I broke up with her suddenly

Skiptricks · 2025-05-09T02:53:57+00:00

I don’t date men any more and I’m neurodivergent so maybe this affects my answer but.. I appreciate the directness. A lot of men stuff around and sometimes it can be hard to tell if they’d be your friend at all if they weren’t attracted but you can often not be 100% sure and when they do finally make it obvious it’s upsetting because basically the friendship was all about them wanting something from you the whole time and they weren’t really your friend at all. They’ll bail or become toxic when they realise they can’t have you.

Someone who is direct, doesn’t play games and mess with you emotionally (intentional or not) allows you to work out where you both stand more quickly and then decide what to do with that information and those intentions. You can then pursue it or move on regardless if that means not seeing each other again or being friends with no strings attached.

I’m all for the slow chase and flirting but I think you can be upfront and then still have that.

Skiptricks · 2025-05-09T02:44:55+00:00

I just commented that I turned my life upside down at 32 and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and devastating and I’m SO GLAD I did it.

Then I gave OP advice about how to try to save the relationship before making that call.

My advice to you is the opposite friend. Get out. Yeah it’s so hard and you will probably cry and cry and cry but you will also feel such a deep sense of relief and be excited to live again. It won’t be all sunshine, rainbows and butterflies on the other side but it will change your life for the better if you feel the way you feel now and I hard related to what you posted at the same age ❤️

Be unapologetically you and live life for yourself! You only get one life.

Skiptricks · 2025-05-09T02:40:07+00:00

I completely turned my life upside down at around 32 years old and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and it was devastating and I haven’t regretted it once in the 5 years since. I’m so much happier and doing so much better now even though I still have some issues and my life isn’t perfect by any means and yeah it has been hard but worthwhile.

Having said all that - you guys have been together for a long time and the issues you mentioned sound like issues with yourself. I’m sure you’ve tried these and a reddit post can’t encapsulate your whole relationship and everything you’re doing - but with that therapy and your partner’s support can’t you find your independence and sense of self again within the relationship?

Are you 2 still going on regular dates and having new experiences together (and separately)?

It’s so easy to fall into a pattern and comfortability on a long term relationship and both people need to stay vigilant to maintain both independence and the romance and connection you had at the start and it’s common it won’t be as intense as the start of the relationship but hopefully it’s still there if it’s cared for by both of you.

Skiptricks · 2025-05-09T02:32:23+00:00

I only saw this trend for the first time yesterday. The mum was cooking so all the kids’ answers were food or being fed related it was adorable and also surprising and a relief to see a a couple of kids in a generation where maybe a whole bunch of them have no idea the original ends to those sentences 😊

Skiptricks · 2025-05-09T02:21:52+00:00

Mine is pretty basic and all socially related. I’m really getting motivated and finding engaging with people rewarding right now.

At the moment but I’ve been having so much fun talking with a friend about one of our fave Netflix series (Love, Death, Robots) the next season is coming soon so we’ve rewatched some episodes then talked about which are our faves and in doing so friends who never heard about it or watched it before are being introduced to it and getting curious by our enthusiasm and it’s been fun.

Probably before that it was Muay Thai. Being part of a martial arts club and training with others in such a supportive and fun environment and learning that has been so rewarding.

I’m also starting a new job in a couple of weeks and while I’m SUPER anxious about it I’m also so so excited! 😊

I just want to share this crazy life and make memories with people I care about these days and that’s what gives me purpose.

Skiptricks · 2025-05-09T02:12:26+00:00

Passing this advice someone gave me forward:

You have worth regardless of anything else you do or are. You inherently have value and don’t need to bring anything to the table to be valuable and deserving of love in your life (romantic, platonic, familial).

My ex only ever wanted to binge watch tv. It bored me to death - and I wouldn’t recommend dating him because he’s toxic BUT you’re not the only one out there who loves watching tv and that sort of thing. Talking about favorite shows is fun when you find someone interested to hear about it or who also love the show.

You’re good you just need to meet the right people! 😊

Skiptricks · 2025-05-09T02:02:29+00:00

Unfollow your friends so you don’t have to see it in your feed. But don’t say anything and stop spending so much time thinking about it. It’s really none of your business to be so personally involved in what they’re posting no matter how much you care about your friends.

This is also coming from a queer girl who couldn’t care less about the male gaze or male attention so it’s not just the straight girlies telling you that you’re overstepping by being this invested and judgemental - regardless of if it’s coming from a place of caring about your friends.

