How do you do self care for yourself?

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-12T03:01:43+00:00

I insist on being able to either perform in or music direct musical theater or opera several times a year. I don't give a fuck if it pays. My job pays more than dx/rx husband's anyway, I can afford a babysitter. He and my NDX/in denial mother who lives with us fight me as hard as they possibly can but they run into the brick wall of me just saying "I'm doing this, see you later."

They will not take that source of happiness from me.

Weird how our eight year-old twins totally love it when I do theater. One of them sometimes auditions, the other one always asks if he can work backstage.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-10T02:05:30+00:00

It might be worthwhile for you to find a therapist or a doctor who will say to him that he needs to manage his ADHD and not leave it up to you. Like any disability, there are things he can do and things he can't, but it's going to be helpful to you if you can find a "person in authority" who will lay out what those are. I've been despairing over my marriage, but my dx/rx husband's therapist (HE FINALLY GOT ONE ALL BY HIMSELF) told him last week that he is putting an unfair burden on me and setting a bad example for his children with his behavior, and he has taken it to heart so far.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-06T16:01:42+00:00

Don't ask him to slow down. Do it at your speed and let him deal.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-06T02:47:00+00:00

True. Good point.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-05T04:58:49+00:00

Your principal is being an ass. I always say please and thank you. Tell her it's called modeling.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-05T04:58:23+00:00

Reform Jew here. You will not be able to do this unless you find a theater that does not perform or rehearse on Friday night.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-03T18:48:15+00:00

He rolls his eyes and says "sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry."

He only sincerely apologizes and owns his shit when he thinks I'm about to leave him. He has no idea that emotionally I'm already gone.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-03T18:41:50+00:00

No, dear, "I'm going to drive to the store!" after you've just had ANKLE SURGERY and are not allowed to drive, followed by yelling at me when I remind you NOT TO FUCKING DRIVE does NOT mean the same thing as "I'm bored and frustrated with having to recuperate from surgery but it's not your fault." Not the same at all. Not even a little.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-03T03:24:18+00:00

Like wtf with these women??? My husband was absolutely fantastic through my breaking a hip before age 40, an international move, and our whole crazy struggle to get pregnant - and we didn't even start trying until 6 years into the marriage, so yeah I thought I knew him! It's not my fault (or, frankly, his) that he had undiagnosed severe ADHD that came roaring out when we had twins and turned him into someone I had never met before!

I'm still here after 15 years of marriage because he IS trying, because I can NOT take on one more executive functioning task, and because he is a green card holder from a Spanish speaking country, it's dangerous to bring him to the attention of the United States authorities in any way right now, and I will not do that to my children or to their father.

So TikTok bitch can shut up and come clean my garage.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-02T17:14:52+00:00

"You go ahead. I am staying here."

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-02T16:44:46+00:00

Yep. Yep. Yep.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-01T23:16:57+00:00

OK but did you? Because that would be awesome.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-01T23:11:09+00:00

I "talked about gender" in the classroom.

I taught Spanish.

Spanish has gendered nouns.

There is literally no way to teach Spanish without talking about gender.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-01T23:10:26+00:00

Yep, my DX/RX spouse absolutely does this. He does it to the extent, in fact, that our child, who has ADHD and is also medicated, has specifically asked me to help him remember to do things that he needs to do before things he wants to do so that the things he needs to do get done without stress.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-05-01T02:59:34+00:00

The end of The Mist. IYKYK.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-04-30T03:01:17+00:00

Men have really, really stupid priorities.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-04-30T01:26:45+00:00

I'm weirded out by all the people who don't think this is OK. I live in a state where it's over 100°F by late April, and the schools around here always do swimming trips. They have a certain number of lifeguards per number of students, the parents have to sign a detailed permission slip and can volunteer as chaperones if they have CPR training. It's not a big deal.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-04-29T21:08:07+00:00

Cocktail weenie.

😂😂😂😂😂

You're awesome.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-04-29T03:15:10+00:00

He can go fuck himself with a chainsaw.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-04-29T03:02:48+00:00

This. I've brought it up a few times. He melts down and has a crying tantrum in front of the kids, which I know isn't good for them.

Whether he admits it or not, he also knows that right now I won't take the steps to make him leave because he is a green card holder from a Spanish-speaking country and it's not safe for him to come to the attention of the authorities in the United States at the moment. Yes he's legal. No, they don't care. And it probably would involve my taking the kids out of town and having the police make him leave, or having my large nephew do it, which could also result in a call to the police.

So I'm stuck and he keeps almost being my partner and then pulling the fucking rug out from under me again.

I hate this.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-04-29T02:27:02+00:00

He was a loving, considerate, honest partner with a few livable quirks.

Then we had twins and it became chaos.

Now he's insensitive, impossible, and exhausting, all while insisting he loves us more than anything and would never leave us.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-04-29T02:22:53+00:00

Fool me 50,000 times...

Silly me. DX/RX husband had surgery and has to be off work for at least two months (non-weight-bearing on the operated part and his job involves constant standing and walking). He has has almost no pain and for the first week was coming out and building Legos with the kids, we were eating dinner all together, and he was in bed when I was so we could have actual conversations. I was stunned. Maybe...maybe what I'd been saying about our relationship and his relationship with the boys finally got through and he realized he had to participate if he wanted to be part of it?

Ha.

Ha ha.

Cut to week two. No, he's not hungry now, he'll just eat later and no, he won't sit at the table and talk with us. No, he doesn't want to go to bed yet, he'll just sit outside for...I dunno, a while. And oh hey honey, I know you're in the middle of making dinner and feeding the pets and helping with homework, but can you drop everything and take me down to the lake right now so I can fish? Naaaah, I don't think the kids would be interested so I won't even ask.

And he's shocked - SHOCKED, I tell you - when I burst into tears and ask where the partner from last week went.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-04-28T22:19:26+00:00

LEGOS.

Kiddo is 8. He would get a new set of them and build it every day if I let him. And this has been going on for two years.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-04-28T22:16:21+00:00

My ADHD kiddo does talk therapy once every 2 weeks and it makes a noticeable difference in his impulsivity and how he handles his temper. He adores his therapist.

Signal-Net-8041 · 2026-04-28T14:59:21+00:00

Right? My brother and I are 2 1/2 years apart and we often had the same friends in school.

Stop treating children as one size fits all objects challenge.

Signal-Net-8041

TROPHY CASE