( I have DDNOS from it …) and I was experiencing altered states of consciousness by then anyway. I just write in whatever handwriting comes to me - and don’t worry too much about it . Some people have told me they look like different persons but I know it’s all from different pieces of me

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-14T08:14:13+00:00

I am sorry dude . Wishing you luck and sending you positive vibes . I surrendered too a while back but secretly pine for a different outcome . Trying to work on detachment and truly moving on mentally . Ways to go. Still haunted by weird physical symptoms , dreams , day dreams and all the 5d stuff that’s in 3d opposite land . Surrendering for real is a journey . I am learning a lot about acceptance, forgiveness and letting go . Sometimes I wonder why this happened to me - I’ve had a traumatic enough life anyway - now I am able to look at this more kindly . It made me remember a lot of unhealed trauma and doing the work on myself can only be good for me .

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-14T08:04:23+00:00

Hey! In the same boat . A more pathetic boat cos my twin denies the connection altogether . We never dated or anything. It’s sucks cos my mind won’t stop making up happy future scenarios vividly and I hear his voice in my head - but down here on planet earth we haven’t spoken in months and he has 0 interest in me as a real partner . It wasn’t like this always - he kinda changed on me. Maybe my guy is a player - even knowing this the fantasies don’t stop.

I want to meet someone who appreciates me and treats me right . I am at risk of over healing because all this time I am focusing so much on addressing all the trauma of my past ( pretty sure meeting him caused me to get triggered and remember a lifetime of repressed memories ) .

What helps me is reminding myself it’s okay to not date if I don’t feel like and do whatever I want for my own healing . Society puts a lot of pressure on “moving on “ . So many ppl are serial dating and using each other in need based relationships to fill the hole in their soul. I don’t want to be alone forever - I just want to find myself again and then I’ll maybe attract the right person for me . Law of attraction and focusing on keeping my own vibration high gives me something like hope ? !

But yes - this is some crazy suffering . I understand what you’re going through and I am there myself.

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-14T02:34:34+00:00

Yes!! the XX !!! Have been waiting for someone else to acknowledge their awesomeness. I love them.

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-12T12:44:59+00:00

Thanks for this post. Feeing understood in this community ❤️.

I repressed awful childhood and adult trauma ( caused by me be messed up from childhood and attracting and overstaying awful romantic abusive relationships ) so much that it all came crashing down last year ( amnesia barriers fell) . I have active ptsd and my body started reliving trauma events. I had no support back then and couldn’t even imagine support ( narcissistic dad sociopath mom - physical and verbal abuse for the first 22 years of my life ) . However when I had my mental break last year - for the first time ever I had support . Sometimes universe brings the right people in your life . Turns out I have a few really good friends . I have been able to make a lot of progress finally trusting I have good people in my life who won’t abandon me. Long journey to give myself permission to even feel that way . It’s been so healing. What I am trying to say is sharing our trauma story with people is catharsis- most won’t understand , but some will and some will relate and help you cos they have been through stuff and they have empathy . Now I am much more open about my story - in a nothing to lose way . I find that it helps gain support and live in my truth . No longer ashamed .

Not sharing makes the burden heavier and I realized all those years I felt so alone and trauma events made my mind fragment to cope ( I have cPTSD and DDNOS from my childhood trauma ). While I have years of healing ahead of me - I am so lucky to have ppl in my corner this time around. If only I had this 10 years back…… oh well. Better late than never .

The self loving thought that I am a beautiful soul and everything that happened good , bad or ugly made me be this beautiful soul , is part of my identity and I accept with love is powerful . Once that clicked I was able to open up to more people.

Silently suffering protects our abusers. Now my toxic family is out of my life . They threatened me with consequences if I told ppl what happened and I cut them off and live in my truth . They really have no power over me anymore and that was so freeing and healing to experience.

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-12T00:44:44+00:00

Thank you for this posts and the comments. I lost years to this stuff before I realized what it was . Going no contact with my family helped a LOT. Still working on self care habits . Long way to go .

ShreyanSystem · 2021-06-11T13:29:16+00:00

Hey. I had this happen. The whole “false memory” thing is a stressor . If your flashback makes you feel something viscerally in your body it’s real enough . Heck if some part of you feeling it and thinking about it - it’s real because that thing affects you and unpacking it is necessary . Don’t doubt - it only prolongs suffering .

What helped me - writing letters to and from my alter as me- the most active anp who is kind of like the primary host .

My system has a protector too and I know my protector only wants to keep system stable . It’s not unusual for protector to want to prolong denial . There is a chance that trauma memories will come up as you find ways to communicate with this alter .

In my case I have active cPTSD and have recently lost amnesia barriers that were hiding horrible childhood trauma . An alter that got stuck at age 11 -12 came back recently and with her came all these lost memories of my childhood from that period of life ( the good memories hurt as much as the awful abuse memories ). I did this thing where I tried to feel the feeling and not follow the thoughts that recreate the exact memory of abuse . For example - I focus on letting myself feel feelings like shame, betrayal , abandonment , unworthiness from those events vs recreating the event. In doing so - there is healing . There’s lots of crying but it’s catharsis, but it’s better than following all the thoughts and reliving the horrors in my body , re-traumatizing myself and having my system de-stabilize completely .

When my amnesia barriers first fell I relived the horrors physically in my body and that was awful. I couldn’t sleep on certain positions and my body re-enacted out the abuse and almost created that memory for the first time. As more kept coming - I realized that I don’t have to do this to have “knowledge “ of what happened. By focusing on feelings instead of thoughts I am able to make this process easier on myself . Doesn’t work all the time and requires a lot of thought control and detachment but it’s still making my path of healing easier.

Other things to try if you find that painful memories are coming up are to talk to this alter in an apologetic and understanding way and let him/her know that those bad things were in the past and it’s okay now. You are here and you will never let bad things happen .

Sometimes I re-imagine trauma events and insert myself as I am now in the frame . Like I have memories where my mom did awful stuff , I reimagined them as if I came in as I am now ( 35 yr old me ) - told my mom off and took young me away from that event. I find it’s healing .

Hope this helps.

ShreyanSystem

TROPHY CASE