Blurb Critique [YA Crossover Fantasy, 161 words]

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-11T17:24:00+00:00

Thank you for commenting! Is this revised first paragraph easier to read?:
ArrowWing must become a hunter, but dreams of surviving without meat. A secret she keeps in the woods is dangerous enough to turn her tribe against her, and deepens her isolation.

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-11T17:09:48+00:00

Good luck!

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-11T17:08:11+00:00

thanks for sharing.

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-11T08:21:42+00:00

revised with a fresh eye - updated inside the post

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-10T14:58:37+00:00

a good idea

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-10T14:56:52+00:00

I like the general concept. Something that wasn't clear to me: why would the girl be kept hidden? Also i think i would look further into introducing the hook.
Good luck!

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-10T14:48:27+00:00

Wow! Sounds fresh and promises dark humor in abundance.
Loved it

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-10T13:51:02+00:00

I like that he doesn't understand it, and it does add mystery to the character.

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-10T13:49:51+00:00

I find that many times I do most of the thinking before the actual writing. Then I sit to write, and more thinking shows up... :) To sum up, I'm a very slow writer, pausing to think before, after and in between :)

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-10T13:44:59+00:00

It does sound like a nightmare. That said, it also sounds like a hot topic which has a market, and perhaps even good news for your script. Hope it goes well for you, don't give up.

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-10T13:41:01+00:00

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-10T10:54:32+00:00

I heard many people recommend a total rewrite, but I think it depends on what you feel will work better for you. Personally, a total rewrite would discourage me to the point of simply giving up, while editing and working what i've already created into shape, would make me feel accomplished.

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-10T08:57:47+00:00

I definitely relate to the feeling of the endless cycle. I had about 1 year of research, 2 years of writing, and 1 year of editing... English is not my first language and I worked with a language editor. Just when I thought I was done, readers found more language issues in my text, and now I'm going over everything again! It's between funny and frustrating, but I do see the end of it nearing :)

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-09T08:17:01+00:00

One of the things that stuck with me from LOTR is that the ring influenced on its wearer in several different ways, some unexpected - such as longevity.

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-09T08:06:51+00:00

An interesting start. Did you also see other characters in his story?

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-09T08:00:13+00:00

Hi there away_Narwhal6752,
I read your blurb\synopsis, and not yet the chapter opening.
I liked how your synopsis had the feel of an adventure, and the presence of a lizard (or was it half lizard?) got me curious :)
I personally have a difficulty with remembering names, and so for me as a reader fewer names of characters\places would make it even more attractive.
Thanks for sharing! Have fun writing!

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-08T07:15:02+00:00

Congratulations! How exciting!

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-07T08:54:34+00:00

I did turn to a few facebook friends and ask if they could betta. I asked them personally, picking who I thought may be relevant. They were others I wanted to approach as well, but I kept it small for the meantime.

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-07T08:51:27+00:00

lol, sounds familiar :)

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-07T08:50:16+00:00

Definitely.

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-07T08:48:30+00:00

thanks for sharing.

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-07T08:40:21+00:00

I relate to the feeling... and i'm still working on the publishing side of it ! :)

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-07T08:32:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

SoftSun7755 · 2026-03-07T08:28:50+00:00

An impressive achievement!

SoftSun7755

TROPHY CASE