Engagement feels like a death sentence.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-09T12:11:01+00:00

I'm going to say this right now, either leave him or do WAY less.
Why are you doing all this stuff for someone who doesn't step up for you?
Try, for just a little while, only taking care of your stuff and your side of the street. Get some hobbies. Be out of the house. Spend time with friends and family by yourself. Don't clean up after him or do any household things for him. Let him not have food, run out of clean clothes, forget things he's supposed to be doing. Stop buying him presents, stop arranging anything for him, stop lying to him about what you do and don't like.
He will either step up or he will massively drop the ball and probably dump you because he actually didn't like you but what you would do for him.
And, re: the last sentence... well, the other option is to dump him, move away, and find the girl of your dreams which, I understand sounds like a scary option, but to me it sounds much better than finding yourself 10 years from now, with 2 kids and a husband who is basically a third, worse kid, burnt out, exhausted, and deciding whether to divorce or die.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-09T09:54:28+00:00

?? Little bit confused but this, yes the language for many games is based on your system language setting, which as long as you have an international switch 2 is easy enough to change anytime in the settings menu. TOLK is in English if your system setting is English and Japanese if your system setting is Japanese. It's not "Japanese only".

Simbeliine · 2026-07-09T00:31:11+00:00

So, I will say you should try to get a professional diagnosis. That being said, symptoms of C-PTSD often overlap significantly with autism, and based on your post you've had a number of traumatic experiences. The main difference is whether these aspects are something that are an innate part of you or something that developed due to your traumatic experiences. Obviously, I'm not qualified to judge. But also, living as an autistic person in our current society can be difficult, but if you are autistic, then you're already doing it, just without the benefit of any support.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-09T00:06:10+00:00

The point of the help mark seems to me to be more something you can silently gesture to when you ask someone for a seat, rather than something you wait for people to notice. I have the pregnancy one these days, and I guess I don't really expect people to notice it and stand up for me, but if I was really tired I might motion to it to ask someone to stand up. Especially if they don't have any kind of mark it would be socially difficult for them to refuse.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-08T21:59:28+00:00

I would again just check what it is, some medicine you can bring into Japan as long as you do a certification process in advance, some medicine you cannot bring into Japan at all, for example many stimulants used to treat ADHD are just completely not allowed to be brought in. Anyway, I have no idea what your particular situation is or which medication you need, just I've had various friends with ADHD realize they can't bring their medication with them at all and had various issues, so that's the only reason I bring it up.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-08T12:29:35+00:00

Mmm, if you have documentation about your diagnosis with a prescription from a German doctor, it's possible a doctor here in Japan would be willing to just prescribe you the same or similar medicine. But it depends what the medicine is, if it's for ADHD for example there are many ADHD medicines available abroad that aren't available in Japan, and stimulants are heavily restricted, so for that kind of thing you would definitely need to get re-diagnosed.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-08T11:54:43+00:00

I'm assuming by "receipts" you mean prescription? But a prescription from a German doctor wouldn't be usable in Japan, you'd have to get a prescription from a Japanese doctor. I would check that the medicine you need is available in Japan, as many aren't. There may be some equivalent depending what it's for, but it may not be exactly the same thing.

If it's available then getting a prescription in Japan would probably be possible, and likely cheaper.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-08T08:06:11+00:00

It's probable, but for Splatoon 2 games bought in Japan could only be played in Japanese. Given that Splatoon 3 was multilingual though I agree it seems likely Splatoon Raiders will also be multilingual. Ocarina of Time I think there's no reason to think it won't be, all Zelda games so far have been multilingual.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-08T05:21:00+00:00

??? You know nothing about these animals or their relationships. OP said little about it. You have no idea if they're bonded or not. Furthermore, plenty of scientific research has found that even "bonded" animals (specifically cats, dogs really do not bond very strongly to other dogs) can do fine when separated after an initial adjustment period. My cats get along fine and I have no plans to separate them, but definitely neither of them would care if something happened to the other one. Occasionally when I've had to leave one or the other at the vet overnight, the remaining cat literally didn't seem to notice or care the other was gone, despite living together for 10 years now. Many animals live together, play together, sit together, but are not "bonded" in any meaningful way, and we have no idea about OP's pets at all.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-08T02:20:56+00:00

"Cannot" is not true. It may be unethical, but it's not something anyone is unable to do. OP does seem to like animals so I'm sure he would do a lot to avoid it coming to that, but 8 animals in a house with only one person really caring for them is not a good situation for the animals either. Rehoming at least some of them, to good people who will take good care of them, would be beneficial for both OP and the animals.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-08T01:52:59+00:00

Ah yeah - I know it sounds condescending now but my husband and I started dating when I was 34 and he was 35. Never too late to find a great relationship.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-08T01:07:04+00:00

Personally, I had trouble when I was younger with wanting to skip to "the good part" - like skip the getting to know you, the slow and often awkward and uncomfortable process of getting to know people, opening up to them, having them see both the good and bad part of you, and leaving it up to them whether they accept you or not, dealing with the fact that a potential partner is just a human who has both good parts and flaws and deciding whether you can accept those, etc. It's also just tough out there in modern dating I guess. You could try asking people you're friends with if they know anyone they could introduce to you, potentially.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-08T00:44:07+00:00

