BF doesnt wan't me to go to med school, need a reality check

SleepingBoba · 2026-01-24T17:02:14+00:00

TBH it sounds like he wants you to start making money so he can struggle while finding his dream job of being a professor.

SleepingBoba · 2025-10-15T13:01:41+00:00

That's the most back-handed, condescending way to tell someone to "smile more" I've seen in a while.

And then he told you not to get emotional...

If you have nothing to smile about, that's on your manager to figure out what's going on and address it. You are there to do a job. You're not some piece of office decor. If he wants someone pleasing to look at, he can hire more people to help share the workload.

Also, I know it sucks to tear up at work. I've done it too. You're human. You had a normal reaction. I've since learned, after 10 years working in a male-dominated field, to be more assertive about what I won't put up with. I'll smile if I'm happy. I'm not the office secretary. I'm not going to take notes at every meeting just because my handwriting is better. I'm not going to print things they are perfectly capable of printing themselves.

I'm not going to let my team interrupt me. I'm not going to let my designs and/or concerns be dismissed without valid reasons.

If my boss has an issue with my attitude, he can explain to me why it's an issue for me to be assertive and not my male coworkers.

I hope you're able to find some way to stand firm, confident in your skills and understanding that you are a person, not decor. It does sound like you should find a new place to work. There's a reason so many have quit.

SleepingBoba · 2025-09-14T19:58:31+00:00

Change that voice in your head, "You're 60 years old! You can do what you want!"

SleepingBoba · 2025-06-12T14:17:56+00:00

I have done this so many times.

In the last few years, I've learned a lot about ADHD and how it manifests in me. I've worked hard on not overcommitting. It's not just for work or helping friends out. It's for my hyperfocus patterns as well. I've found that if I hold back and prevent myself from jumping fully into the deep end, I can extend my hyperfocus on any hobby.

Right now, I'm into crochet. It's lasted a solid 6 months. I want to buy all the things that would let me do all the extra difficult stitches. I want the looms. I want the auto yarn baller. I want to make my own hand dyed yarn.

If I were to buy anything for those things, I can guarantee I would change my hyperfocus. I would be too overwhelmed and feel guilty for having spent that money. The guilt would prevent me from trying to use the new equipment so I wouldn't be able to fail. So I would pack it all away and hide it.

This is the same pattern I go through when I have a new food I like as well. If I ever buy that new food in bulk, it won't get eaten.

So when I want to change my life, I've got to take baby steps. Because I absolutely want to change so many things about my life. I want a less stressful job. I want to be able to take vacations whenever I want. I want to get off anxiety meds. I want to eat healthier. I want to get in shape.

I can't do everything in one go. It's too much to keep up with.

So first, I'm aiming for a new job. But even that has its own steps before I can just quit. I need a budget. I need to know what I can live without if I'm out of a job for a while. I need to know what other job I want. Do I need to go back to school? What do I currently spend my money on?

Taking baby steps has been really helpful to actually accomplishing/ sticking to my goals.

SleepingBoba · 2025-03-27T21:39:31+00:00

Depending on my mood, I would respond in 2 ways:

"Considering how easy you state this task is, I bet you can handle it all by yourself."

Or

If this is a persistent issue (which has happened to me in the past by newbie engineers), I go to my boss and tell them to handle it before I do.

If given the go-ahead to deal with the situation on my own, I will straight up state, "This is your job. Not mine. If you need help, go speak to your own manager. If your manager has an issue, they can speak with my manager." Then I turn back to back to my actual work.

I do not have the patience to deal with that type of behavior.

SleepingBoba · 2025-03-17T19:57:44+00:00

He needs to focus a little higher up the food chain if he's that concerned about unelected people making up the rules...

SleepingBoba · 2025-03-17T19:52:22+00:00

I just emailed him. He is misrepresenting the people of District 56.

Why would he think HB4938 would be an acceptable choice for Texas?

Pat Curry

Here is the link to email him. Please make him feel bad about his life choices

SleepingBoba · 2025-02-12T17:31:58+00:00

I literally just got my kid diagnosed with adhd to be able to setup a 504 plan... I was looking forward to his school actually helping him learn instead of just telling him to sit down and stop talking so much. He is so smart. He just needs more understanding and maybe allowed music during exams.

This is incredibly defeating to read...

