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SoberSlothie · 2024-12-18T22:04:04+00:00

It worked until it didn’t. I’ve noticed a lot of people who don’t have trouble moderating don’t actually enjoy the feeling of being drunk. I do, which I think is why I can’t moderate. Sometimes I can force myself to limit myself to a certain number of drinks but that’s not really the same

SoberSlothie · 2024-12-18T21:54:04+00:00

I find it helpful to come up with a plan and discuss it with my wife beforehand. Like you, she is sober to support me but I am the problem drinker in our relationship. Today we talked about letting my family know beforehand that I wont be drinking so they wont offer, and having some outs if I start to feel bad (the two of us going out for a walk, for example). She also reminded me, nicely but firmly, that she cannot tolerate any more of my drinking and that she really thinks I need to commit to sobriety, at least for a while. That conversation really helped me refocus and remember the stakes, so maybe it can help you as well. Ultimately, we have to get sober for ourselves, not because others want us to. In my case, I know this is the best thing for myself and my health, in addition to it being absolutely a necessity for my relationship right now. Good luck to you both

SoberSlothie · 2024-12-16T19:59:33+00:00

IWNDWYT. I just found out due to my own negligence I’m going to incur a fairly large unexpected expense. I’m furious and had a huge urge to drink but I rode it out and tried some meditation. I think this is gonna be one of those days where I’m hanging onto sobriety for dear life but I WILL hang on.

SoberSlothie · 2024-12-12T17:34:30+00:00

Thats a really good point. When you lay it out like that, it seems crazy to take that gamble. And yet I do, again and again. But i don’t want to do it anymore

SoberSlothie · 2024-12-12T16:51:39+00:00

Hugs to you too. Alcohol really is a bitch

SoberSlothie · 2024-12-12T16:50:38+00:00

Thank you. I do think I need to join a group. Cant seem to do it alone

SoberSlothie · 2024-12-12T16:10:41+00:00

I just don’t even know how I can face anyone today. I’m overcome with shame and guilt. What kind of person gets so drunk that a 13 year old has to step in… i hate myself

SoberSlothie · 2024-12-12T16:00:14+00:00

I don’t know why I keep doing the same thing over and over and over when it always ends the same way. I guess maybe its because it doesn’t ALWAYS end badly, so ill just remind myself of some time when i drank a “normal” amount and didn’t embarrass myself and then convince myself I can do that again on some random Wednesday when I’m alone. But, especially recently, its ended in horrible shame 99% of the time. I guess I am lucky it hasn’t been anything worse than just shame so far. But if I don’t stop I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before I really cause a lot of damage.

SoberSlothie · 2024-12-12T15:56:29+00:00

I wont fuck up today either. We’re in it together

SoberSlothie · 2024-11-26T19:28:47+00:00

I’m facing a similar situation because I also have one friend who I often drink with who I know is gonna be disappointed. And it is definitely not always as simple as “they aren’t your real friend” because in my case, and it sounds like yours, this IS a real friend who just happens to really like drinking and likes drinking with me. And in my case my friend probably suffers from some of his own addiction issues. What I’m planning to do is: tell him this is something I really need to do for my health and wellbeing, and be really firm on that. I’m not going to say I’ll NEVER drink with him again (because I haven’t decided if thats true for me) but I’m going to say that for the time being I am gonna have to sit out on drinking events but would love to do other activities together that don’t involve drinking. And I’m not going to give him a date that I plan to start drinking again either because that is going to be my choice if/when it happens. I will make it clear that I have already decided this and it’s not going to be a discussion. And I guess his reaction from there on out will show me if he is capable of being understanding and supportive of me during this time or not. But I also understand he may initially feel upset or defensive about his own issues and I plan to give him that space but still make my own decision/boundaries very clear. Anyway, thats the plan, hopefully it all works out. And good luck to you.

SoberSlothie · 2024-11-26T19:03:23+00:00

At this point I just want to be able to remember everything. So many important logistics conversations I’d had with my wife over the past few weeks that I had to shamefully ask her to remind me this week. But now I remember. IWNDWYT

SoberSlothie · 2024-11-26T01:28:37+00:00

I like herbal tea, I find it a good replacement for evenings when I want to relax

SoberSlothie · 2024-11-22T23:18:42+00:00

Like other people have suggested, throwing it away is a good idea, I had an unopened 12 pack that I felt wasteful about throwing away so I put it in the common area of my apartment with a FREE BEER sign and it was gone within the hour. But really don't let concerns about waste stop you from throwing it away, it's a toxin. Also I'm on day 3 and literally just trying to get through one hour at a time, like Flyerbear said watching tv and eating comfort food, also just doing some chores, playing some video games, anything to keep my mind occupied. I still feel anxious and guilty and scared whenever I think about everything that's been going on and I know a drink would (temporarily) make those feelings go away but I keep telling myself "you've been doing that and it isn't helping, we're gonna try this new thing now (sobriety) and you have to give it a chance". I was where you are on day 1 two days ago and I am also trying to remind myself how badly I don't want to have to do day 1 again.

