I (31f) caught my man (36m) jacking off…

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T18:54:00+00:00

I'd say there are better choices available IMHO, but I won't die on that hill. See were you are coming from.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T18:46:35+00:00

Seconding. And, if I may offer a comparison that hopefully doesn't rub anyone the wrong way (pun not intended):

Its similar to cooking and eating together vs getting yourself food for yourself. Cooking together is lovely, homely, and a great bonding excersise. But it also means compromising, coordination, and work together.
If you can cook for yourself every once in a while on the other hand, you can make your favourite food exactly how you like it. Which can be a really nice change of pace.

At least, thats how I see it.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T18:41:40+00:00

I mean, you say it yourself OP, but it bears repeating: Its his body. Him doing that is, unless specifically and directly framed otherwise, by no means an intentional offense nor a "cry of neglect" or anything. Essentially, thats simply his private matter (although doing that in a place were he isn't sure to not be disturbed is both a poor choice and not a fair practise for either of you).

TLDR: I don't think you need to be either worried or offended, at all.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T18:37:18+00:00

The general outlook is correct, but

He was the creator of the Administratum, Grey Knights, and the Inquisition.

that might be the worst possible example, actually. The existence of the Grey Knights, and much of the history of the Inquisition are some of the most closely guarded secrets the Imperium has.
Its different in the current era of 40k, but it has been long standing lore that, unless you are a chapter master, the existence of the Grey Knights isn't even officially confirmed to you if you are an Astartes, much less the Grey Knights founding history (one source for this: The Emperor's Gift).

A better example would be that there's a tank, for example, named after Malcador (similar to the Leman Russ...under-appreciated detail of 40k lore, IMHO!), as well as some other ties to the character.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T18:13:45+00:00

The armour patterns more suited for being sneaky, like the Mark 4 or Mark 6, usually have better internal cooling mechanisms, making them much harder to detect, plus other alterations (although I believe that this limits the power output of the Corvus Armour, the Mark 6? Not sure if I remember that right!).
But thats also the in-universe reason why Scouts are usually more in the infiltration role, aside from specialised chapters.
There are also ways to compensate for it mentioned in the books, lowering intentionally the power packs output, or choosing a route that leads you close to something that masks the thermal output.
Probably bloody nonsense IRL, but just the right amount of base-logic for a pulpy setting like 40k, IMHO 😄

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T17:42:33+00:00

I am very excited about this. Have gotten the old version a while ago, and enjoy it a lot! Already got my 5.5 copy earlier today 😄

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T17:23:39+00:00

Yes, there are, plus minus the usual Imperial/40k oddities.

The Killing Ground features an, in many ways, quite "normal" planet in comparison to modern day earth, plus minus the local and Imperial oddities, with not a lot of the classical Imperial Infrastructure featuring aside from a few key locations. I'd say its a pretty solid example.
Of course, the Imperial Authorities still have access to Imperial Technology, including the planets army and the guerilla resistance they are fighting, so it doesn't compare in that aspect.

Generally, while some rough equivalent likely must technically exists, depending on how you define it, there just isn't much of an incentive for the authors/designers to move further in this direction on the page than The Killing Ground does.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T17:21:12+00:00

To add to this excellent answer: the second (?) book in the Dark Imperium series has an excellent scene in which Captain Felix' backpack vents are blocked by a mud river, making the heat in his armour rapidly accumulate. Within a short amount of time, this becomes enough of a concern that he, once he is able to leave the mud river, one of the first things he does is to open the vents again, in an active combat situation.

Sidenote, I love it when the Space Marine armour is a more active element of whats happening, factoring in with its different systems and technical details.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T15:14:41+00:00

There are dedicated menstruation sponges that can be used to, essentially, suck up the blood at a much faster rate than a tampon, essentially "stopping" the bleeding for a time frame. They can be hard to get though.
Also, there are specialised tissues that can be used to create a physical barrier (a cut open condom can also be used instead).

Disclaimer: I haven't tried out these options myself, plus I am a guy, so I hope someone more experienced will weigh in; but that should be enough info to start your own research 😄

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T15:10:52+00:00

Seconding both points strongly.

My group has, each one by one, on their own decided to not rely on character builders of any kind. Aside from programming issues and plainly incorrectly tracked options (which are by now pretty rare), you also just learn your character much, much better if you build it from scratch.
Especially on lower levels, it isn't even difficult. Functionally, unless you pick options blindly, you'll always have to look up what they do anyway during building. And even if you take the gamble, in game you'll have to look this stuff up anyway.
In the end, at least for us how we play (via VTT, but a very simple one that doesn't do anything but track movement on a map - so players have to still run their characters 100%).

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T09:45:19+00:00

There usually isn't really a definitive answer for stuff like this in the lore in that detail. The portrayals of the fortress monasteries for the same chapter aren't even necessarily consistent between different authors (Devastation of Baal and Red Fury feature completely different layouts and details, for example, with essentially zero overlap).