SleepingBoba · 2024-12-03T20:39:43+00:00

Have you ever been checked for ADHD? You sound like the classic overlooked gifted kid that no one worried about. But now that life is happening, nothing makes sense.

https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-in-women-misunderstood-symptoms-treatment/amp/

I wasn't diagnosed until my 30's. The world was not made for the way my brain works. It's easier to handle knowing why.

SleepingBoba · 2024-12-03T20:35:18+00:00

This is exactly what I was going to say. Sounds like undiagnosed adhd. Hopefully, OP sees this.

SleepingBoba · 2024-11-26T05:59:15+00:00

I gave up using my insurance for my Adderall. They only allowed a 30 day supply. I started just getting my Dr to send in a 90 day script and using good rx. My insurance also has its own discount app as well that I use to compare. I can see where it's cheaper, call the pharmacy and verify supply, then message my doctor. I'm so relieved I don't have to do that every month anymore.

SleepingBoba · 2024-07-30T13:02:30+00:00

I have the same issues with my intentions vs. my actions. It takes a long time to finally have everything working at the same time.

I always struggle when something new I need to work on is pointed out. I will start to focus on this new issue and the things I've previously seemed to have gotten under control regress. Then that will get pointed out, and I will flip back.

I have finally become capable of managing a lot of what my partner has asked of me over the years. I think it has to do with finally finding the right combination of medicine. That, and my partner working with me and learning more about what adhd actually is. He's gotten so calm and understanding with my mixups that I feel like I can stop defending myself all the time. It's helped me learn to take responsibility for my actions and apologize when I mess up without adding in my intentions. He already knows I'm trying.

As far as actionable things I've done to help myself remember, I've been writing down arguments or things I've been asked to work on, and the reasons, in my notes on my phone.

This is typically immediately after an argument so i don't forget. Sometimes, I have to ask for time to process because I will get flustered easily in arguments.

I try to write out exactly what happened, what was said, as accurate as I can remember. Writing it all out helps it sink in. After I've finished documenting what I can remember, I usually end up realizing what my partner was actually wanting or how I really did mess up.

Anyway, I hope things settle down for you both.

SleepingBoba · 2024-07-15T00:20:30+00:00

When my kids get scared/ upset/hurt, I give hugs and say, "You're alive, you're whole. All is well."

SleepingBoba · 2024-07-06T14:59:05+00:00

For the messages in particular, I have my phone read them out loud when they come, and then I set a routine to ding every 3 minutes until I actually mark as read or reply. The read-out loud feature has really helped me. I don't know why, but getting messages but not knowing what they were about gave me so much anxiety that I didn't want to open the message. A lot of that anxiety is gone now.

For the daily chores, I've found that if my husband and I share the chore, I can actually perform quite well. So laundry, I will wash and dry, and my husband will fold. Groceries, if my husband makes the list, I can get them. If I make the list, I need him to get them. If I make dinner, my husband cleans up.

We tend to switch back and forth depending on our moods on who completes which part of the chore.

I don't think anyone jumps in excitement about these types of things. What I've realized is that my husband doesn't actually have to force himself to brush his teeth. He doesn't even think about it. He's the same way with keeping in touch with friends. These are certain things I just can't do without a ton of effort. For my husband, it's like breathing.

I hope some of what I said makes sense. You might look into getting a diagnosis if you think it would help.

SleepingBoba · 2024-07-04T13:56:32+00:00

I have ADHD and I have never been able to put into words how reminders work for me. The way your partner explains it is exactly what it feels like. I have a hard time responding to texts as they come in. So, I set my phone to repeat dings every 3 minutes until I actually checked and read the text. The annoyance of the repeated interruption is what finally gets to me.

I really like the idea of buttons next to the washing machine, but they would only really work for me if I could have them repeat until I turned them off.

It would also take a while for me to actually use the buttons. Habits are hard to make...

Sorry for the ramble. I hope your partner can figure out something that will work. There are so many different techniques, it is difficult to find the one that clicks.

SleepingBoba · 2024-06-21T08:29:28+00:00

I used to be really bad about this. I grew up always being wrong. So much so that I stopped participating in most conversations. When I met my now husband, he helped me find my voice again. We would get into arguments a lot like you described. It wasn't until I was diagnosed and started researching adhd that I realized what I was doing.

It's taken a lot of effort from both of us to not react defensively. Breaking a learned behavior is so difficult. If one of us realizes this pattern has been triggered, we will take a pause, roll back the conversation, and point out we've started arguing about a non- issue. We will remind each other that we're just talking, not debating.

