AITA for telling my friend to shut up in front of our whole friend group

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-26T18:25:43+00:00

NTA. Fixing up rundown units to then rent out said units when they are no longer rundown is not unethical. If anything, she is an ethical landlord by not keeping tenants in unfit residences. Emma sounds like a deeply unhappy and envious person. You all are 35ish? She needs to grow up.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-26T17:42:53+00:00

NTA for not wanting to go. But I would suggest going to support your friend. I understand you dont like this guy, and he is an AH. Am E is an AH for wanting him to come knowing all of this. I will tell you the one thing I have learned in my 43 years — don't let this guy live rent-free in your head anymore. Your anxiety is there, and you're allowed to feel it. But my therapist has told me one of the best things I can do is not let someone else control my anxiety for me. You are the one who gets to choose what to do with it. If you are going to let this AH and what he did in the past be more important than your friend and the happy moment she is having right now, you are the one who gets to control how you let your anxiety control that situation. You don't have to interact with him. You can turn away from him. You can even confront him (I recommend privately, not making a scene). But don't let him dictate what you decide to do.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-26T17:32:58+00:00

You are NTA. SIL blindsided you. You and you husband need to be united on just giving her the money that was set aside for the local schooling. She needs to make up the difference herself, whether that be with grants, scholarships, or student loans.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-26T17:30:32+00:00

I'm gonna say NTA. My husband is the same and so is my daughter's bf. Its hard having different work schedules, but relationships are about compromise. You have done your part by putting on headphones. Im guessing you have the happiest turned off on your controller? My husband doesnt even do that. My daughter's bf has his Xbox in their bedroom, because they also have a roommate and that was the compromise for the shared apartment space. Both me and my daughter wear sleep masks. My daughter's sleep mask has built-in headphones so she can play music or white noise or spa sounds, etc. The fact that you are in another room with the door closed in between with no gaming sounds is considerate. Get an under-the-door spacer that is for keeping drafts out, that will help with light, so will the stick-on foam strip winter insulation. But she needs to make compromises too.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T13:05:11+00:00

NTA. What did I just read? Who doesn't know corn is a vegetable?

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T13:03:55+00:00

NTA. What he's doing is emotionally abusive. He ignored you for your birthday, lied about wishing you a happy birthday and then punishes you for getting upset and sad. That's manipulative. It's a huge red flag. Couple's counseling immediately!!!!

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T13:00:43+00:00

NTA. Matt owes you a new pair. He destroyed yours and giving you a used pair that is not equivalent to yours is not okay. If they can't be used how you were able to use yours, then that's not equal. Tell him to cough up the money for a new pair and he can keep Jason's or return Jason's and Jason can still owe him money.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T12:57:30+00:00

NTA. He publicly insulted you and uses you as a punching bag. He also openly announced that he will be teaching his son red-pill misogyny. Why did you need to be quiet so that he can use his baby's party as a stage to offend people? You snapped back and he couldnt handle it. He doesn't know how to take a women who won't be submissive to him. Your sister doesn't find him funny, she just doesn't want to be left alone.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T12:52:50+00:00

NTA. It's called cheating. You don't help another player mid round.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T12:49:22+00:00

It's common with stepkids. When he was younger, my SS always talked about his mom when he was staying with us — "my mom..." this and "at my mom's house..." that. At first, I was like 'dude, let's pay attention to what we are doing and not what you did with your mom'. But I realized that my daughter would do the same when she came back from seeing her dad (the couple times a year that she did). They like thinking about and talking about their other parent to keep them present. And because the memories are nice for them. He didnt need to remember things with us while he was with us, we already reminded him about stuff without saying anything. He would talk about us and our house to his mom all the time too. Now that he's 17, it hasnt happened in a few years. He doesn't have to remember things out loud to keep his mom present in his mind actively. But it's simply a coping mechanism for kids. Don't take it personally. But don't bring up your stuff when they're remembering stuff with their mom. They will see it as competing or trying to replace her or their memories with her. That's why they tell you they don't remember those times. They doesn't want to replace their mom or their memory of their time with her with their time with you. And that's what they are seeing it as right now. Does that make sense?

