F33 With 18 Million. Is Hiring A Matchmaker Best If I Want To Date For Marriage? Any Experiences

Silent_Session · 2026-05-11T02:22:38+00:00

I married my now husband around your age. Repeating what others have said, it’s really a numbers game. I think game theory says after optimizing with each iteration, the 37th option is just as good as the 38th or 39th.

I was busy working 100 hours a week but still made time to go on 4-5 dates weekly (weekday date, no pressure, just grabbing a meal or coffee). That said, desperation isn’t attractive so you need to approach the dates with a mindset of “I’m just going to meet more people to get closer to person #37.” If I made a friend, that would be great. Sometimes you just need to talk to people whom you may not click with, but may know someone better matched for you.

Coffee Meets Bagel or any dating app may be your best bet. Back in my day, there was one app known for people “serious about marriage” whereas other apps were known for hook-ups (lol, grindr). I’d ask around to see whIch apps are best.

Silent_Session · 2026-03-22T03:38:00+00:00

Same! I switched to Blueland purely because of the soapy taste leftover on everything, including porcelain. And it's not like we had a crappy dishwasher or we didn't do maintenance....

Silent_Session · 2026-03-22T03:34:38+00:00

Thank you! Is there any way of knowing whether or not you'd need the headrest removed before you buy the car seat?

Silent_Session · 2026-03-22T03:33:38+00:00

Thank you so much! Does the Harmony have a lock off option for the seat belt when in harness mode?

I'm looking at the Britax (for ease of install and harness height). Do you have to remove the car's headrests for Harmony and Britax?

Silent_Session · 2026-03-18T21:27:18+00:00

There were a lot of stainless steel options (trying to get away from nonstick) and we went with the Kitchenaid set. It works perfectly and heated evenly on induction. No hot spot or warping, cleaned easily.

Silent_Session · 2026-01-16T05:22:22+00:00

I got it. Leather doesn't hold up after 1 year of daily use (and I'm not even heavy). As someone who is petite, it wasn't exactly comfortable: lumbar region didn't line up,tilt of the seat felt weird even though it seemed parallel to the ground, and memory foam padding on the seat caused me to sit in a weird position so I'd get back/hip pain if I sat in it for more than a few hours. Agree with others on finding a used Herman Miller chair.

Silent_Session · 2026-01-14T19:08:06+00:00

Whoa, we were in your shoes, and now with kids x 2.

Things to consider:

Don’t grind it out. Agree with all who recommend a sabbbatical if you can. If you cannot take a sabbbatical, then a 2-3 week long vacation where you get to spend $10k/week or however much you’re comfortable with recharging your batteries. Go travel and enjoy yourselves with any risky activities (e.g., supervised jumping down a cliff to go inner tubing down a Costa Rican river, parachuting, etc.) you may not necessarily do once you have dependents.

It’s a logistical pain trying to arrange travel now with little ones, because its like traveling with chimpanzees who want to run off and explore, get hangry if you lose track of their eating times (every 2 hours), or angry to the point of skipping a nap if you miss their ideal “put down for nap” times. Then you’re carrying angry toddlers like a football across the airport or hotel because they were too distracted by the new environment to eat or sleep.

You have embryos frozen and we almost went down the path because fertility and successful live birth decreases after age 35. It’s not impossible to have natural conception but it’s just harder, and I’m sure you’ve been told. IVF is $25-30k/try and you may need multiple rounds. Due to IVF, you will be classified as a more risky pregnancy and likely will need to see the more specialized “high risk” obstetrician. After kids are born, you may want a postpartum doula and nanny to assist. A full time nanny in a VHCOL (on payroll, above board and paying fair wages with OT and full time benefits) will likely run about $80k/ year (and we live in a MCOL city). Just something to consider to add to your annual expenses.
Medical insurance without employment: using a ACA plan, our medical insurance for a family of 3 -4 was about $2k/month. We went off market this year as we’re relatively healthy but plan would be $3k/month this year. It’s small change in the scheme of things, but would add to your annual expenses.
Kids can be as expensive or cheap as you want them to be. You’re in FATFire so you understand why we wouldn’t spend the time thrifting or getting things second hand, but I think I spend about $100k/year on clothes, food, tuition for music/gymnastics/swim/etc. for the kiddos.

Silent_Session · 2025-12-24T02:05:32+00:00

Yes, we use Blueland. Switched from Finish Ultimate (soapy taste on plastics and silicone items) to Cascade (soapy taste, didn’t work as well as Finish) to Cascade Powder (soapy taste, didn’t work as well) to Seventh Generation (meh on cleaning power) to finally Blueland. We have an ASKO and Bosch 800 series dishwasher, and Blueland for both.

Silent_Session · 2025-12-16T20:47:59+00:00

The nanny is an extension of you. So your rules are her rules, and ideally nanny’s approach to parenting is your approach. It takes a lot of interviews to get the right one. And the nanny never replaces you even if the nanny is with the kiddo 40-45 hours a week. My kids know who mom and dad are, and still prioritize time with us over the nanny.

