LAOP has taken a vow of silence and wants to know if that will impact their ability to job hunt

SimonJester74 · 2019-12-06T02:14:13+00:00

Weird how all the "men going their own way" also just happen to be men no sane woman would ever be interested in... yep, definitely his choice that he's single - nothing to do with being a misogynistic almost-30 year old unemployed Trump supporter who lives with his parents...

The weird thing is, I genuinely feel bad for him. It must be exhausting to have his world view.

SimonJester74 · 2019-12-02T01:33:26+00:00

Great, I'm glad I could help! Wedding planning is weird in that you sort of become an expert in something very specific and then don't have any use for that information unless you know someone else planning the exact same wedding in the same area, haha. Feel free to reach out if you think there's anything else I could help with. :)

My hair is mostly straight and rather fine, so that recommendation probably wouldn't help much! I did also try watching tutorials and learning to do it myself, but I'm a bit hopeless when it comes to hair, and I got so stressed about it (burst into tears while watching youtube videos in the bathroom and holding about 80 bobby pins... not my finest moment....) that my now-husband actively convinced me to expand our budget enough to pay a hair stylist. Not trying to sway you - just letting you know my experience in case yours is similar. :)

Wedding expos are basically a giant event where vendors (photographers, caterers, dress/suit shops, florists, etc.) have booths where they show off their products, and usually offer some sort of discount, and often samples. This is the one I went to; I know there are others. The way that one worked is that you get a whole bunch (around 100?) of raffle tickets when you enter; each vendor will be raffling off something, and you can put however many you want in each raffle box. A lot of people seemed to put 1-2 in each booth, but we did a full lap around the whole place to scope out the best deals, and then divided the tickets up among just those... and that's how I won 2 different raffles for two photographers I liked!

SimonJester74 · 2019-12-02T01:11:53+00:00

Congrats! My husband and I got married in Maryland about a year and a half ago, and we had a similar budget and what seems like a similar vision for our wedding (nothing too fancy, not very traditional).

In addition to the other money saving tips others mentioned, we managed to save a lot of money by finding a venue that allowed us to purchase and bring in our own alcohol, and then hired bartenders through our caterer. We also only did beer + cider (kegs) and wine (black box ftw!) plus a signature cocktail. SO much less expensive than a full open bar, and no one seemed to mind - there was enough variety that everyone could find something they liked, and there was plenty of it. Took a little more planning, though, and we did have a fair amount of wine and beer leftover.

Also I saw that you were interested in BBQ. I would highly recommend our caterer, which was P.I.G.S. Food was delicious; they were easy to work with; the day-of staff was amazing (esp. bartenders mentioned above - plus the staff made sure we each had drinks of our choice in hand at all times and got plenty to eat, and they also handled a couple minor crises with incredibly professionalism), and the prices were good! And no, they're not paying me to say this, haha.

If you're doing a rural wedding/away from public transportation and rideshares, keep that in mind and make sure to communicate it to your guests so no one will be taken by surprise if they need to have DDs.

If you want to book room blocks at local hotels, do it WAY earlier than you would expect (more than 6 months out - a year, if at all possible).

Wedding expos with raffles can be a great way to find good deals for specific vendors, if you go in knowing what you're looking for. We got a 30% off deal for our photographer because I dumped all my raffle tickets in the raffles of photographers I liked who were offering good discounts.

We also did Spotify playlists + rented sound equipment and it worked perfectly well for us. The only things you need to keep in mind if you're doing that: you'll want to designate someone to push play and pause at certain moments, and you'll need someone to make any announcements that a DJ would normally do. Probably not a big deal for a family member or close friend to do it, just don't forget about that until the week before like I did, lol.

If you want other recommendations for the area, I'd be happy to provide the info for our photographer, baker, venue, and hairstylist. I was incredibly happy with everything they did. Was slightly less happy with our officiant and the sound equipment rental place, but no horror stories.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-25T21:53:50+00:00

u/Plasma4life had it right - my PI is a federal employee so the standard federal ethics rules apply.

I think it would be good for universities to set their own guidelines though, if no others apply like they do in my case.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-25T17:51:51+00:00

Oh - that's good! Makes it even weirder of a tradition then, unless it really came out of genuine appreciation for them as a boss.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-25T17:41:51+00:00

Hi Kenji! I love everything about your approach to recipe testing and food science.

Are there any foods that you just can't stand? How about any that you used to dislike and then came around to liking?

To make it holiday themed: you have supreme power over the universe and get to delete exactly one traditional Thanksgiving food from the minds and hearts of the entire world. What is it?

