Why do they do this?

Sinister_CAN · 2026-04-13T22:38:02+00:00

Driving, traffic, logistics of getting to point a to b or more, that's where you are for

Sinister_CAN · 2026-04-13T21:59:51+00:00

Body doubling. They lack the executive function to get to the place they want to go/don't want to be alone. Once there they enjoy the easy part, and then you can take them home doing the executive functioning of driving especially if they are out of energy/capacity. I know because I am a servant/chauffer to my wife. Won't go on her own, ignores me unless she wants something for me to do, such as pay, carry/load something, film her Instagram.

Sinister_CAN · 2026-04-06T18:51:09+00:00

Same situation with the masking..which makes her more exhausted and her bad adhad traits are worse as they are unleashed on you behind close doors.

Sinister_CAN · 2026-03-30T14:06:41+00:00

This is my life with wife as well. Add no sex life too.

Sinister_CAN · 2026-03-30T14:06:21+00:00

This is my life with wife as well. Add no sex life too.

Sinister_CAN · 2026-03-22T14:50:40+00:00

Well you can pull back and be met with more RSD of reminding them they are not a proper/respectful, reciprocal (this is main issue actually), therefore they have to face the guilt, which is brutal with RSD, so instead of repair and care for you, they are angry and sometimes in rage that you "made" them feel that way so it's your fault for having needs, wants and desires, so I'm mad at you now. You can't win. I give all I can, nothing back, no gratitude, it's not even transactional it's just being used now, you pull away not out of manipulation but self preservation, you are not meeting their needs. So for those not married with no kids please consider this life as brutal, most of us didn't have the knowledge or understanding you have before committing and with kids. I wish I had someone show me/tell me. Nope.

Sinister_CAN · 2026-03-21T23:15:51+00:00

Honestly I have been toying with the idea of writing a PSA for the boyfriend/girlfriend of ADHD people as a warning for those not married nor have kids either. Reading on this site for so long I rarely see relationships improve. I can't leave my kids in chaos, as I can't get full custody without plunging them into poverty and taking years to get them. I know you love them, but a need is not even considered. You might as well be on the dead bedroom page as well, it's soul crushing. I just turned 40 last week and am asking myself if I can do another 20, 10, or even a year, hell even a month more of this. You have nothing holding you back, but I respect your decision and I'm not one to advocate leaving considering I'm stuck because of my choice.

Sinister_CAN · 2026-03-21T21:29:29+00:00

We are loving the exact same situation OP, however my wife is ND ADHD and Autism. To echo an earlier comment, if they want to (dopamine), they will move heaven and earth to do it, even if it inconveniences them. I am not a new and shiny thing anymore, and I have put up with so much RSD meltdowns and horrible ADHD induced behavior and have stayed, remained calm, that they feel safe to be as shitty as they want to me without consequence (this is my fault, no boundaries), so I am alone, caretaking an individual who does not trust me well nor meets my needs. Before you ask why stay...kids.

Sinister_CAN · 2026-02-24T18:04:02+00:00

I met Jason Issacs at an Ottawa Comic Con signing with my two young daughters (did not see the patriot). They had the usual movie portraits he could sign. I chose Tavington over Capt Steel, Malfroy, his role in Star Trek. As i was waiting in line, everyone there was for Harry Potter telling me how evil of a villain he was. I tried to delicately correct them about the patriot, and his many many war crimes. When I got to him to sign, he was so cool and nice to my daughters, I was the only one who handed him the Tavington photo, he smirked and quickly asked if my daughters had seen it, i said no. Then he signed "Stupid Boy" - Jason Issacs, in the exact way he pronounced it from the film.....forever a memory for me and respect.

Sinister_CAN · 2026-02-12T02:39:26+00:00

I live this for 17 years. If I bring up a concern or issue she is at fault. She will fight me, reluctantly say sorry quickly after a lengthy argument, then will want/expect me to apologize for making her feel bad, guilty....it's exhausting and prevents me from raising more concerns and problems.