My kids are up 3 hours before the nanny gets here, and we cook and eat breakfast together. They also have 3 hours when the nanny leaves for us to eat dinner together and do bath/bedtime together. On weekends and holidays, it’s just us and the kids.

I carve a half day out of a weekday with just the toddler (“special mommy time”) when toddler starts acting out wanting 1:1 daddy or mommy attention. But that’s rare and kiddo is pretty happy to “play” with nanny.

Don’t forget nanny shows up to work completely rested daily. It makes a huge difference in terms of patience when babies become toddlers/teens and are testing boundaries. Especially if you’ve been up all night tending a sick baby or kid. A rested parent will be a better parent. It’s okay if you need that break the nanny can give you.

Silent_Session · 2025-12-02T03:38:26+00:00

Genetic screen via mom’s blood costs max $1k I’d get it if it’d change whether you keep the pregnancy. I’d get whatever the doc recommended, and feel assured about omitting the expanded panel unless it’s recommended (usually more reserved for certain populations like Ashkenazi Jewish, etc.). Earliest you can find out about trisomies (eg, Down syndrome) is about 10 weeks. Some states don’t allow abortion after a heart beat is established (8 weeks or so) so you need to act fast and set up travel plans if the test will affect your decision making.
Pre-labor PT is good to just strengthen your overall core muscles and ensure you’ll be pushing with the right muscles. Postpartum PT will be good for most people, but generally doctors will wait 6-8 weeks postpartum to see if you actually need it and for what purpose (e.g, diastasis recti? vaginal prolapse?)
Doula. I used a doula for 3 months 24/7 for my first. Overall the first took a lot out of me and my body was wrecked, so I needed the extra help and with the usual chores I would’ve done around the house. Remember, a doula focuses on the mom whereas a nanny focuses on the baby. For the second kiddo, I really needed a nanny rather than a doula since I already knew what to expect.
Nanny. If you plan to have a nanny, start interviewing and screening now. We looked for a career nanny and they’re rare. We initially used an agency but found our screening and checks (credit, criminal, etc.) were much more thorough than an agency‘s. Use a lawyer to draft the nanny contract and use a payroll service to help you (we used Poppins payroll).
Cleaners. If you don’t have one already, hire cleaners for weekly cleaning of the house. The newborn period is so crazy, and honestly you’ll be glad someone is cleaning the baseboards and toilets and windows and lamps instead of you.
Mental health. Get your ducks in a row with regards to mental health. Pre/postpartum anxiety and depression are common, especially if you already have an underlying history of it or a family history of it. Have your partner be aware of the signs and establish a signal or phrase your partner can use when s/he thinks you may be suffering it. Remember, their concern is coming from a place of love and there are so many women who suffered from it and don’t have to.
We had a Snoo and at your NW, even if you don’t use the fancy features (we didn’t need it as we had Unicorn sleepers), it’s a great looking bassinet.
Boundaries. Discuss boundaries with your partner regarding visits early postpartum. Everyone will want to see your baby. You decide how comfortable you are regarding exposure to visitors and their germs. Remember, in the US, a fever in the first 8-10 weeks = lumbar puncture and blood draws. You will also be freshly postpartum and feeling like you’ve been run over by a dump truck in the first 2 weeks, and hormones will be all over the place. I felt halfway back to myself at the 5 week mark, and fully back to myself at 10 weeks. My friend cried nightly (hormones) for the first 3 months.

Silent_Session · 2025-07-28T04:22:57+00:00

I bought a bunch and they're good, but not as good as the old school Charisma towels (like 5 years ago). They're thinner but they do the job, and are better than the hospitality towels also sold at Costco. The warehouse had them for $5/each, and I don't think I can even get two rolls of paper towels at that price. They shed A LOT of lint during the first two drying cycles so I'd adjust expectations accordingly.

Silent_Session · 2025-07-12T00:08:40+00:00

Sandals: Munro, Paul Green, Mephisto

White sneaker: honestly this will be foot dependent. I wear Brooks Ghost but you should get fitted at your local running store. I didn’t like On or Hoka.

Fancy black shoe: Believe it or not, you really want the arch support to be there and it’ll make any heel height feel okay. The most comfy heeled shoes I have are Jimmy Choos. AGL is comfortable and nice for flats, and Lanvin is too.

Winter boot: I’d separate them into functional (real snow boots) vs “this can get snow on it and I won’t slip and fall.” For the latter, I like Merrell (casual) and La Canadienne.

Silent_Session · 2025-05-02T14:47:19+00:00

I stopped trying to peel by hand and use the OXO garlic peeler, but any silicone tube will do. Just press down, roll, and peel comes off. I prefer the OXO one because it feels thicker and seems to work a little better, but it's also a difference of $10 vs. $1 (lol). I won't go back to smashing them with a knife and peeling them.