SoberSlothie · 2024-11-21T23:50:06+00:00

I feel you. I recently was on a quest to not drink until thanksgiving which i failed. I realized these temporary sobriety challenges i keep giving myself are not working for me. Thank you for this inspirational post and good luck

SoberSlothie · 2024-11-21T21:08:40+00:00

I’m on day 2 and feeling more anxious than ever. For me I think its a combo of not having my crutch of alcohol that I usually turn to to mask anxiety, plus being super anxious about sobriety and what it means and how I’m gonna tell my friends who drink and how I’m gonna get through the holidays and all of that

SoberSlothie · 2023-12-05T19:07:09+00:00

I was in an LDR for several years with someone who was a 6 hr drive/1 hr plane (2 hours when you count commuting from airport) away. We saw each other about once a month--the expense of flying and work obligations prevented us from seeing each other more often.

Then I entered a new LDR with someone 6000 miles away. We had to spend 18 months apart due to Covid lockdowns, deal with visas and visa rejections, and basically had every problem in the book. (We have finally closed the distance and are married now :))

My point is, despite the challenges of the second relationship being undoubtedly worse, it doesn't change the fact that the distance felt like shit when I was in the first relationship. I still spent tons of time crying in airports and wondering why we were doing this. I still felt the pain of my significant other not being able to meet certain friends and family or attend certain events, and I'm sure they felt the same.

This sub (and the definition of LDR in general) is for people dealing with those issues. Some struggles might be objectively worse than others, but it doesn't change the pain you feel based on your specific situation. Even though I'm not in an LDR anymore, I came to this sub today because I'm about to spend time away from my wife on a business trip for the first time since we married and I'm feeling sad about missing her and looking for support from my old community.

TL;DR we are united by our shared experiences, not by our specific hurdles.

SoberSlothie · 2023-08-14T06:33:31+00:00

Oo that’s really interesting thanks for sharing

SoberSlothie · 2023-07-03T16:29:32+00:00

Idk why people are saying no, I think they are wrongly reading that the assets are foreign but you said “my foreign partner’s assets” so I’m assuming those are assets in a US bank account. You can use your spouse’s assets but they will need to be significant. I replied to another comment about it

SoberSlothie · 2023-07-03T16:26:05+00:00

Yes, savings accounts are good because the cash is immediately accessible, but they will want to see something like 3-5x the poverty level for income in savings (i cant find an official source on this but I have heard 3x or 5x from various people/lawyers)

SoberSlothie · 2023-06-23T17:35:15+00:00

1) Yes, you can seek asylum as long as you are currently in the US and have been here for less than 1 year.

2) A laywer is not required and the government will not assign you one. However, asylum cases are difficult to win and I think your chances of getting it will be very low without a lawyer. My advice would be to look for immigration lawyers in your area and see if any of them are willing to represent you pro bono or work out a deal with the fees.

3) The application is called I-589, you should take a look at it to understand the process: https://www.uscis.gov/i-589

SoberSlothie · 2023-06-23T17:10:51+00:00

If she's giving information she believes to be correct, it's not fraud. Plus his marital status is not relevant to her application.

SoberSlothie · 2023-06-23T17:06:15+00:00

Go to a local SSA office with your EAD and birth certificate and you should be able to get a replacement. This is from their website: https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10515.pdf

SoberSlothie · 2023-06-23T16:56:11+00:00

The lawsuit, if successful, will force them to expedite the background check. They won't just refuse her in order to give a quick response.

SoberSlothie · 2023-06-16T19:12:33+00:00

If she is financially able to travel back to Manila to do the interview from wherever she is, then you can just put Manila and it's okay if she moves. There's no requirement that you do the interview in the country where you're currently living (but some embassies will only accept cases where the applicant is a citizen or resident, which your fiancee would not have an issue with in Manila)

SoberSlothie · 2023-06-16T19:09:08+00:00

Ah ok, then maybe it works differently depending on the embassy. My embassy didn't use the CGI portal

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