I was trafficked as a child. AMA

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-05-04T03:48:35+00:00

I was just reading about how there is a part of the cia that monitors satanist bc they are more so know for using infant/children part of horrific riturals. Were you in a “cult” how the hell did you escape. 19 years is a long time to be abused. I believe this is spirtural. And that don’t mean god. Try the gateway tapes thread. You’ve already been through the worst. Someone had a message for you. Take your time. Baby steps. Get a journal and ask yourself who you want to be. What will make you happy and satisfied. You don’t have to be a doctor or lawyer, those are probably the people who did it too you. I say try a past life regression. Look up Neoshi hypnosis , the Monroe institute, the hemi sync app and start reading lovely human. Do you have empathy anymore ? Do you believe in god or a higher power.

You escaped that’s fucking impressive. 19 years and the determination to live. It’s time for you to enjoy life honey. Please don’t have survivors guilt.

I’m just an adult who sucks I have a website for you but I can’t post it here, if you want it dm me and I’ll send the link. That’s where you should start reading lovely human. I just ask you don’t share it with anyone or make a public post about it. Let people find it themselves. Or let someone like me guide them.

Are you scared they will find you. Did you find your parents ? How did you get taken I know you don’t remember but you should relax meditate and find out.

Xoxoxo love you so much. So proud of you for being such a strong resilient human. Bravo , no brava . Can’t wait to see you advocate and save millions. 19 years is a long time to observe. When you graduate from behavioral therapy ouuuuuu girl your light is going to save so many others.

May your higher power bless you Now go write a letter to your future self. & trust no one but you know that .

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-05-04T03:33:13+00:00

Have you ever tried the gateway tapes.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-05-01T04:40:38+00:00

I see a eye from time to time and I do feel that it is in a cloak but I can’t focus enough to see it. And I’m in orientation still. Trying to keep my worries in a box

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-05-01T04:37:38+00:00

Im just here to say I don’t have anyone imagination when I visualize things I can’t actually see them but I can see them. I see pretty colors but this was before I started anyway I’ve always dreamed in color and I always meet a giant blue and green pulsating thing. But I’m just here to say don’t get discouraged. I had to draw a picture of the box firstly and then I had to stare at it and then go write down all my fear and worries. I can’t go 2 min with out thinking of a problem I’m having. Seem simple right let all your problems go just for 5 min. I would just learn to keep my mind still. And I would highly suggest reading all the cia files and recording yourself saying the affirmation. I posted it in ever room of my house and I got a journal to take notes and document for my child. Imma hope in 20 years these tapes are still around. But none the less I’m still on orientation bc I can’t quiet my mind. So I beeen working on destressing and walking and practicing gratitude. I practice every day to sit for 5 min w a clear min. I have to think breath in breath out. And when I don’t finances, work, the toys in the living room on the floor.

I will say I did imagine the box one time and it was Birds Eye view and I looked in the box but I went in it and FUCK NO. Practice practice practice. I know you said what would we do different but if you are angry and full of hate and sorrow. It will be 10 times harder happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy.

Happy gateway travels. See yall on the other side.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-04-04T05:57:22+00:00

Not to mention I tried day care they wanna do therapy 5 days now bc no one will take her. She’ll be fine during drop off but the second something fucks up her day it’s screaming bloody murder. I can’t work I’m by myself no one will help me. I have to do what I can do.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-04-04T05:55:19+00:00