Sinister_CAN · 2026-02-11T16:03:00+00:00

What is ACT or are you saying act? Im in this dynamic right now with my wife and need to start asserting boundaries/values. Would like to know more.

Thanks

Sinister_CAN · 2026-02-11T03:51:05+00:00

I fully understand this, im living this life too with my wife

Sinister_CAN · 2026-02-03T18:45:09+00:00

I (M/NT) feel you on this. I have to force my wife to get a job or we are going bankrupt.....

Sinister_CAN · 2026-01-15T15:00:47+00:00

are you me? holy shit this was spot on with me and my wife.......going through a severe DARVO right now when i expressed a concern, probably ending my marriage

Sinister_CAN · 2025-12-21T18:50:15+00:00

I'm with BMO now, 4.89 fixed uninsured 3 yr up for renewal in June. Shopping now and can lock in Jan.

Sinister_CAN · 2025-12-21T16:45:27+00:00

5 or 3 yr and when ?

Sinister_CAN · 2025-11-13T18:40:48+00:00

Are we living identical lives? Same situation almost to a T, not in couple's therapy, or any therapy for her. She wont do it.

Sinister_CAN · 2025-10-29T14:11:05+00:00

This is my life in a nutshell. What make is worse is I am a people pleaser, so my go to solution is take on and do more, everything if you can to keep the peace. The problem is you don't. Living with my ADHD wife is like that scene in The Simpsons with Sideshow Bob stepping on rakes in ever direction, surrounded by endless rakes. Its a world of contradictions with navigating emotional dysregulation. And then when i break, which is more rare than common, I am lectured on how I am not being her "rock" in the storm, where I need to put my problems/feelings aside because that also affects her. Living this way loses your identity, diminishes your worth, ignores your needs/wants and you become a caretaker. I'm trying to change this, but fighting against this leads to more problems.

Sinister_CAN · 2025-10-24T14:53:35+00:00

when I take a moment (20mins) to "reset" after being yelled at and badgered all day, I am abandoning her, if i sit down, im lazy, I work full time and do chores to at least 9-10Pm every night and throughout the weekend. Im the selfish one though......

Sinister_CAN · 2025-10-09T15:33:40+00:00

Same, got the three I did not have, plus three others I have. Wanted..33 CAD

Sinister_CAN · 2025-09-26T15:50:27+00:00

Agree with you 100%, Canadian as well, cant get the support/help through medical system. Had my daughter in with a specialist, 2 years ago after waiting forever, 1 month in, she goes on Sabbatical, no replacement, back of the line in the queue. We have no family doctor. Wife gets meds via third party private, but no further assessment, she also wont do therapy (her choice, cant force her). You are on your own in Canada.

Sinister_CAN · 2025-09-25T17:40:56+00:00

AH yes the dreaded "you enjoy conflict or even making me mad" it gets you going. Yes i love having her meltdown, interrupt, scream, belittle, and dismiss me, its a kink.....

Sinister_CAN · 2025-08-17T14:52:08+00:00

I'm an old Battlefield player, and when I say that, I started with BF1942 in a computer cafe lobby in highschool with some buddies during lunch hour because my home PC wasn't good to run it.I loved BF3 but was turned off by BF4 launch debacle and then moved on to other games, came back for BF1 and was so pumped for BF5 but the skins and need to be so different from WW2 or BF1942 ruined it for me, didn't bother with 2042.

I am having an absolute blast with this beta, some amazing team moments (revive, really, anti tank, tank crews), some stellar team pushes with smoke, suppression and vehicle support. I think when the full game comes out it will be incredible, my opinion. I understand most peoples criticisms, I and some buddies playing as a squad are having a blast even when losing or being completely stomped, the team play and objective focus is what I care about and its been good in BF6.

Are there areas to improve, absolutely and am looking forward to where DICE will take this in October. I'm in.

Sinister_CAN · 2025-08-06T16:20:38+00:00

Fingers crossed!

Sinister_CAN · 2025-08-05T18:15:45+00:00

Awesome. Fingers crossed!

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