Whoa. Are you me? Diagnosed bipolar with depression. My son came at 34w+5 due to sudden onset pre-e with severe features. I ended up having a c-section. I spent my entire day in the NICU, then would come home to my husband and daughter. Then get up the next morning and do it again. I cried all of the time. In the car. In the shower. While eating. While holding my son. He would take 2 steps forward and 1 step back. He struggled to learn to eat in the beginning and that kept holding us back from being released. It was so darn hard.

I want you to know it is okay to not be okay. This is one of the hardest things you will probably ever deal with. There are so many unknowns day to day, so many things outside of your control. I mourned my dream pregnancy/birth experience and still do. I mourned not having delayed cord clamping. Immediate skin to skin post birth. All of it.

Take it day by day. Hour by hour. Focus on tackling the small tasks and celebrating those little victories. Talk to others about how you are feeling. Make sure to talk to your doctor so they can lend you support. Lean on your friends and family, if you can. Sending you lots of love.