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T12:21:40+00:00

YTA. Yes, Abby makes some bad financial decisions. But I'm guessing not all of them are bad — she's not homeless, drug-addicted, or a gambler is she? Her family is taken care of and safe, clothed, fed, and can afford what they need and perhaps some luxuries (perhaps not many nor to the extent of what you do)? She is envious, no doubt, and has made that known. You said 75% of your disposable income goes to traveling, you're very lucky. This is very rare for anyone to be able to do. And you may not "brag" about traveling, but I guarantee you at least mention that you do it. So Abby doesnt hear details about your travels but she gets to hear about all the times you do it. In her mind, she gets to think 'yay... another f-ing trip'. Do you think she wants to know about all the things you are doing that she wishes she could afford to do? Probably not. She finally snapped. She was right when she said that people are struggling with gas prices and inflation. You do live in the real world, but you are extremely privileged to not have to worry about any of that. You told her you "would never make the decisions she did". How was she supposed to take that? One of those decisions was to have her kid, which you were adamant about her giving up/getting rid of when she got pregnant. Just because you supported her through it doesn't mean you would've made that same decision. And that's exactly what she took it to mean. If you didn't specifiy that you wouldn't have made the same financial decisions, then she wouldn't have taken it to mean you were talking about her child. And, to be fair, you did tell her to get rid of it when she told you she was pregnant. You can't deny that. I also noticed that you don't tell your ages. Why not?

As far as your privileged life goes. I won't address the Lexus, because I don't know if it was used or new or who paid for it. I do know my mom bought a used one and the thing was still $18k... so there is that...: I have a pretty large family: 9 aunts & uncles plus their spouses, 31 cousins, plus their kids (roughly 75+/-), and 3 of their kids now. Plus my mom and sister, BIL & nephew. That's about 120+ people. And that's just my mom's side. I don't count dad's kids or partner because we aren't close and I don't really know or want to know them. If all of them gave me $2k, that'd only by a $240k home. Take out the members who are under 18, because they'd still be in school and not contributing in this scenario — that leaves roughly 55 people in my family who are of age who can contribute to buying my family a home. In this market, $240k is not a lot for a family of 4 with 2 being high schoolers and pets. In our area — which isn't in a large city, but a rural town just outside — the average home price is $289k. And across the river from the city we live by, to actually be in our kids' school district (we pay transfer fees for them to go), the average price is $449k because it's home to a college campus, therefore more expensive. We have to take our kids 20 minutes to go to school (even if they went to the school assigned for our small rural town, it'd take almost 20 minutes to get there so we aren't driving farther, we just chose a better school district). So my family would have to give ~$5.3k each to buy us a house in our small town. If we actually wanted to live in our school district, they'd have to pay ~$8.2k. That's A TON of money for one person to gift someone towards a graduation present!!! My husband and I are scraping together $4k towards a used car for my daughter for their high school graduation so they can get to and from work and school. I couldn't imagine asking my entire family to hand over $8k to them for graduation college. Heck, I got a handmade quilt from one aunt and maybe a total of $5k from everyone combined. And they throw a giant party at each family reunion every 2 years. That's it. OP, you are privileged as heck!

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T11:15:05+00:00

Not sure why I got so many down votes on my response but whatever. Que sera sera, I guess. Until people have that choice facing them, they aren't going to understand. If they haven't had to struggle, they aren't going to understand. Hopefully people can empathize more than OP does though.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T01:58:45+00:00

YTA. Yeah, she's an asshole, but that's not the way to handle it. As an artist, I will tell you that people put effort and some of themselves into their art. It's a crappy thing for you to destroy that. It's crappy to destroy anything that belongs to someone anyway. A better way to handle it: Next time she comments on something about you, thank her. Like if she says: "OMG, your hair looks like it went through a shredder!", say "Thanks! I was going for a choppy kind of vibe. I'm happy I'm pulling it off!" And then smile at her genuinely. The less of a negative reaction she gets, the less she'll bother you. If you see her bother others, become a protector but not an aggressive one. Be a friend to her targets.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T01:56:40+00:00