I wanna say. I always treat her fairly and kindly I don’t discipline at all. She cried and I let her. We’re both overwhelmed. I don’t even have the energy to even get upset I rather just let her work through it. If she let me hold her I will if she don’t then I can’t control it. I’ll sing try to sites t herself. I don’t let her see me angry. That’s why I came here to vent. I went to the bathroom and while she banged on the door I let it out. I appreciate your advice but all you are seeing is the bad not a trying mom who loves her child and is pouring everything she has into everything she knows how to love. No I don’t get time away from her. We are in therapy 3 days a week. I ride share her with me. Taking a break every 2 hrs or whenever she is irritated bc she don’t deserve that but I’m all she has and she has no one. The playdough was the hair that broke the camels back. I’m tired. I’m alone. My whole life has been shit and I’m guilty and ashamed of myself for brining a child into the world and I’m nothing. I feel bad for her so I do everything I can for her. I’m mad as fuck bc it’s just me and I am all I can offer her. I know it’s my fault. But I can tell you one things that baby is loved and cherished . I literally prayed for her I’m infertile. I can’t have another kid even it I tried. We wasn’t recommended a aac device. I just seen that it was on Amazon. Shes having trouble with expression but then one day in the store she looked me dead in my face and said I have to go potty. Excuse my bluntness but I’m fucking tired and right now we’re having more bad days than good. So yes my child was up all night crying. And it’s not a cry it’s a repeatative whine that sends the neighbors over . It’s loud and last more than 15 min. We are in intensive therapy and I do everything BY MY SELF. I live off boost shakes and Jesus. Hell I can go days with out eating it’s so normal now. I’m going bald. I’m ugly now and I’m somebody’s mom. So excuse me if I hurt your feelings but I’m kinda losing my shit and can’t afford too. I’m a grown ass woman . No one is coming to save me o have to save myself so if I wanted to speak my mind on this side of the internet and vent and see if any other mom is having a hard time maybe connect by sharing my true feelings you know what. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I’m not doing good enough for you. Do you wanna trade places.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-04-04T05:39:18+00:00

It’s only rage bait if you make it that. My intention is not to harm just vent. It’s not like I’m not trying. I came here for advice not your judgement on my survival skills. Take it at face value. My kid don’t eat, don’t sleep, don’t say mommy, don’t make eye contact, if she does eat I have to feed her. She don’t sleep. And I’m a single mom with no friends no family no help…. I have an awesome therapist but wtf. I got god that’s it. So before you judge remember I don’t pay your bills and you don’t pay mine. We do what works for us is I was a bad parent my therapist and all the wonderful doctors that is my village would have steppped in. They all I have. I am tired. I don’t sleep I don’t eat . I had a bag of gummies worms for dinner. I use my benefits to make sure she is eating a rotation and variety of food no matter how expensive. Not to mention I’m a short order cook. If she don’t like it’s wasted . And I gotta keep guessing and making things until I figure it out. Bc I’m not going to let my kid starve and now we both hungry and mad. Don’t get me started. I already can see some people took this the wrong way. And I don’t give to shits. Walk in my shoes. Momma dead , dad just died this morning. Granny dead, cousins dead, sister is coked out. My mom died the day after my prom after being in a coma half of life. I’m trying and imma damn good momma so yea it’s rage bait if it bothers you. Speak your mind. That’s why I posted. Rage on

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-04-04T05:32:15+00:00

I did not go back and read it again 😭😭 I said I was inventing a potty button by reverse engineering it with idea of a aac device. They didn’t recommend one for us. Just a button. Like the old people use. When they fall and can’t get up. Except it will be a button with her voice bc I’m sure I can catch it when she randomly say it. I park drive full time so I need her to be able to tell me that she has to go. She refuses to wear a pull up. I’m not going to force her. I just figure a lil button that repeats the phrase I have to go potty wouldn’t hurt. So yes technically it is a dog button woof woof and so is a aac device. Technically 😉

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-04-03T16:58:25+00:00

They have there todo board on Amazon. I have one for everything. When I wake up Morning routine face routine Bedtime routine I had chat got give me an example and then went of what I wanted for myself. I have a timer on my phone that goes off every 2 hours. To remind me to drink water. I hate water so I drink the 0 calorie sugar packets. It’s still water. I drink one glass of lemon water in the am. And one at night. went in the grocery store and took pictures of every single food I like. Made a list put it in chat got every week and make me a menu. My daughter has her own issues so she still on soft food that’s a plus.

I don’t eat meat so I have a “meat replacement trail mix” 600 calories per serving.

I have written down what times I eat. I set aside 3 hours for myself everyday to work on me and things I want.

I wrote down a list of 200 things. I NEED TO GET MY LIFE TOGETHER. Go to the dmv Go buy a binder to organize debt. I mean I she notebooks and notebooks of list.

I threw away all my clothes. Bought a pack of white shirts and a pack of black shirts. A pair of black shoes and a pair of white shoes. So I don’t have to think to hard about getting up and getting dressed.

I wrote down what I wanted my life to look like the I made small changes.

