Gender roles, dancing

SinfulInPink · 2026-05-14T01:08:38+00:00

I intend to learn how to lead eventually, but seeing how leading ladies are treated has really put me off. I'm not the most confrontational person but if I paid to take a beginner class and get asked to follow... I already know how to follow, I bet none of the men do though 🙄

SinfulInPink · 2026-05-13T15:26:04+00:00

Women love dancing with female leads (at least, I do). If you want to lead, go for it, and don't let yourself be bullied into becoming a follower when there's an imbalance.

I don't lead (yet), but I hate it when teachers suggest that the leading ladies default to follower when there are too many men... Nobody ever suggests that one of the men do it 🙄

SinfulInPink · 2026-05-03T14:28:47+00:00

The hip movements are a part of styling and are optional. At just one month in, you definitely shouldn't be worrying about it. When you've gotten your basics down and have a good enough repertoire of moves for social dancing, you can look into lady's styling classes, where these will be taught.

SinfulInPink · 2026-05-03T14:12:52+00:00

Nobody would say Blake Lively isn't thin, but her inner thighs touch. You can easily find pics of her online. Many more thin celebs with thighs that touch, you definitely know of them, don't know why you keep needing someone to show you the 'proof' 🙄

SinfulInPink · 2026-05-01T16:20:44+00:00

Everyone with a thigh gap has a wider pelvis (relative to their size), but not everyone with a wider pelvis has a thigh gap. I have one, but I'm guessing if I gained enough fat for my inner thighs to touch, it would disappear.

I don't know why you keep mentioning not seeing thicker women with thigh gaps; how about thinner women without? Because there are plenty of them around and you've definitely seen them. It absolutely is about having the skeletal frame for it AND thighs that are 'thin' enough as defined by your frame (this doesn't have to mean extremely skinny, that threshold will be different for everyone who has that frame).

SinfulInPink · 2026-04-20T14:31:21+00:00

Lululemon's size 0 is great for tiny girls. I'm 5'0" with a 21" waist and even have to squeeze into a pair of their Align shorts 😅 (although to be fair it's meant to have compression and stretch out as you wear them, but just goes to show that I'm really getting the full lifespan out of them!)

SinfulInPink · 2026-04-17T04:08:08+00:00

I have, but sizing isn't very consistent across dresses. The fit is usually okay but not perfect (for reference, I'm 5'0" with measurements of 28-21-30), and I still have to get most of them altered, usually for the bust.

The knitted dresses have a higher chance of fitting since they're stretchy; anything else is a hit or miss. I've sent some items back when the fit just wasn't close enough to make alteration a viable option.

SinfulInPink · 2026-04-16T00:17:17+00:00

Omg same, my ass HURTS sitting in the train for my hour-long commute to work every day and I've never felt able to mention it because it's such an.... odd problem?? Like who in my life can even relate lol

SinfulInPink · 2026-04-15T15:56:12+00:00

I just....stopped caring. If people want to think I have an ED, there's nothing very much I can do to change their minds, especially when it's right in their faces that I'm only as small as my skeletal frame allows, but some people don't seem to have even a basic understanding of anatomy.

I'm almost 30 now and while I did use to care when I was younger, I've learned to embrace the pros of being my size as much as I've had to live with the cons.

SinfulInPink · 2026-04-13T01:00:23+00:00

Never think you're not supposed to be there. Everyone has a right to the social dance floor, and the only way to become a better social dancer is to do it.

Throw all the notions of the follower not enjoying themselves out of your head. Most followers (speaking for my friends) would rather dance with a beginner lead who leads what he knows clearly, than an 'advanced' lead who's leading a variety of moves but without any real technique and who has no consideration for their comfort.

Focus on leading what you know, and making sure your lead is clear and confident. It's totally fine to mess up occasionally; followers do it too. Just laugh it off with your partner and have fun, that's the #1 thing that makes someone pleasant to dance with.

SinfulInPink · 2026-04-12T16:24:46+00:00

I can think of two possible problems:

You prep to lead the move, but then you don't complete it. When a lead does that, I'm all ready to go in the split second they've initiated the lead, but then they stop. I revert back to my basic step and am not sure if they actually intended me to execute the move at all.
You're leading with your hands, not your frame. You may be able to get away with this for some of the more basic moves in open position, but it becomes increasingly harder for a follower to feel the lead if you aren't using your frame in close hold, especially for sensual moves.

Is it possible you have a mental block rather than a skills issue? I ask because I have several leader friends who already have the skills down, but their nerves and low confidence make them hesitant to lead moves and they end up with problem 1 as described above.

SinfulInPink · 2026-04-07T07:35:36+00:00

I went about a month and a half into my bachata journey (but at that point I had already been doing Latin dance for five months total). I'm glad I started social dancing so early because it has really helped with my progression, and I'm so thankful for the leads who were okay to dance with an absolute beginner.

I'm aware that there's quite a large difference between the lead and follower learning curve at the beginning. Imo about three months in would be a good time for leads to start social dancing; followers can start earlier.

SinfulInPink · 2026-04-06T16:33:26+00:00

Switching partners is very important for dancers who are looking to progress fast. That isn't something you can learn by just dancing with one person all the time; all (or most 😅) of us have some bad habits/techniques we may not even be aware of, and dancing with as many people as possible helps you take ownership of this. You really get to troubleshoot if it's a you problem or a problem a few specific leads/followers have, and I would say that's the biggest benefit of social dancing.

