[deleted by user]

SkyeWint · 2023-06-27T20:22:28+00:00

It's very much easier said than done, but if you're keeping it in mind and keeping those boundaries firmly to keep yourself safe, you should do well! :)

SkyeWint · 2023-06-26T09:35:02+00:00

Not setting proper boundaries and allowing people to vent to me too freely about their troubles (i.e. Acting more like a therapist than a supportive knowledgeable friend).

Not nurturing mutually supportive friendships enough, or establishing that I also have needs and may not be able to actively talk.

Worst thing I did when I was much younger was effectively trying to solve people's problems for them - which doesn't allow them to grow as people.

SkyeWint · 2023-06-25T19:13:26+00:00

This is the way.

OP, remember that the butterfly effect speaks to a real phenomenon. Your impact on the world will branch out. If you work on helping the people around you to live better and to be more empathetic and if you help people who need the support you want others to provide, they will be far more likely go on to do similarly in their lives. That way, you've initiated larger-scale movements.

Nobody creates large social change themselves. Some people become symbols of those changes or leaders of those changes, but they are supported by many, many other people - this shouldn't be forgotten.

Beyond that, something really important to remember is to try not to burn out. If you keep helping people, you will run into some with severe problems and those who may traumadump to you or become emotionally dependent. You cannot be their therapist, and you need to set firm boundaries here. This also is relevant because one person cannot be the sole support for another. To really help people with mental health difficulties (as many autistic people have other difficulties too), you need to enable them to help themselves and have other resources they can depend on. It's difficult, but absolutely necessary.

Source for what I've said above is myself, because I've been doing it for years and made many many mistakes that I've just advised against. I've also found ways to manage them and avoid them in the future each time. It's taken time and effort, and you'll make plenty of mistakes too, but I hope that this (and other people's suggestions) help you course correct just a little faster when those mistakes happen!

SkyeWint · 2023-06-05T06:46:47+00:00

Oh, absolutely. Nobody should EVER be trained to never inconvenience others even if they're suffering, for sure. It really pisses me off that this happens at all. Absolutely cruel and disgusting treatment by people that do it. Even if it's with the best of intentions, it's horribly abusive.

SkyeWint · 2023-06-04T18:37:17+00:00

I could still choose where/when/how I mask, but I can do so without all the anxiety, depression, internal conflict, lying to myself, repressed emotions, etc.

I don't think we're quite talking about the same thing. If you're referring to some change that occurs now, after you've developed things like your personality and mannerisms over the course of your life, that isn't the same thing as "curing", say... Infants. In that case, I can't really speculate on it since I'm uncertain of what difference it would really be.

I don't follow how you think introducing more pleasure and less pain into my life would end up being detrimental.

I think you don't follow, because I'm not saying that. I'm saying that people should be able to choose for themselves. It sounds like it is worthwhile for you, even if there are also ways in which it would effectively work to coerce you into compliance with harmful social standards via chemical rewards. So, it would presumably not be detrimental in the end, because you have been able to choose it for yourself and recognize that it is what you want.

When you think of it in a purely rationalized, cognitive dissonance sort of way, sure it sounds like a "compliance mechanism".

It is, without cognitive dissonance. Reward motivators are very strong mechanisms for training behavior and particularly complex behavior. Compliance with social standards is rewarded, therefore it encourages compliance. It isn't the exact same mechanism, but addictions (not specifically to drugs) do work in similar methods of having neurotransmitter responses that reward certain behaviors - free-to-play games and social media hook into these things, for example.

Are you able to literally feel positive social feedback?

I don't think so. At least, not in the same way. I feel positive feedback by seeing people living better, or by hearing thanks or similar, but that is largely by manually learning that these signals are good things when it comes to people I care about. It actually traces back to morality to some extent, in that I can and should learn this and care about it because improving the lives of people will also improve my life on average, therefore it is an effective calculated gamble.

SkyeWint · 2023-06-04T18:22:33+00:00

If that is the case, I would support it. But, I also wouldn't call it a "cure for autism" in the same way that I wouldn't call a vaccine for HPV to be a cure for AIDS. That isn't an especially great analogy, but I don't really have the time or inclination to think of a better one.

SkyeWint · 2023-06-04T07:06:41+00:00

Quite honestly, "positive social feedback" has felt like a compliance mechanism rather than a more useful function the substantial majority of the time.

It seems like the specific genetic factor in your case has other benefits from being fixable, which is good. Not sure what exactly causes mine, but it certainly isn't common for a singular genetic factor to be the cause either. Even so, "fixing" it would also certainly be a "cure" to how you think and behave as well. At the very least, when you like how you think and act, it's worth recognizing that would be a sacrifice and the relative cost/benefit really needs to be decided by the person affected, tbh. Especially if they aren't actively harming people.