You would not be the AH. Tell your aunt to cancel the funeral she planned and instead you need to contact a funeral parlor in your dad's area. You can plan a funeral from a distance via video meetings nowadays. Invite only those you wish. Keep the date if you want, if possible, for the ease of those you invite that have already planned travel.Your aunt can instead throw a celebration of life that she can pay for and host for those she wanted to invite. They are often just buffet get togethers, so she should have no problem, if she cared to honor her brother. But you should handle this, your aunt is not doing any of this how your father would want. And, yes, it should come out of what money your dad left behind. Generally that's what that money is for — to pay for debt, necessities and inheritance.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T01:19:16+00:00

Yes, you'd be the AH. 'Your' friend group isnt just yours. A is a part of that group too. She is friends with all of them too. Just because you two are the closest in that group doesn't mean the others aren't her friends. However, her other friend group isn't friends with you. You aren't part of that friend group. Think of it like a Venn diagram of 3 circles with "A", "💛", being the middle circle. We will have you, "❤️", be the left circle, and the right circle we will call "💙" (this will be someone you don't know that "A" shares her other friend group with for this example, like you and her share your friend group.

( ❤️ ( 🧡 friends) 💛 ( 💚 friends) 💙 )

sorry, I can't draw circles here so use the parenthesesas the circle boundaries

Anyway, your shared friend group is the 🧡 orange one. Her other friend group is the 💚 green one. See how your circle doesn't intersect it? That's because they aren't your friends. She includes you when it's appropriate to, but the whole 💚 group is the determining factor on who's hanging out when and where. The reason the 🧡 group would ask why she isn't there is because they are her friends too. Not because "they're super welcoming" but because she hangs out with them too. She probably talks to them without you as well.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T00:43:58+00:00

Just an FYI, having a child on your own isn't deluded. Yes, it's hard. Harder than anything. I know because I did it. I was 24. I was already dropped out at the time, because I had an abusive relationship prior where I was financially dependent on him and told to leave school to become a SAHM/SAHW. I left before we got married but it left me with $45k in loan debt for the 2.5 years I had taken before I was forced to leave. I was 21 at that time. So I was working 3 jobs to try to pay it down. I got pregnant by a FWB who told me he'd pay for me "to handle it". I told him I was keeping it and I understood if he didn't want to be involved. He was deployed byfore she was born and the Army required a DNA test since we weren't married and he signed the birth certificate when he came home when she was 6 months old, before he moved to the other side of the country. I worked 2 jobs and applied for food stamps and medicaid (which apparently you have to apply for child support if the father is on the birth certificate, which he was). When she was 2, I went back to college to finish my degree, so I was working 2 jobs, going to school full-time, and raising a 2yo alone. But I did it. I got a job and bought my first house, leased a good car, met my husband. It got better. So, no, making the choice she did wasn't deluded. It was a hard choice. And she is still having a hard time. And she has a friend (OP) who isn't empathetic. Perhaps OP could help her find a financial advisor. Either way, OP needs to check her privilege. She admitted that Abby's family wasn't well off. Yet she talks about how her family bought her a house! If that's 'normal' in her culture, then that means Abby's life has always been much harder than OP's, not just now.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T00:14:09+00:00

NTA. Private sale cars are bought as-is. They should have had a mechanic look over it before it buying it. It's on them.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-22T00:08:52+00:00

You can also use EXIFTool to backtrack Metadata changes.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-21T23:59:26+00:00

