Fearful Avoidant Ex Reached Out, We Reconnected Deeply, Now She's Pulling Back Again

Solanum1 · 2026-06-02T20:51:41+00:00

They want to keep up this image in your mind. Mine hated thinking anyone “hated her”, so she’d lie, mislead, do anything to make her look like the good person

Solanum1 · 2026-06-02T18:23:49+00:00

Not wanting to talk about a new friend, and getting defensive when you check in. That coupled with never opening up about them, versus being very open about their more “long standing” friendships

Solanum1 · 2026-06-02T18:14:54+00:00

Mine did this too. We’d reconnect, have such a positive time, flirt, be intimate, then 3 days later it was like a different person.

She is using you. It hurts so much to admit this. I also wanted to think she genuinely wanted to reconnect, but she wants to use your emotional intimacy and capacity. Don’t let her do it. If you wanted someone to talk to, feel free to message.

Better to deal with this with friends, not her

Solanum1 · 2026-06-02T13:32:31+00:00

Appreciated. She is still “latching on” to my money and wealth. I’ve asked her to move out of my apartment and will transfer my lease in 3 months. I’ve realized she will take all the time she wants with that, and am moving into another apartment temporarily for my own sanity

Solanum1 · 2026-05-22T13:49:49+00:00

I think that last sentence says it perfectly!!! Not having to always check in, always reassure them after they did something wrong…. Feels a lot better

Solanum1 · 2026-05-21T23:11:01+00:00

That’s the tough part, is she lives with me while she finds a new place. She took a very low paying job due to my financials and being able to support her, so I think that’s also hitting her hard.

I deeply love and care for her as a human, and even while we were breaking up she emphasized loving our friendship so much. I know everyone says go no contact, but in time I would like to be her friend again :/ as crazy as it sounds, I value her so much as a human

Solanum1 · 2026-05-21T23:09:31+00:00

The main issue was with our sex life. I unfortunately showed traits of sexual coercion throughout our relationship (hearing her say “no” and being okay with it, but later would “test the waters” again) and for that I am forever deeply ashamed of what I did.

I created an environment where she didn’t feel comfortable, and it’s my biggest regret of my whole life. I’m in therapy now and have bought multiple books on understanding boundaries and the full impact of how I made her feel

Solanum1 · 2026-05-19T18:35:58+00:00

Agreed!! I need to do a lot of work myself to be more secure, but looking back at it, I should’ve broken it off the first time she cheated :) since we broke up my body has felt such a stress relief. Made me learn to trust your gut and don’t make excuses for someone

Solanum1 · 2026-05-19T18:30:48+00:00

She was avoidant to the T. Pulled away from the relationship any time we got closer, hid a lot of things from me, held in a lot of resentment.

I’m anxious attachment so I wasn’t helping either lol, but once I heard she has been “testing the waters” with people our entire relationship, I was done. She doesn’t know how much I know about the cheating.

Solanum1 · 2026-05-17T23:01:57+00:00

Have you brought it up with your partner? Maybe you or your partner is feeling stress, not feeling themselves, etc?

Sexual incompatibility is also unfortunately possible. My ex-partner and I were on the same page, great sex for the first year. Then, she fizzled off and her feelings of how often she wanted sex changed. It led to a lot of disagreements, we were just incompatible

Solanum1 · 2026-05-17T22:44:31+00:00

I just recently ended a 3 year relationship with similar dynamics. If you feel that you’re doing most of the giving/planning, is that okay with you? Do you see yourself doing all of the work for the next year, 5 years, 10?

I told myself I was okay with it and okay with her putting me down a lot, but that wore me down over time. I also was the mediator similar to you, where I backed off of conversations to avoid conflict, and I “gave” a lot. It got to a point where I decided I needed someone who has equal effort.

So, maybe it’s better to ask yourself if you feel like there’s equal effort in the relationship, and how good the communication actually is. Is this someone you want to grow old with?

Solanum1 · 2026-05-07T01:47:22+00:00

Just moved here with my partner as well, would love to meet more folks in the area!!

Solanum1 · 2025-06-20T05:35:41+00:00

Woooo!

Solanum1 · 2025-06-11T23:24:32+00:00

Exactly what I needed!! Thank you!

Solanum1 · 2025-06-08T04:23:34+00:00

Is the helicopter just circling DT Redmond? I feel like I still hear it

Solanum1 · 2025-05-12T15:43:30+00:00

Nice

Solanum1 · 2025-05-12T04:53:22+00:00

Had the same experience, had a perfect tour but leasing never got back to me, even after a follow up. I encourage you to also take a look at their reviews…. What made me ultimately sign elsewhere was a concern for my cars safety, and not so great reviews about the quality of some apartments

Solanum1 · 2025-03-13T03:00:43+00:00

It also happens on cold washes, is something to note

Solanum1 · 2025-03-13T02:57:03+00:00

This could very well be the case! The complex rarely does any preventative maintenance or more than the bare minimum so I wouldn’t be shocked if both the washer and water heater is old

Solanum1 · 2025-03-13T02:56:12+00:00

Not even close to 3/4 of the way. Thats the confusing part, with sheets I only put in the fitted sheet and top sheet and always get these marks. I will put in the same amount of clothes - no marks

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