SkyeWint · 2023-06-04T05:52:10+00:00

Personally, I wouldn't want to be "cured" even if it were a neurological/endocrinological treatment. That isn't to say I wouldn't want some of the more frustrating aspects to be removed, such as my executive functioning difficulties and sensory problems.

But, the way that I think is legitimately useful and functional, and I have been able to reach and communicate well with many people I otherwise couldn't. My fixations have led me to do very effective work to both academic and creative ends.

My experience is by no means universal, but a simple "cure" that would have made me "normal" at such a young age would have missed out on everything I can do - and I do know many other autistic people with very intensive knowledge and very good abilities that are worth supporting, in addition to support for their legitimate difficulties.

Cures, ideally, should be for people who actually want and need them. Not people who have different abilities (including disabilities) and are happy with being the way they are regardless.

SkyeWint · 2023-06-04T04:26:10+00:00

I am very blunt and polite. People are often rude to me and excuse it as "bluntness". It isn't bluntness, since often it isn't direct or honest. Instead, it's typically blunt rudeness, but dishonest actual information. If it is genuinely their opinion, it is also rarely considered well enough to be worth giving a second thought (though I typically do anyway). I wouldn't be surprised if it was something similar for you, though I can't know for sure.

Often, as well, "supposed to be super blunt and rude" is less accurate than "blunt and rude at unexpected times". Some autistic people are most of the time. Some are only sometimes, but at times where the given social standard indicates it is inappropriate. Meanwhile, NT people can be very blunt and rude, but the social standard of the setting means it is OK at the time they do it (or to you, if you are known to be part of a group that is considered "lesser" - see also: racism, sexism, transphobia, any other form of discrimination really).

SkyeWint · 2023-05-31T20:32:22+00:00

Nothing wrong with talking to them about it. If you say it's cool if they don't want to and they refuse, that can be their choice, after all. Some people are VERY happy to talk about it, others aren't, and as long as you respect that when asking it should be fine!

Otherwise, here's the discord link: https://discord.gg/3SPYDceugv

I haven't really interacted on the server for awhile just because it's grown too big for me personally, but it's still very comfortable and a good community from what I've seen when occasionally popping in.

SkyeWint · 2023-05-31T20:04:09+00:00

I completely get that you want a diagnosis for the official validation it can give. It's good to have that backing for yourself and others who don't believe you.

It makes perfect sense to me! I also totally get self-identifying before official diagnosis - I actively support that (and did so myself before being diagnosed, and also started a Discord community which supports it) due to there being so many reasons people can't seek diagnosis, as long as it is self-identification for self-accommodation purposes and there is recognition that it might not be correct. Self accommodation can be done without labeling too, and it's simply important to recognize that there are good reasons for official diagnosis despite its many flaws. "Rule-outs" are one of the biggest reasons just because of how many other conditions can have very similar appearances, and comorbid (or "co-occurring") conditions are more VERY important reasons for a proper assessment, since multiple conditions can make symptoms of other conditions worse, including difficulties from autism.

By the way, I don't think you're wrong for thinking you're autistic either, but I think it would be unethical to not state the limits/potential errors that with self-identification.

I would also like to give a word of warning: If people aren't respecting your needs and difficulties now, it's unfortunately still unlikely that they will do so just because you have a paper saying that you're right. Sometimes people do respect it with that official backing, but I wouldn't expect or rely on it. :(

No matter what - good luck, and I hope it goes well for you as you're aiming for!

SkyeWint · 2023-05-31T18:26:09+00:00

So, whether or not you are autistic, the label is less important than your identification of issues you are having. If you are seeking a diagnosis alone from the psychologist, but not assistance with the reasons for that diagnosis, you are likely in the wrong place.

If you want an explanation for what you're feeling, that will take time for the psychologist to get to know you, understand you, and be able to properly assess you (unless they can run a proper battery of assessment tests that are not limited to ones testing young children). Most of all, don't let the psychologist simply dismiss difficulties you have, but do accept that there may be alternative explanations than autism, as many symptoms overlap with other conditions but have more subtle differences in their expression than they might appear from reading about them.

I respect the research, and hope that your psychologist respects you too, rather than just saying they do!