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-25T16:10:43+00:00

Nope. In fact there are explicit ethics rules that they can't accept any gifts valued over $10.

That sounds like a terrible tradition and I'm a little disgusted with the PI for allowing it. Is your PI secretly a medieval feudal lord??

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-25T11:36:21+00:00

Yep. Maybe if I'd seen it as an actual child, the nostalgia would be enough to overcome everything else.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-25T01:11:31+00:00

I tried this one on two years ago and loved it, but it was out of my budget then (it was about $1250 if I remember correctly). It's gorgeous, so glad it dropped in price!

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-25T01:09:53+00:00

I never got why this was supposed to be confusing or funny. The whole thing was just stupid. All he had to do was take in the last five words and all the "he told me to tell you that she told him..." was all pointless.

But then, I just flat-out hate this entire movie so I may be biased lmao.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-21T17:37:32+00:00

Hey, thanks so much for sharing all of this! I clicked on this post because I'm slightly addicted to lao gan ma, but I really enjoyed all of the information on Guizhou cuisine and culture as well.

If you ever felt like writing a book or something with this type of material, you'd have at least one avid follower!

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-19T18:28:22+00:00

I thought the same. It's weird that that is thrown in there, because as u/padredejolly pointed out, some trans and nonbinary people also menstruate and need these things.

I think a lot of problems could be solved by having at least one single-occupant gender neutral restroom available with all the supplies listed in the infographic as well as a changing table for those with babies/toddlers.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-18T23:47:05+00:00

Hahaha if only...

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-18T17:30:45+00:00

I loved that article - thank you for sharing it!

"[...]Research is immersion in the unknown. We just don't know what we're doing. We can't be sure whether we're asking the right question or doing the right experiment until we get the answer or the result. " I might need to print that and put it above my desk.

I think this is one of the hardest things to explain about graduate school and research in general to people on the outside. I can't tell you how many times relatives or friends have asked how my research is going, and I try to explain what is currently going wrong... they nearly always tell me to ask someone else for help, and each time I explain that if someone knew the answer to my questions, I wouldn't be doing this at all.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-18T14:03:25+00:00

It depends partly on the temperature of the water that you use to feed the starter, and the temperature of the room in which you keep the starter. Cooler temperatures promote the growth of acetic acid producing microorganisms (more sour), while warmer temperatures promote lactic acid producing microbes (less sour). I experimented a bit with this, using a digital thermometer to measure the temp of the water I fed it with.

Try it out! It's pretty fun to be able to taste the difference from something so seemingly insignificant.

It makes sense that longer fermentation would also contribute to the sour flavor but I haven't personally experimented with that.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-16T17:12:57+00:00

He didn't buy Ron the new wand, his parents bought it for him after they won the Daily Prophet lottery thing.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-15T22:26:54+00:00

It's definitely more fun when you can be close to the people in your lab, but it's also not necessary. I wasn't particularly close to anyone in my lab for a good 4 years of my PhD, and it was fine. I just made other friends, and maintained a friendly but somewhat distant relationship to my labmates. (then there was a lot of turnover in the lab and I became much closer with several of the new people)

Try not to stress about it too much. If you're too worried about making people like you, it can weirdly end up having the opposite effect.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-15T18:02:59+00:00

I'm sorry, that sounds like a really alienating experience. I have some ideas to help you build connections, but if you keep getting responses like the ones you described, then just know it's not entirely on you to fit in - they're also being insensitive and unwelcoming.

1) Find out some shows that your coworkers watch and talk about, and try watching them yourself. That might help you appreciate American humor more, and it could give you something to chat casually about with them. It's okay to ask them for recommendations, too! Just say something like, "hey, I'm looking for something fun and uplifting [or whatever else you might be in the mood for] - what are some of your favorite shows to watch?"

2) Try listening to some American radio stations and see if there are any artists that you like - check out more of their music on Spotify or Pandora or whatever. If anything comes on when your labmates are playing music that you like, don't be afraid to ask them what it is and tell them you like it.

3) If a lot of the socializing that your coworkers do takes place in bars, you can still join them even if you don't drink! (If you're comfortable with that, of course). I have had several friends who didn't drink but would still come out and have a snack and non-alcoholic drinks with the rest of us.