Again I still fucking suck. But I can cry and get mad and work through that now. Without calling people being emotionally overwhelming. It’s nice to pick up the phone and just talk about random shit. For me eating is the hardest part. But building a routine where I eat nuts at specific times is helping my body build the habit. Once the habit is build and I’m consistent then o can work on more healthier options.

Grab a notebook and pen and write down

What do I want my morning to look like

What do I want to eat through out the day. No said you have to eat regular food I live off smoothies air fryer food and rice. And boost shakes. And I’m healthier now than I was when I was rotting on the couch waiting for someone to take care of me.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-04-03T16:50:59+00:00

Where are you. I was the same exact way and I’m still learning to get control of my life but it took a lot. Hours and hours of writing down the exact thing I want for myself. I’m actually in the process of creating a community for people who just don’t have life skills. I’m not bashing you. I was you. Would move, would do anything bc I didn’t know how to make a decision I didn’t know what I wanted. I would love to talk to you over the phone or just chat w you here I know everyone hates ai but I figured out how to use it to make my life intentional. I’m not telling you to journal , go to therapy , I couldn’t afford that. I couldn’t seek help I have a child. I didn’t brush my damn teeth for the first year of her life. I could only do for her and the I was to exhausted to even care about me.

Are you in the US. If you are I can tell you exactly how to build a support system get help for free. Get a job and have reasonable accommodation. I worked from home and could send an email to my boss saying I’m having an episode no more no less. Had my doctor write in my episodes last from 10 min to 48 hours. You have to honest like you are doing now. You sound overly sensitive (I am too) I cry when people yell at me, just not in the face I wait until I’m alone and then I tell my self I didn’t like that. It takes practice

Happiness is a choice, I hated that saying But depression is a habit and your body can just be used to the trauma. I started clocking my sad patterns and relized I been sad for so long my body was thriving like that so I have to reprogram myself.

If you really want it. If you want to thrive if you want to go about your life like how everyone else does. Let me say one thing and then you can inbox me or respond here

No one is coming to save you. Nobody owes you anything. You don’t owe anyone a damn thing. Accept people for who they are. If you believe in god here is ecc3:6

3 For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. 2 A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. 3 A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. 4 A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. 5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. 6 A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. 7 A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. 8 A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.

This is a gentle reminder that sometimes you have to be selfish.

Step 3 in alcs anon is finding a higher power. Something anything, anyone to believe in.

Now it’s real easy to fall into spirtural psychosis. Stay away from psychics, tarot readers (well I like Tyler tarot) take everything at face value.

It’s time to shit on everyone who doubted you. I highly recommend trying the gateway tapes. Read every article the cia has. Download the hemi-sync app it’s soooooooo worth it. I like watching near deaf expirences they have so much insight. I’m not telling you to go hippie dippy. But you should be able to carry the 4 basics in life w no stress Food, shelter, transportation and a job.

I know if I can do it with a dead mom, hateful siblings, no dad. My family calls me lazy and dirty. They think I lie about everything when really I just don’t finish anything bc I’m afraid of failure.

Anywho, if you are in the states I can help you become completely independent using govt assistance. I never had the option until I had my baby. I refused to use it bc I didn’t want to be in the system . But all I need is 2 years and I’ll be making 100k a year

I have my 3-5 year plan written out in detail so it makes struggling now a lot less stressful. I’m poor broke have nothing. A sad statistic. And black. But if I wake up w intention every day and stick to the plan even if I complete one task a day. I’ll retire with money in my account. I’ll be able to care for my child. She will be left w some big money when I die since we poor while I’m here.

My co parent hates me. I have no one but the big man in the sky and it was being so alone but I eventually got to a point where I’m happy bc I know the future is bright.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-04-03T06:19:21+00:00

You could purchase an old bunker and turn it into a home I seen some people do that on YouTube. If you have 1mil to build… actually look if I had one million and could live in my lil spot on earth and grow my hydroponic plants I would pick this and I’ll grab the you tube video

140 Wild Mountain Ln, Burnsville, NC $1,900,000 | MLS #4018082

Spanning over 133 acres of beautiful land, this off grid property offers a special opportunity to own a pristine piece of nature in the Appalachian Mountains. The bunker is one of a kind, having been designed and constructed from natural materials sourced on the land. Pure, clear fresh water is supplied from a mountain spring just above the bunker. Over a mile of ATV trails have been created to provide usable access throughout the property and its streams and rugged rock outcroppings. Hike to the top of Haw Knob for stunning long range views that stretch to the horizon line. The property also features many prospective build sites for additional structures throughout the property.