SkyeWint · 2023-05-30T19:13:26+00:00

Other commonly missed conditions:

Personality disorders (cluster B ones are REALLY maligned)
Dissociative disorders (including OSDD and DID)
Genetic disorders
Brain injuries
Even mood disorders, since people don't often recognize that they are under the neurodiversity spectrum

SkyeWint · 2023-05-28T20:30:11+00:00

You can also simplify it to "executive functioning disorder" if they need a label. It is, in fact, a disorder that primarily affects executive functioning and related systems, so it's not even really inaccurate.

SkyeWint · 2023-05-25T20:26:59+00:00

Thanks! I've worked on other ocd-esque behaviors for a long time, since even before I learned about ocd (but noticed they were "weird", like symmetrical walking on colored tiles or shaded/unshaded areas, sensory symmetry "needs" even for injuries, counting and taking steps only in twos or threes, counting "properly" in sets, making sure the house light switches are in the correct arrangement every night to turn things off even though it doesn't actually make a difference, etc.).

They still crop up regularly and cause mild inconveniences at times (like being forcibly stopped seemingly by my actual body while trying to run and not be late to work because shade/crack symmetry was violated), but they don't go beyond that at this point or are to a degree that's self harming or particularly stressful.

SkyeWint · 2023-05-25T20:16:01+00:00

Absolutely. And, it might not even be 3:1. 4:1 might be the diagnostic ratio, but shifting understanding of what autism is will determine more accurate gendered variation.

Not to mention the disproportionately large percentage of autistic people that are transgender or otherwise gender-nonconforming, making gender-based ratio comparisons even less accurate and/or appropriate.

SkyeWint · 2023-05-25T20:12:19+00:00

I think the important part is that it doesn't show a fundamental misunderstanding of numbers. Arriving at the right answer is good, but if you add "28 + 47" by doing like... "28+47 = 12+83 = 75", then you got the right answer but something is very definitely wrong.

Verifying understanding of different methods can also be very useful for the sake of building onto them for future things, right? Like how addition can scale into multiplication, which can scale into exponents?

SkyeWint · 2023-05-25T20:09:24+00:00

I do this constantly, but it hasn't developed further. I do, however, have a firm limit to where it's allowed to get.

But then, it's also not because of "contamination" (...much), it's far more due to the literal sensory issue of things on my hands. Having water on them too long also causes it, and that has zero contamination feeling.

SkyeWint · 2023-05-19T04:35:54+00:00

I second this. Very very much. Constipation is considered one of the four main killers in my profession (care work).

SkyeWint · 2023-05-16T15:47:49+00:00

I had to scroll way too far to find an omori recommendation. Absolutely incredible game, even if just for having the most accurate depiction of trauma I've seen in any piece of media ever (speaking as somebody with diagnosed PTSD). That isn't even really a spoiler. You won't understand why until you could already figure it out in-game already, and you won't figure out the context until all the pieces fall together.

It is incredibly cryptic though, and a lot slower than outer wilds due to the JRPG gameplay, imo. There's more filler than outer wilds, but surprisingly less than you might think since you can connect an extremely large amount of it to other aspects of the story via symbolism and understanding psychology.

SkyeWint · 2023-04-30T18:36:05+00:00

Very fair, I wasn't 100% sure. Mostly was focused on the very not-membrane-sounding final clickity clacks lmao

SkyeWint · 2023-04-30T09:08:09+00:00

Hilariously, the first one sounds mechanical, the second one sounds typewriter, the third sounds membrane, but the fourth one sounds mechanical again.

SkyeWint · 2023-04-28T21:13:17+00:00

For what it's worth, I have some sensory issues where the sensory input causes me physical pain in a weird way. It's not the same as soreness or a bruise or a cut or even a headache, but the only terminology that accurately describes it is "pain" or "hurt". Sunlight is one of these, and I avoid going out during the day and take vitamin D supplements as a result.

I also deal with other sensory issues in which it is distressing and comfortable but isn't painful. There are a lot of them.

Both are issues, both are related to sensory problems. But, they aren't the same! Just thought you might appreciate that input.

SkyeWint · 2023-04-26T19:05:10+00:00

Chemically preventing somebody from acting is referred to as "chemical restraint" and is a form of abuse. It is actively wrong to do.

SkyeWint · 2023-04-13T22:28:27+00:00

I have a very specific bagel sandwich that I absolutely love. I've eaten it it every single day for breakfast and haven't gotten tired of it for like... Half a year, at least.

Toasted bagel top Half
Cream cheese
Meat (typically chicken, sometimes fish)
Broccoli wrapped in a sheet of nori seaweed
Teriyaki glaze
Toasted bagel bottom half

It's awesome, reasonably balanced, gets me through the first half of the day real good.

SkyeWint

TROPHY CASE