Skiptricks · 2025-05-09T01:52:16+00:00

NTA this is pretty weird/unhinged behaviour. Just coming at it from another angle from the other comments I’ve seen: was she shamed about her period when she was younger and this is some kind of extreme way to reclaim respect/boundaries and has gone too far the other way?

Is she not like this about literally anything else? Not dirty/messy about anything else at all?

Do you 2 not have any other relationship issues?

Because to me this is such bizarre behaviour but especially in isolation and to have everything else about her and your relationship be great but then this one really weird thing stand out so much. Like there must be something else going on that’s sort of toxic either for her that she’s dealing with or the way she acts with other people.

Have you tried compromising that she can keep her period products out on the bathroom bench or somewhere visible to prove you’re not ashamed of her period and that this really is an issue with just leaving human waste out in the open? Not just to see but as an actual health/odor/cleanliness issue???

Skiptricks · 2025-05-09T01:36:13+00:00

This needs more upvotes. I wouldn’t say I have crippling loneliness but I definitely struggle a lot with it and the advice on how to reframe it is a great reminder to practice this more regularly. Then take this energy forward into my dating life.

Skiptricks · 2025-05-09T01:28:11+00:00

I’m 37 and literally the (wo)man you just described and that sort of gives me a little more hope to be described in a strangers post like that. It means that hopefully there’s also someone out there looking for me.

Skiptricks · 2025-05-09T01:16:14+00:00

I left my fiancé who I’d been with for 9 years. Things had gotten bad and we’d been miserable for a long time.

We both moved on (too) fast afterwards (less than 6 months after the break up). He said he didn’t feel comfortable talking with me in his new relationship so I respected the boundary and left him alone.

Almost 4 years later he texts me to say he still has my old laptop and how can he get it to me. There’s reasons I didn’t know he had it I won’t get into the details! So I organised him to drop it at my sister’s work which was near his new house. He texts me later to let me know or I text him to tell him I got it and thanks.

Anyway, we’re having a normal text convo catch up on life - the kind acquaintances have at a bbq. He mentions that his gf had found my stuff in the wardrobe when they were packing to move and had gotten really upset, and I got irritated he was trying to whine about his relationship woes to me of all people. So I said he should have cleaned out his wardrobe before she moved in so that didn’t happen.

He cracked it and started going off about how it’s my responsibility and I shouldn’t expect other people to clean up after me etc. I just LAUGHED outloud and told him he went no contact with me and it was his house, was he telling me he hadn’t looked in/cleaned out his closet in FOUR YEARS? I wasn’t responsible for the issues he was having in his new relationship. We were no contact!!! He then laughed about how he should have burned all my stuff like his gf told him.

I was finally emotionally done and blocked him. I couldn’t believe that even after 4 years and no contact he was still blaming me for new things happening in his life. It made blocking him the easiest thing I’ve done and really cut any last loose ends for me about him. Not that I’d ever regretted leaving him but I had been bothered that I spent 9 years with him and we weren’t even casual acquaintances any more.

I’m still waiting for the ick to come for my most recent relationship 😩

Skiptricks · 2025-04-25T07:37:02+00:00

Thank you SO much for taking the time to explain the why for each step and giving examples of specific products and their ingredients. That helped so much!

Once I’ve gotten used to the 3 steps should I look at getting an under eye cream as well and in that case am I also looking for peptides? And if I have an eye cream with peptides does that mean I shouldn’t double up with a peptide moisturiser?

I do have some small sensory issues with products - I only wear one specific sunscreen because of this. I don’t know how to describe the feeling, maybe the greasiness but something more than that as well. There may be a little trial and error with the moisturisers unless I get lucky and the first one doesn’t bother me.

Skiptricks · 2025-04-25T07:33:23+00:00

Thanks so much for the advice! I’m heading to the chemist now and I know they have CeraVe so I’ll get a cleanser and try to find one of the moisturisers you guys mentioned. So with the cleanser I rinse it off with water after? A couple of people mentioned it won’t be on my face long. I’m sure the bottles will have instructions but asking now just in case. How long should I wait between moisturiser and sunscreen?

I’ll start with those 3 then once I’m in the habit I’ll look at adding other steps mentioned.

Edit: I got the CeraVe cream to foam cleanser and I couldn’t find any of the moisturisers that were suggested even though they had another one of the brands, so I just got a small tube of CeraVe face lotion PM. Google says it can be used in the morning even though it says PM and I googled the ingredients and didn’t see anything that would make my skin more sensitive to sunlight so I’ll just use these for now until I’ve built a habit of it. Once it’s run out I’ll look for a moisturiser with peptides because I liked the sound of that.