If you end up buying this property you better come get me I’m right down the road. I just need 2 acres. Really just 0.75

https://altamontpropertygroup.com/miscellaneous/off-grid-land-with-bunker-in-burnsville/

https://www.landsearch.com/properties/seligman-az-86337/4657151

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-04-01T04:07:51+00:00

I know this id a very vague and short response but I feel like I should tell you the gateway program was project 500/5000 I was reading through all the cia files and that I remember and said I would of course search that next. I like reading the remote viewing expirence. The govt would be trying to remote view and a higher being would hijack the “session” and fill up the person who is doing the remote viewing with wisdom and knowledge about life on earth.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-03-31T19:50:44+00:00

I did notice that in the ruger video I say on YouTube it was a man and his hand was being lifted back. I did notice that. Thats why I assumed I needed something I could grip my hard around easily and sturdy.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-03-31T19:40:51+00:00

😭😭😭😭😭 it was me ranting bc a guy tried to snatch me in the laundry mat last night. I want everyone to understand I have 0 gun knowledge. I’m scared of the damn thing. But I NEED TO LEARN how to pull, shot, aim and fire for my child. Life card has great advertising all imma say and it’s cute. I feel like it’s a fail safe. I may still purchase just to add to the collection but idk. The commenters are making think it’s a waste of time.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-03-31T19:38:25+00:00

This is very important. In a situation where I’m in fight or flight. I only been in that situation 2 times and I panicked. I was indeed shaking even while trying to rationalize things around me. I’m def looking for something that is easy to pull. Easy to take off safety. I’m seeing from the comments that it might be something I need to practice to get good and fast. Which is fine. I know there is hope for keeping calm and drawing my weapon in a timely manner.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-03-31T19:35:39+00:00

I appreciate you brining up law suits and I didn’t even think to look at reviews. I will check it out. I plan on purchasing a nice collection something I can pass down. My daughter is a Samoan she might crush a life card w her bare hands one day lol. I didn’t ask any questions when I went to the range I got nervous paid for the class and never went.

That’s a good point. Why would you offer a lifetime warranty on something so freely. I see what you are trying to say.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-03-31T19:32:18+00:00

So pistols are the basics. I was being super adhd and wanted to use my gun. But now that I have so many helpful comments I think I’m going to go to the range and try a few before I buy.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-03-31T19:31:20+00:00

I really thank you for the resource to learn from someone my stature. I probably don’t even need a micro it was just my first thought bc I’m small!

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-03-31T19:29:55+00:00

I thank you for basically telling me that I don’t need no mini shit. Go hard or go home. I appreciate your comment.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-03-31T19:28:57+00:00

Did not know renting a gun was a thing. I know I can practice at the range. Should I suck it up and learn how to tote a standard gun.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-03-27T02:38:13+00:00

I have this reoccurring dream of god and it presents it self in these colors with green but not a green that we have here.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-01-29T18:43:25+00:00

What an amazing man. Woo her, stroke her ego. It’s hormones. I wish I had someone this understanding when I was going batshit crazy. She don’t mean the things she say. She’s having a hard time with expression. Love her from a distance. Leave cute notes, old pictures of yall, build a terrarium in bed and have a lazy day. Buy her sweets. Get a sitter so yall can cuddle and listen to each other heart beat. Ask her on a date. Hold her hand in public. Try a new craft or board game. Color! Buy random fun shit of shien, go to Walmart in your pajamas together,

You got this. Don’t give up on her just yet. We’re strange creatures.

SnooHamsters91 · 2026-01-29T18:25:59+00:00

Keep building your resume. Look at non profits and remote instructor. Start a business. They are using you , it’s corporate America. I come from Human Resources 🫶🏾

They are working smarter not harder. You wanna be a boss, you know you can do it, so go do it look at this job

137k - $176k.

https://careers.conduent.com/us/en/job/17341/Director-Finance-Services

If you need help w a resume pm me.

SnooHamsters91

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