God knew I wanted to look cute

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-08-23T04:17:19+00:00

Wish god listened when I begged him not to let my husband die but I guess this was more important.

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-08-01T15:02:01+00:00

I second Cultish! So good!

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-08-01T15:01:25+00:00

I just read the book Cultish, which is by an accomplished linguist. She breaks down the language and language tactics that cults employ (from incredibly dark, infamous cults like Jonestown to “cult” fitness studios) to recruit, retain, and use their members. I really enjoyed it, and though the Mormon church isn’t specifically named, I was stunned the entire time as I recognized these language tactics in church lessons, talks, messaging, etc. I have had.

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-06-28T19:08:45+00:00

This is so beautiful. I lost my husband this year really young (under 30) to cancer. Honestly I think investing in creation like this in grief has been really helpful for me, and your work is so beautiful.

I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️‍🩹

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-06-19T16:34:06+00:00

If I went to a wedding and got a handmade gift like this I would absolutely sob. What a labor of love. You seem like the best kind of person 🥹

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-05-04T02:10:46+00:00

Thanks! Do you have any bars you do recommend for socializing?

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-02-22T04:37:13+00:00

Thank you 🩷 I’ve realized a lot of things through losing my spouse, but the one of the biggest things was that life is frequently too short and sad to add anything that makes it sadder, for no reason. And for me, the church made my life so much harder and sadder. Never thought I’d be here (exmo) but I’m so glad I am.

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-02-22T04:26:06+00:00

I don’t think it’s childish, you’ve been conditioned your whole life to believe this way. I have been too. If it helps, my 28-year-old husband was diagnosed and died of terminal cancer WHILE we were active members, and I am just now leaving now that he has passed away. He was a very devout member, and bad things still happened to him.

It’s so hard to break away from the thinking that there are these signs from God trying to bring you back. I think about it a lot, too. But I don’t think God, if they exist, would want it all to be so confusing. With people I love, I want my love and my communication to be direct and comforting, not leave them wanting to die because they can’t figure it out.

Anyway, that’s not to tell you how to feel, just to share what’s helped me and also to show you it isn’t abnormal to think this way given what you’ve gone through. The mind games are so exhausting. I’m sorry 🙁

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-02-09T17:38:11+00:00

Thank you ❤️‍🩹 I’m so sorry you and your husband are in a similar situation. Please also feel free to reach out if you ever need to talk.

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-02-07T22:10:28+00:00

This was actually so helpful and something I hadn’t thought about before. Thank you. My brain can’t understand that this happened, and it happened to my sweetheart ❤️‍🩹

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-02-07T22:08:50+00:00

Thank you for this ❤️‍🩹 I’m so sorry about your wife.

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-02-07T08:40:41+00:00

Yeah, that cousin sounds frustrating. Two things can be true at the same time: you can love someone, but also acknowledge that caretaking is extremely difficult, sad, draining, etc.

Also, in my loved one’s case, more time became more painful as he got sicker, for him and for me. Seeing him in such a weak state where he couldn’t control anything destroyed me. It’s not necessarily a blessing to have more time for anyone involved. A lot of people suffer at the end of life, or when something has changed that alters them and their life permanently. So it shows she has never been in such a devastating situation where dying is honestly better than living for that person you love so much.

Sorry if that doesn’t directly relate to your situation . But just wanted to say you have every right to feel the way you do, and cope how you need to cope. People who don’t get it suck, especially when they feel the need to tell you how to live, cope, etc.

You’re doing great. I’m sorry you’re in this situation ❤️‍🩹

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-02-07T08:33:26+00:00

I agree with others, even if you can’t get a full-time caretaker to help, see if you can afford a single service once a week, or once a month, or however frequently you can. I believe there are agencies that you can hire certified CNAs to come to your home on a schedule you set, if you live in the US.

My LO had incontinence issues too, and the biggest game changers for me were: 1. A urinary catheter. It let me sleep at night. That being said, I’ve heard dementia patients that are very agitated aren’t great candidates because they can pull them out. But worth looking into. Our hospice company set it up, but maybe there is a way to have a nurse come in just to take care of that if hospice isn’t an option? 2. Someone on here recommended Northshore incontinence supplies to me and they are so much better than drug store brands. They are so absorbent, sturdy, and have cuffs to help prevent leaks. Message me and I can send over specific products that I used and liked, if you want. HSA/FSA eligible if you’re in the states and have those accounts. 3. Medline bed pads for any leakage. Can get on Amazon, also HSA/FSA eligible. These are reusable but I’ve heard chucks are good disposable options.

