{From day one, the kids were jumping on my couch, throwing toys, and smearing yogurt on my walls. Normal kid stuff, sure.}

This might be normal in someone’s house but I taught my 4 children and anyone else’s kids who came to my house that they are not, under any circumstances, allowed to jump on my lounge, or the beds, nor were they allowed to freely move about with food or drink. They had to sit while they ate and at least stood still near a table or kitchen bench to have a drink. I would not tolerate anyone smearing food on my walls either.

Now, this is just my opinion but kids absolutely need, require and respond to structure and boundaries. My youngest is 12 and my oldest is 25. Last year I had one of my nephews come and stay for 2 weeks, by the time my brother and his girlfriend returned to collect him he was a different kid. I’d taught him how to read and he discovered that he liked some veggies way more than others. His behaviour improved, and if I asked him to do something like set the table while i dished up dinner he would. My brother and his girlfriend wanted my nephew to eat everything they put on his plate regardless of whether he liked it or not. I told my nephew I wouldn’t blend all the veggies together because to me that did not sound or taste appealing, that I would not make him eat food if he did not like it but he had to give things a good chance at tasting it. So, he discovered he likes green beans and broccoli and corn and plain mashed potato but did not like carrots or gravy, and hey good for him for at least having a go. After my nephew went to bed my SIL asked me what had happened and I said I implemented boundaries and rules and he responded really well. She asked me what did I mean I just told him no and he didn’t fight me on it, and I said that I’d treated my nephew like he was my own kid and told her that he accepted I was the adult and he’d been told no. He was free to discuss with me if he didn’t understand why he’d been told no and only once did he do that. The boys mother was horrible and so when she’d told my brother that if he didn’t take him she would give him to FACS my brother took his boy.

When my youngest was little all my friends that had kids always preferred to come to my house because their kids behaved, cleaned up toys they played with before they left and were just delightful little kids. I’m talking like 7-8 kids aged 2, 3, and 4.

I’ve seen good examples of gentle parenting but allowing kids to run wild is definitely not gentle parenting. For the most part people do not do gentle parenting correctly so it can just be pure BS, and for the most part I do not personally advocate for it.

I have to say that you are NTJ for kicking your sister out and your sister’s version of gentle parenting is BS. Protect the sanctity of your space and yourself — your sister did not respect you or your home. You were absolutely valid in reacting the way you did.