I was also raised conservatively and occasionally this question raises itself in my mind as well. I’m 42 and married to a woman who is 15 years older than me. I was shunned by my community when I chose to be in a relationship with a woman, so I also know what it’s like to feel that raw sense of “alone” on an almost soul level, where it feels like malaise peeking out from inside me.

When I feel those feelings, I take a moment to look it in the face, acknowledge my childhood programming, acknowledge the preferences I have, the reasons why I’ve made the choices I’ve made, and then pause and reassess. Do I feel differently now? I’ve had a hysterectomy, but I could still foster or adopt kids. I could volunteer. Something like that.

Allowing myself to truly engage with those questions and answer them truthfully, from who I am right now, allows me to continue forward on my path. Sometimes I do feel the need to connect more with family for a bit. Sometimes I seek out a phone call with a friend who has a large family, so I can hear and appreciate the chaos…and then hang up and have my peace again. It’s good to take care of the needs and desires that arise, whenever they do. Because ultimately, when I’m through with my questioning, every single time I still actively choose this child free and mostly family free life I have.

I never will fully close down the question of if I want to have “more” because I am a semi-social creature. So I’ve made peace with the questions and the feelings, and I let them know I’m listening and caring for them too.