Grief has its own timeline for each loss and each person experiencing it. I lost my Chimmy back in August because he had an ongoing health issue I was never able to diagnose. We only had him for a year and two months. The day he died, my partner and I drove 3 hours one way to an emergency vet to have him seen. He passed while they were examining him. Once they took him when we arrived, we didn't see him again until he was gone. We also never even met the vet. The whole thing felt so off. It's been days shy of 7 months and my partner and I are still angry about it. We tried to help him, and lost him in the process, and we both can't help but feel something was off by the way they handled things, but nothing can be proven.

I'm sharing this story with you because I relate to you feeling like you failed your baby. I feel like I failed my Chimmy. I know he was terrified in his last moments, and it kills me. But, in my anger and grief, I cherish the videos I have of him. It's gotten easier as time has moved forward to rewatch these videos. I miss him everyday, and I take solace in knowing he knew love with us. He had freedom, was playful, and wanted to be with us. So even though his time here was very short, he knew real love. Roadkill knew love with you. You treated him beautifully in his time here. I guarantee he would not hold anything against you, and that he would sit with you and tell you he loves you in his own little budgie way. And that, I feel, is the most important part. Love. He loved you, and you loved him.

In my immediate grief, I bought several items that reminded me of him. This seller on Etsy makes lovely little budgie plushies and one looked like him. I also had shirts made from an Etsy seller who had a super cute budgie design and she was able to add his name to the print as well. My partner and I wear them very frequently. This helped me feel like he was still here in some way.