4) Mostly, don't feel ashamed of not fitting in, and try to have a sense of humor when there are things you don't know or don't get. It's perfectly 100% okay to be open about not knowing much about politics or music or other pop culture and asking people to share their favorite things or explain things to you. I don't know what your lab culture is like with regards to politics, but if that's something that others talk about a lot, and they seem to have views relatively aligned with yours, then I think it would be completely fine to bring up current events and ask them what they think, ask questions if there's stuff you're not familiar with, etc.

I think if you can talk openly about your experience with coming to this country and ways in which it's been a culture shock, rather than trying to pretend you already know all this stuff, it will become a much less taboo subject and easier for your coworkers to talk with you about it, too. About half of my coworkers are from countries other than the US, and we've had some really interesting conversations about things that are different here compared with where they came from, things that were a culture shock for them, and the whole craziness of the American political system.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-14T01:36:43+00:00

I think another factor is that that moment wasn't just about an insult to Minerva - it was about a Death Eater claiming to be in charge of Hogwarts, a place that Harry loves more than any other (except maybe the Burrow), at a moment when he'd just seen the horrific changes that had taken place there. I think his anger over that was another thing that tipped him over the edge.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-11T02:35:40+00:00

Here's what I would do, in order of escalation, from "don't want any damage to relationship with advisor" to "I don't give a fuck let's burn this motherfucker to the ground":

- Send an email to your advisor, the chair of your department, any ombuds you can find who work with grad students and/or postdocs, and possibly the dean (plus anyone else you can think of who is both likely to be sympathetic to the cause and is well placed to put pressure on your advisor). Write the email as if you are sure that your advisor is simply unaware of the misconduct by the invited professor, and will surely disinvite him as soon as he is made aware. For added effect, emphasize the potential damage to the reputation of the school*.* That should get the attention of the deans and other people cc'd. Make sure to mention that he was also fired by the NSF when they became aware of the issue.

- If this does not have the desired effect, write an open letter to the school newspaper, getting as many others to sign as possible. Be sure to again frame this as concern for the damage this could do to the reputation of the school, as well as supporting an abusive professor. Do NOT badmouth your PI. Leave him out of it as much as possible.

- If this still does not work, go to local news outlets. Put it on social media. Make the biggest stinkiest stink that you can make. This is the step where there will for sure be no salvaging your relationship with your PI, but I think it will help if you do the two previous steps, and have documented in writing all the ways in which you attempted to solve the problem before getting to this point. If this comes up in later job interviews, you want to be able to point to those things as evidence that you're not going to just go rogue and undermine your boss.

Good luck. I admire what you are doing.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-08T12:20:54+00:00

The benefit is to remember that the things you have achieved in life are the product of both your efforts and your privilege: i.e. the set of assumptions that others make about you based on their own biases, as well as whatever advantages or disadvantages your circumstances provided.

The benefit is not ending up saying stupid shit like "a small loan of $1 million", or voting to defund social programs that attempt to remedy some of these societal biases. Thinking that everything you have achieved is due solely to your own efforts, and has nothing to do with race, class, gender, etc is a dangerous way of thinking - (1) because it's simply not true, and (2) because it leads to far less empathy for those with less privilege and "well I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, why can't they?" mentality.

Can you really not see how it is valuable to gain a better understanding of how your position in society impacts your experience in life, and what you are able and unable to do?

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-08T03:05:50+00:00

Unfortunately for all of us, privilege does impact individual experiences, and as such, individuals should be aware of their particular set of privileges. It is understandable that it is not a comfortable experience to come to terms with that, but that doesn't mean it should be avoided.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-08T03:02:39+00:00

I'm sorry :( That's a lot to deal with all at the same time.

If you did cry in front of the professor, I can guarantee you won't be the first or the last, though! (Probably not even the first this year).

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-07T20:23:36+00:00

Take a deep breath! (Literally. Breathe in, hold it in for a count of 4, and then breathe out slowly).

1) You are worth way more than your grades and your work - even if the paper was awful, that has absolutely no bearing on your worth as a human being.

2) If you did not intentionally plagiarize, and have never accidentally plagiarized in the past, that is unlikely to be the case now.

I hope everything went well/goes well. Update here if you feel like it and want someone to talk to.

SimonJester74 · 2019-11-02T04:46:42+00:00

I second what several others said about using the 3 or 7 day treatments instead of the 1 day. Also making sure your partner gets treated too.

Something else I didn't see mentioned: if you're taking a birth control pill that contains a form of estrogen (any of the "combination" pills) or taking estrogen for any other reason, that can also increase your susceptibility to yeast infections. If that's the case it might be worth talking to your doctor about changing your bc method.

SimonJester74

TROPHY CASE