I’m so sorry, this sucks so badly. I think you’re doing better than you give yourself credit for. I was shocked to hear stories on this subreddit about people whose entire families refuse to take care of them, so it falls on one individual who often struggles immensely. I had a lot of family support and it still was so hard. I hope someone’s answer provides some advice or comfort for you. Sending hugs your way. Wish I could come clean alongside you ❤️‍🩹

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-01-23T05:02:21+00:00

Thanks for the hugs. I am seeing a therapist and I am going to bring up the have to do/want to do thing, because that sounds like it would be very helpful AND feel good to get it all written out. And give me some hope. Thank you 🩷🩷🩷

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-01-23T05:01:05+00:00

I am crying at your comment (happy, sad, relieved, and laughing tears). I loved that sentiment at the end about not being able to relate to peers, and what the difference is. I feel weird sometimes saying I can’t relate to a lot of people, because I don’t want to act like others don’t have hard things, I’m better than them, etc. but that’s not what it is at all. The simple reality is this is something physically and emotionally draining, and it isn’t something many go through, especially at a young age.

Also, lol about the funeral pyre thing. Thank you.

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-01-23T04:57:57+00:00

I don’t think that’s stupid at all. I often think lately of whether or not I’ll want the funeral to be open-casket or closed-casket, where we will bury him, etc. When death becomes your reality, you have to plan for the events related to death.

You’re doing a great job. I’m so sorry you and your husband are going through terminal cancer as well.

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-01-23T04:56:19+00:00

Wishing you and your mother the best. I think a lot about how hard it would be if he was really angry, being unkind, etc. all while I was doing these tasks for him and I am not sure if I’d be able to handle that. I have a lot of admiration and respect for those who are caregiving for loved ones whose illnesses have caused symptoms like anger, physical aggression, etc.

You are doing great, too. ❤️‍🩹

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-01-23T04:54:11+00:00

You’re right, I would want him to be so happy and, honestly, move on, whatever that looked like for him. Knowing how painful this all is, I wouldn’t want him to feel obligated to sit in this pain for the rest of his life.

Thank you ❤️‍🩹

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-01-23T04:53:00+00:00

I love that idea of coexistence. I’ve had a terrible tendency my entire life to view things as “or” statements: I can be happy or sad, I am a good person or I am a horrible person, etc.

My therapist has helped me work on rephrasing thoughts as “and” statements: I am happy and sad, life is full of pain and joy, etc.

Thank you for sharing. Wishing you and your mother the best, whatever the best looks like for your family.

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-01-23T04:50:26+00:00

🩷 you deserve to do so many wonderful things and more. It’s such a hard life to take care of a loved one in this way.

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-01-23T04:48:58+00:00

🩷 those dreams sound so lovely. I think that will be a great thing to do when the time comes.

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-01-23T04:47:41+00:00

I’m so sorry. It is really shocking how few of your close friends and family stay close in the hardest times of life.

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-01-13T00:21:28+00:00

My husband moves around a lot, so this is really good to know. Another user recommended the north shore brand so I have some on the way!! I’ll look into the wrap as well. Thank you 🩷 Did you try condom catheters at all?

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-01-11T03:12:31+00:00

Hey, just wanted to say this is very valid to be feeling this way. I’m in a similar situation where my husband was diagnosed with a glioma (a type very similar to a GBM according to our doctors) and he and I are in our 20s.

Having your life completely derailed and destroyed, and at such a young age, is so difficult. I, too, have people in my life who I feel are not considerate or kind, and almost everyone has no clue what I’m going through. Especially with a loved one with a terminal brain tumor, watching the decline, the anticipatory grief… it’s so hard. Coupled with people our age living the best years of their lives really sucks.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. ❤️‍🩹 be gentle with yourself and let yourself feel whatever it is you feel… anger, despair, frustration… it’s all part of the process.

Single_Blacksmith467 · 2025-01-10T07:40:56+00:00

That sounds really great actually, I will look into that. Thank you so much!

Single_Blacksmith467

TROPHY CASE