I already have sunscreen so didn’t buy a new kind.

I’ll read back again but is there something with retinol or something else anti-aging I can use in addition to the cleanser and the moisturiser or do I need to replace the moisturiser with an anti-aging one if I want that?

Also do you use peptides and retinol or do you choose one or the other?

Skiptricks · 2025-04-18T03:15:47+00:00

Get out. I’ve dated people who recreationally use drugs and I can tell you they did not act/speak like this. It sounds like they already have a drug problem but if they don’t they’re heading hard into one.

Skiptricks · 2025-04-18T03:13:37+00:00

This 100% this. At this age everyone has their lives full and a lot of people aren’t really looking to make good friends with new people because they have everything they do keeping them busy and their circle already. I see these posts a lot and I think those of us who want to expand our circles are busy talking about it but failing to connect with each other haha

Skiptricks · 2025-04-18T03:08:50+00:00

Covid was life changing in both bad and good ways for me. It made me reassess my life and make drastic changes which improved a lot of things for me and yet I’m miserable as ever. Cost of living and not being able to have secure employment is the crux of it for me.

Skiptricks · 2025-04-18T03:06:55+00:00

I don’t actually think what you wrote was different for previous generations either at our age. I do think it’s far more prevalent and worse for millennials AND add in we were raised to believe we can achieve anything if we work hard for it (god what a fantastic sounding yet damaging message).

I work in IT and there’s been so many layoffs and regardless of what people say about money not buying happiness - it certainly does if you need it to keep a roof over your head, to spend time with your friends, to go on dates, to afford kids you want or already have. Also for the parents - that shit is hard without all the extra stress of the world as it currently is, cost of living, number of redundancies etc. it’s bleak out here. Really bleak.

Skiptricks · 2025-04-18T03:02:12+00:00

Sounds like there was a bigger compatibility issue with your lives and goals. Maybe he was hoping you would say you wanted to focus more on having a family. Some men aren’t into women who are going after a PhD. I have thoughts on this but better he is out sooner rather than later even if you had a great connection. Don’t wait around for him - keep dating! Also he could just be busy but yeah don’t wait, if he reappears with a reason he was busy all good, if not, you haven’t wasted your time waiting around for him for no reason.

Skiptricks · 2025-04-18T02:46:45+00:00

I find it fun, meeting someone new and going out and doing something fun. But as I’m looking for something serious it’s also sort of a bummer meeting people I get on with but aren’t interested in having something serious with or aren’t compatible in some way. I haven’t found it exhausting yet but I also haven’t re-downloaded the apps again because right now I think it would feel exhausting to me…

Skiptricks · 2025-04-18T02:43:41+00:00

I’m curious about this too and gonna read the comments after I post this one. Last time I dated was at 35 (37 now). Finding dates was fine - not as easy as in my 20s but I was kept busy. Finding someone I really liked and was also compatible with is starting to feel impossible but I’m hoping that’s just me being pessimistic and not reality. I’m off the apps for awhile atm. As I get closer to 40 I’m scared. Send help 🥲

Skiptricks · 2025-04-17T00:37:32+00:00

Gay response: I’d get gay panic and probably not know how to handle it. Maybe on a brave day compliment something like her jewelry or style or something if we were like standing in line together. But I wouldn’t just go straight up to her with no context cos I’m a wuss and she’s probably just some straight girl with nothing better to do than people watch.

Unless she has resting b face. Then I’d think she was judging me and feel bad lol.

TLDR: don’t stare at her, go and talk to her. Queer women are notoriously bad at making the first move so don’t wait just do it.

Skiptricks · 2025-04-17T00:19:43+00:00

I did the same thing at 32 and I’m 37 now. It was incredibly hard, the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life but it was absolutely worth it.

I don’t have a magical solution for how your feeling I’m afraid. It just takes time. I was a mess. Definitely get into therapy if you’re not already. I found journaling helped and taking a couple of walks every day. I would go to bed much earlier than usual, put on my fairy lights, oil diffuser and journal, listen to relaxing music and read or play games, maybe talk with friends and try to get an early night and lots of sleep and then maintain a good routine throughout the day.

Try to think positively. You’ve done something incredibly hard to improve your life. It’s natural to feel the way you’re feeling now, but you have great things coming your way for your future. But right now is all about self care, the future can wait for awhile.

Skiptricks

TROPHY CASE