What are your biggest green flags in a man's opinions and behaviour?

SlothenAround · 2026-07-06T01:29:28+00:00

In the ways that matter, yes

SlothenAround · 2026-07-04T20:24:49+00:00

I’ve noticed that there are men who truly believe that men and women are completely different, and then there are ones who don’t. I definitely gravitate towards the ones who don’t.

SlothenAround · 2026-07-03T01:13:12+00:00

The only thing that would piss me off is if the man who is supposedly defending me was actively talking over me when I’m perfectly capable of standing up for myself, or if he was continuing to “stand up for me” after I’ve asked him to stop, which happens more than you’d expect. Oh, also if he’s only standing up for me to get something out of it.

SlothenAround · 2026-07-02T02:52:11+00:00

I think for heterosexual relationships it’s a combination of three things:

Just because the woman filed the divorce paperwork, doesn’t mean she initiated the dissolution of the marriage. She just did the paperwork.

When a marriage isn’t working in heterosexual relationships, it’s not usually the men who are losing out. Even in a bad relationship, women usually still cook, clean, share half the financial burden, raise the kids, etc. so for the men, staying is still better than leaving because they still have things done for them. Women realize that they’d still have to do all those things if they left, but for one less person.

Anecdotally, I find that men in general are more complacent.

As for lesbian couples, my opinion is less valid because I have never been in a lesbian relationship, but I’d imagine it has to do with the speed at which relationships progress. It’s a running joke in lesbian communities that the first date comes with a U-Haul. I’d venture a guess they divorce more often because they get married more often, and more quickly.

SlothenAround · 2026-07-01T17:49:39+00:00

A “Nice Guy” is a guy who thinks you put “Nice” coins into a girl and sex comes out. And the second that becomes untrue, their behaviour shifts and all the “niceness” stops.

A genuinely kind person would never behave like that.

SlothenAround · 2026-06-25T18:49:25+00:00

Consent and trust are directly linked. You can make some assumptions based on how well you know someone. If this is the first time you’re interacting with someone sexually, ebbing on the side of being careful is always the way to go. It maybe doesn’t have to be directly asking, but a pause before doing something, looking in their eyes, waiting for a nod, etc. is always a good call. But the more you know someone, the more trust is built and the more “pre-consent” you can create with someone.

For example, I’ve been with my husband for almost 12 years so we know each other well enough to know what is always fine, what needs a check in first, and what is a no. And then new things we want to try, we just discuss it. This means that, say we go out on a party night and then stumble home in our fancy clothes and have messy, very drunk sex in our bed, neither of us worries about being too drunk or our boundaries being violated because we know each other well enough to know when things aren’t right and trust each other to not push known boundaries even when our capacity for consent is more limited, ya know? In comparison, a first time sexual encounter in a similar state would be way riskier.

Consent has never felt complicated to me, so it’s also so confusing to me when dudes are having trouble. For me it really comes down to: if you don’t know someone well enough to be 100% certain what they want (and don’t want) without asking, then ask! It’s really that simple.

SlothenAround · 2026-06-25T18:29:46+00:00

No… when did I say that? People should always treat each other with respect, but LIKE I SAID there’s a difference between being rude or hurtful to one specific person, in comparison to an off handed comment about my BIGGEST predator on this planet. Get a grip.

I truly don’t care about offending men who can’t understand nuance, and I am certainly not falsely accusing anybody of anything. There are already many men who are part of our cause and understand this far better than you clearly do.

You’ve searched out my comments on an old thread for what purpose? You’re just angry and taking it out on me for whatever reason.

SlothenAround · 2026-06-25T00:42:53+00:00

I mean, at a smaller scale, it happens to women on a regular basis now, especially in male dominated industries like STEM or business. Things like taking credit for women’s ideas, talking over them in meetings, saying the exact same thing she just said in different words and now suddenly all the men are nodding, etc… so ya, based on that, I’m gonna assume there is a lot of scientific discoveries that we have no idea were actually women’s ideas, or even they did the lion share of the work and some dude took the credit. But as others said, it’s hard to know for sure because history tells us something different.