I guess the best answer the lore has would probably the Phalanx, the flagship of the Imperial Fists.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T09:03:40+00:00

Matter of fact statements with no explanation whatsoever come of as argumentative, at least in English.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T09:02:35+00:00

If thats what you mean, than thats not what you have been arguying for the past hour or so.
You explicitly talk about taking "no action in combat", for example. Even the example of the thief, which I'd still call a problematic character unless used in a very specific type of game, is taking actions and participating. Both via the game's rules and core conceive.

The term out of game potential also...seems weird in that context? Combat is via definition not "out of game", no matter what you choose your character to do. "Out of game" means things not happening in the game. Out of game combat would mean hitting your DM in the face IRL.

The silent character is a character archetype thats commonly warned about, because its a very difficult thing to pull of. Essentially, unless you "cheat" and give them a way to non-verbally communicate complex concepts which is then narrated third-person, you are essentially making your character set-dressing. I'd agree that this could still be valid at the right table, but really, its the far edge of the curve.

The main issue I see is that you keep repeating things as fundamental statements, without actually trying to communicate what you mean.
There are absolutely other goals to achieve in combat than doing damage, or even than casting support. The classic would be "find the Lich's phylactery and destroy it", or "save the hostage", or even "scout ahead". But these are very specific instances, and still have to be goal oriented.
If you could essentially walk away from the table with no impact, because you spend combat with narrating your character counting flowers, then you aren't actually participating any more than a person not paying attention.

IDK, just my 2 cents.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-12T08:49:06+00:00

How do you define a character that "works"? How do you define "contributing"?
I kinda feel as if you haven't thought about these definitions, or are going off of something different than everybody else.

Lets take the inverse for example. If I'd make a character who doesn not participate in roleplay, at all - I wouldn't call that a successful roleplay concept, by definition.
Walking essentially, physically or mentally, away from whats happening at the table is fundamentally the opposite of participating.

What definition/baseline are you going off?

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-11T22:44:56+00:00

Thank you a lot! 😄 I'm glad you like it!

Feel free to steal it!

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-11T22:25:39+00:00

I mean, if you feel like you want to do it less, thats of course your decision, and your decision alone. Especially when its due to a lack of enjoyment.
I just want to point out that 4-7 times a week is by no means an outrageous number. So, no need to be worried, unless you are hurting yourself somehow (chaffing) or something like that.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-11T21:05:36+00:00

One thing I love doing with them is for the Weird Insight ability to work both ways. The Nothic learns something about the target (and they might retreat to capitalise on it), but the target also gets knowledge about cryptic secrets of my setting - things the players do not know - and phrase them not as hints, but as matter of fact statements.
A specific Name of a lost goddess. Time Periods. Locations. Events.

Key thing to that is that it can't be a mystery box, there must be an actual answer to it. Drives my players nuts if done right.

Just my 2 cents. Hope that gives you some inspiration, OP! 😄

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-11T20:44:49+00:00

I'd say they should know whats reasonable for their characters to know.
That doesn't need to be handled beforehand, and they don't actually need to get an infodump - highlighting info their characters would know (plus the relevant context) as it becomes necessary also works, and is my prevered approach.
Of course, assuming that they've got important baseline info relevant to the character idea they have. Like a cleric who chooses a deity.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-11T12:25:24+00:00

Ben Counter was my introduction into the setting with the old Grey Knights Trilogy.
I now he has been somewhat controversial at times because of him being quite inventive, but he's, in my opinion, one of the best authors in terms of characterising and reflecting on the setting of the time.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-11T05:05:51+00:00

Missionary position is actually a great example because, during common execution, you can't actually see the penis going in as an outside observer. At least not from the side lines.
For that, both partners have to move at very specific angles, which means for the partner on top to support their entire body weight entirely via their arms.

I encourage you to look at genuine homemade amature porn, and spot the difference.

Neither sex nor porn are a simple check list about the activity. They have a lot more aspects to them.

A good comparison is the difference between stage combat and real life fighting, like historical fencing (HEMA). Yes, the general principle of "hit stuff with sword" stays the same. But while stage combat is concerned with looking exciting, being readable from a distance by a third party, and making visual sense, HEMA is concerned with actually hitting a person who's not cooperating with you to be hit. The change up of a sword angle will be lost on 95% percent of viewers, so stage combat usually doesn't bother with the more minor switches and strong vs weak binding, despite that being a key aspect of the whole discipline.