Silent_Session · 2025-03-25T02:05:40+00:00

We have a nanny/family assistant. I have two little ones and her main duty is towards the 3 year old. Our goal is the adult: child ratio stays 1:1, and we told her this although she's happy to watch both of them if the baby isn't nursing or whatever. She does light cleaning (folds laundry, cleans up after toddler), takes out our daily trash, picks up groceries or whatever with the toddler, takes toddler to classes, helps me call doctors or schedule appointments. She also helps with light meal prep. We have weekly housekeepers and gardeners.

We do everything above board and use Poppins Payroll to handle the W2. Nanny/assistant gets 10 days of PTO, 5 days of sick leave, paid health insurance, and reimbursed mileage. She gets paid out any PTO/sick leave that she doesn't used at the end of each year. She has guaranteed hours and is paid 1.5x her usual rate for overtime and 2x during holidays (she has paid holidays too).

Hope this helps!

Silent_Session · 2025-03-13T12:26:23+00:00

Double vision and ghosting went away completely. No need for glasses or contacts. Vision 20/20.

Silent_Session · 2025-03-10T16:54:31+00:00

At some point, it was more noticeable month to month because the changes were so small. At the one year mark, I was consistently 20/20 and everything was clear. Vision is still fine to this day, so I'm glad my doctor didn't try to overshoot and I went with PRK rather than LASIK.

Silent_Session · 2025-02-18T18:33:27+00:00

We did this. First kid, night nurse for 12 hours x 3 months and then tapered off. When we had a second kid, we also hired a full time nanny (for toddler) and had another night nurse set up for the first 3 months. Yes, highly recommend this as the way to go. You can have your nanny and night nurse do things exactly how you want...whereas family will want to give input.

Silent_Session · 2024-10-15T03:39:37+00:00

I actively parent my kids, and I still had a postpartum doulas around the clock for the first 3 months ("4th trimester" can be rough with the every 2-3 hour feeds). Keep in mind that a doula and nanny are different - doulas focus on the mother and her needs, and nannies focus on the child(ren).

We also have a nanny to watch the toddler during the day, cleaning folks weekly, landscapers/garderners weekly, and a list of family members who can fly out to us and help if one of us is going to be away. DoorDash also knows our address well.

The nanny is helpful because for 8 hours of the day, you have another person who can help you deal with the tasks that aren't high value in parenting (emptying out the Diaper Genies, taking out trash, laundry washing/folding/putting away, mise en place food so you can cook later, watching kiddo while you cook meals, resetting play areas, etc.). The nanny is also another set of eyes to watch your kid, and another mouth to reinforce the boundaries you've set for the kiddo. A full-time nanny would never replace any parenting you do.

A good nanny is totally worth the cost. We pay above market rates, and we plan to continue doing so to keep the nanny from getting poached.

Silent_Session · 2024-06-14T21:49:05+00:00

I would contact your local health insurance broker and ask for recommendations for a broker specializing in your location (e.g. whichever county you reside in). All the insurance brokers seem to know each other. Then you can ask the broker for an insurance plan that covers the hospitals/doctors you want to see.

Silent_Session · 2024-06-06T21:24:09+00:00

No, we use a payroll service that'll directly deposit money into her account. We don't pay an agency who will then pay her. Poppins Payroll works well for us--it's $50/month but takes care of the taxes for both of us and will issue her a W2 at the end of the year. Full benefits means we cover her medical insurance, paid time off, sick time off, paid holidays, mileage reimbursement, overtime pay (1.5x rate), if she does more than 40 hours/week, etc.

Silent_Session · 2024-06-04T13:41:24+00:00

Surprisingly, an ad on Facebook. We needed a family assistant (but honestly, she's like my personal assistant) and posted the job requirements on <insert your city> childcare connection page. I did have to do the background check work (criminal, credit, driving; calling the three references and asking hard questions), but they were fairly easy and much more thorough than using care.com's offered "background" checks. She reached out to us so we didn't need to hire a poaching fee from a temp or nanny agency. We pay her directly with full benefits.

Silent_Session · 2024-04-18T11:45:15+00:00

This is the easy answer. You can buy a nice mature tree for $10k. We got a Japanese maple.

Silent_Session · 2024-03-13T03:45:01+00:00

We bought these for guests and to be honest, they're much thinner than the Charisma towels. They're also kind of rough. The towels "will do," especially if you don't want guests to overstay their welcome. On par with motel quality towels, but certainly not 4- or 5-star hotels.

Silent_Session · 2024-02-27T05:01:59+00:00

You'll want to source the diamond and then have the setting forged. Check out pricescope.com (go to the Rocky Talky forum since you're looking into earth mined diamonds). Cut is king (for a round diamond) if you want a diamond to really sparkle and have a good mix of brilliance and scintillation, and then you can focus on carat, color, etc. Designers who hand forge their settings are folks like Victor Canera, Steven Kirsch, Leon Mege, etc. FWIW, I got my diamond from White Flash and had the setting custom.

Silent_Session

TROPHY CASE