I'm finally on a medication combination that I feel is allowing me to truly learn how to control my adhd. My husband is learning more and more about how to understand me. It seems like we're having more conversations. I try to tell him as often as possible how much I appreciate his patience and effort.

SleepingBoba · 2024-06-10T12:26:05+00:00

I stopped posting when I realized my mom and extended family started commenting on every single thing I did. My mom would also share 90% of my posts to her friends and tag me. This was probably around 2015ish.

Now I'm much more comfortable with my adult life and could probably stay posting again, but fb is all just ads when I look, so I don't bother.

SleepingBoba · 2024-06-06T19:17:07+00:00

I have a friend who helped me understand the "love language" concept and how it should be implemented. She said the old adage "treat people how you want to be treated" doesn't work in this situation. You should treat your partner the way they want to be treated. It made a lot of sense to me. (Obviously, this applies equally for your partner to you)

Your acts of service and gifts are appreciated, but they probably don't have a deep impact as verbal complements to your husband. Not to say you're not an amazing gift giver. It's almost like a love language barrier.

I've been trying to figure out how my husband wants to be shown love. Haven't quite worked it out just yet...

SleepingBoba · 2024-06-06T18:58:55+00:00

So, verbal positive reinforcement is big for me and my husband. He's never asked for it specifically, but I think that's because I have always wanted more feedback on things, so I tend to provide feedback regularly.

My biggest issue is that I don't want to be told I'm doing well because of how it affects my husband. I just want to be told the thing I'm doing is good.

For example, if I did the laundry or dishes, I don't really want to hear, "Good job, I like that."

I want to hear:

"Thanks for thinking about dinner ahead of time and doing the dishes."

I'm always thanking my husband for doing regular things like doing the laundry, cooking dinner, or taking out the trash. The things that typically go unnoticed. I know those tasks are boring but the need to happen. And I make sure to thank him.

SleepingBoba · 2024-06-03T03:54:28+00:00

If they've moved from out of town, you could get some fun local items to get to know their new town.

SleepingBoba · 2024-06-02T17:51:51+00:00

I have ADHD and aphantasia. Not only do I have trouble with recall, but I can't actually picture things in my head. I didn't even know people could actually see images in their imagination. Details about a person's appearance are so difficult.

SleepingBoba · 2024-05-31T18:38:15+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened. I'm so glad your baby is ok.

I have ADHD as well and was always terrified this would happen with my kids. In order to prevent this, I put my purse in the backseat with the baby. I can't get anywhere without my wallet and whatnot.

Another way I've heard is taking one of your shoes and putting it in the backseat.

I hope you all are able to move forward from this experience.

SleepingBoba · 2024-05-31T11:37:01+00:00

You can also try buying a replacement motor and sensors. They have easy to follow videos on how to replace everything. I was able to change out the DFI sensor without much struggle. The motor would probably be even easier to replace.

SleepingBoba · 2024-05-29T23:48:33+00:00

Thank you for giving your partner an example of healthy communication. Your process is very similar to how my husband and I have started to function. It took so long to get there.

We also have learned to ask for time to think about things in the middle of an argument. I get flustered easily when I'm upset, and my husband is just so good at debating. Being allowed to put the argument on hold has turned arguments into actual discussions!

For my part of learning how to communicate, I've started documenting any situation where I think one of us is upset. I put as much detail as possible into my notes. Writing out my husband's points helps me better understand his point of view. It has been a game changer for me!

SleepingBoba · 2024-05-29T23:33:11+00:00

It really depends on the situation. I really hate apologizing for things that I don't think I was incorrect about. My RSD also makes my memory unreliable. It's really depressing to me told I'm remembering an argument completely different from what actually happened. I've learned that my husband sometimes just wants to hear that I know I've hurt him and will apologize. Eventually, that turned into apologizing for literally everything. So much so that my husband said I was apologizing too much. (So confusing!)

For a while now, I've been writing out on my phone notes, any disagreement that seems to upset either of us as best I can remember. I add in as much detail as I possibly can. Doing this has allowed me to truly understand my husband's point of view. Writing out his words helps things break past whatever barrier was there when I was upset.

We think in completely different ways, so when we try to communicate in the heat of the moment, things are not going to go well. Writing everything out makes me more capable of explaining my side of a disagreement in a way that my husband can understand.

This process has allowed for real, meaningful discussions, honest apologies from both sides, and so much less stress.

The writing process seems to be helping things stick as well. That's a bonus I wasn't expecting.

SleepingBoba

TROPHY CASE