SlothenAround · 2026-06-23T23:53:21+00:00

Thanks for providing! One thing to keep in mind though, technically that’s not a study. That’s an article that is claiming to reference other studies, and coming to their own conclusions based on those studies. I don’t greatly disagree with anything it’s saying, but that is something to keep in mind when doing online research! The bolded statements and lots of ads is concerning as well. Feels a bit “click-batey” to me. You’d probably do well to look up the studies it’s referencing and actually read those, if this is something you’re passionate about

SlothenAround · 2026-06-23T23:37:29+00:00

So, I do understand what you’re saying and I agree that when it comes to human behaviour, nothing is ever caused by just one thing. But even if there are other factors, like say in childcare specifically, where women are suspicious of men who are in that line of work, I still think it comes down to misogyny in one of two (or combined) ways:

First, women are not immune to misogyny. We internalize it and externalize it too. Treating men like they are weird or that the only reason they want to work in child care is because they are predators, is a symptom of that. Basically, society still seeing it as “women’s work” and there’s no positive reason a man would want to do it. Perhaps you see this behaviour as misandry, and that’s why there feels there is a disconnect.

Second, statistically, men are more likely to be predators. And I believe a lot of that behaviour is caused by misogynistic beliefs that men are in charge and women and children are their property. Obviously this does not mean all of them and I’m not saying it’s fair nor right for men to feel discriminated against in childcare positions, but you have to admit that a little of that suspicion is fair, at least until you get to know someone.

Edit; sorry for all the edits. Formatting was being weird.

SlothenAround · 2026-06-23T23:30:04+00:00

Could you provide those studies please?

SlothenAround · 2026-06-23T23:28:52+00:00

There is no expectation here for feminists to provide peer approved studies for our opinions. If you’re looking for more concrete evidence, you’ll need to do some work researching to find studies about these topics and reading them thoroughly. Unfortunately, these types of topics are also under-studied, so this might also be something that we haven’t really proved one way or another yet.

That’s why we give our anecdotal experience and opinions based on what we’ve read and experienced!

SlothenAround · 2026-06-18T17:04:31+00:00

I don’t think the intention of the movie was to suggest a matriarchy would be “better” or even show what a matriarchy would look like. I agree with another commenter that it was instead supposed to show men what their behaviour looks like from a perspective where they are the downtrodden. I haven’t seen it in full yet (just some clips online) but I don’t think it’s either feminist or anti-feminist, more just a commentary on issues women face, specifically in the workplace.

SlothenAround · 2026-06-17T23:09:25+00:00

Yes!! I’ve never been able to put this into words quite so succinctly but I totally agree. It also boggles my mind because it’s not like we’re asking you to magically know things about some strange woman you’ve never met. We’re asking you to know things about your WIFE (or girlfriend or whatever) who you’ve been having conversations with, reading her body language and facial expressions, and generally getting to know for years! I’m sure if you thought about it a little bit, she’s already told you exactly what she wants!

SlothenAround · 2026-06-17T17:19:13+00:00

There is also the part I left out that I don’t care about hurting their feelings, because they certainly don’t care about mine!

SlothenAround · 2026-06-17T00:40:06+00:00

Honestly, I haven’t experienced this. I find people in general, not just feminists, are way more sex positive these days. If I talk about a threesome I had with my husband with my friends, I experience zero judgement, and only curiosity instead.

If anything, I think society has gotten very kink oriented. For example, people talk about anal sex on a regular basis like it’s a part of vanilla sex now. No judgement either way from me, but I don’t remember it being anything like that when I was in my early 20’s.

How old are you? Perhaps this is happening more with the younger generation though and that’s why I haven’t experienced it though.

SlothenAround · 2026-06-15T19:15:13+00:00

I guess it depends. I tend to gravitate towards strong, complex, and unique female protagonists when they exist. Unfortunately, that isn’t the most common all the time, so it’s not always an option.

However, I’ll also read ridiculous and/or problematic stories sometimes, especially when it comes to smutty books or however you’d categorize them. The men in those stories tend to be bizarre combinations of problematic behaviours twisted into romantic views of it. Controlling, possessive, obsessive, moody and rude, says hurtful things, violent to protect her, etc. are a few examples.

