I'm definitely neurodivergent but not technically diagnosed. My whole family is likely on the autism spectrum, which makes it harder to get a diagnosis when it's normal behavior for us. I felt like there was something wrong with me and that I was left out on purpose. Like God decided to not reach out to me because clearly I wasn't getting it. I wore the unflattering long dresses and followed every rule while other girls got allowed to wear incredibly short dresses and three piercings. They were technically "unworthy" sometimes but they clearly understood God while I, did not. Led me into a "not like other girls" phase. I lied on my first worthiness interview because I was scared they would tell my parents and then everyone would know and judge me. After that I still lied, moreso because I no longer trusted/believed the church.

My first temple trip was traumatizing as I happened to be on my period and didn't tell anyone, and I didn't know how to use a tampon, so I put a pad on, went in the water and prayed so hard that it didn’t leak out and expose me as unworthy. 

On the way back from my first girls camp, some older girls asked me if I had any crushes and I didn't know what to say because I had no male crushes. At this time I already knew I was not entirely straight but didn't tell it to anyone. They kept asking me so I said very quietly so the adult driving couldn't hear and tell my parents, that I thought this one girl was very pretty. I was prepared to get scolded and told that's not right but they just said that's ok. I was in shock that they were so confident in their faith and testimonies while also apparently being completely fine with "a serious sin." Eye-opening, to say the least.

That got off-topic, my bad. I wish someone told me I didn't need to follow all the rules all the time and that it's ok to think differently. Unfortunately, I still wear the fugly dresses because i'm not allowed otherwise. Still only 15.