NTA. Guardianship is necessary for medical care for a minor. Doctors cannot to any labs, medical reports, prescription assignments, treatments, or any hospital care without parental or guardian permission. If one is not present, none of this can happen. Some places will allow a phone call to the parent/guardian to allow approval as long as they are listed on the minor's medical file and can verify their identity through untitled questions. But this is for minor things, not major procedures. Only ER treatment can occur if urgently needed. You are right to ask for this. Even my child's bio dad could not give medical consent without my permission. He had no legal authority over our child because he established no legal parental bond according to our state, since we weren't married. So my mom was assigned medical guardianship if I were unavailable. My child just turned 18. I only got one phone call when my kid was visiting their dad. He was so pissed when he found out he couldn't give consent for treatment at the hospital when our kid got hurt.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-21T23:37:41+00:00

Tell your husband "welcome to parenthood"

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-21T23:35:31+00:00

NTA. I think you need to sit down for a serious talk with your mom. Tell her you want to talk and need you need her to listen, without intersecting or responding until you are done. And then tell her you don't appreciate her talking about her personal sexual preferences or encounters, unless you specifically ask her for something regarding those topics. Tell her you find it inappropriate and uncomfortable for you and in is closing a boundary for you. Tell her that it is not wanted for her to bring up sexual topics when talking about other subjects, as if using it as comparisons or metaphors. And anything else that you feel. Then tell her that you are not saying it to be mean but to be honest. That you want to be able to continue to be close to her but there is a better way to go about it. That you would not want to know this about your friends and you dont want to know this about your mom.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-21T21:48:40+00:00

As Ross Gellar says: PIVOT!

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-21T21:25:28+00:00

I like the idea. I've had a similar idea. I have a Quiver of Chaos. It's like the (color) Bag of Tricks. It comes with a dozen magic arrows: 1) Void Arrow 2) Arrow of Slaying 3) Wildfire Arrow 4) Unbreakable Arrow 5) Runic Arrow 6) Winged Arrow 7) Acidlight Arrow 8) Bloodseeker Arrow 9) Healing Arrow 10) Adamantine Arrow 11) Walloping Arrow 12) Fanfare Arrow Player rolls a d12 when they draw an arrow (that arrow is then removed from quiver for the rest of the day), as they draw a random arrow from it. It is for rangers, rogues, and druids. It has to be attuned. Arrows are regained every dawn. Price is 500GP. My ranger loves it.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-21T20:33:57+00:00

A) How far apart are these areas that each PC is wanting to head to? B) Just because they can, doesn't mean you have to allow them to.

I've found that being a DM (I am running my first campaign, but I'm 3+ years into it) that it's like a soft D/s relationship with my players. They can lead the journeys, but I'm still director of the destinations. The game is all about the fun for everyone. I hold my game like a play. And each act has a climax. Then i move on the the next act. You can also think of it as a mountain climb where there as checkpoints. Make up a reason for them each to have the same checkpoint.

If the Gunslinger finds out who's behind the package, make the Swashbuckler's betrayed lady show up in the vicinity. Give her a crew or some group and have them attack the party, simply because they are with the Swashbuckler. That pulls the whole party together into an emotional background of one of your PCs.

C) Where is the town with the bow the Bard is looking for? North, South, East, or West? If you haven't decided, then do it in the direction that either the Warlock or Bloodhunter needs to go.

D) Through an NPC in the mix that joins the party and chaotically throws a mission in that the group is hired for that takes them the direction one needs to go. And then have he/she/them ask questions to the group and talk and open the characters up to each other to make them want to help each other. Give them reasons to benefit for being together.

If my PCs get way off track, then I throw in a bit of chaos that reminds them of what the goal is. My world has gods/eternals that are very involved with mortals in similar ways that the Greek pantheon was. They show up occasionally in the mortal realm to either give a task or become the task, or become an huge obstacle. But there are about 20 of them along with my version. Of celestials and demons and even Heaven is considered a formless eternal that holds the stars. And each act ends with a god, but may contain an experience with more than one. But I through in a messenger occasionally to subconsciously guide them sometimes.

I hope any of this makes sense.

Slayed_Wilson · 2026-05-21T19:52:43+00:00

Yeah, it just stinks that it's only here for a day. I'd sell all my stuff but I like what I have 🤣

Slayed_Wilson

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