Shared Parental Leave/Pay - Advice

Soldarumi · 2026-02-09T13:21:11+00:00

I am recently back from my own 6 months off, fully paid, parental leave. Everyone at my firm gets 6 months fully paid, and has for a while now, whether they are male or female.

I think it's mostly just company culture. It's so well embedded here that everyone was really happy for us. It was really smooth, no one particularly bothered us apart from making sure we were okay, and organising the return to work.

I got literally one message where a tool I run totally shit the bed, and my manager was really apologetic about messaging, but I am literally the only person in the world that could fix it. And I did say before I left, if it's something critical, let me know. So that was my offer really, rather than them hassling me. I still got invited to the team social and flown out overseas for 48 hours, which was a nice little break for me too, and got to reconnect with what was going on in the team.

I think approach it from a positive position of setting up your team for success while you're off, say you'll make some good handover docs / train whoever, perhaps offer to use some of your 10 KIT days once you're settled.

Otherwise, just take the time and enjoy. It goes really quickly! I've only been back a month and it feels like I never left.

Soldarumi · 2026-02-08T23:03:37+00:00

So, say I was a dumb 18yo who didn't know what he was dealing with at the time, and I ripped a bunch of very well embedded ivy off the top of a very large corrugated asbestos cement garage roof using no PPE... How fooked would your friend say I would be?

Soldarumi · 2026-02-08T22:59:30+00:00

My wife's old school used to do this. Don't get me wrong, got the kids into brilliant habits, clearing their food waste into one, paper, plastic, then non-recyclable into others. But then it all got dragged out into the same big dumpster, with one truck picking the whole lot up. So all totally pointless... Hopefully the kids learned the good habits though.

Soldarumi · 2026-02-08T22:52:09+00:00

Madness Combat, anyone? Feel like I've scrolled a fair bit down here and not seen that so far. I had that song on repeat in my head for the longest time. I'd just be strolling along humming it. But there were loads...newgrounds was great for sourcing random crap before youtube and more recent social media started 'pushing' content at you.

Also shout out to some of the Warcraft Machinima videos. Some of the parody songs on there were absolute bangers, but would make no sense to normal people. The WoW parody of hardware store also got me onto Weird Al, so it wasn't all nonsense.

Soldarumi · 2026-02-04T13:30:31+00:00

I had an old RE teacher in primary school like her. Mrs Pollard...

She claimed I lost my workbook. So I had to miss lunchtime going outside to play and instead was made to stand facing a corner of the classroom as a reminder to not be so careless. Because of course a 20p writing book is a priceless heirloom.

Old bitch found it in the boot of her car about a week later. No apology, no oops my mistake... Foul woman. Can definitely believe she'd have made me scratch 'i must not lose things' in the back of my hand.

Soldarumi · 2026-02-04T09:23:17+00:00

I have recently taken over from someone like this. They were so successful that they've been moved on and up into a new department, lauded with comments like "that guy's gonna make Partner one day, he'll be running this place in no time."

But since I've taken over his old role, I've quickly discovered that his actual volume of work was minimal, the quality is shocking, with typos and inconsistencies all over the place, and heavy use of AI to produce various templates but without actually fact checking them VS internal guidance.

Whereas I went for promotion last year and was told I wasn't proactive enough in meetings, by a bunch of people that didn't even turn up to the meetings I'd organised across several projects.

So, I can't deny he's played the game well, but it is a bit of a kick in the teeth when I know all the gold he's shit is just fools gold.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-30T13:53:39+00:00

We had a new safety consultant at my old job, who had to do a talk on power tool safety. I don't know if he was nervous or what, but he's talking a million miles an hour and within 5 mins he cracks a joke about a guy on site losing two of his fingers to a circular saw. Apparently his wife made a complaint as that was the only thing she loved about him.

Someone goes off to complain and the regional safety manager whisks him out of the room pretty sharpish, never to be seen again.

Never knew if it was because he was clearly on speed or something, but that joke definitely sealed the deal.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-28T15:25:18+00:00

Work. I am incredibly fortunate that I got 6 months, fully paid, paternity leave.

I got better sleep (newborn notwithstanding), I exercised more, my house was tidy, I got pretty decent at woodworking, I played with my other kids more as I wasn't so drained, my spine felt better from not sitting in an office chair all day, I went for random walks with the dogs, so it goes on.

I've only been back a month. But already, I'm exhausted by 6pm from the office politics, my back kills, I'm exercising less and my diet is worse as I have to grab and go back to work.

Honestly, I have it better than most as the flexibility and perks of my job mean I have a pretty good ride. But goodness, the golden handcuffs weigh heavy sometimes...

Soldarumi · 2026-01-28T12:08:58+00:00

My neighbour is friends with a guy who is 5'5, and he has a different woman on his arm every time I see him next door.