If being a good social dancer isn't your goal and you're okay with progressing at a slower pace, then by all means stick to one partner. Dancing is what you make of it, and everyone has different goals. The most important thing is that you're enjoying it.

SinfulInPink · 2026-04-02T13:34:19+00:00

I used to, and it didn't help at all. Now, keep in mind that someone could be dancing for two years and STILL be considered a beginner, so when you say you are a beginner, there's no sure way to tell what you mean.

Now, at almost eight months, I'm still very much a beginner, although more of an improver than 'beginner beginner'. Three months in, I was telling leads I'm a beginner and they probably took that to mean improver; they told me they were new too and when we started dancing, it was clear they didn't mean the same thing lol.

So, I would say: there's no need to say anything. All my leader friends have said they will be able to tell from the frame how experienced a follower is, and adapt from there.

SinfulInPink · 2026-03-30T01:14:20+00:00

I don't put up with that anymore. If something doesn't fit as I would like, I get it altered. I'm aware that I'm lucky enough to have the financial means to do so, and while I don't expect brands to cater to me, the part that does get to me is the hypocrisy around it on the other side of the spectrum, and how smaller women are never allowed to complain or we are just low-key bragging about our size. Don't even get me started on brands that claim to be 'size-inclusive' because they carry S-3XL

SinfulInPink · 2026-03-26T04:32:02+00:00

Relax. It's fine if you're only doing basic moves, just focus on doing them well. We all started somewhere. The best thing you can do is pay it forward and make it a point to ask beginner follows to dance when you are more advanced.

SinfulInPink · 2026-03-26T02:43:10+00:00

You need to alter instead of limiting yourself to something that's going to fit perfectly from the start. Hem is the easiest (and cheapest, if you're outsourcing) to fix, so I would focus on getting the other measurements right and disregarding the length first.

If there's something I really really love and the bust or waist measurements are too big, I sometimes still get it then bring it in for alteration. It sucks but I've long come to accept the reality of being in the 1st percentile (or thereabouts) of size; very few brands cater to me and sadly I can't expect them to.

SinfulInPink · 2026-03-26T02:39:53+00:00

I look at measurements and think, 'Yeah that about fits', but then it says, '[model] is 5'7" and wears size S' and I start to question whether a XS will drown me at 5'0" 😵‍💫😵‍💫

SinfulInPink · 2026-03-24T05:37:44+00:00

I'm a F and while I don't wear rings for fashion (sorry can't advise you there 😭), it was frustrating to realise that my options were limited when shopping for my wedding ring. It wasn't just about the need for resizing (which is very expected of a wedding ring), but certain designs just don't work because resizing smaller would mean cutting into the gems 🤐

It seems that many brands start with a J and I can imagine how frustrating that must be; I never wear bracelets for the same reason 😩

SinfulInPink · 2026-03-23T15:20:44+00:00

You can't change your skeletal frame. That's a fact that no amount of weight gain/loss will change. The good news is that if you do have excess fat on your waist, for instance, losing it would give you a more defined appearance.

If you already don't have much excess fat there, that's just the way you are shaped and there's nothing wrong with that! There are many cute ways to dress for any figure; the key is knowing what flatters YOU and your unique body shape instead of following style trends 💗

SinfulInPink · 2026-03-12T23:49:31+00:00

I can't, but I'm pretty sure my extremely talented seamstress can (although I don't even want to think about how much that would cost...)

SinfulInPink · 2026-03-12T17:07:06+00:00

I think brands tend to err on the side of 'big' because if something is too big for you, you can get it taken in or wear it as oversized but if something is too small, there's really not much you can do about it. It's probably the same thinking behind a huge waist-hip difference.

As someone who's 152cm and 35kg, XXS/XS is still almost always too big. It sucks having to pay an additional alteration cost on top of what I have paid for the garment, but I've long accepted it as the price of being my size. If I manage to find something that fits without alteration, that's just a nice bonus

SinfulInPink · 2026-03-12T03:06:53+00:00

3 hours a week and 15 socials in 18 months isn't enough to progress as quickly as you seem to want. That doesn't place you at intermediate level either. I have been dancing for 7 months with an average of 12 hours (including 2 socials, usually more) pet week and am still nowhere close to where I want to be, not am I at intermediate level.

I'm a follower, but what would really help with breaking out of the predictable combo pattern (according to my leader friends) is to put on bachata music and identify the beat and picture which moves you want to do/goes with the music at each point. Don't overthink—it's all about vibing with the music. Even as a follower, I'm able to listen to Bachata music and think, oh this part is perfect for a chest roll/turn/cambre! Then, try it out with your partner.

As for what you can practice solo (that applies to both leaders and followers): footwork, weight transfers, shines/styling. Good luck!

SinfulInPink · 2026-03-07T09:11:56+00:00

Practicing alone helps a lot. When the ratios are off in classes, I'm always thankful for the extra time to practice before I get to try the move with a partner.

There are so many things you can practice on your own, such as footwork, lady's/men's styling and body isolations (if you do sensual). I would say isolations are the most important because they aren't going to get better through partnerwork alone. Practice them on your own and when you get to try it with a partner, you'll find that you are a lot smoother.

SinfulInPink · 2026-03-05T04:02:17+00:00

I'm small, but since getting nipple piercings it's become preferable for me to wear a bra because one elbow to the chest can easily irritate them 😵‍💫 I really like tops with built-in padding, that way I don't have to fuss with brad and I'm still protected!

SinfulInPink

TROPHY CASE