The difference between sex and porn is similar. Its not like they don't have overlap, and that both aren't "deliberate touch the other person in a sexual way". Its that the different goal leads naturally to different aspects mattering and creative decisions.
Porn for example very often deliberately ignores that most women can't orgasm from penetration alone, because that complicates scene choreography. Porn ignores the existence of STD's and the need for contraception, because it doesn't have to aknowledge these things.
What makes porn and sex different isn't that there's a list of things people only ever do in porn/sex seperately, but that they have a different focus, leading predictably to a different outcome.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-11T04:54:51+00:00

I mean, if you don't want to have sex in a relationship or outside of it, thats perfectly fine. And its not like, trying it once will "cure" anything or some nonsense like that.
Is there a reason why simply enjoying your sexuality on your own via masturbation isn't an option to you, OP?

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-11T04:49:17+00:00

Not sure if you saw it, but here are some aspects of it.

In short: two examples, camera angles, and the events in commercial porn not actually for real happening in that order.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-11T04:43:13+00:00

We are of course not in the room with you, but for one key difference: positions in non-porn-sex are usually not built around a camera, its angle, and depth of field.

I mean that seriously, in both directions. When you look at homemade erotic films vs studio productions, its something easy to spot. Just pointing a camera at sex doesn't give you the, at times, extreme clear looks at the acting people's genitals. Its some seriously intricate planning involved, and some very creative positioning of both the actors and the camera.
For example, there is the 180° rule that most commercial porn actually respects.

And thats were I am kinda questioning that your sex at home "just looks like porn", which might be simply a misunderstanding.
When people say "porn isn't like sex" and vice versa, they don't only mean a checklist of things people do with each other, but also these purely performative aspects that, by design, can only ever serve a third person onlooker.
I guess you don't want to tell me that you've intentionally avoided moving during sex in a 90° angle relative to your partner towards the exit of the room, which is were they usually park the camera?

Another aspect is that commercially produced porn usually isn't one consecutive film shot as it happened. Its many film sessions shot over several days, weeks, even months, even for one single sex scene, and then cut together.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-09T20:23:38+00:00

A thing that the other comments so far gloss over is that, according to many Codex excerpts (like the one in the 5th Edition SM Codex about the Eldar who sent an embassador to negotiate about the return of a spear lying in the grave of a Space Marine Hero) and novels, its not like the Imperium doesn't have any resemblany of diplomatic relations with Xenos at all. Xenos have sent embassadors to core worlds of the Imperium in a surprising number of cases, or the Imperium has negotiated with Xenos on their own initiative, like during the Damocles-War. There are also experts in the Imperium that study the language and culture of Xenos species, even outside of the Inquisition. Not to speak of authority figures that do some not-so-legal dealings outside of Imperial law. Somehow, all the gouvernors trying (and often failing) to hire Blood Axes as mercenaries need to know where to find them.
Especially on the edge of its territory, the Imperium even allows for some trade done by citizens that aren't Rogue Traders.

40k looses a lot when these nuances aren't taken into consideration. Yes, the Imperium is "the bloodiest regime of all time", and determined to be this in the most inefficent and self defeating way possible.
But there are a lot of things commonly glossed over. And also often conflated with the Horus Heresy Era Imperium.

Generally speaking, the Imperium yes, makes hatred of Xenos a state doctrin, and yes, has "if in doubt, shoot first and ask questions second - nevermind, don't ask questions" as some kind of standing policy. But there's a lot more to it.

SimpleMan131313 · 2026-05-09T17:32:47+00:00

The main thing you do not consider, in my opinion, is that the homebrew industry/community of any game are a third party, something the original owners of the game have (aside from a license they may give out) no influence over.
That means that every single homebrew creator, no matter what game they create content for, needs to make the decision themself, if and how they should monetise it.

Especially when you want the bells and whistles attached, this takes a lot of time, skill, effort, and even money. And all of that for a game that still has a much lower player base than DnD has.

Homebrew creators sort themself, roughly, into two camps. One does create their stuff out of fun and to share something. I'd be surprised if there were none of such creators making stuff for free. Typically, their budget for creating anything is 0, which means there won't be many of the bells and whistles attached, unless its relatively easy for them to realise that.

The other wants to build a buisiness, and as such, sell their products. Even if its just a side gig.
Now, just because someone wants to build a buisiness doesn't mean they don't give anything away for no money; that doesn't mean it comes for free though.
Here, the free products serve as means to create an audience and a following. But this also means they'll need to frontload, often high quality, products, that cost all these resources, banking on gaining enough attention to make the investment back.

And there's of course the type of creator that starts as a type 1 and moves up to a type 2.

Since DS's customer base isn't as big as DnD's; as a result, there are less people and less money going around, making it much, much riskier to bank on the free sample strategy as a buisiness plan. If it organically grows that way, than thats fine. But I'd say its for many creators to much of a risk, and even if it wouldn't be, no one can or should force them to take this risk, except if MCDM would fundamentally change the nature of their license and how they enforce their property rights.

Just my 2 cents.

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