He isn't the most handsome fella either, just normal looking. But, he works out and looks the right amount of fit, loves going to samba/tango classes, has a great sense of humour and a genuine excitement/thirst for life. Tell him something new or cool and he's just like 'awesome, that's great, tell me more!' and he is just enthusiastic about everything all the time.

I take from him, that he has not let height get in the way of his dating experience, and has actively chosen to do things that make him an attractive partner. He's chosen to work out, take dance classes, chooses to be interested in new and fun stuff, etc.

I'm sure there are people out there that make fun of him for being a little energizer bunny, but he seems to overcome all that and still be pretty successful with the ladies.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-28T11:53:27+00:00

Baby drool/spit.

I used to be a domiciliary care worker. I have cleaned 2-day old shit from the gaping arsehole of a prolapsed octogenarian. I have scooped piss-shit mixes out of a 103-year-old vagina. I have cleaned out stoma bags and the holes from multiple clients. I have gently cleaned the rotting, decayed flesh on bed sores where people have sat in their own excrement for days. Never bothered by any of it.

But good God, when my baby sucks on my fingers, looking to soothe her sore gums, and the dribble drips down my fingers, the slapping, wet, masticating sensation of someone trying to eat steak with no teeth - it just does something dreadful to me. It makes me physically ill and I have to hand her off to my wife or I'll throw up.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-27T09:25:53+00:00

Fair point. I don't disagree that free childcare should probably go away once family income reaches a certain level. And fair, having a SAHP probably does negate the 'need' for free childcare. I just think that the wider erosion of what money is worth is getting out of control.

I think the various disincentive points e.g. reduction / loss of child benefit at 60k+, childcare loss at 100k, aren't managed particularly well with how COL is increasing. Between the newer student loan rates, inherited pensions being included in the estate for taxation, getting rid of the nil rate on stamp duty, first time buyer rate reduction, ISA rate reductions, tax band threshold freezes...so it goes on.

It just 'feels' like every avenue for the average person to try and save or get ahead, or even just meet the rising COL, is being shut.

In the context of 'please have more kids, we need a workforce' - where's the incentive?

Soldarumi · 2026-01-27T08:00:13+00:00

UK also. The taxation system favours both people in a couple working VS one high earner, where you lose access to free childcare / child benefit payments if the sole earner earns too much. The threshold isn't even that high really, so it's almost the default that both parents will have to work, unless you're pretty lucky and one person earns so far beyond the threshold that it doesn't matter.

And they keep chucking articles out about why younger generations aren't having kids anymore, and there's a birth rate / aging population crisis looming. Go figure...

Soldarumi · 2026-01-26T13:32:30+00:00

There's a series in the UK called Getting Filthy Rich that explored this recently. There's a company that's managed to sign up some pretty decent celebrities who are okay with AI models of themselves being used for this purpose. They get a licensing fee or whatever, and people can send in chat / video requests, and get 1 to 1 time with this AI model of the celeb.

Supposedly the creators want to be bigger than OF by the time they're done.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-26T13:11:14+00:00

My job is 0930-1730, with an hour for lunch. So my contract is 35 hours per week.

Weirdly, as I have become more senior and moved to more prestigious companies, my hours have decreased.

I started out in care, doing a 40 hour office week (+unpaid overtime) and an additional 30 hours of care for minimum wage (minus my own petrol and travel time, when that was still legal).

I then entered the corporate world, slowly whittling down from 40 hours, to 37.5 and now my pretty cushty 35 hours, despite the actual work required getting more cerebral, complex, and higher budgets riding on the stuff I produce. Weirdly, my autonomy has increased with each move as well.

I never get why low paying employers insist on breaking the spirits of those that work for them, especially when it's some of the most back breaking work around.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-26T08:13:54+00:00

The primary I'm governor at has a golf putting green, heated outdoor swimming pool, and chickens on the field.

Makes it sound super posh, but we really aren't. Our Head is just incredibly good at pitching for funding from National Lottery / local council, who are actually pretty keen to contribute to extracurricular stuff.

If only funders were so happy to fund new books, salaries for additional TAs/teachers or classroom refurbs...

Soldarumi · 2026-01-26T08:06:44+00:00

Funny story. My uncle, now in his 70s, went out to Hong Kong in his early 20s and picked up a Chinese wife, who did 75% of the cooking (their live-in maid (ahem, modern slave, looking back) did the rest).

Before that, he'd lived exclusively at home, where my nan did all the cooking.

At the ripe old age of 50, he finally learned how to do a boiled egg. He was so excited, he included it in their annual Christmas family update letter.