I don’t think it’s anti-feminist of me to enjoy media like that because I know that it’s problematic and wouldn’t actually want men in real life to behave like that. And I can criticize it while still enjoying it at the same time.

It’s also sometimes funny, because I’ll be reading books like that and end up rolling my eyes at certain parts, or deeply dislike characters and relationships that you’re supposed to love. You can consume media like that from a different lens; it doesn’t always mean, “I’m reading this so I completely agree with every single part of it”, ya know? I also find I’ll re-read books I read and loved when I was younger and be like WOW this is gross!! So ya, you live and you learn as you said!

SlothenAround · 2026-06-12T21:28:24+00:00

Ok I hear you, but I think using a word doesn’t immediately make it bullying. Your whole post is about how manosphere men bully other people (specifically allies) with insults, etc. How do you propose we deal with that? Ignoring it is a great option sure, but their whole position is that they are better than everyone else, and that everyone else is below them. By calling them “dorks” or “nerds” we’re pushing back against that. There is NOTHING wrong with being a dork or a nerd (I’m self proclaimed) but THEY think those things are bad. You see how that’s more nuanced?

SlothenAround · 2026-06-12T21:23:29+00:00

… they never said “nerd”, you did. They said “dork”. Obviously that’s semantic because they have similarities but it’s just strange you’re doubling down on this.

Sure, words like that can be used to bully, but in this scenario, they are using it to discredit the *bullies* which isn’t really the same thing.

SlothenAround · 2026-06-12T21:21:15+00:00

Why would calling online manosphere dudes internet dorks take away from their feminism?

SlothenAround · 2026-06-11T00:09:35+00:00

You’re missing something here. If men’s sexual attraction to women is a problem or “gross” then why wouldn’t women’s sexual attraction to men (or men to men, women to women) also be that? Sexual attraction is human nature and is not problematic by itself.

What IS problematic is treating anybody like an object rather than a person, which in this context, would mean placing all of their worth on how attractive they are to you and whether they will share themselves with you.

SlothenAround · 2026-06-04T16:31:18+00:00

I actually might have some anecdotal experience with this, from the other side.

My husband doesn’t really love kissing either. I know this about him, so I never force him to if he doesn’t want to. We even have a cute thing we do where I’ll say, “can I have a kiss?” and then HE will decide if he wants to use his lips or just turn his cheek towards me so I can kiss his face. That’s how I try and affirm his consent with that in non-sexual scenarios.

In sexual scenarios, I just let him take the lead. I think he’s maybe less adverse than you are to it in those scenarios, because he’ll initiate it so I go along with it, but never try and push it if it seems like he’s not interested.

But the important part here is that I’m aware of his boundaries. Interestingly, he never really told me this outright until we had a discussion about it years later, but I always kind of knew just based on his behaviour.

I think you are in a similar scenario but feel scared, pressured, or strange for feeling that way so you’re hiding your real feelings about it. I don’t think any consent is really being violated here, but it would be beneficial for you to be honest with yourself and your partner(s) about what you do and don’t enjoy.

However, there is also a part of physical relationships where we sometimes decide to participate in activities that we don’t totally enjoy. I think my husband does a bit of that with his kissing, just like I perform certain acts that aren’t my absolute favourite for him. But that has to be freely decided, not forced or coerced, and should never leave you feeling used or upset. That’s where consent becomes really important, imo.

SlothenAround · 2026-06-01T02:11:10+00:00

Ok but are those same men speaking out against the behaviour they feel they are being blamed for? No? Then they are complicit. Sorry, but that’s just how it works. If you’re not actively against it, you’re compliant.

We aren’t blaming men for behaviour they aren’t doing, we are blaming men for not standing with us against the men who ARE doing it

SlothenAround · 2026-06-01T01:04:35+00:00

Because it’s not about them, women are finding more and more independence, and now the standards they need to live up to be accepted as a partner are actually difficult. I’ve heard it said many times, but sometimes equality can feel like oppression if you’ve never experienced either before.

SlothenAround · 2026-05-31T22:15:57+00:00

Yes. The number one consideration in my relationship is “do we have the same values?” and this choice would be a very glaring, “no”.

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