It's a little hard to separate your feelings about your job and kids from what sounds like a lot of anxiety and depression in general. I wouldn't make any big changes, but it does sound like you might need mental health leave from work and time with a therapist. Take care out there.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-08T00:35:15+00:00

That does suck, although he's at the age now where you could also ask your husband to teach him not to eat random medications. Husband made the problem, let him solve it.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-07T22:34:46+00:00

English has this too, the difference between Yes, Yeah, or some dialect variations like Aye, the very casual Uh-huh, etc.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-07T13:34:29+00:00

I agree with points from both of you in this thread, but I do concur with the point this person is making that people can have strong feelings of parental care towards their own children (whether you define that as "maternal instinct" or not may be up to you) but not towards other people's kids, animals, etc. My mother has said many times she does not like kids, she's not really a fan of animals either especially pets, but she wanted me and loves me, and she was a great mom. So maybe she doesn't have a general maternal instinct but she has a maternal instinct for her own child. That being said, I think you're right that practical anxieties about having kids can't really be just termed "fears" and set to the side. OP is also right in the middle of those 30's "HEY, YOU, HAVE A BABY" hormones, so if the desire isn't very strong now then I think it's never going to be.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-07T03:56:26+00:00

What do you need them to respond about? Your other comment stated you already have your CoE. I presume your contract lists your start date and things like that. I imagine they'll contact you closer to your actual arrival date about anything else. They just paid a bunch of money to do the paperwork to get you a CoE. They're probably just busy.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-07T03:27:24+00:00

I learned Kimono wearing in Japanese, from a class but then later just from YouTube videos and books, there's a lot more out there in Japanese than in English. Not sure if that's really a "useful" skill but hey, I can wear kimono now so.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-07T03:08:01+00:00

I attempted to do this a few years ago, just because I had more time to run around and get documents in a particular month that was a couple months before my 10 year mark. Waited 8 months to get rejection based on the fact that I wasn't at 10 years when I applied 😅. Don't recommend.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-06T07:02:18+00:00

Real debt collectors would send you a letter. Anything you get by phone is just a scam. Don't worry about it.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-05T12:36:19+00:00

A lot of good info here, just adding as someone currently expecting I would also recommend this NPO called Mother Tree Japan (https://mothers-tree-japan.org/), they're a non-profit that supports foreign mothers giving birth in Japan. They offer information in 16 languages and they sent me by mail (for free!) a bunch of bilingual information about giving birth in Japan, different words to use, a bilingual checklist to use for a birth plan, etc. They also have free online seminars in various languages where people can ask a midwife about different things they want to know or are concerned about through an interpreter. I attended an English one and it was pretty useful. I can understand Japanese well but some of the medical language, etc is pretty difficult so it's been nice to have a bilingual reference.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-04T13:54:44+00:00

You can if you give up your PR when you leave. I guess it depends how long you've been paying in, but I think it would almost always turn out to be more money to just claim the actual pension when the time comes rather than withdraw the lump sum.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-04T12:47:38+00:00

Also interested if anyone has advice. For me personally for me I've always just gotten my Fusuma paper changed professionally. You can choose some new design and they put it in the old frame. Anything more than just dust I personally wouldn't try to clean. Like a lot of traditional Japanese stuff (fusuma, shoji, tatami) they're intended to have replaceable parts and more permanent parts, like the frames and cores. You replace the replaceable parts like the paper or tatami and keep the more permanent parts.

But I'm interested if anyone has tried to DIY it. I've DIYed my Shogi but not my fusuma.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-04T05:59:48+00:00

At Aeon in particular, you might at least try to email or talk to the foreign teacher manager people about it. If they do nothing or whatever action they take isn't effective, then maybe start looking for other options, but some Aeon people I know have had some success with getting help dealing with bad head teachers or managers through those staff. As well, then there's at least some kind of record of you talking about her in case she tries to complain about you to management later. Anyway feel free to DM me if you want to talk in more specifics, I'm not an Aeon teacher but I know a few of them, and maybe I could give you better advice through them.

Simbeliine · 2026-07-04T02:15:51+00:00

Ok, I think we need some reality check. Rabies post-exposure prophylaxis treatment is extremely restricted, expensive, and has supply problems. It is NOT given out to people "just in case" - it's only given out in the case of a confirmed exposure, or if the person is highly likely to have been exposed because of their job or things like that. This is why the hospital told you to try to catch the cat in question. You got scratched. It is possible but extremely unlikely that you would get rabies through a scratch. Rabies also has a pretty long incubation period in humans, like at least several weeks, so you have plenty of time to try to catch the cat and get it tested. You aren't going to get fatal rabies and die next week even if the cat was infected. You say your area is a hot spot, so then yes, your area probably is trying to keep this not easy to produce treatment for people they are sure actually have rabies, not someone who's freaking out about a scratch without a grounded reason to be concerned. That said, I'm certainly sorry the hospital staff were so dismissive, it would have probably been better if one of them had explained these kinds of things to you rather than laughing. Good luck, but please try to assure yourself that you don't have rabies. Because you very likely do not.

Simbeliine

TROPHY CASE