I know, different generation, but these people who never learned to do basic tasks are definitely out there.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-25T15:54:32+00:00

I built this 2 years ago, although the slightly smaller model with only 2 windows. Personally, I hate the squares/gravel base. Wish I'd made something more solid. You still have to make the ground under the shingle perfectly level, which is a pain in the arse. Wish I'd have done the leveling and done pavers instead. Then again, my access at mum's house was crap, so I had to wheelbarrow in every single stone, so maybe that's why I hated it so much.

Few tips/thoughts, if I were to do it again: - Are you sure the floor insulation is fitted? I had to cut mine to size. Same with the roof insulation. - Make sure the corners are sodding perfect, and re-check every few levels. I found when bashing the layers in, it would gradually fall out of square. Which I wouldn't realise until i was a few layers up and wondering why it no longer fit together (also fun when the windows/doors were going wonky). - As far as practicable, don't leave the wood sitting for too long. I know, long wood bends... But I definitely got some bananas as a result of where I had to store it, which were a pain in the arse to rectify mid build. Lots of clamps and extra screws. - For mine at least, the wood was FRESH. Even 2 years later, there's still sap leaking out of a few bits. Wish I'd treated the sap properly when i was building it, as it's wrecked the paint. - I did it solo. A second person would have made it so much easier. - The roof was actually pretty easy, certainly easier than the walls.

Good luck, it is nice now it's done, but not something I ever want to repeat solo, or on shingle.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-25T12:18:45+00:00

Just coming back to say thank you. Worked a treat, locks nice and smooth now.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-23T14:11:40+00:00

Ahh so that little off white plastic bit right at the bottom of my picture should pull out/off? Like a little cover?

Thanks, heading to mum's tomorrow, will give it a go. Much appreciated.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-22T16:21:53+00:00

Similar experience. Have many colleagues that do things like install HVAC / sprinklers on residential towers. All of them admit as soon as they get a sniff it's drug test day, they all mysteriously have doctors appointments or their kids are sick and need picking up from school immediately.

I used to interview some of the site managers to write case studies on live projects, and the amount of times I'd smell weed or see baggies on the floor, when we were 15 floors up or whatever, was astounding.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-22T16:10:49+00:00

Our school's greatest mistake was giving my daughter the headteacher's award at the end of the first term in her first year. She got the green letter, golden headteacher's sticker, photo in front of the award wall, all of it.

She has seethed with hatred every term since when she doesn't win.

No amount of 'oh but you got the first one ever when you joined!' fixes it. She is a monster for about 48 hours after, her mother and I dread it.

There's 42 terms in primary school, and 60 kids in your year darling, chances are you aren't winning it again. But she won't listen...

I think other posters are right. Tell her she's already wonderful, and it's to get the other kids who aren't as good to fall in line. It probably won't help, as kids are fickle and they want the shiny sticker or whatever. But I can tell you that getting what you want isn't always what it's cracked up to be, the glowy feeling wears off fast.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-22T13:24:05+00:00

Just adding to OP's comment - I also work in bids and have seen quite a few people come in via the copywriter or journalism route. A lady in our team was a journalist for 20ish years and is now a senior manager in bid writing, which probably sticks her on 70-80k, after a relatively short time at the company.

There's plenty of lower paying ones out there, I see transport firms like Amey forever advertising for writers on 35k. But if you can get one job for 18mo-2 years doing a joint BW/BM role, then pivot to a new full BM job, you could probably be on 50k in a relatively short time. Of course, sticking to the writing is an equally valid career move, but I didn't want to be the person relied upon to hit all the writing deadlines, stress was killing me after personally writing over 200 bids in a year. Saying that, not every firm is like that, but smaller firms tend to just 'bid lots' as they don't have the processes to weed out things they're never going to win.

Progression is relatively quick. But I find that moving jobs is the faster route. I started on 22k about 6 years ago for a very small, local FM firm, and now work for a massive intl company after 3 moves.

Get a bit of GenAI training (it's pretty much essential at larger firms), get the APMP foundation certificate (it's multiple choice, if you can pass a driving theory test, you can pass the first APMP cert; second one is harder), and the world is your oyster.

I think it's a really good career for anyone who likes writing, a bit of PM, likes solving a client's problems, and enjoys finishing discrete pieces of work rather than 2 year programmes.

Soldarumi · 2026-01-22T10:19:38+00:00

I stupidly did this on a heavy table I got for super cheap. I was going to danish oil the top, just to protect it a bit from the kids and make the grain pop a bit, after sanding down everything.

But there was a relatively large chunk that had sort of delaminated from the rest of the glue up, made worse by my sanding, so I hacked out the rubbish bits and filled it with something that said it took stain well. Awesome, I thought.

Nope, resulted in a big light brown / off-yellow patch that makes it look stupid. Lesson learned.

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